Lila, Dh wants a dog when he retires, but he wants a small dog to play with. I grew up with dogs, but dogs are a commitment. And you have to clean up the dog poop. I told Dh if we had a dog I would want a Great Pyrenees, but he thinks they are too big and too furry and wants an inside dog. My farm sitter knows where I could get a trained, adult, neutered male right now, for FREE because his people are retiring and selling the livestock and moving to an apartment.

Dh is not interested.

oh SubC, I am so sorry about the fox problem, and the chickens, and all of that. I hesitate to "jump in and solve," but I just want to mention, have you ever considered having a flock/herd guardian dog? A Great Pyraneese will love your animals, protect chickens and goats and anything else. They are outside dogs who sleep with the flock/herd and take great happiness in being with them as family. Gentle giants until a fox or hawk comes around, then they will stand guard and not let harm come to their charges. Even against coyotes. I love them.

I forgot about you having no trash service. I would have burned these... they were soaked in urine and interspersed with mashed-in feces. And as Tatoulia said, we have enough towels. This actually solves an ongoing problem of Teen just using towels and throwing them on the floor and never washing them. None of the towels were the newer, good towels. I told her and everyone else, I am not replacing the things that were thrown out. If anyone needs towels or sheets they can buy them and then find a place in their room to keep them. I am retiring from providing laundry service for other adults.

Today I am supposed to be working from home until a later meeting around 5pm. I am getting no work done. I have zero motivation or energy. I am forcing myself to get up and do little things.
- took items out of packing materials
- wiped counters
- unloaded and mostly loaded the dishwasher

Tot is about to come upstairs, so I will probably read her a story. Then will try to chip away at small tasks and get myself "into" my work mindset at least for an hour to get the essentials done.

My health is in such a sorry state that it is hard to get motivated to do anything.

Good morning!

It's ok Tatoulia. I don't have trash service, remember? I would have to bag those towels up and take them in my car an hour to the school dumpster - where I only have permission to throw away "a small thing now and then" or beg a friend or Dd to put them in their trash. Or burn them. I would default to washing.

Yesterday we went to church with Bean for his child dedication ceremony and then to the museum center. It was fun but tiring.

When we got home the fox problem had escalated. Clean up was discouraging. The chickens can't be out of their pen during the day any more. Which means they can't be out, because they won't go in in the morning, so I'm going to have to solve the raccoon problem (we're making progress) because penning them at night helps the raccoons. I reinforced the pen and managed to corral half of them last night. I'm down to 12 chickens. And no ducks.

I was very sad and I was looking at websites, thinking about getting new chicks (when school starts, as part of my class) when I stumbled across a great sale. I said to Dh "I guess this would be a bad time to order chicks." And he said "order whatever you want."

So now I have chicks coming at the end of the week. I guess they will start out in the garage and hopefully I can make the barn safe for them. He doesn't like to see me sad and discouraged. I hope this was not a mistake.

Bean again today.

I did finally plant the onions.

Hi Alanna, Lila, and CM!

Hello, hello.

Lila, I am glad (forgive me SubC) that you were able to throw out the towels. Why? Because I am sure you have plenty of towels. Towels are those things that I swear multiply if you aren't careful. Congratulations on finding your check! I know how frustrating it is to hunt for things. I did have a recent pedicure and it was very, very relaxing. Glad to hear you were able to get one so economically!

I'm sorry that Bean had a rough day, SubC. I am sure you were a safe place for him to land. Im glad daughter has good medical care and an excellent support system.

I spent yesterday antiquing with a friend. No purchases but I enjoyed the time out and about. No temptation to buy anything. Thoroughly enjoyable day. Today I went to grocery store, then did some laundry, talked with a friend who informed me that a mutual friend died on Saturday (mutual friend had stopped all treatment a few weeks ago). Then I went to a different grocery store to get some heavy stuff that I couldn't get earlier. Tmr I'll need to get cat litter.

Shout out to Alanna and CM!
So off to shower for me.

Hi Tatoulia!

Hi Alanna! Thanks for checking in! You have my sympathy on the grading.

Lila, I am sorry about the towels. I would not have been able to throw them away, so I would have found myself in the yard hosing off cat poop, and then running them through the washing machine.

