Lol- there's no new grandbaby coming yet, but Dd is so focused on her career, and dsil and his sister are nine years apart. I was afraid they would take Bean away and send him to school and I would have noone to play with. I like this plan!

I agree that recycling/"waste" management needs a complete rethinking all over the country.

You did a great job today!

And the empty spaces get more comfortable. Part of it is being unused to them. And as for the giving away - if it is not a thing you need, having it doesn't help. This way, if someone offers you a thing you do need, you have a place to put it!

Thanks, SubC. We cross posted!

Congratulations on the new grandbaby!! How exciting! I am happy you got to spend time with Bean. My Tot is sick again so I didn't get to see her this weekend... sad. Just colds and ear infections but I cannot afford to get sick, because I get REALLY sick sometimes.

I used to save things because I felt guilty throwing them out. But... well, who wants a broken toaster, right? No one wants to fix it, it's ten bucks at target. I take the cardboard to the recycle center but anything else you have to pay to recycle, sadly. I think that whole system needs an overhaul. In fact, we have a separate trash can for things like branches and sticks and grass cuttings, and in theory the town is supposed to collect that with a separate truck and compost it and chip the branches. But many times we see the trash truck come and dump BOTH into the same truck. People asked about it and the town basically shrugged and said, if we don't have enough truck drivers that day, it all goes to the landfill together.

One thing I am thinking about is the conflict in my brain between "less stuff" and "not enough stuff." Part of me gets very excited about getting rod of clutter for certain reasons:
1 - easier to find what I need; no hunting through piles for one item that got lost
2 - so much easier to clean, without junk everywhere to move and sort
3 - I could have company over and not have messes of stuff all over

And then as I start donating things and moving stuff into the garage (as an interim, sometimes), the room looks sparse and I start to panic and think, I don't have anything! My house will be so empty because most of what I have is junk, and I can't buy new stuff. In fact it gives me anxiety when I go somewhere and there isn't stuff. I am bewildered how anyone can have a bedroom with a made bad, a dresser or two with maybe a framed photo on it, a bookshelf, and NOTHING ELSE. Where is everything??? It stresses me out and I don't understand it.

Well, that's all for now. I am trying to be brave and have faith as I give things away, and not worry about having more.

Lila,

Thank you! From now on when you say "throw out" and I wince, I am going to tell myself "oh for heavens sake subc! She is planting trees in the desert! And not just planting them - they are thriving! She can move stuff she doesn't want to somewhere else. If things get bad enough we will mine the landfills later. And if they don't it won't matter."

My heart aches for you and your Dh. I wish you could be blessings to each other. I'm sorry he adds to your struggles.

I am so excited tonight! I had a good day with Bean, and the kids worked on the shelter by the pond (did I tell you they are building a shelter by the pond?) and they moved some temporary fencing to a really difficult spot to protect some trees for me.

But best of all - Dd told me they want to have another baby in the summer of 2023! So now I have a new long term goal. And I am thinking that after next year I will probably cut back my teaching hours. A lot to think about, but plenty of time to think.

end-of-day update:

I took 5 or 6 tubs of clothing, blankets, and frames etc from the room I am clearing into the garage and stacked them neatly.

I moved the rest of the items and boxes over to the closet area where they will stay for now.

I cleaned off the desk, shelf, and nightstand in that room. Moved a bookshelf from the family room into that room. Wiped it all down with cleaner to get the dust off.

Vacuumed the room. Pulled the drawer out from under the bed and put the stuff away.

Took everything out of teen's old drawers and put it in a small tote, in case they realize they need something from there. Cords, etc.

Took an old chair, microwave and little fridge outside and listed them for free. They are slowly going and anything left on Monday gets donated.

There are still some things to do, but not much. I am debating how much of dh's "junk" to move in there. It might upset him and might block his way if he is moving furniture in there, so we'll see.

How was your day, all?

Saturday happenings -

I'm home for the day so working on those rooms.

