Yay CM!

Dropping off those larger jeans was great! I love procrastination as a weight loss tool. And yes, getting rid of that catastrophic thinking in our lives really helps with all of our goals!

I am starting to get interested in working on my closet. I have lost just over 1/3 of the weight I want to lose. If I only make it to 2/3, that will be ok. My goal might be unrealistic since I haven't seen it since my early 30s.

But the closet is a job for January.
Use the trash service to work on the studio - dh gift
Write my student evaluations - required for work
And clean out and organize my closet - if I can keep this weight off through the holidays.

Tillie, I am sad and worried for you. I hate that you have Steven's dark cloud hovering over all your days.

Oh, I had to mention this - forgot to earlier. One day this week I dropped the last pair of larger size jeans off at the thrift store! I didn't think I had any left since my post-surgical weight loss two years ago.

I gained some back over last year but I'm doing damage control and my smaller pants still fit. When my old junker van was giving me fits last winter was when I started dipping more into the sweets. Have mostly gotten the habit back under control. I follow a "nothing is forbidden" policy, otherwise I'll obsess and rebel and eat the forbidden stuff out of spite. But the trick is, of course, to not take the permission as license to go crazy.

So when my system is working optimally, I can notice the craved food, acknowledge that it might taste good, and tell myself I don't want it at the moment. In this way, I actually put my procrastination tendencies in service of a good goal! Because often I'll forget to go back to get the food if I get busy and purposeful. It's a balancing act, but I lost 30 pounds with it. I will get the ones back off then go for another 30 or so and I should be good - not too fat nor too scrawny.

It all ties in with decluttering - setting goals, having faith, not getting permanently derailed by the bumps in the road. And decluttering too-large clothes is automatic bonus points, right? 😉

Good Evening Everybody

Hi CriticalMass
Thank you
WAY TO GO! tackling that paper!
Keep sorting through and organizing them and I KNOW you will get that novel written.

Hi Subclinical
Yeah I know 🙁
Milk from animals with the proper veterinarian care raised on a family farm have perfectly good milk.

WTG! that the house is almost ready to host a party!!!

Just inform the visiting family that they must each keep their own dogs under control and away from the cat at all times.
Not your dogs, not your problem. 🙂

Did nothing really today.
Feeling adrift without any direction or purpose.
No reason to clean the bathroom or the floors with him constantly stomping around dirtying them up.
Have no motivation or desire to do anything or go anywhere.
The cats are sweet and cuddly and keeping me company all day & night.
We need to establish a new routine so I will feel more motivated and the cats can be more relaxed.

CM, way to go on tackling the paper! I hope you get things sorted round so that you are content.

I forgot to say that I took a necklace and matching earrings plus two other pairs of earrings, two pins, and a candle to the donation table for the kids shopping. Not very much, but I didn't have much time to sort things out.

Today I brought home a new pin 😳and dh brought home a mug from his work party.

In the last 36 hours, I have discovered that I am hosting a party on the 22nd for 17 people (I am happy to host, but wires got crossed and I wasn't expecting the party to be here) and that my Dd and dsil are planning to spend the night here Christmas Eve, with their dog, even though they live less than an hour away and their dog doesn't get along with ds's dogs - who will also be here. And none of the dogs get along with our cat. And I am not crying in a corner.

I already decorated the tree and fixed up the dining porch - so the house is half ready for the party, and none of my bedrooms are packed full of things with the doors closed. I just said "we'll figure it out."

Tillie, I'm sorry about all the crap going on with Steven. I'm glad you can carve out space, physical and mental, to enjoy the little blessings life offers and connect with nature despite it all.

My big thing is just a TV - I'll pay her for it but she isn't in a hurry - I wanted to get a non "Smart" TV before they quit making them. I don't know if I posted about it, but a couple years ago or so, my other TV's coaxial port got broken and it was a very angry ugly meltdown I went through. I wanted to blame her because she persuaded me to move the TV to hook up extra speakers and I wonder if it wouldn't have broken if I had left it where it originally was. Yet it wasn't really her fault the port broke, it was just an indirect thing.