Bean had a rough day yesterday and cried himself to sleep on my couch and I just let him sleep. He was so exhausted he peed - a lot. My ikea couch is currently disassembled and drying. At least it came apart to wash.

I'm glad you found your check and that you are planning things for you.

I went to DD's on appointment with her yesterday. The baby is doing well and the worst case scenario now is early but not premature delivery and immediate surgery. But so far that seems unlikely. On the advice of her doctor and the encouragement of her mother, Dd has decided to go on psychoactive medication. She has an appointment with her shrink on Monday to discuss it. I am hoping she won't change her mind. The ob offered to write her a starter dose yesterday so she could start taking it right away, which tells you where we are.

I still have a raccoon problem. And a fox problem. And it is becoming very discouraging.

My body is sore, tired, and fat, and despite limiting my to do list, "plant onions" has been on it for three days.

(Although yesterday saw the unplanned addition of "wash couch" and "pick blueberries" - my friend called to tell me they were ready and it is not an opportunity I pass up. I took her some cheese.)

Well I am back, to update and try to motivate myself to keep going.

Teen, against my direction, put a swinging door on the litter box without me noticing. Thus, the cat who was not understanding how to get in there, has peed and pooped all over the towels that were tossed on the floor. It is disgusting, the smell, omg. I knew Teen would melt down and rage if asked to clean it. So I got a bag and threw it all in there and took it to the trash. Then sprayed Pet cleaner on the tile floor to get the smell out. I am unhappy.

However I also sorted every item on the left side of my bedroom and I found the missing check! I deposited it. In the sorting of my room and the counter and my office box, I was able to throw out many pieces of paper and mail and such. And I donated a few items which I put on the Daily Tally thread.

I also washed:
- a load of my clothes
- a load of my jeans and my "nice" towels which I keep in my own bathroom
- a load of white washcloths which I bleached
- a weighted blanket, which cost a bundle and is not really supposed to be washed OR dry cleaned but Teen threw it in a pile of dirty clothes and it stinks. If it falls apart, it is trash, and Teen will have to buy herself a new one if she wants it. It is in the wash now.

I still need to clean up another pile which has a sheet and a blanket and, I believe, cat pee....

I hate that this is the state of things and it is not of my doing. But, it will not be the state of things for long.

I made it through a hard week! We decided not to do the huge event in 2 weeks because so many of my team are gone on vacation. We will do it next year. So very thankful!! I've been working on getting my only 4 events done for the whole summer, so that they are complete before I go on my vacation and I have nothing to worry or wonder about. There is a lull at work, a big lull, in August, and then things get pretty crazy in September. I NEED to be refreshed before September, so I am doing 2 things:

1. working hard now to get the pressing things done, and taking that 2 weeks off
2. looking over my entire summer schedule and choosing days I can easily take off or just work from home. If I work longer hours on the days I MUST work, then I can sometimes take an extra day off during the week. I am lightening my work as much as possible.

SubC, that is a very good point to schedule in things that restore/refresh me. Or else, the whole 2 weeks will be laying around, decluttering, puttering, doing stuff that needs to be done.

I think I will schedule in a massage - it has been years! And a pedicure, and maybe a trip to the Zoo with Tot. Some catching up with friends. You know, the other day I was thinking, I'd really love to learn to play the drums. It seems silly for a lady my age to be a drummer, but it appeals to me. I might schedule a lesson or two, at least to find out if it gives me joy and if I am at all good at it.

I caught up on all the posts. Alanna, I hope you finish the school year with a bang! I have a son graduating next week from college which will be fun. Tatoulia, I think it was you who mentioned a pedicure. I too got a pedicure last week for the first time in maybe a year. I took my dil for a treat. It was fun. I want to do it again by myself while I am on vacation in early July. They will be close together but I love the relaxation. I found a beauty school that does them for $15 including a nice foot massage.

Today is my only day off this week. So far I have:
- loaded/washed a few dishes so the sink is empty
- put my clothes in the washer
- took care of dogs
- put away/hung up stray clothes in my room (trying to keep on top of this)
- made a list of priorities
- took out a small bag of trash from bathroom and bedroom

I am super hungry and I have a lot I want to accomplish today. I'll check in later!