I have notice as I work in teen's old room, to empty it for DH to move into, feelings of strong resentment rising in me. I feel angry that I "have to" sort through my other kids' things and get rid of things I am not ready to deal with "because of him." I resent that I am cleaning it and he is going to fill the whole space with his hoard. I know what he is going to do to that space. I don't like this situation. But really I have no alternative right now, so it is what it is and I may as well make the best of it.

My compromise to myself is that I stopped sorting the emotional boxes and tubs, and just made room for them in that closet and the area close to the closet. So there will be a full closet, which has no doors, and some tubs stacked by the closet, that I will tell him to just leave alone for now. I am focusing on the other side of the room and getting it all emptied for him. (it is a very big room twice the size of his current space, so it should work out ok.)

This makes it so there is not as much for me to do in there now. I know there are things I should/could donate, but I just don't have it in me, and I already donated a lot.

lol, I love the image of birds eating toasted insects! What a feast for them!

Thank you SubC for the compliments on my trees. I love them so much. Most of them are 2 stories tall. I love that I planted "sticks" (because that's the size tree babies I could afford) and now they are powerful, towering shady homes for birds and squirrels. I planted them in different years so they remind me of those years, and the people who helped me plant them, and how old my kids were. There are four in the front yard and 3 in the backyard in just a quarter acre (suburb) lot. There is one massive maple in back that has to be over 45 years old. One of the trees we planted when our beloved little dog passed away, and his ashes were planted with it. The leaves turn red in fall, the color of his collar.

I live in the desert, so if anyone here wants grass it has to be sod. I have thought about doing desert landscape with native plants and even joined a club to learn how, and visited other people's yards to see it. But it is rare here because when you don't have grass, nothing else grows but tumbleweeds in the dry spots, and other weeds that we are required to pull and burn, and then it gets windy and the dust/sand blows into your house cracks. It's crazy how even with windows all shut we get layers of fine dirt inside in a dust storm. So when anyone does not water, they get reported to the town. And every house has in ground sprinklers. I hate it. I want rain but we just rarely get it. Okay, that's probably more than anyone wanted to know about the ground where I live!

Last night I asked teen to check clothes, they did not want any of them in that room so I folded them into a tub. I will label it and put it in the garage today in case of mind change. I limit their "clothing tub" to one container, and donate anything too small or truly unloved.

Good morning!

The trash truck makes me want to throw up. I think that is one of the cornerstones off my hoarding problem.

Lila, I understand what you are saying about the family working together. I'm not sure it's "coveting" though. (Admittedly, I am not a religious authority) all you can do it keep an eye out for ways to bring more of that to your family - even if it looks different. When you do get a chance to work with one/some of them, enjoy it and appreciate it, and thank them. Even if it's just something little like carrying dirty dishes. And ask for help. People don't help if you don't ask.

You have no idea what that activity looked like from inside it. Maybe the boys were getting paid. Maybe everybody was tired and grumpy and not speaking to eat other. We tend to compare our insides to other people's outsides.

Also, your trees are so much better than their grass! Trees provide shade for cooling and shelter from wind and habitat for animals. They capture carbon and open up the soil and add organic matter. Sod is chemical dependent and energy intensive. It has little or no life. Sod farming depletes topsoil. I would be sad and worried if my new neighbors put down sod (well, actually I would have no idea, because I can't see my neighbors - which is why I live here.)

The guy Dd was dating during covid lockdown came here, and we had a fire in the front yard in a metal dish thing. He got concerned because the fire was "killing the grass" I told him "it's fine, don't worry about it." He said "man, my dad would have a fit if I killed his grass." I told him "I'm not raising grass, I'm raising a family."

We have "poverty grass" which is what you get when you let nature self seed and then mow when it gets too tall. There are a few remnants of lawn grass in the side yard that was the original front yard (it drives me crazy that they put a house in the center of 28 acres and oriented it on the road instead if the view.) the "poverty grass" (which is a lot of not grass) filled in the burned patch very quickly with no help from me.

My kids will tell you mom says "grass is what grows where nothing important is planted."

Omg - I'm just imagining that boy looking at the tenth of an acre I burned this week! It has been full of birds eating toasted insects.

ALOT going on here. Wow!

