this is a long thread of updates now! I hope it inspires some new people to start somewhere.

Today I am working from home and not feeling well but getting things done:

- picked up all the dvds and videos that Teen knocked over. Dusted and put back together the shelf, which is now rickety and needs some nails at some point. Dusted the movies and put them on the shelf.
- chose 2 dvds to donate.
-vacuumed the area around the shelf.
- put in a load of towels to wash

I keep getting interrupted by calls and texts but will drink some coffee and try to get going again.

You look up your average last frost date and count back - I’m a touch early, but I have a greenhouse. When I put things in pots, they usually die.

What do you like to eat that is expensive or hard to get?

I washed some laundry and put it in the dryer.
I touched up my dad’s pot - it’s better now.
I finished cleaning off my hand building table
I emptied and started the dishwasher
I hardboiled some eggs
I started peppers, eggplant, rosemary, ground cherries, and cherry tomatoes.

Bean is going to a Super Bowl party tonight and I will pick him up tomorrow.

Good morning SubC. How do you know when to start planting things? Maybe I can plant something this year. My ex used to plant things. Things I plant seem to die. Maybe I can do some herbs or something in a pot. What's an easy thing to grow in a big pot outside? And maybe in a small pot in a windowsill?

I was kind of sick last night so up from about 3 to 6 running to the bathroom. I still have rumbles in my guts and have to work this morning; I already told them I am working from home today.

I hope to get the living room finished today.

Lila, you are doing well with your tally. And you are moving steadily - that’s important.

My evening fell apart last night. I’m not even sure why. And then I didn’t sleep well. I dreamed I was fighting with Dh all night. I had set an alarm so I would get up at a more consistent time (part of trying to fix my sleep) and it went off in the middle of a dream - Dh had brought his mother to help clean out my house!. I woke up groggy and mad at Dh. I decided to stay in bed until my brain reoriented and I stopped being mad.

I don’t know when Bean is coming today because his mommy wants to watch the Super Bowl. Maybe at a friend’s house. Maybe here with Bean.

I really need to start seeds today. I want to work in the studio some more, and the weather is supposed to be nice and my barn could use some work….

Tomorrow is willow day (I always cut starts on (or near) the 13th and set them in water to root.) How many actually get planted varies, and the deer eat 90% of them, but it’s fun and easy. I’ll get Bean to walk out with me to cut them.

final update of the night. It's getting close to 9pm and I am done.

- folded the rest of the laundry and put it away
- put away Tot's books and toys in the living room
- put away random items in the living room
- had Son put the baby swing and bassinet downstairs since Acorn is too big now
- moved the recliner back to where the baby swing was
- vacuumed a lot of hair and dust bunnies from various areas
- dusted the rest of the tv stand
- got all the stuff off my bed so I can sleep
- washed a plastic basket that looked dirty, dried it and put the dog toys in it
- began to pick up the mess behind the other recliner, where Teen threw all the dvds and broke the shelf. I am done though and will have to finish this tomorrow.

And that's enough for today. I did put a towel in the donate bin. Oh, I was going to try to make it to 100 items (total tally) today and I didn't quite get there. Maybe tomorrow.

It sounds like a very good day retreating, SubC! I am glad to hear it.

I am still struggling and losing steam but not quitting. I managed to vacuum up the dust bunnies in my bedroom. And finished unloading the dishwasher.

I also dusted one shelf on the entertainment center, that's how slow going this is...

And I also took the batteries out of the baby swing, which is the first step in putting it away.

Plugging along...

Lila, you are making progress. Progress is good.

I am having a lovely time at the retreat. The chicks are all settled in their new coop and I dumped a wheelbarrow full of bedding in the garden. I took a first try at throwing a pot my dad wants (not sure I’m pleased enough with the pot to fire it, but I’m quite pleased with myself - it’s one of the largest things I’ve ever thrown in one piece.)