Good to hear from you, dear Alanna!!

Hey All 🙂

I am still here, just snowed under with grading and answering questions. My kids write their exam next week, so the questions have been coming in thick and fast. I'll catch up with posts when the grading is done.

Sending love to you all and thank you for all your kindness.

That sounds lovely, SubC!

Home, catching up on laundry. I actually managed to do all the other tasks I assigned myself for today.

I had a great time with Birdy and ds and ddil.

Also the time that Bean and his parents were there.

We hiked, ate out, Bean and I danced in the street to live music at a cafe one night, there was a lovely back garden at the air b&b, went to a wine tasting with ddil and had sone great conversation. Slept well. Gained a lot of weight. For souvenirs I brought home a bottle of port, a jar of jam, and photos.

Was in office today. Walked home - beautiful and cool. Cleaned cat boxes and took out garbage. Showered and have been scrolling on the phone. Not a bad day.

Shout out to Everyone!

That is sad about the young bunny, CM. We have a lot of bunnies in Boston and I've enjoyed seeing the baby ones out and about. The ransomware attack is terrible, CM. In my line of work, I have to interface when certain vendors of ours have a cyber attack. The situation is very interesting. There are all sorts of business who deal with the cleanup, including the forensics team that determines what may have been accessed, a different team that negotiates the ransom, another business works on the restoration, and yet another business notifies the affected individuals. We haven't had a vendor with an attack recently, knock on wood. This isn't my job, it's just evolved that I am one of the company contacts to deal with this if it's a particular vendor within my purview. What a mess.

So after my much needed pedicure and walk around the city, I came home and read for a while, ultimately taking a nap. Around 7PM I received a series of texts and it was a work colleague to say that he's at the Boston Pops with his daughters and that one of the people going couldn't make it. So I got dressed and was in Symphony Hall before the show started at 730. We had an absolute blast! So much fun!

Okay, time to do the dishes here. Kitties are fed and asleep.

Continued prayers for little guy, SubC; hoping this is a minor bump in the road that will soon smooth out and everything keep going well.

Tatoulia, I see residents too at the clinic where I go and they have done well by me. They have arranged my surgeries a few years back, they have a sports medicine guy for those times when I had tendinitis in my hand or some back/hip pain, etc. The current one will be leaving soon and I'll miss her even more because she saw me through the scary thing last fall that turned out okay but she was just so very kind. I think about maybe getting a doctor I can stay with year after year as I get older, but I've got time to ponder that.

Lila, I hope you really get to kick back and enjoy that vacation!

My city including the library is still recovering from a ransomware attack in early May that a lot of services have been taken offline while they deal with it. And we've had some storms. There was a cute baby bunny in the yard for several days but after the storm a week ago, when I came home from church Sunday I saw her dead near the porch. I wonder if she got hypothermia in the cold rain. Poor baby. There are only the adult rabbits out now. And a couple of nights ago a whole family of raccoons, which look cute in photos but in real life too close to home, scare me. And I don't want them harming the bunnies.

You can count on my prayers, SubC!

Alanna and CM, sending a quick hello your way!

I'm up early have had my coffee. In the AMs while the kettle is on the stove for my coffee, I unload the dishwasher. This is a habit I've developed over the years here. Now that my cabinets aren't over stuffed, this process takes about three minutes. Just sharing as I'm not sure if I've mentioned some of the habits I work on to keep the house presentable.

Going to hop in shower and start my day. I haven't had a pedicure in a very long time so I booked a restorative pedicure at a day spa. My feet are pretty gross.

This coming week is filled with appts. I have an eye appt on Tuesday. I'm hoping to get new glasses before I drive to VT to inter mom. Thursday is my regular check up. My doctor is leaving so I want to say goodbye. I have been with the same practice for over 30 years but I see the residents, so every three years, I have to say goodbye to my doctor.

Okay I need to get in the shower. I'll catch up with everyone later.

Good morning!