Lila you mentioned how good it makes you feel to watch the trash truck come. I can relate! I would take bags and boxes to goodwill and I'd feel so good! Remember that feeling for when you are trying to decide between keeping or tossing something.

Didn't get home from work til after nine. My ankles are swollen and I'm not sure why.

Keep up the AMAZING work!

That is great, SubC. I admire anyone who plants and gardens, able to nurture new life and creation. I am not one of those people, but I do love my trees. I planted all but one tree on my property and they are 15-20 years old now. I would like to do one more.

I watched out the window as my neighbors (new, I don't know them) sodded their backyard today. They started very early with the tiller, then raked, picked out clods of grass and rocks and roots, raked it all level and nice. It looks like a husband, wife and 2 sons and then another guy. Every time I looked they were still out there working. The sun is going down now and last time I looked they were about halfway done laying/unrolling the sod. I don't know why this makes me so sad. I guess I wish I had a family that could come together and do something big like that... work so hard and have a beautiful result. I admire them, am jealous, and wish I had it. DH does nothing. My sons help as they are able but generally I am on my own and have to hire help.

I think this might be "coveting" so I probably should not feel this way.

This week I will pick all the dead leaves out of the front flower pots and raspberry bush. That's my gardening goal.

Lila, I think it sounds like good progress. And a good plan fir the next steps.

I think the idea of you guys sharing the garage and storage area and each having your windows room to manage while common areas stay clean, clear, and usable sounds great - good luck!

I planted a bunch of my seeds. Not as many as I wanted to, but a good start. These are the seeds that should have been started two to four weeks ago. I will hopefully finish that group tomorrow and work on the ones that are only two to zero weeks late. It was a little slow because I was trying to make use of all the random pots and pellets left from other years. I stopped early to go get more biodegradable pots. The first store was out. I spent about $13 on 200 at the second store (plus nearly that much in gas. 🙄) I want to try starting some seeds in toilet paper tubes again. Last time they got moldy, but I may have overwatered them.

I threw away a handful of "bits and bobs" that were in my garden box. I have a seed tray to wash and recycle too, because it is leaking.

Bean is coming over tomorrow.

update -

I feel like I wasted SO much time today, but maybe I did okay.

- went in the garage, rearranged a little bit, found empty totes to use for sorting.

- teen went to hang out with a family member so I don't want to sort their stuff too much. I did gather and toss trash, put hygiene products that were in the room onto a bathroom shelf. Piled their clothing that they did not take out, onto the bed. I will ask if they want any, if not, will sort out old/small to donate and put the rest in a labeled tub in the garage in case they change their mind (happens a lot, they were very upset last week that I donated all of their crop tops, which they had told me to donate.)

- posted one garage item for free online, waiting for the person to pick it up

- put a few items from the decluttering bedroom into the garage or in other rooms where they belong

This is really hard for me. But I am chipping away.

Next step seems to be, take masking tape and sharpie down there and start sorting and labeling tubs. I think after I get my stuff and kids stuff out of that room, I am going to start moving DH's stuff/clutter/junk from the family room into that space. He might not like it, but I don't really care at this point. I want him to confine his hoard to ONE room instead of the den AND family room. I know he will have stuff in the garage and storage room too but I don't have to see them all the time.

Thanks again SubC. You're right, the room is a giant open sorting area! Thinking of it that way is encouraging. There is even a queen bed in there, which we all know is a prime spot to pile-and-sort!

I think I even have some big empty rubbermaid totes in the garage I can sort into. I have sent a few of them to donation (filled with donations) but I believe I have enough to sort, mine, older kids, teen's. I have masking tape and a sharpie to label them with and if nothing else, I can put the filled tubs back in the garage in an organized manner. If I find anything for oldest son, I can mail it to him.

Note, I am purposely not creating empty space in the garage or the family room. If I do, DH will fill the spaces by hoarding more. So I sort of "reserve" the space by putting totes (even if empty) so there is no room for him to add things. BUT I can definitely create empty space in the room he is moving into, and my bedroom. Once he is fully moved into his new space, I will start de-hoarding the family room and making it a purposed space that he is not allowed to hoard in.