I put three things into the trash instead of trying to clean them for recycling while I was working on the chick pen. This is very hard for me, but I know I’m going to have to accept it. I need to spend my time elsewhere, and I will just keep working at not bringing home things that will become trash. And perhaps eventually I’ll get to a place where I can help other people reduce their trash.

Not by bringing it to my house! One example: people at work keep asking me about eggs. If I had more time and energy, I would have more chickens and be able to sell them eggs, and they could use the same egg carton week after week. And when I was selling eggs at work before, some people brought me their food scraps for my chickens because they couldn’t compost where they lived. (But now I have installed a compost bin at school.)

Tatoulia, are you ok? It is not like you to be gone so long. I am worried.

accountability post:

- cleaned up some leaves and debris in my driveway and put them in the bin
- sat in the sun a bit
- fed dogs and started to unload dishwasher
- folded dry clothes, put wash into dryer
- took 3 boxes out to trash

Now am baking a pizza for lunch. I rarely drink coke but bought one to have with pizza, for energy plus I love coke so rarely have one but don't keep it in the house.

I also made a list so I can stay focused on what's next. This helps, as I feel scattered. I have some momentum going in my bedroom, but the pressing issue is the living room/dining room/kitchen in case someone shows up.

SubC, yep, it is the messes killing us. For sure.
Enjoy your retreat!

CM, it's good to read your update. Ugh, you reminded me I am invited to a Superbowl party tomorrow. I am not going. I was going to, but I just cannot. People are hard, especially when I am feeling low. I am glad your unhappy thing is done, and you have things to focus on.

I am an emotional wreck but decluttering is helping me feel like something is in my control. When I go into my bedroom and start to feel overwhelmed, I tell myself, "start at the bed, and just work your way out." And that helps more than you would think. I just started picking up papers and receipts on the floor nearest my bed, sorting, throwing away. I picked up clothes. There were 3 small boxes full of dog stuff that I was able to sort.

- I emptied some bags of treats into the treat jar
- I threw out one bag of old treats
- I put dog chews and treats into the designated bin
- I put a couple things in the donate bin
- I hung up some clothes in the closet and put a folded pair of pants in a drawer

Now there is some exposed floor and I need to vacuum the dust bunnies. I am taking a break because I am getting a headache. I know my bedroom is important but I need to get my "visiting area" and the places visible from there cleaned up in case someone comes over.

Hey CM!

I'm sorry about your unhappy thing. Sometimes we push emotions off in the moment because they are just too much and they come back at us later. 🙁

I'm really glad your computer is serving you so well. Even though all those files don't have physical mass, they still have a lot of mental weight.

So far my "mini retreat" is working out well. This morning's session was wheel work and I threw nine small pizza stones to use in one of my classes at school. I'm trying to clean up a little more than I use as I go.

I think the first afternoon session will be "setting up a portable coop for chicks" right now I'm having lunch.

Hey all,

I was busy and preoccupied so I haven't posted for awhile. This past week was hard. The unhappy matter from last year had an administrative part that still needed to be dealt with, and I was surprised how hard the sadness/disbelief hit me afresh. But the task is now done, and I am free of having it in my face to think about. Now I can mentally shove it aside as I had been doing, and hopefully move on for good. Ahem.

So. Moving on, getting back on track. Weather here has been okay, chilly sometimes. I haven't done as much physical decluttering. But I'm moving along well with the computer. It has progressed to the point where I don't necessarily need to cart everything to the library to work on it. There are chunks of it that are straightforward enough to do at home, and my roommate has been in and out so I often have solitude, but even when I don't it's not like I'm on the things requiring as much concentration, so I can still work even with her here.

I will still enjoy taking it to the library too, but it's nice to be able to be more flexible. I got more files from my other devices copied over to it as well; those files will need to be sorted through, junk deleted, etc.

I've even done a little with one of my novels - just organizing my notes on characters and plot. That feels good.

I love this computer! It is so easy to just open it up and pick up where I left off. And the speed - downloading, copying, moving files - all are just so effortless.