Ugh. Whether she felt bad or not, she wanted a different TV and she saw the ones I liked on deep markdown.

As for the clutter, I did go through a bunch of my approximately 12,863,574 pieces of paper in my bedroom (of which 9,173,485 are handwritten notes of ideas to follow up on, in various colors of ink on various colors of paper, because white paper to me is like snowblindness - I'd never find anything in it). I got rid of some that were obsolete, and categorized others. There are ideas for my writing in there, websites to look up - yes, I'm an information hoarder, being a nerd and all! 😀

Doing that did help me feel like I really will get a handle on it. I'm determined to get the good stuff transformed into something real and good - like write those novels, blog posts, etc. Then they will exist in the real world and the little notes can go away. I just have to keep pressing forward. Little engine that could!

Thanks for encouraging me to vent here. I'd just kept hoping I would get time to get on the laptop computer because it's the easiest to type on and crashes less than my tablet. But it's old and slow too, and requires sitting down and waiting for it to boot, so I kept procrastinating.

And I need to be somewhere in an hour with a stop along the way so I'll leave off here. Iced tea clinks! (Yes, even in the wintertime I prefer iced.)

Cm, I too am very curious about your good thing.
But whine away! We understand that just because your problems are not earth shattering doesn't mean they are not real problems. And that even good things can be difficult.

Tatoulia, keep fighting the good fight on the cold front. I am just going to spend as much time as possible curled around hot liquids.

Tillie, your day sounds nice. The whole honey thing annoys me. The government can make lots of laws preventing me from selling milk directly to people who understand exactly what they are buying and want it, but can't bother to require that stuff sold as "honey" is actually honey. I went over the law with my farm class last year.

My other socks arrived yesterday, so now I will have cozy feet all winter.

Fridays have become a struggle for me lately, so my goal today is getting through. Tomorrow d❤️Gs and I set up the lego train under the tree.

P.S.
Just to clarify
the only apology I would ever accept is a sincere verbal apology.

Hello Everybody

Hi CriticalMass
It doesn't matter if your stressors are matters of "Life & Death" or not.
They are real stressors for you and impact your life.
Make sure to ring in the Winter Solstice with special cheer and celebrating to help make it a GREAT new year. (((HUG)))

Hi Subclinical
The artichoke is sitting safely in the fridge veggie bin.
WTG! for setting up the family nativity scene in the bookshelf space!
I find the "CowSheep" very dear. 😉
Shake that cold ASAP!

Hi Tatoulia
A handicap placard is for use when driving a person around with physical challenges.
I'm glad you had it and were able to use it to help your friend.
Hope by now you are snuggled all warm and sweetly dreaming in your bed.

He has no intentions to ever work again, he's only 60, claims he is disabled.
Disabled my arse.
Today he brought me a small platter of slightly limp shrimp, the sauce was wimpy, no horseradish.
He also brought me a 12 ounce jar of honey, source not verified.
Which means it could just be honey flavored high fructose corn syrup.
Apology not accepted. 😛

Didn't do anything today.
Seem to be at a crossroads right now.
Spent a lot of time socializing with the cats when they weren't sleeping.
Soon as the next storm passes I want to get outside and start pruning bushes and cutting back last summer's growth in the garden.

There is a "new" tiger striped boy cat coming around.
That Dude is very chubby, fat actually.
When he runs away he always goes in the same direction, back to his own home I suspect.

Startled the Band Tailed Hawk the other day.
He just caught a juicy gopher and had started to eat his lunch when I went out to the burn barrel.
I was busy making noise and working at putting stuff into the barrel.
When I finished I looked up and finally saw him standing 15 feet away from me staring.
We both stood there for a full two minutes looking at each other before he took his lunch and flew up into a tree.

Oh CM I am so sorry. It is a difficult time of year and hard to keep things going. I live alone and still cannot catch my breath. You owe it to yourself to vent; maybe I'm selfish but I believe being able to vent without comparing my troubles to other people's. I'm not a complainer but I do need to let off some steam sometimes. If you are feeling hopeless or overwhelmed you can tell us and we will be here for you. I had a nice business lunch with two very nice men today; we have lunch four times a year. Somehow we were talking about the winter darkness and I said that as much as I love the cold, I do find myself just crying in a corner sometimes. And they immediately said, just call us. Don't cry. SO CM just tell us and your friends how you are feeling. We are here for you.