So, the only part of that I'm seeing with a deadline is emptying the room before your Dh comes home, and you have a big empty space to sort in?

I would start with piles. Trash bag and donate box first - anything you can toss in there goes right out of the house. As you are going, you can put things in "teen" "older kids" and "me" piles. Maybe one or two others, line "this has a spot elsewhere in the house". If at any time your teen gets interested, switch to working on the teen pile!

I forget about the clothes. There was something about your teen's clothes that made my first instinct not work, but I would only store them if I was pretty sure they still fit and I liked them. Then I would expect the teen to go to the storage box first before getting anything new. I've got a boy in one of my classes who literally wears the same 5 shirts and three pairs of pants to school all the time - all the shirts are black and the pants are the same style of black pants. He is always clean, so who cares?

SubC, what a good post. Some very thoughtful stuff in there and I am going to reread and think about it. Your sharing helps me.

Help request -

What I want to accomplish, but I don't know how to do it so would like any suggestions. This is my project for today and the weekend:

DH has had his "den" for years. It is 100% like on Hoarders but no poop from animals, and no mice currently. A bed, chair, rubbermaid tubs and papers/trash/etc piled 75% to the ceiling. Can't see the floor. I AM NOT TOUCHING THIS - I did clean it in the past but he just hoards it up again so it is his to deal with. I don't go in there.

We have decided to have him move into teen's old room when he comes back from his trip (which should result in him at least partially dealing with his hoard, since it all has to move into the new room - this is HIS job). My job is to get teen's old room ready for him. Teen is depressed and not being helpful. They already took out some/most of their things, into the new room which had a renter in it.

The son will move into the den since it is bigger than his current room. (Do you see how much decluttering and cleaning is going to be going on??)

Current state:
Teen's old bedroom has a large area and closet on one end that is MY stuff, and my older kids' stuff. It was all sorted about 3 years ago. I need to sort it, consolidate it, get rid of some stuff, and move the tubs into the garage (which is in disarray). Then need to help teen figure out what is left they want to keep and move that. Then get rid of, or save, what is left of theirs (being depressed they don't care but I hesitate to get rid of things they may regret losing, like clothes, etc).

So - in no particular order,
1) get teen's old room mostly emptied and ready for dh to move into
2) get garage organized enough so I can put some of my tubs of stuff in there

I worked on this today a bit but am getting overwhelmed with the amount of things and where to move them to, what to keep, etc.

All suggestions welcome as I will be doing this for the next 3 days.

okay! First burst done!

I went into the garage and found a couple of items for the donate box. Then took a trash bag around in there and threw out a few things, went into the other 2 rooms I am decluttering and threw out some more things (DH's empty jars, plastic tubs, stuff like that) and then went into the bathroom that he uses (which is gross but he is supposed to clean it... every so often I spray it down with disinfectant to get it actually clean) and threw away something like 15 empty plastic bottles, from shampoo, hand wash, etc. He cannot throw away anything "useful" so I got this done. Also found food expired over a year ago and threw that out.

Took the donate box from my bedroom that was partially full, put it in my car, and added various things from the rooms.

Took the smaller donate box from downstairs and added more things and put it in my car.

In the end I also had one full kitchen trash bag and one full box full of trash, plus another smaller box with old shower parts in it, and I did in fact get them into the trash cans before the trash truck comes!

I find it so satisfying when the trash truck comes. I go to the window and watch all that junk get dumped and drive away and I feel lighter. I will take the donate boxes to the place today or tomorrow.

Wins!

I will try to do some more organizing etc after I rest a little.

How are you guys doing with accomplishing your goals for today?

This morning instead of cleaning stalls (plan) I put on an early hoarding episode (one with just too much stuff and not rats and rotting food, etc.) and worked on the scullery counter for 45 minutes. It is better, but only enough for me to notice, not normal people.

I realize it should not take 45 minutes to clean off a counter. Dh could clean it off in three minutes including the time it took him to get a big garbage bag. I did throw some packaging away that I decided was just too much work to clean and I could make more of a positive environmental impact with my time elsewhere.