The thing I still need motivation for is getting back out into the world - going exercising, going to the senior center, etc. It's easy to drift and procrastinate and feel a bit apprehensive about doing those things. Because they involve driving and peopling, I suppose. And executive functioning to make sure I bring along the things I need especially in the case of the gym. However, I don't want to let that scare me off or bog me down. If I need to, I will have you ladies send the Badger.

Tomorrow is Super Bowl and I'm not really into it even though it's the Kansas City Chiefs which is basically Wichita's home team as well. During the afternoon and beyond, the streets are quiet and the stores almost pleasant (after being a zoo in the days preceding). So, I may take advantage of that, if I'm done with the newsletter for the bunny club which is due ASAP.

Bunny club has its event next Sunday, and a meeting the next Sunday, and then the first Sunday in March is when my church has the quilt Bingo. Lent will have begun by then as well. And there'll be another bunny event the end of March. It's getting to feel like the run-up to spring, and I hope it doesn't get overly busy. Spring itself I've needed for an uplift. I mean, I'm hanging in there with my Poco a Poco, and that has helped so much and kept me from sinking into winter depression. I pray we don't get bad snow/ice or extended frigid temps and can just coast right on into spring proper.

I have to go to the grocery store briefly today, not my preference as I try to avoid going before holidays and Super Bowls and such. But only for one or two things, run in, run out, breathe sigh of relief!

Lila, you got an amazing amount of stuff done yesterday and you were dealing with a big emotional load! Of course you are tired!

Dorothy Parker said "it's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes."

I'm trying to have sort of a "retreat" today where I ignore my house and just focus on the barn and my studio. Studio first (after chores) because it's cold outside.

I went to bed at a reasonable hour and got up this morning only a bit later than usual. Lately I've been still asleep at this hour on saturdays if I didn't have to go somewhere.

another post for accountability.

- made tacos for dil and grandkids for dinner
- looked around downstairs, gathered some of ex's stuff and put it in a tub already in his room
- put one more item in the donate bin
- folded sheets and blankets from the dryer and put them away

I am trying really hard but I am tired.

oh I see. I have done that SubC. Sitting on the couch surfing because I am too tired to get up and go to bed. Glad you are attempting to fix this habit!

I did get a lot done today and need to give myself credit. This is why I am glad I share here. Otherwise I think, "I got nothing done!" I forget so easily.

I made soup for lunch.
I sorted my tub of papers and got out the things that are most urgent to get done.
I gave away a second box of produce.

I think Tot and Acorn and their mom are coming over and I will make some tacos. Very informal tacos.

I am VERY glad I took tomorrow off, too. I did not fully relax today with people asking me about my stressful things and Teen getting a ride from a friend and coming here which makes me anxious more things could be broken. But hopefully having friend here will prevent that. They are supposed to be going to friend's house for the night. And then going back to the other place.

I hope to get a few more things done after they leave and before my grandkids come.

Oh, I forgot to respond to the sleep thing - people keep trying to help me. Once I lay down in bed, I am asleep in less than ten minutes, I do not wake up unless:
My alarm goes off in the morning
Dh gets up and makes a bunch of noise or turns on a light
The cat knocks something over with a resounding crash
The power comes back on (after not bothering me by going off) and causes the fire alarm to beep
Major thunderstorm.

The tornado siren seems very loud when I am awake but doesn't wake me up.

My problem is I will be really tired, but keep surfing online because I am "too tired" to drag my butt upstairs to bed, or I will be really tired but have to do things (or sometimes need a few minutes to let my brain unwind after doing things - which if I'm not careful turns into "too tired to drag my butt to bed".)

6:30 and already I'm sagging.

Lila, you got a lot done today!

I was at school. Brought more home than I took, but it's mostly borrowed. A few things that are mine that I was using as examples.

Tired now and thinking about dinner.

still working...