I must admit you have piqued my interest with your large positive new thing.

SubC we are fighting the same cold. I intend to win. I don't know how or why but I will win.

Tillie my dear I am distressed by the developments with Steven. Does he plan to look for more work? I know you can't ask him without a volcanic eruption but has he said anything?
I need to find my way off the couch and into bed. I'm in my jams but need to wash my face. So tired.

I'm still like my brain and life and cluttered surroundings are in the metaphorical equivalent of V-fib and I am in danger of snuffing it sanity wise if something doesn't happen that does what a defibrillator does to a literal heart in V-fib: Shock it back to a normal rhythm so regular life can resume.

I'm not suicidal or anything like that, just in case my use of the phrase "snuffing it" sounded scary. To the contrary! I very much want to live and create and be joyful.

What has basically happened is that an unexpected good thing came my way, but ironically in order to make physical space for it I had no warning and had to fling stuff wherever. This made new chaos and now I'm dealing with that. It also has been blocking my way to the areas I'd been most determined to tackle because they are high use and if I can get them functional again my daily rhythms would be much easier to cope with.

And all of this against the continuing backdrop of cat problems, the roommate situation, my activities (have played hooky from quilting at church just to deal with the homefront and because I don't want to have to deal with getting ready in a hurry in the mornings to get there).

And the sunporch still awaits the workman. He did work on my van, so it's up to date. But I'm mostly broke for the rest of the month after paying for it. Still, at least this van has only needed a couple of things and should be good to go now, knock on wood.

Finally, everyone around me is dealing with major "sandwich generation" stuff: aging parents, pregnant children and grandchildren, etc. I've been there with the parents over a decade ago, have no spouse, siblings, kids, or grandkids. So even though I'm stressed to the max by my own standards, I feel like I can't talk much about my stresses because they aren't life and death.

I don't mean to make it all sound so depressing and whiney - I'm doing everything I can to have faith and maintain a positive attitude. I'm glad the winter solstice is so close and then the days will start getting longer. That always gives my morale a boost. And maybe I'll hit upon a strategy for quicker ways of dealing with the logjams; it has already occurred to me to brainstorm about those.

Anyway, this is a summary of the big picture. The details would require an entire forum at this point, so summary it is. And maybe that's for the best. The details worry me more than they should be allowed to do already.

Peace out, my friends.

Tatoulia, I fully support your use of the parking tag.

It is so nice that you were able to do that for your neighbor.

Tillie, hang in there. You can talk to us. We try very hard to listen even if sometimes we don't do as well as we should. I hope you took the artichoke anyway. He owes you all the artichokes you want and more.

I have a large section in my bookshelf that I think was meant to hold a tv. For years I have been intending it to be my "seasonal" space, but I never get to it. I cleared it out and set up my grandmother's nativity scene - it is a hodgepodge of a beautiful set from Italy and other pieces more or less to scale that she collected. My favorite part is the little clay animal that was one of my grandfather's toys. His family was very poor, so there weren't many toys. It is either a cow or a sheep. I think it is a cow, but there is much family debate. To scale it is a sheep - but a hair sheep, not a wooly one.

I have lost the fight against my cold. It is an early Christmas gift from one of my little darlings. Oh well. At least I will be over it by Christmas. Also, nothing tastes good, so it is helping with my weight, even though I am going to skip my swim today.

Everyone needs to stay rested! It's a stressful, grimy time of year.

Hi Tillie I got a lot of sleep in yesterday and last night. I drank some zinc and vitamin c that my friend brings me from Greece. I'll have another this AM.

I made sure all the dishes were done before calling it a night and I was warm in bed last night. I have a business lunch today and then tonight I can just rest. I'll brave the PO over the weekend. I will wrap up and address the boxes tonight. They are ready to go. My box to Switzerland won't be sent til after the new year so it's just the domestic boxes I need to address. Kitty hasn't done her annual Christmas card (started off as a goof and is now A Thing)

Oh well I have the weekend and that's all that matters!!! I will take care of myself and rest and then do a few little errands as I can.