The woman talked about how she bought all this stuff because she had images of using it to have these great experiences with her kids, but then the stuff kept her from being able to have the experiences. You know where Bean is right now? At the zoo with his daddy watching rhinos play kickball.

Question to me - what am I doing that is more important than watching rhinos play kickball with Bean? The answer is supposed to be healing from burnout and I need to be sure I am using this time to make progress and healthy choices!

I got emails from Dh mom today. She sends out frequent batch emails to the family asking "who wants this stuff"? Dh deletes them without opening them. He has already given her the list of ten items that mean something to him in case she wants to get rid of them. She immediately handed over the little wooden tractor and connected wagon full of blocks and Bean loves it. And she told him his brother already asked for their grandfather's duck gun so they would have to sort that out when she is dead.

Anyway, I found myself contemplating one of those plastic compartmentalized containers that you store Christmas items in because it just looked so useful, and then I stopped myself. And I thought about how mil gives you gifts that you are not allowed to dislike and must keep forever, and how I have a polyester fleece snowman in a styrofoam coffin (cooler) that is literally taking up space in my life waiting for her to die. And that emotionally blackmailing me to keep stuff is literally bad for my mental health. And I put the coffin in Dh shop. Which seems passive aggressive, but if he never notices it, it will be fine, and if he does it will hopefully start a conversation.

So Road, I hope you were able to get rid of the papers. In whatever way was necessary for you to keep moving.

And now I am going to make popovers and clean stalls and plant seeds.

Tatoulia, salad sounds good. I think I'll make myself a salad for lunch today.

SubC, I am happy for you! I am kind of excited about today too... staying home, decluttering. It will be a good day! Your comment about someone offering to take things reminded me of a thought I had before. I "value" all this stuff. I really struggle sometimes to donate or throw it away. But if someone showed up with a hauling truck and said "I'll take a truckload of things you want to donate, and give you $500", that truck would be full before you could blink! It's like on Hoarders when people sometimes want to save everything for a yard sale.

Road, sounds like you are ready for a good day too! Sleep is so great isn't it? I slept well too. And for me there is a drug that makes me want to do things (more) and it is phentermine. My Dr has prescribed it for weight loss before and I noticed right away I felt like a normal person. I started it again this week (just 18 mg) and although it doesn't give me a ton of energy, it does give me enough motivation to get things done when I am not totally overwhelmed with outside tasks like I was yesterday. So I just took it, having some decaf coffee and about to get to decluttering.

I have read posts through Road's list and I am going to get my shoes on and start decluttering before the trash truck comes. Hoping I can find enough things to fill up the cans the rest of the way. This is the last trash day before dh comes home. I will come back to rest and read more when I need a break!

Ah, I missed tatoulia and Lilas posts yesterday! Great to hear from you both. Tatoulia, your most recent post about it not being your place in life to supply people with what they need was so well said. I am not generous like you and am not operating out of a motivation to give, but to KEEP. Miney mine mine. But the whole concept of things living at the store Or finding the home that really needs it really hits home. The thought of those two cabinets being found by a "me" 25 years ago who still needed furniture and had just the right dining room for those cabinets makes me happy.

So in honor of my narrow escape from a regrettable $250 mistake, (Omg those Cabinets were really a steal! Stop it. Stop it.) I will now try to go throw away that little mound of copy paper that is almost worthless, is taking up space, and has negative associations with it! Can she do it...

Lila, thanks for mentioning the rollercoasters. My H and I had already discussed this but that's a good reminder. Maybe the neuro surgeon should have sent us some of that information Directly or discussed it with us instead of only sharing it verbally with another doctor and me seeing it scribbled in the margins of a school form.

Glad you are both feeling well, Road and SubC. Lila, I hope you are feeling hopeful today!

I loved little tiny cat figurines and other little stuff as a child. Little ceramic and porcelain things. I had a little shelf that my father made to hold them on. I never collected stuffed animals or anything like that.