Lila, I am also glad you put in for vacation. Now block off some of that time for things that refresh you before it gets filled up with chores and other people. Last year when I was so burnt out, I blocked off a week to do nothing. I told Dh "I am busy this week. I don't know what I am doing, but the only thing on my schedule is my class wednesday night and don't add anything. If you need a haircut or something, it needs to be before Sunday."

I need to do that again. Also, I really want to go to the beach. I grew up spending summers with my grandparents who lived on a short street that dead ended at the beach. I miss the ocean.

But today I am going to go to a state park to spend time with two of my kids families. It was planned as a fun cousins vacation, but now Dd has to leave early for a check up on the little one she is growing. Last week's check was not good. Not scary yet, but not what we want. Hopefully the next one will be the same or better. If he can just stay out of the danger zone for two more weeks his prognosis improves.

Anyway, my house is still a mess, but I got a lot of the garden in and I am going to try to just enjoy my family. It will be good to be able to hold Birdy again. They video call, but it is not the same, and he is growing so fast!

Tatoulia, it makes sense that you are still tired. Grief is heavy. It will take awhile.

Ok, I slept late and need to get moving so I can actually get out of the house.

Congratulations on finishing the evaluations, SubC! Lila, I am so pleased you are taking vacation time!

I'm a little behind here at home. I didn't get the cat boxes cleaned this AM but I did get the garbage out. I'll clean the boxes now before hopping in the shower.

I am tired these days. That's okay, though.

I wore a new linen skirt today and I really like it. I have another new linen skirt and a pair of linen pants which frankly I have forgotten about because I asked my cleaners to hem for me and they haven't done yet. In fairness, I said no rush. The mother is a very good seamstress. She made my shower curtain and several pillow cases for me. Very very kind people.

So I will force myself to clean the cat boxes then hop in the shower. I have a pretty decent To Do list this weekend.

hi all, thank you for the nice words. I will try the thrift store next week. I desperately need jeans. I hate trying on clothes anywhere, even in my own house, but especially in a dressing room. I have terrible balance and it is exhausting.

I worked a lot, like excessively long hours this week prepping for 2 events coming up. I got a lot done. But have to work tomorrow (event) so am taking Monday off. And I put in for 2 weeks vacation starting a month from now. I need it.

I weighed myself today and am up 4 pounds which is distressing. I have skipped meals and then had to eat very late this week due to long hours. I need to remedy this. I did get on my exercise bike once this week for a bit.

I am going to try and work a lot less hours the rest of this summer. In the fall, it will be back to longer hours again. You can imagine what a mess my house is in, with me gone from morning til night, 3 kids and a pregnant dil, and not much cleaning going on. I need to hire a carpet cleaner, and I did pay my older son who lives nearby to come and catch the yard work up last week, mowing, pulling weeds, edging, and also walking and brushing the dogs. It was worth it... he needed some $$ and I would have hired a stranger because I was desperate.

I will catch up on the posts some more and see how you all are doing!

Where is everybody?

We solved the raccoon problem.
I planted more things in the garden
I froze the ice cream and I made chocolate sauce and the bread is in the oven, and the dishwasher, washer, and dryer are running.

I'm taking a short break and then I'm going to work on my messy house until the bread is done, because I looked away from the chocolate sauce long enough to label the lid and it boiled over (I cleaned the stove today too). I have visions of walking outside to get something and then seeing smoke pouring out of the kitchen window three hours later.

So, yeah. Sitting 20 feet from the timer cleaning out old class folders.

Good morning.

My evaluations are done. Written and turned in. A week early. Because Saturday we leave for a short vacation with Bean and Birdy's families and they are due the day after we get back. I now have three days to focus on the garden and getting things in order for the farm sitter.

Then when we come back I need to plan camp.

Today feels strange. It is technically my first day off of summer because I was teaching wed/Fri, but also it feels like Tuesday because I had Bean yesterday. I slept in.

There are 84 days until I go back to work. 5 of them are camp days. I should feel like I have oceans of time, but instead I am looking at all I have to do and thinking that there is no hope.

I know part of it is that I have really slipped in my diet and exercise choices and I am worn out from waking up hurting every day.

Tatoulia, I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm glad you have Emiko to help you.