My elderly neighbor was so pleased to get an item scratched off his to do list yesterday. It was nice being with him. I'm used to being with my mom who cannot walk more than a step or two and he could walk with his cane for short distances and frequent rests. I used the handicap placard because I didn't think I'd get in trouble since I was using it for a handicapped elderly person. I wrestled with it and decided the police would understand that my 85 year old neighbor was with me instead of my mom. It was not an issue.

Hi Tatoulia
Sorry that you didn't get to finish your running around and feel you wasted the time that you could have been doing something more productive.
I hate when that happens.

What really ticked me off was when he started blaming me for the consequences of his own actions and inactions.
You just can not reason with crazy.

Be strong even though you feel guilty.
(((HUG)))

Please do not get sick!
You are just getting over some sort of sick.
You know the rules, drink plenty of fluids, rest and bla, bla, bla, etc...

Ps we will bring the cheese!!!!!

Tillie I can relate in some ways to your situation, although I never got an artichoke. I remember my sibling would blow up and escalate any question into shouting and dirty name calling and near violence. Of course our situations are vastly different, except they are not. Just dealing with an unstable individual is so tough. I once, in a terrible snowsto, decided to surprise him so I took one public transportation vehicle after another and walked in the terrible snow and brought him milk and snacks and he kept screaming at me, why didn't I tell him I was coming over, he needed me to go to the bank for him. Elk I hadn't told him because I couldn't be certain that all the trains were working.

And yet I sit here feeling guilty that he isn't invited to Christmas this year.

I took half s day to get my elderly neighbor's updated identification card today. It went very smoothly. Then I tried to run a few errands, since I already had the car out, but a huge accident kept me from my destination. So I came back home. At that point it was after 4. I wish I had finished the packages I need to mail and just taken them to the P.O.

Going to drink some juice then go to bed. I'm fighting a cold, I'm afraid.

Good Evening Everybody

Hi CriticalMass
Thank you for the update 😀

Hi Motown
Feel free to whine away
We'll provide the cheese

Hi Subclinical
Wonderful to read about all that quality time being spent with DHGs.
Quality time is the absolute best gift anyone can give a child.

Hi Tatoulia
I really like that we all can voice different opinions here.
Nobody is ever wrong and nobody is ever always right but we all get to consider other viewpoints and come together somewhere in the middle of understanding.

Large bright yellow orb in the cloudless blue sky today.
Hung out some laundry and it dried beautifully.
Kitchen was a mess but I fixed that.

Other day he went off on me when I simply asked a simple question.
So, I am not speaking to him at all.
He brought me an artichoke as a feeble apology, it did not work.
I can not be bought or bribed.
Since last Thursday he has taken only one shower.
He reeks like a festering pustule now.
He has gone "shopping" every day since last Thursday except today.

Just a little background on me...
In the past I have gone over a whole year without ever speaking one word to any adult human being.
They never listen anyways.

Oh so beautifully put, SubC. I could picture the warmth and the love and that is a perfect Christmas. Or any holiday!

I love the thought of the love your ❤️Gs has. Those are great moments. One of my favorite Christmas memories was laying on my bed, reading Little House on the Prairie that Santa got me and eating little candies out of my stocking. I was also wearing a little terry cloth apron my grandmother got me. So happy.

Love you all.

I think you can have "merriment" without being a slave to other people or layering shine over despair. If you are going to make a nice Christmas for the kids, you need to involve the kids.

D❤️Gs is so happy in his new environment. His mom sent me pictures of them making cookies in their clean kitchen. But cleaning the kitchen came first. And it meant that one night, while we were cleaning the kitchen, d❤️Gs had a package of applesauce and a little microwave pizza for dinner sitting where we told him to sit and throwing everything (including his plastic spoon and paper plate) directly into the trash when he got up. Then he went back to helping us put things away. (Mostly He chattered, but he was with us, and he did some cleaning up and no messing up.) he has room to make cookies - and cookies. He has space in his room to use his toys, he has a string of Santa lights, and he has a tabletop Christmas tree to put presents under (presents he made for his mom and helped her buy for his cousins - who are coming over to play with him.) that is a perfectly reasonable amount of "Christmas merriment"

You can add music or special movies - which don't take up space. You can play games. You can plan and cook a meal together. You can gather up gently used toys or clothes and take them to a shelter or fill an Amazon "give back" box. Making the house nice for the holidays doesn't have to mean layering in more stuff. It might mean cutting the stuff you have.

