Love you all. Ended up going to brother's and getting my stuff. He was terrible and he had ruined his apt but I got my stuff.

Love you all.

Tatoulia, i am so sorry for what you are going through with your family member. Im glad you still do have a few treasured things of your Mom's. That whole situation sounds very difficult.
CriticalMass, good for you for deciding to donate those books!
Tillie, im so glad there is some shifting with your partner? It is quite amazing! I hope that continues!
.....im feeling kind of down today...im trying all kinds of new techniques to make changes, but im still stuck. I think i need to somehow find someone to hire at this point. Im not that far from the creative fun stage, so i need to push on to get there....

I look forward to seeing how everyone's doing. I think everyone is doing so well! So please place your hand to your shoulder and give yourselves some pats! 😉 Bravo!

Tillie, what a miracle that he cleaned - who knows, over time maybe his brain will wear a new groove. Your patience and serenity - like in the Serenity Prayer, accepting what you can't change - it's palpable through the electrons coming out my end of the interwebs! You are blooming where you're planted and that's terrific, not letting him destroy your peace of mind.

Anonymoniker & Tatoulia - right on re the men's vs. women's clothing thing! It irks me how the manufacturers market flimsier crap to women yet charge more. I get men's sweatpants and 100% cotton workout pants because they have a drawstring and pockets, whereas women's often don't. That whole "no bulges" thing. Well, my bulges have bulges and I need to have my keys and phone and such with me so if someone doesn't like how my pockets mess with the line of my pants, they don't have to look! LOL!

Some of those pants, the ones without elastic at the ankles, are indistinguishable from nice slacks once I put a top over them. I've worn them to church and funerals!

As for socks, I like the little lightweight ones for summer and moderate weather around these parts. I've lived sockless most of this summer. Whatever type of sock you like, it doesn't hurt to check both women's and men's departments.

Tatoulia, you are right to surrender the whole thing even the sentimentality attached to the Christmas ornaments - what a leap of faith! It's hard, but your mother is probably proud of you. Our memories of our loved ones are safe in our hearts at all times. I hope your brother is able to come to a calmer space.

I went out to storage today, intending to pull out some books about cats that I've decided to let go of (because I won't read them again, and any cat information I need is readily available online). I didn't find those books - it's possible I have already given them away with another batch of cat books earlier. But I did find a couple more boxes of books, and did some straightening.

Bit by bit, coherence grows - my religious books were scattered here and there and I'm putting them in one area together. Some of them I may also donate, I have so many. Found some books I had on trauma from when I was in counseling, but I feel healed and don't need to hang onto those, so maybe the Veterans' Hospital could use them to help PTSD soldiers.

Physically I had more energy today - slow start in the morning and had to kind of kick myself in the rear. Allergies have given me a croaky voice and a cough; I hope those go away soon. And I think the goop from the CT scan is cleared out - it made me feel sort of hazy and tired on Thursday and a little into yesterday. Once I got out to the storage unit though I was ready to dig in - and it is getting easier - I'm knocking over less stuff and the paths and access are improving! Yay!

Hi Tillie.

What a shame. I don't know what else to say. What a terrible shame that he buys and buys and buys and doesn't see the damage he is doing. I'm so sorry.

I am being threatened by mentally ill family member. He is now throwing out my Christmas things that include things that are my mother's from when she was first out of college. He is demanding $$ and finally, painfully, I've decided to let him throw it out. He had long ago agreed to store for me. But if I go to his house he could become violent. And so I am letting it go. And I'm good with it. I might have to cry but I'm good with it.

I need to get away from him and if losing my Christmas stuff is the key, then that's the key. I have four of the most precious items here and I can live with them. And it's all I need.

Good Morning Everyone 🙂

Hi Anonymoniker 🙂

Hi Tatoulia 🙂

Just drinking my tea and wondering what I will do today besides the usual daily stuff.
I bet that when 10:00am rolls around he will be off to the thrift shops and any yard sales.
I look around at what I own and am content that I have all I need.
;D

TTYS 🙂

Quick drive by.

Welcome Franny. We lost here and check back frequently. There are no notifications of replies. Most people find their support by posting. There is a group chat that takes place Sunday and Tuesday evenings although I do not participate.

This is anonymous and I do not think any of the people on these boards Skype with each other. Perhaps some people on the group chat have gotte to know each other and they may have swapped personal identifying information.

There are also resources by state for hiring help.

Must go make the coffee. Have a good day, everyone.

Hey Franny? Tell us what brought you here? Do you have a problem with hoarding or maybe a loved one that does?