I find it hard to resist things that are cute or on sale. And I'd buy two. Always buying multiples. And then I'd have to think about who to give the thing to. I also wanted to be the one who had what someone needed. I was able to let go during the process of being here and clearing out. The place to store stuff that other people need is at the actual store. This process helped me re-examine my need to be the hero in every story and the need to be liked. I don't need to have dirt and pots in case some person states they need to repot a plant. That's not my function in life. It's exhausting to be that needy and to try to package it in some sort of Superwoman costume. I think that also helped me to break from my brother. I don't want to get into details now. I lived it here on the pages.

So I still love cute stuff but now I think about whether it needs to live with me. I have one or two ceramic cats from my childhood. The rest have broken or been relocated. I have one little tiny vase I got as a child at Chambord and I love it so much. About two inches tall. But most has gone on in its way.

So time to shower. Would like to be on my way to work by 11.

-Kid is off to school in a happy mood.
-Dogs fed and medicated. Out twice, and play time inside.
-Crazy puppy partially groomed. Made appt for her early this time for grooming and hoping she can give me tips on how to work on the stuff that's tricky... right now I am able to come through her back, tail, ears, and top of her head every 1-2 days. Still not sure how to do legs and face.
- laundry moved! New laundry started. Towels up to first floor. Ouch.
Stairs are killing me right now.
-small walk around the back yard this am and picked some snowdrops.
-Dumped purse to clean out
- brought up paperwork, moved other stuff to big bed to sort.
-started cleaning out upstairs vanity. Just doing the bottom shelf as that is the main culprit.

Big accomplishment from yesterday was taking my son to track instead of blowing it off... And he didn't want to go so I had to cajole. But in the end we were both happy we went,

I hope you feel better today and less and less burned out. So interesting learning more about other people's experiences. That it's not necessarily deep seated in depression... I had an issue from an early age too. An outsized collection of stuffed animals from when I was hospitalized a lot between 2&4. Of course my collection is nothing compared to a typical kids hoard of toys now. I was thinking of my brothers situation and that seems more of an issue of being overwhelmed by minor things and not having basic housekeeping skills or any motivation to have housekeeping skills,,, for me, I have the issues with becoming mess-blind - like really not seeing something after a day or two. I have many of the hoarding associated traits: Finding a use for everything creativity and not wanting to waste perfectly good things, the over shopping/nesting which is definitely connected with depression. And the ADD which makes it really challenging to rallY and organize your thoughts long enough to be effective. Oh and perfectionism... cause if you can't do it right why do it at all. If they could come up with a drug that makes you want to get things done and get rid of things I'd take it. Sorry - I ramble so much.

Alas, the wash is still in the washing machine. It's funny cause several times early in the day I actually remembered it but didn't have my keys to get into the basement...

But big news!!!

I slept for 7.5 hours last night! I was semi disciplined and took a 1mg melatonin And went to bed at 9:30 and it worked! Or wait. Was it 10:30. Ehhhh. Well, anyway, I think I feel more awake than usual.

What's on everyone's agenda today?

I think depression makes things worse/harder, but I got into this mess perfectly (what is the opposite of depressed? because it isn't actually happy) I ran into a quote once in relation to Marie kondo that the thing about being a hoarder is that everything sparks joy. I'm mostly that kind of hoarder. I mean, some of this is still around because I don't get to it fast enough - like packaging that has to be rinsed and taken to the depot, but I'm not hoarding that - if someone came into my house and said "hey, can I grab all this and drive it down to the depot tomorrow?" I would start rinsing like a crazy person and it would be gone.

I can trace the hoarding back to when I was little - as in, I remember packing to move when I was 7, and my room was already hoarded.

Road, I'm glad the puppy is safe. Did you get the wash out?

Lila, I hope the counselor can help you. Yay for a good day!

Tatoulia, I hope you get your salad. My Dh is going to work today also. I am actually looking forward to the time home alone.

Actually - I am pretty excited about today, because anything I do will be progress! It has been a long time since I felt like this, and I think it's just been the treading water/burn out feeling. Even getting my new fence did not make me excited. I really, really needed a break. Hopefully I can manage my time so that I can keep getting better instead of backsliding over the next (last) ten weeks of school.