Hello everyone! Cm you stopped by!
Tillie I can tell you are stiff upper lipping it. How are things going?
SubC I am so happy about your dining porch! Must be so pretty.

Motown, dump and whine and complain. You are safe with us. We are on your side.

Might I offer you a different perspective? (For you to reject as you wish.) I hope you can find the strength to make it Christmas-y and nice because there are children involved. Life is chaos for them too, even the ones that are "part of the problem and not part of the solution". Try to close out this tough year with some merriment. You will eliminate the possibility of feeling guilty. Then make some rules to start the new year and find the strength to enforce them. Get reinforcements wherever you can, whether it's from another adult or even one of the children in the house. You can do this, it will be tough but you can. We will be standing next to you.
Just my two cents. I'm not exactly the best role model but your situation isn't going to improve by skipping Christmas, so do your best and know that next year will be better. Let me know what you think.

Your situation is very difficult and we will help you. I believe in you. Im so sorry things are so bad. Tomorrow is another day. Do you want to try to get one bag of garbage out tmr? Or two? I'll do the same. I'll fill one bag for donations. Each bag will help you. You'll be getting rid of stuff and you'll be building those mental muscles to say, we don't need this.

Motown, we teach people how to treat us.

It is not ok for them to destroy your house. You can refuse to go to the grocery store, and you can refuse to cook for them.

You can tell them that if they don't clean their stuff up, you will throw it out. And you can do that.

Are you afraid that they will leave if you put your foot down?

With children, I think it works best to work alongside them and explain the benefits of what you are doing. Hut it is also totally ok to inform them that you will not allow them to live like animals.

Hi CM,

Hi Tillie. Dh says he's cooking this weekend, so I don't know if that gets me off the hook or if I will lose the challenge.

Hi Tatoulia.

I'm SO behind too CM. And yes Tillie, I HAVE considered just going on Christmas Strike. I said to hubby yesterday as we backed into the driveway that this is the very first year that I am not super overly excited about Christmas. It is usually my absolute favorite and I love everything about it but this year I'm finding myself quite scrooge-ish.
Tillie, I do hope the best for you and your situation.

YAY for clean houses. I'm getting more discouraged each day. I have never been a great housekeeper but the awful condition of the house now means I will not allow anyone inside and I cringe when even the kids bring their young friends inside because there is never even a place to sit down and if they eat with us I have to literally shove things aside on the table to make a single square foot space to set their plate and glass. I hate this. I have (well had) nice things and my house could look quite nice (except for the damage done since they all moved in like holes in the walls from boys fighting, terribly stained carpets and torn rugs, etc.) and I might could just enjoy life in the evenings but the chaos is getting to me. I want peace but.....
Anyway, it is almost time for me to get off work and go home to aforementioned chaos. DD has already volunteered me to go to the grocery store with her and then when we get home it will be me to cook supper for the crew.

Enough of my bellyaching. I feel guilty every time I unload on all you kind individuals. I will do my best to keep my chin up and just ride it out. If only I could see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel and not be afraid that it is an oncoming train....

Until next time,

Motown

Hi.

I am SO behind.

Miss you guys.

Will catch up as soon as I can!

Hello

Hi Tatoulia
It is so wonderful to know you have a clean tidy home where you are happy (((HUG)))
The gingerbread making sounds like so much fun!

Hi Subclinical
Yea! for new socks just in the nick of time.
So, what are you making for dinner on Saturday?
WTG! for making the dining porch all neat & clean and decorated.

Hi Motown
Have you ever considered just going on strike for XMas?
Not doing any of the usual things that they are all expecting you to do but just taking for granted that you will be doing?
To me, buying gifts, decorating and special cooking/baking/candies are things we do from the heart for those we love to show appreciation for the love we receive in return.