Hi I'm new here. Are there email notifications for replies?
Is there telephone support? Do any of you skype help? What kind of help here? I'm able to also be supportive of others.

Wow, Tillie, he cleaned on his own?!! Thats great!!! I was gonna tell y'all, astrologically, today is a good day to push to new phases, by completion of previous phases...maybe he is doing that? I hope so! Im really soul searching myself & doing new things to get through to the otherside of my perceived barriers.
I do wear dresses more nowdays, but im not able to wear high heels & ive always been amazed at women who are able to glide around so gracefully in them!!!
.....i hope im not droning on about healthy foods too much, again, but miso is excellent to offset radiation treatments! 😀
~☆~Happy Cleaning everyone!~☆~

Good Morning Everyone 🙂

Hi CriticalMass 🙂
Wonderful to catch up with you! 😀
It's very important to get things ready for your recovery should you need surgery.
Having a safe place to recuperate in will help you rest and recover better. (((hugs)))

Hi Anonymoniker 🙂
Many times the reasons why we do, don't do or procrastinate about doing
are discovered/realized during the doing process.
Once we force ourselves to do what we really resist doing
there is often an "ahha!" moment of insight into our inner selves.

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
WAY TO GO! for clearing out some dresses!
I wear dresses in all but the coldest weather and I keep and wear mine until they turn into ratty little rags even when I have nice newer ones I could be wearing.
I just hate to part with any dresses.

Hi Joan 🙂
Hi Ghost 🙂

Ok, he's gone back to work today.
Yesterday I believe he was delirious because he cleaned his bedroom.
You can actually see a difference even though he didn't wash his bedding or move the laundry mountain surrounding the bed.
He did get out a whole lot of the garbage and vacuumed the visible path of carpet.
He did something with the HUGE heap of stuff from his desktop, it's not there any more.
The massive cobwebs are still hanging from the ceiling but Halloween is just around the corner, decorations I guess.

Today I am going to make a meatloaf and red potatoes.
Went grocery shopping yesterday so have all the necessary ingredients.

TTYS 🙂

Hey Ghost, are you jockey-ing us around?

⛹🏼‍♀️⛹🏼 🏇 🚴🏼‍♀️🚴🏻

Thank you for your long and loving posts.

That is a good point Tillie about living in the house. I will be better able to see things that way after decluttering more. I did clear out some dresses yesterday. Wasn't easy but I did.

CM thank you for your support! Ugh that contrast with the CT scans. The stuff in the IV can make you feel lousy and drinking that gunk--I swear I can taste it just thinking about it. So thick. Hoping for good news, my dear.

Anony, I love men's bathrobes. I'm kind of a girly girl, rarely wearing pants or jeans, just love my dresses. Now with offices more casual, I don't really wear suits anymore. But when it comes to sleepwear? Ooooh I love a man's bathrobe and grandpa-style pjs. Love them. We should wear what's comfortable ! I wear very comfortable shoes everywhere. I live in a city so I walk everywhere, and I honestly feel that anything is possible if I have the proper footwear. I prefer heels at the office, so I keep several pairs in the closet near where I sit. I have dress shoes at home that I merely pop in my bag if I'm meeting someone for lunch or going out for dinner.

Hey, should I be finding clean the house shoes??!!?? Maybe then I'll get there.

Love you all. CM take good care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. I wish you lived close by and I'd come clean your room for you.

~Is it the past im hating when im procrastinating? Its not so much 'why', but how, could i let it ruin the now?!?
Should i first figure that out, or clean my house out?
I know i need help, cuz if it were me id hired, id for sure be fired!!!~ ha ha

Hey,CriticalMass, my last post was a reply to your previous post! I hear you about your ex being more of a fantasy than a reality! I too, am realizing that! The sock struggle is real! ha ha I dont like these thin, short socks for women. I end up buying mens socks, cuz they are thick & long, geared for boots. Womens clothes are often very impractical & uncomfortable! Ill end up just buying more mens work boot socks...oh, well...theyll go with my mens tank tops, that are long enough to stay tucked in and that dont flash the world if i bend over! And, my mens pants that have pockets and arent designed to make me look like a hooker! Sorry, one of my pet peeves is female clothing! Ive been mistaken for a lesbian over this, more than once! I hope thats not politically incorrect to say?!
CriticalMass, i hope you soon have a nice space of your own, but im glad you have a place to be for now! ~♡~

CriticalMass, those are beautiful sentiments, and so true! ~♡~
I just had anotber reminder of how my mess is hindering relationshops with others. An old friend im now back intouch with reminded me of how a mutual friend kept wanting to come out here, across the country to 'surprise' me with a vist...ha ha...they would surely have been seriously more 'surprised' than me!!! I shudder to even imagine....i explained how i hope to soon have a guest house to have out of town visitors!(..yeah, and an indoor shower, a place to sit etc.,etc....AAAAAGH?!!?)