- put together a large box of extra produce and legumes and gave them away online
- talked to Teen for an hour, not sure how productive this was

I want to clean my room and the counter/bar, but I need to make a few calls first. Feeling a bit pressed.

Update for accountability:

- folded my laundry
- put blankets and sheets in dryer and towels in washer
- sorted food, threw some stuff out, found 2 things to donate
- baked rolls, ate one with breakfast
- brought up a box of produce and am about to post some for free online, I have too much

I will keep updating and hope someone else comes and posts too!

I sat on the front porch for a long time. No messes there. Small rickety porch but sort of secluded because of the way my house is built.

SubC, are you sleeping better? Are you trying to get a certain number of hours? I have been drinking "mushroom" coffee for a month. It is 7 mushrooms in a powder form. You can drink it alone but I add it to a cup of decaf. It has Lions Mane, Cordyceps, some other ones. It has really helped my sleep but does not make me tired. Just sleep quality is better.

I woke up to the quietest house. Teen still away. Son asleep. Company left to stay with friends because they were so upset by Teen's behavior. Well, I can't say I hate having some time to myself.

So far, and it is not even 9am yet, I:

- took out some trash, bins are by the road
- put my wash into the dryer
- put sheets and blankets, odds and ends of Teen's into the wash, piled up the dirty towels
- spent some time with the cat
- read the Bible
- made coffee
- brought up some ground beef out of the freezer and it's in the sink to thaw (will make taco meat for son)
- brought up frozen roll dough from the freezer and put them in a pan to thaw to bake
- got a frozen little lasagna out and brought it up for my dinner or lunch

Not bad for early morning. I am waiting for the coffee to brew and will grab a cup. My goals for today are to get my bedroom decluttered some, and to clean up my kitchen table, bar/counter that is a landfill, and living room because with all the trauma in my life it is possible someone might drop by to check on me and I don't need to be embarrassed.

What are you all doing today?

Oh Lila, I'm so very sorry.

I'm glad teen has somewhere to go for help. You do whatever best helps you. Hopefully you have a spot where you can regroup without staring at the messes.

I am working on the going to bed early plan.

Stayed after at school to remix clay and haven't really gotten much else done. - ate? Talked to Bean and dd1 on FaceTime.

I got the work thing done. It took all day but I did it. However last night and today there were some Teen rages. Had to call the crisis people to help. Teen is away getting help now. But the results are papers and stuff thrown all over the house, broken glass everywhere, many broken CDs/cases, several broken coffee mugs, a coffee maker and pot, a lamp, a water pitcher, and a tv all destroyed. I am not counting them in my daily tally because it was not by choice.

I am exhausted and cancelled my work for today and the rest of the week. I was supposed to go to a party tonight but cannot. I will get back to work on Monday. I am decompressing and listening to the silence. I will finish cleaning up the glass etc after I sit a bit. I think it might help me feel better to declutter a bit during this time off.

Good morning!

Mylife, what do you want to work on today?

Lila, are you feeling any better? "Most of the day" off tomorrow - hang in there!

Last night I went to bed instead of sitting on the couch scrolling and snacking. I got over eight hours of sleep! Dh couldn't believe I was going to bed so early. I made him come up and pack for his trip so that he wouldn't wake me up doing it later. I'm going to try to get to bed early tonight as well.

It's supposed to be rainy this morning and very windy all day. It's probably too much to hope that the wind will dry things out a bit. My whole yard is mud, and the pasture is really bad.

Hello to CM, Tatoulia, and road. Road, I hope you boy is feeling better!

Lila, I'm sorry you are struggling.

I can't tell you what to do, but, if you can put it off and you would have time and it would be good, I think you should put it off. If you know you will put it off and then rush it later, then just do the thing the best you can and get it over with.

I need sleep.

Right now, I just want to make it through this day and get to bed early. I am riding on caffeine. I almost fell back asleep after I turned my alarm off this morning. That would have been a disaster.