The rooster woke me up at 4:30. Let's just say my raccoon problem continues. My day is feeling overwhelming, but I am going to try to just enjoy my grandson. When I take him home I will stop at school to return some empty buckets I washed out, fire the kiln (I have at least three loads of tile projects to fire and add to the decoration on my classroom wall.) and pick up the laundry (my volunteer does not pick up the cleaning rags the last week of school.)

I did not do any evaluations yesterday, so now I am "behind" which is making me want to do them even less. I need to just get them done and remove a source of stress.

My hip is better (just sore) today.

I have the litter boxes clean and the recycling taken out. Met with a girlfriend today and we walked around Boston.

I now remember what friend took. She took two of my mother's antique botanical prints, an oil painting I bought at auction, and some stamps I had framed for my mother. So that was good.i was up all night worrying and eventually vomited.i was worried about what to do with mom's interment and I do want Emiko to go with me. Someone else can take care of the cats.

Our ultimate plan, BFand I, is to retire in Paris or London. I will need the public transportation. The Greece house is just to give us a place to meet up since it will be very close for him and not too much for me plus we will have friends next door. I will not end up where he is. He is adding two bathrooms on his house in the next two weeks. He is having a blast. But for a lot of reasons, I will need to be in a city. Of course, this is all a leap of faith on our parts.

Alanna, only your husband knows if he's serious. He is telling you the hoard is too much. How can we best support you? Do the important things first: grading papers. See if you can keep up with making the bed each day. If it is too difficult, figure out why and get rid of the throw pillows or cut down on the layers or whatever it is that makes having a made bed a chore. You deserve a made bed. When I used to dread emptying the dishwasher, it turned out to be because I had no place to put my dishes. So I got rid of stuff in the cabinets. It hurt. But I did it, and all these years later, I stand ready to edit down my cabinets at a moment's notice.

I do not let any coffee mugs, water bottles, yeti cups, etc into my house. I receive a huge number of them. They are not allowed in. I don't use them and I don't want them. So I donate them in their unused state or I put them in a common area at work to let someone else grab. Sometimes stopping things at the threshold is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

Tiny hints.

Popping back to talk to Alanna.

Alanna, we can only see your relationship through your words, so I know we only get little moments and that things change. Only you know how serious he is, but I would definitely be concerned about having a baby with a man who thought it was ok to threaten to leave me.

Also, you will never have more time than you have now. Does your Dh do some of the cooking and housework? Do you both work full time? Maybe you could make a schedule together and block out time for you to work on the hoard. That might mean you dehoard while Dh cooks dinner or something like that. I don't know what your days look like.

I also really think it would help if you could trust Dh to handle at least sone of the trash. But I understand if trusting is hard right now.

Dd and dsil dropped Bean off tonight. Dh told them we cleaned out the garage without fighting and Dd was shocked.

Ok, chores, shower, and I haven't done today's evaluations!

I am takin* a break. Dh is mak8ng me clean out the garage. He is being very sweet and kind and helpful and understanding, but it is still really stressful.

Some of the things I want to keep are having to go in my garden shed, which is making it cluttered and messy. But also he has moved everything that isn't light (my hip still hurts a lot Alanna, it will get better, I am just not as young as I used to be and sometimes I forget.) and he hung a rack on the wall for me and he hung my chime in the yard and he cleared off a shelf for Bean's toy trucks and chalk and bubbles.

Tatoulia, will you ever live where bf lives? After you retire?

Alanna, I am so sorry about your Dh and the fighting. I have more to say about that, but i don't want my Dh to get tired of waiting for me to come back.

I have not finished my evaluations. Only the ones up through yesterday. I made a plan to do a few each day and be done on Wednesday.

Gotta run!

Hey All

Thank you so much for your love and support and sharing, I really appreciate it.

After a long fight with Dh yesterday I was granted a reprieve on the junk. But I want to organise a bag each day this week (as well as do a load of laundry each day) so that I make progress. I'm emotionally spent after the fights, and Dh is threatening to leave. :'( (I understand that the hoarding is frustrating for him but I haven't had time to make progress with all the grading that needs to be done, and he just says that that's an excuse and life is always going to be hectic. But yes, makes it very difficult to work on the hoarding with the added fear of him leaving.)