News and miscellaneous

Had my CT scan this morning. It went smoothly but I'm kind of tired. I spent the night at the home of the friend who drove me, who lives near the hospital, so we could leave early. I'm glad I had someone drive me even though it wasn't 100% necessary, but it allowed me to go through the process more confidently.

I haven't had one of those in around 30 years. Turns out there have been some improvements - the radioactive stuff you drink is less nasty tasting, and I think the scanning went really fast. I'm drinking lots of water to flush the stuff out, lest I glow in the dark and scare people or something. I feel sort of sluggish with mild muscle twinges. The couch I slept on was very comfy, don't think it was that - so I'm wondering if the IV stuff is still in my system a bit. Oh well, if it is, it will be gone soon enough. Or maybe it's all psychological. The idea that okay, now the next step is finding out next week whether I have to have surgery! :O

Well anyway. I'm sure I'll have a bit more energy by tomorrow. I read another chapter in the Brooks Palmer book (Clutter Busting). I like the stories of people having these epiphany moments about their clutter, how they just go from depressed and clinging onto the stuff at first and then gleefully tossing it once he gently helps them realize how it's been dragging them down. I want to be those people!

To be truthful, I'm kind of annoyed right now with the knowledge that I need to work on my bedroom clutter in case I do have surgery so I don't trip on anything. It's not that I don't want to have a nice space. But I think I'm wrestling with the fact that it's not "my" space really, since it's a rented room in my friend's house and still has a lot of her stuff in it and it's not a very big room. These years since the home foreclosure it has been so hard to accept not having "ownership" - or if I have to rent, being able to rent a nice roomy place that is okay with my animals, and where I can set my own agenda.

Just keepin' it real. I promise not to let the pity party go on too long! I'm fortunate with this arrangement in many other ways, having my pets with me being #1, and having access to most of a house and yard in a quiet neighborhood.

I've never been a patient person, and you know that saying, never pray for patience, because what God will give you is the opportunity to practice patience! I'm a slow learner in that department, but making some progress.

The suspense re surgery and the wondering about whether I'll be upset at not being able to make a big decluttering push this fall (after planning so many times and being thwarted) - there's a BIG opportunity to practice patience! Ack!

Inertia is one thing I fight - I think I'm going to have to go for some of those "five minute miracles" y'all have been mentioning. A feeling of accomplishment can spur me on, but first I have to do something. And be able to be in the present moment - there's another thing I'm not real good at but aware that I need to learn.

Anonymoniker, I totally get you about the dreams about the ex. My BF at the time I had the CT scan 30 years ago came with me then. I was having the scan to diagnose a problem that could impact my being able to have children. Actually my problem was the man sitting in the waiting room who didn't WANT to have children. I should've "decluttered" my life of HIM sooner! Oh well, live and learn. And I never did marry or have kids, but I am okay. Still, those memories - I get you. What has worked best for me is to give myself a bit of a talking to - not harsh, but firm - reminding myself of how thankful I am that I didn't marry him, and forgiving myself for my own blindness - and doing my best to forgive him for not being what I thought he was. I had been clinging to a fantasy. Hopefully for you too the yucky dreams will subside. Hang in there.

And keep zapping the spiders! I love the mental picture of you with your BB gun! I'm such a klutz I probably couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. My anti-spider arsenal consisted of my vacuum cleaner's long hose. Also if you remember 80s and 90s hairstyles - that Rave 4 mega hold hairspray will freeze a spider the same as it will a set of big poofy bangs! LOL! And then you can stomp 'em. Another thing that helps with prevention is Diatomaceous Earth powder, and it's safe, non-toxic. It messes with their exoskeletons. My roommate uses it here and it helps.