I smiled at being depressed being a given. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. My life did get easier with meds. Still depressed, but a lot easier.

So much to catch up on! I haven't read everything.

I went to work two days this week. Meaning I went into the office. Both days, I walked in mid-day, which was nice. It messes up my eating schedule because I have to eat before I leave. I'll be going in tmr too and I'm not sure what time. Ideally I'd head in early enough to go get my favorite salad at lunch.

My cleaners came yesterday when I was at the office. They did my place, then mom's. I'm going to have to get them keys because I'll be in the office on Wednesdays starting in April. I'll have someone else set/unset the alarm or I'll see if I can upgrade it to where I can set/unset via an app. I don't mind given them their own code but it's tricky with the motion detectors and the cat. So I'll figure that out.

Work is definitely eating up my time. This week has been better but there's a second issue that has been discovered. Essentially I'm part of the clean up crew. Grateful I'm not part of the problem.

Good work not buying the corner cabinets! Very good to quell the urges. I suffer, too. At least now I know I have all of the furniture I'll ever have.

I still haven't recovered my chairs. I keep forgetting about it because the fabric is put away. I'd like to do this weekend.

I just have to make a note, I think. Put it on the list.

Road! You made progress! Count it 🙂

The restrictions sound like the ones my kiddo with brain stuff has, plus no rollercoasters.

I too pile tons of crap on my bed to sort and then end up throwing it all in piles on the floor at bedtime. I sort a few things then get fed up. It will get done eventually.

The counselor today seemed to think I am depressed. Maybe I am just so used to it that it seems normal to me. But I cry and I am sad and lonely a lot.

My day went well. After the smoothie, I did put on a little makeup so I could do things. Counselor appointment, then bank. Then to work to move a few things, then went to visit 4 people but only 2 were home. 45-60 min per visit. Then came home around 5 completely exhausted. Made a burrito, sent a few work emails.

I have one more call later tonight. Then I am going to try and put alll the rest of the work stuff off until Sunday.

I am so freaking tired I can barely think.

Tomorrow I will declutter and if the trash truck hasnt come early I will fill up those cans. Too tired tonight.

I'm back. Just got back from taking son to track. Then convenience dinner, then fed and medicated doggies. The puppy escaped for the first time today. The H has a knack for knowing she's there, it's a risk, and yet he tries to go out of the door like normal. She seemed to be having the time of her life so I'm afraid she's a runner. We had to stop traffic, try to catch her, keep an eye on my son so he wouldn't take off, etc. oh, and try to make small talk with the neighbors we haven't. Talked to since last fall. Awkward. Surprised it hasn't happened before. She could totally squeeze through the fences or under - will have to watch her carefully.

The kitchen is a nightmare and the laundry is still sitting in the wash. The H is watching b-ball but is putting my son to bed tonight. Had to get off my feet. There was no where to sit at the track practice so I had to stand which was hard on my feet/back/hip. Chatted with some friends though.

Regarding the depression, I mean, I assumed that was a prerequisite for having this problem, not that you'd necessarily be depressed because of it. Well, I am prob on both sides of that equation.

Alrighty, I am gonna sign off. I think tomorrow will be a lot more enjoyable than today. Have plans to seee the bff and. I will get. Her advice on some of the medical stuff again,

Laundry away! Cushion on couch!

1st down Subclinical!

Good job Lila!

Road, I'm glad the med thing got done. And that you didn't buy the cabinets.

The reams of paper stories can be used as recycling to make new paper or cardboard boxes. There is still a huge demand for cardboard boxes and not enough are getting recycled to meet demand (probably because I keep burying them in the garden) save a tree! Clear out your paperwork!

Toss the other stuff! Buy yourself a sewing project. It has to be smaller than a ream of paper, right?

This: "I just assumed everyone here was clinically depressed. Like as a given." Made me laugh. I know it isn't funny, but really, isn't it crazy to not be depressed if your life is overwhelmed by hoarding?

I have been depressed. I have my moments, and I think I am currently struggling with burn out, but I am not depressed.