Thanks so much for sharing about your dd and her OCD SubC. Your advice corresponds with what my psychologist said about OCD (it came up when we were discussing the treatment for hoarding). I'm trying some natural remedies for anxiety before going to medication, as we're supposed to be trying to get pregnant (although this seems a bad time if Dh wants to leave).

Well done on all your progress with your clothes Lila, you've done an amazing job! You deserve your iced mocha. 😀

Thanks so much for sharing Lila. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one with hoarding and OCD. It really sucks having both issues. I like your strategies and will definitely use them. I'll post in the daily tally thread just now. I pray about the anxiety too and it does help.

Thank you for all the love and understanding Tatoulia! I did the dishes this morning and made the bed, and it did give me a sense of accomplishment. I need to keep that as a habit. Thank you. 🙂

I'm so sorry to hear about your hip SubC, how is it feeling today? Well done on keeping up with the dishes and laundry while injured too. And congrats on finishing the evaluations, that must be a relief. Can I send you some of my assignments to grade too? 😉

I'm glad you had a good time with your friend and her daughter Tatoulia. Lovely that she took 3 pieces of art too. I'm sorry you're missing BF, I can only imagine how hard that must be. Sending love for that and when you have to inter your mother. Not easy. I'm glad Emiko will be there for support.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Lila, thank you for better explaining your living situation. You are a good mom.

Lila, I am so sorry about all you are going through. Don't beat yourself up. Please. You are too hard on yourself. You may not see it but I do. There will always be places that need children's books.

Good work at taking a look at your clothes! I hear you on the thighs. I am very fat right now and am extremely mad at myself.

My friend and her daughter came over and my friend took at least three works of art, maybe more. I can specifically remember three but the bag seemed fuller. And as she left, she said, I want everything in your house when you move to Greece. I thought that was really sweet. I am not moving to Greece, I'm just buying a very small place where BF and I can meet up a few times a year. I miss him so much. It is getting harder with time and not easier.

Then Emiko came for dinner, which was really nice. After dinner we sat on my stoop and watched the world go by.

My sister and I set the date to inter my mother. Emiko will either join me or she will stay here with the cats.

Good job Lila!

I agree on the thrift store tops. And a pair of jeans. I wish you could come to the store where I buy jeans. You could find the whole lot for under $20.

Alanna, how are you doing?

Tatoulia, how did the art show go?

I hurt my hip yesterday moving feed, so I have not done any gardening today. I did catch up a lot on the laundry and all the way on dishes. I did my three evaluations, and I froze the batch of vanilla ice cream that had been sitting in the fridge for a while. I also made another batch (chocolate) and put it in to chill.

I picked up a few things.

I have a pot of brown rice cooking in whey and Dh is making a pepper/onion/walnut dish I like. There's enough room in the dishwasher to easily go to bed with a clean kitchen!

Alanna, I'm so sorry about your husband's lack of understanding. You didn't get in this situation in a day and you can't fix it in a day. When I used to help with other people's houses (mim and brother), I'd start with the trash and dishes first. There is something to be said for just getting that done. It is an instant lift. Put all the laundry in the bin, make all the beds. Instant and noticeable lift. And you will feel a sense of accomplishment. The things I just listed may take you two days but it will be a sense of accomplishment. Wish I were there to help.

I'm going to do the same here right now as my friend is coming over with her daughter. They will be looking at my art work and hopefully taking a piece or two with them.

Alanna, I could feel your anxiety building in your post! Your anxiety is high and the stuff is a lot. This may sound foolish but no matter what happens to your stuff, you will be okay. You will be fine. It's stuff. Trust me. It's terrible and unfair and awful and maddening and upsetting. And you will be okay. Sending you love.

Hello hello! Just starting to read the posts.

Lila, go to goodwill and get three bigger tops. No need to hate yourself while losing the 10-15. Do not buy new. At my goodwill, tops are $4.99 or less. I'm heavy right now and all my tops look pathetic. So I went to goodwill and bought three tops. One is off white and two are white. Problem solved.

I don't want you to be hating yourself. Just get the bigger tops. Sending you love.

Okay back to reading.