I totally agree it is hard to find the kind of socks "they used to make." I'm real picky about socks. Lately I have found a few lightweight pairs at Walmart that at least have a better cotton content (synthetics are hot) and even come in more choices of colors. So you might check there. I'm guilty of keeping socks a long time because of not being able to find new ones I like. #thestruggleisreal

Well, I guess my hands are less tired than the rest of me, if I can type a post this long! I shall now mercifully wrap it up! Everyone have a wonderful day. 🙂

Greetings all,

Tatoulia, my heartfelt condolences on the passing of your friend's son. I will pray for all involved that they - and you - find comfort and healing. <3

It's hard to accept loss and change in life that reminds us of our mortality. I read your earlier post about aging and it reminded me of the conversation I had with my aunt on Sunday. She's the youngest of my dad's siblings. My dad and one of the aunts are already gone and the remaining sibs are in their 80s and becoming pretty frail.

There have also been losses in our family of younger people. Parents having to bury a child or grandchild, teenagers losing their mom in her 30s. It's never, never easy.

I think the most important thing is to keep the good memories in our minds and hearts. And to be here in love and compassion for one another, and making a positive difference. What we are doing here on these boards is a part of that and I'm glad to be here with everyone. Have a blessed day.

Tatoulia, i am so sorry for the loss of your friend's son? A parent losing a child is especially diffucult! If he was suffering, it may have been somewhat of a blessing.
I dont think your clothes or their hangers being in your bathroom would look bad from anyone's eyes, tho. That is a very normal thing to have. You may be being too hard on yourself? I agree with Tillie about your home is being lived in. You seem to be super responsible & sensitive to others. I hope you see that, too? ((((HUGS)))) ~♡~

Good Morning Everyone 🙂

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
For now please just be very kind to yourself.
Take good care of you and your friend. (((HUGS)))
So very sorry.

When I look around at my house and think of someone just dropping in...
My first thought is
"sorry about the mess but I do live here."
There are cat toys strewn around and their cardboard boxes placed here & there.
Cat blankets covering the most desirable napping places.
Probably dishes rinsed and stacked by the sink ready to be washed.
Some project that I am working on out on the counter or table.
The house may be needing dusting, vacuuming and all that, depending on my schedule.
I may or may not be dressed, hair brushed, face washed.
There may be laundry drying on racks or hung over doorways.
The list goes on...
But I do live here.
Our homes do not need to be picture perfect.
Once the excess unnecessary clutter is removed and the cleanliness is brought up to healthy levels,
we are allowed to use this space as we wish
and if someone drops by unexpectedly
well, sorry but this is my home and I do LIVE here. 😀

Thank you for your support! I napped after work and am now getting ready for something at work tomorrow.

Anony, I am having some work done on the outside of my building and today I thought, what if worker needs to use bathroom? And I looked around and saw my apt through another person's eyes. And I could see how my clear spaces do not equal an acceptable level of organization or cleanliness. Good, but sobering, wake up call. (He did not need restroom after all). I swept the bathroom and cleaned the sink and vanity. But here's an example of my blindness: I hang my clothes to dry in the bathroom and I rarely transfer everything to my closet or drawers. So it's likely that when I want to wear my navy dress, it's still hanging in the bathroom. I don't see it, but it contributes to the messiness of the house. Similarly, even if I put the clothes away, I still may have half a dozen hangers in the bathroom waiting for clean laundry. But I don't see them. I've developed the habit for all things in the dryer, but not those things I air dry.

I need to work on that. I need to open my eyes to that.

I am feeling better. A friend's son died last night. He had been in poor health his entire life, made it to his 20s, and he got a lung infection and died. Terrible situation. Thank you for your support, Anony and Tillie. I was so pleased when I asked my friend, could I arrange to have lunch delivered and he said, that would be lovely. How nice when someone can tell you they need help.

We are used to doing it here, not so easy in real life. Thank you for your friendship. Much love.

Tatoulia

(((HUGS)))

Tatoulia, im so sorry about your bad news. I hope you can work through it & feel ok about it soon?
Im also sorry your place hasnt gotten to where you want it to be yet. Im having that same problem. I think its better till i think about having anyone come over here?!!?
Tillie, i would love to have you help me with my place...i know that is not an option, but i would pay you well and come help you with your place too, if you wanted?! I do think i need to hire someone, somehow....
Thank y'all for inviting me to post as much as i need to...it definitely has been amazingly helpful & wonderful to have this forum & all of you to bond with about our different difficulties & victories!!! ~☆~♡~☆♡☆~♡~☆~

Hello everyone.

Anony post as much as you need to--it's an important step in getting things done! We all decided long ago that we don't need to read all the posts in order to post--this way, we do what we need to do to get to where we are going! Keep up the good work!

Tillie I would love to have you help me.

Today I saw my apt in someone else's eyes and it is not measuring up. I need to stop procrastinating and I need to step it up.

I had some sad news today/cannot discuss til processed better/trying to work and clean and make some life decisions.