I am having a really hard time. I have a thing I was supposed to be starting at work and I just could not get it together enough to do it, and now I am sort of rushing which doesn't feel good. I could put it off maybe 2 weeks. I am not sure what to do, whether putting it off would be good, or bad. Making me nervous and I wish someone else would just tell me what to do. It's really weighing on me.

Therefore with all the work I have had no more time to work on my room. I feel like I need a vacation already. This is too hard. I will plan to take off most of Friday and all of Saturday and can work on my room then.

How are the rest of you?

hi MyLife! It sounds like you're doing really well. We are all kind of plugging away working on things bit by bit, so you're in good company.

I have way too many bins and containers because I thought it would help me organize. In reality, it lets me hoard. I would like to get to a point of having all my clothing in drawers and closets, MAYBE one bin of things that are off- season, instead of 8+ bins of clothing and piles on the furniture. Also I think shelves and cabinets are better than bins.

I also have this idea. There are beds where the mattress actually lifts up and there is storage underneath. I would love to have this kind of bed so I could store extra blankets, pillows, sheets in there. Maybe you could do something like that.

Hi Mylife!

Welcome!

Wow, 60%! Keep going!

We will encourage you. When Tatoulia gets back, she is good at ideas. She is farther along than the rest of us.

Tell us more about what you are working on!

Hello,
I need encouragement and ideas. I have cleaned 60% and need organization skills! Small home and way too many things! I am unable to do too much at a time because of my health. I have worked the last year and a half and am proud of my progress. I have got to the point of what to do with things I no longer want and how to organize the things I do. Mainly now I need that push to keep going..lol.It gets discouraging at times.

It's never too early to go to sleep.

I stayed up too late for no reason again last night. I really need to stop that!

I am sorry about teen melting down Lila, for both of you.

I am trying to jump start myself with coffee at the moment. I will be up too late again tonight because I have my class.

Early registration for preschool where I work opens today. Bean got waitlisted at DD's first choice and I sent her my link (he's allowed to register early because I am staff. One of my very few perks) but yesterday she said they may not send him at all. They aren't sure when they are going to start trying again for another baby.

Dh is flying to another state on Thursday, going out to dinner with his family to celebrate his mother's 80th birthday, and flying back on Friday. Her birthday was in January, but she was in Greece.

Somehow he can do this, but when his work schedule was clear after 5 yesterday in the morning, he couldn't keep it clear enough to go to the library with Bean and me at 5:30. We waited for him (we usually go at 4:30, but he said he would come if we went after 5). Then Bean was sad, and the library was crowded when we got there, and Bean was afraid to let go of me and do his favorite things, and another little boy accidentally bumped him with a soft toy, and he collapsed in tears.

I am going to try to take some stuff out of the house today.

Moving slow. Gotta get going!

What a day.

I had a good time at work, found someone else to help me get my project done, had good meetings. Came home so I could work on my room and have a nice, happy relaxing evening. Teen then had a huge meltdown, screaming insults at me while I tried to calm them down and offer help. It broke my heart and crushed my spirit and I went in my room and cried for an hour or so. I wanted to just go to sleep but it was too early. Finally I came out of the room and did my taxes. Teen is fine, happy and having fun with the teenaged company. Autism sucks.

I got nothing else done and probably will go in my room and cry some more. So much for working on my room. I have work in the morning. Sorry for such a depressing report.

I do some animal sculpting, but not of specific animals. I do not have the gift to capture an animal's personality or even exact proportions. I like to make dragons. And I do not take commissions except in very rare cases.

I hope you are sleeping in a dust free bed.

How did the project go?

I had a good day with Bean today, but I didn't get lesson plans or planting done.

Also struggling with mood issues and Dh a little. I think it's mostly hormonal though.

I spent a few minutes in the studio this morning and this evening. I'm working on rehydrating some glazes. It's slow, and doesn't seem like much right now, but if I keep doing that - just a few minutes twice a day - empty pint bottles will start dribbling into the recycling. I'm pretty sure there are over 100.