A light dusting of snow overnight.
Another dark gray sunless day.
The carport roof is halfway down now and hanging very precariously.

So Tatoulia, did you get to bed?

I forgot to say that one pair of my socks arrived yesterday. Coincidentally, I wore a hole through the teal of the 99cent pair I was wearing.

Wow!!!! WTG! Congratulations on your hard work! It sounds so beautiful and nicely decorated! Giant congratulations!

Sending everyone much love. I'm heading to bed at an early hour for a change. Generally when I say that it magically becomes 12:30 AM. hoping I just do it and go to bed. Have work then dinner with two colleagues from two different areas of my life. They met about two years ago and now they have formed a relationship. Nice women. So I'll do that tmr night.

I decorated gingerbread houses with a friend's children yesterday. It was disastrous yet really fun. I can't remember if I'd told you of that. We haven't had a disaster before when we've done it so I guess it was time. The kids didn't seem phased and my friend and I laughed like idiots so it was good.

Goodnight dear friends. Tillie was hope you and the kitties (and Jack) are cuddled in for the night. Motown keep doing what you are doing. It can be a long haul but we are here for you. CM would love an update. ANONY, LR, DIANE, DIANNE, ROXIE, BITSY, JOAN, no matter where you are or what your houses look like, I love you and I think of you.

I believe. 😊

I think it will take me more than five years to have my whole house clean at once.

But the dining porch is "clean" - by which I mean, the table was cleaned off and washed, as was the little side table. Both have pretty holiday cloths on them and a centerpiece. The chairs are around the table with nothing on the seats, the floors and throw rugs are clean, the little cupboard and three pictures have been dusted. So have the two decorative pieces that are the only things on the little cupboard.

The fan needs to be dusted badly, the windows need to be washed, and the light globes need to be taken down and washed. But if I dusted the fan, I could close off the rest of the house and entertain out there with confidence.

Can you imagine? I thought I'd never see the day again. Quick reminder, I only have one floor of this house so it's tiny and as you noted, it's clean because my ladies cleaned it. I would say it was 5 years on this site getting rid of things. Five years of prioritizing and crying and self-loathing then clarity and light. I did it, but honestly WE did it. It's nice to have my house be the way it used to be. It's so nice being able to invite people over and have people in. Not that I'm a giant fan of people. The victory is that I no longer have to make excuses or live in fear that I'll have to let someone in. I used to absolutely panic. And never getting anywhere with the cleaning was tough. Thank you everyone for getting me here and keeping me here!!

"My house is clean."
Your house. Your whole house.
I think the last time I was able to say that was before my youngest child was born. In fact, we moved when the second child was less than a year old, and from the moment we carried the first box into the house, I have never had a fully clean house again. He is 24.

You are amazing.

I know you have help. You are still amazing. I am amazed that you are able to have help!

I am determined to knock off this dining porch before bed.

My house is clean, all laundry done and folded and put away and I'm tired. I'm just so tired. My recycling is out and I'm about to take out the garbage. Then I will nap.

A home cooked meal sounds so nice. Whenever I visit a particular friend of mine, she says, what do you want for dinner? And I say, good grouos. There is nothing like a balanced meal. I'm thrilled that's what your special boy asked for.

Motown, I fully support buying nothing for kids who have so much stuff they can't take care of it.

I also support telling them that is going to happen. "There will be no presents because there is no space in this room for presents. If you guys want to grab trash bags and donation bags and help me make a nice clean room with space under the tree, i'm willing to rethink that."

Tatoulia, I think what you did for your cleaners was nice.

❤️Gs has amused me with his challenge "make a home cooked meal this weekend." His mom will be feeding him Friday and Sunday and I will be feeding him Saturday. I'm tempted to tease him that she is going to do dinner on Saturday and I am going to do dinner on Sunday. He likes to cook. His dad feeds him standard fast food and his mom often takes him to inexpensive ethnic restaurants or food trucks.

I haven't started working on my porch yet. Supervising dh took longer than I expected.