I cannot live like this anymore. I have too much stuff and my apt isn't clean. Too much stuff.

Good Morning Everybody 🙂

WOW! Anonymoniker
there sure is a heck of an echo in here. ;D
Yeah, seems like people without a person willing to help would appreciate the help and those with a willing helper don't want any help.
When people have asked for me to help them declutter and de-squalor it has always gone very well.
They were very happy with the results and I helped set up systems and routines so they were able to keep their homes nice afterward too.
Just can't help someone who doesn't think there is a problem. 🙂

Well, my plan for today is to do what I had to delay yesterday.
Never did get more than a drizzle and the day stayed cold and dark/cloudy.
Mr. Hoarder is home sick today.
Has G/I upset.
I honestly believe he has poisoned himself with some of his improperly handled food.
We both buy and prepare our own food separately but he eats things that have been laying around for far too long and doesn't refrigerate anything in a timely manner.
Lots of moldy, slimy, smelly and spooky food on his shelf in the fridge and stashed out in the hoarded garage.
He refuses to toss it because he always says...
"I was going to eat that!"
He left the bathroom in a terrible mess that I had to clean up first thing this morning. 🙁

Anyways, I am looking forward to going outside with all the cats and watering trees and doing lots of other outdoor activities. 🙂

Post when you can and let us know how you are doing.
We don't care if you have decluttered or cleaned anything.
We just want to hear from you (((hugs)))

....oh, no...im sorry!....ha ha....i had a hard time trying to post this last night.....(sigh)....

I hope im not posting too much. It seems like i might be?! I was just reading some of the other threads & realized how much id love to have help from someone that knows & cares about me. That seems to be a theme for the loved ones of hoarders, to be trying to get them to let them help with it. I would love that....

My bed does have clothes in it, but its my pj type cozy clothes, and a long sleeve shirt, if i get cold at night. Ive got books & astrology periodicals & notebooks with lists & for writing poems in, etc. I could eliminate about half of the stuff, but a lot of it is stuff i regularly use & is helpful having close by.....when my one cat does throw up, he conveniently pukes on my pillow, making it easy to change the pillow case & soak the spot with that enzyme cleaner...it is hilarious how cats seem to deliberately throw up on important stuff, and rarely on a place easy to clean...ha ha
Scary spider update: the spider in the kitchen now is unusually mobile!!! He clearly knows im stalking him & keeps relocating, which is much harder!

Good Morning Everyone 🙂

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
Yes, I noticed how much earlier it's been getting dark too.
WAY TO GO! for getting things done and keeping up with stuff! (((hugs)))
For many years my hoarder slept on an unmade bed underneath a huge mountain of clean & dirty clothes.
As of right now, the last time his sheets were changed was last March when he was in the hospital and I did it.
The clothing mountain is now located all around the edges of the bed.
Marty and Twinkles sleep in his bed and at times they vomit.
He does not even bother to try cleaning it up.
I know, I know TMI ;P
I too wish Diane would just drop a note to let us know how she's doing. 🙁

Hi Anonymoniker 🙂
I know it's hard sometimes to find socks we like but when they get worn out & holey they aren't any good any more.

Have to change my plans for today.
Was going to go out and water the trees & bushes, hose the bird poop off the car, do two loads of laundry and some other outdoor activities.
But woke up to find it's 54 degrees, breezy, dark overcast and drizzling.
Hoping that the drizzling keeps up.
We so desperately need some rain to wash down all the dust.

Hi CriticalMass 🙂
Your drive by almost ran me over. 😀
Good luck and best wishes with the medical stuff. (((HUGS)))
Yes! Paper sorting is lighter work as long as you don't try to lift a box full of it.
Keep your health and wellbeing as a priority at all times.

FAST drive-by with promises to come back and read the Battle of the Spiders series and all the rest very soon! 😉

Last week was doctor appointments for me, with the most significant of those on Thursday at my surgeon who has twice fixed my abdominal hernia which came 2 years after my hysterectomy. Which (the hernia) maybe could've been avoided if I'd not lifted heavy stuff too soon on my job, hindsight 20/20, etc.

But anyway, I'm having CT scan this Thursday & consult w/doc the Wednesday following. We'll see what goes. It may be a more extensive op but if it is, that may be the one that really holds and I would be glad.

However, as I'm sure you've figured out, I'm thinking about my decluttering and how to still make progress if I can't dig in and do the big physical stuff. Well, I can always sort and toss papers, and there certainly are plenty of those!

Further bulletins when I know more!