Ok, cleared off the big bed. That was totally unproductive. Well not totally but mostly. I did refresh my brain about what all that stuff was, picked up some garbage, and consolidated 2 drawers to one, (moved stuff around) haha. No, but the walk way is totally usable again and I will be. More likely to deal with that stuff now that I'm not blind to it again. My desk has papers on it but is usable.

Most of the time sensitive paperwork has been gone through and hung up where it goes, projects have been launched and a few completed... but I definitely feel like I'm getting the train back on the tracks. Spring defn. helps.

Lila, I just assumed everyone here was clinically depressed. Like as a given.

Hey yeah Lila!!!

Hi again,

I'm checking back in.
- the medical form finally got sent from one doc to another and then to school and then to me. When I first looked at it it was glitching and the one page out of 7 that they needed (actually the only one they needed) appeared to be missing. I reloaded it several times and got the same result, then naturally once I wrote and said "it's not in here" I found it. Also they had told me no restrictions but then filled out the form to say no trampoline, no contact sports, no gymnastics, etc. but he doesn't do any of that anyway. I'm definitely not letting him head bang to music anymore. I need to contact all three parties again now for other things but this was the most urgent. Hopefully it's done.

Went into thrift today, dropped off a couple donations. Right away met with these two gorgeous cherry ? Corner cabinets. Sign said they were handmade so I checked them out and they weren't old glass but they were hand made, solid wood. The backs were old stock salvaged from something. You can tell they were Built-ins but the only issue was one top corner piece would need new molding put on. (Or a drapey plant hanging ovre) $125 each. But alas I didn't get them and good thing too because I would only have been able to use one. There is literally no place in the house for them. Too many windows. And also they didn't have a delivery service. I bought two shirts in exchange for the teeny tiny kids shirts i donated. Defn. Not equal volume. Haha.

Gave some thought to the exchange idea. Moved a bunch of "stale" stuff that hasn't been touched for many months. Carried it all to the big bed. These are returns and donations and gifts I was supposed to give, etc. but all stuff that's supposed to go out of the house. I am not sure where to put it . I don't want it to get stale again. Then I tried to deal with the four stacked up wire drawers. 3 of them are paperwork. 1 is used electronics. I moved the electronics back into the thing it goes in. I need to get rid of all of this, mind you, but I was looking for something easy and bulky. So one of the drawers has a bunch of garbage from an old communication device my son had. Also it's associated with the one speech pathologist he's had that I had a negative experience with. He no longer has this device, so obviously the carrying case thing can go. Then there were two resources I can really use so I set those aside. Then there was the equivalent of two reams of paper of stories that went with training on the device. Then I made the mistake of going through them and started thinking of ways they could be used. Mistake! This is what I'm going to be dealing with going forward. I'm glad I took a whack at it, And that I feel like I'm at the threshold of a new phase, etc. but obvs going to have to figure out an approach that works for me.

Haven't checked the. Laundry yet.

Subc, check the laundry.

Thank you so much SubC. I was so frozen and after I read your post, I just told myself to do ANYTHING. I got up and chopped the strawberries and put them in the freezer. That did get me moving, so then I sorted out the freezer and fridge, threw away anything old.

Then I asked my son to take out the trash, and put the trash cans by the road for tomorrow. I also asked him to put away the sidewalk salt, and had him take a bag of frozen food from the upstairs freezer to the downstairs one since it was too full up here.

Then I cleaned the dog's ears, since I don't want him to suffer for my laziness. He is happier. My son will walk him while I am at my appointment.

I saw some frozen smoothie mix in the freezer so I made a smoothie and am sitting down drinking it now. I have to leave for my appointment in 15 minutes. On the way I will go to the bank.

I should go to work and move the snacks but I would have to put on some mascara at least if I am doing that, or any visits. I will see how I feel when I am done with the smoothie and decide if I am doing any of those things today, if I have time.

Hope your day goes well. I'll be back later.

Lila, I typed so long we crossed.

Obviously you have to keep the appointment.

Then I would do the work meeting, because it says "have to". After that I'd do things you can't do later - like get stuff out of the house before your Dh comes home, and the dog, because it depends on you.