Good morning,
Coffee clinks!

Lila, I can understand how you would just give up on the walls. I hope your counselor can help you with the depression.

Road, maybe stay off eBay for a while. Don't you and your Dh have separate rooms? Could you just store extra sheets for your bed in your room and let him worry about his own sheets?

If I let Dh clear the counter it would be bad again in a week. I need a functional system for that particular bottleneck. I can't seem to get him interested in a few things that would help - like "after you pour a beer, rinse out the bottle" and "don't throw the bottle cap in the salsa dish when you clean up"

School is definitely costing me the most stress/mental energy. One day back and I'm exhausted again. And yesterday was easy classes and a short day. It included four high stakes conversations with students that I just edited out - sex, drugs, using the internet as a source of medical advice, family situation. Plus the background stress of a high risk kid being absent with no note.

Three letters to parents (none related to above situations) and scheduling issues (actually scheduling seems to be going surprisingly well from my standpoint - there are always issues.)

I'm trying to find a way to teach without investing so much of my time and emotional energy, but it feels wrong.

I need more sleep.

The elevator story is too long for today.
I hope you feel better soon.

CM, I am glad for your quilt and your musketeer friend. Your are doing well handling the issues beyond your control.

Rainy March days here. Chilly ones. But we have been in a drought, so it's good. And I think we'll squeak by without any of the precipitation turning into solid or semi-solid form. Fingers crossed on that one.

Nicer days a few days from now. Hoping to tackle some big stuff. Laundry got out of hand again. I had done a big batch way back when at the laundromat. Then roommate tentatively tried a mini-load a few weeks back and that had gone okay. So I had done some mini loads. But what with all the crazy weather and whatnot, seems like I got distracted. She had tried a medium load and that was not a good idea, backed up into the bathtub.

Anyhow, I'm just thinking do most of mine at the laundromat to get caught up. Maybe my few pieces of fabric here because it's nice to hang them up to air dry, and they're rather unwieldy to do that with in a laundromat. Then maybe I can just do the mini loads here and stay caught up.

Speaking of fabric, all the pieces are cut out for the main body of the quilt. Sewing has yet to commence, though. There have been some delays, the studio time is the same time as Stations of the Cross at church for Lent. If we get that warm weather and I can move bunny crafts off the table in the back room, I might sew there, which was the original place for sewing. Things have just gotten so Fruitbasket Upset so many times, shifted from their original locales, then shifted again...

My poor roommate, I worry about her. She is about to tear her hair out with that damned job. I really don't know if she can endure, and me via osmosis, until the fall retirement date. If that means more months of inadequate plumbing, well, that is hard to endure as well - whaddya do though? Is it worth her having a stroke over it? About all that helps me not rage is thinking about how the Ukrainian and other refugees around the world have to deal. At least we have a roof over our heads and no bombing or shelling.

Spring will bring at least some relief in terms of making it easier to get out and about, although gas prices must be considered. I have to balance less running around with the need to stay in practice with driving or else my agoraphobia could try and rear its ugly head. The baseline stress over everything here and in the world also contributes to anxiety.

I did chat with my Musketeer BFF (of the 3 of which we lost one in Dec.). That was a morale boost. We "get" each other so well. Wish she didn't live 5 hours away! But texts and phoning at least help. If Covid is letting up, I would like to try and make new friends too, locally. I'm not the social butterfly type but I've been feeling a bit too isolated. And return to gym/swimming.

Well, we'll see. Right now I feel like snuggling in my warm robe.

Hi all,

Rough night of sleeping coughing, etc. have had some deep chest/lung congestion since October. Which supposedly wasnt the plague. But when I actually had the plague I wasnt nearly as sick. So no clue what this is. Drs. Appts coming up though and I may even make it in there before my scheduled physical if I really get crazy.

Asked the H to take son to school which is just a HUGE imposition (Sarcasm) considering we all leave about the same time. But regretted it because then my son gets even more pressure to hurry because the H hasn't allowed enough time and doesn't remember the details... medication, water bottle, make sure he pees, laptop, comm. device, banana, wash face and hands, etc. I truly was wracked with fatigue so I felt I really needed some help but in reality it was the opposite of restful because I was so anxious they wouldn't get out of the house on time and then wouldn't make it in time and he'd call me angry asking where he has to take him if he's late, etc. so I was watching where they were using the location app and by golly they just made it. But it wasn't worth it cause I was soooo agitated laying there in bed, my son was probably a little distressed, and I didn't get to sleep anyway! Oh well. And I still had to get up and deal with the dogs anyway.

Son had two Rec activities last night so we went out for dinner. We had a very good conversation. Our relationship is so strained most of the time but we do enjoy conversing, as long as it doesn't have anything to do with our relationship. Haha. Since the pandemic, I got used to hanging out with my son a lot and now I miss him when he's at school. When he was littler he was extremely adorable but required a lot of - I don't know - I needed the help that school provided. Now I kind of feel robbed when he's doing extra things, even though it's good for him. But important that we as a couple are face to face occasionally and not just when arguing or working out some logistics, etc.

Tatoulia, I did some sheets shopping this am but fell down a rabbit hole. I think I want great quality for no money. Haha. We made a decision many years ago to only buy white linens for the house. That way they're interchangeable, never go out of style, can be bleached, etc. but now that I've decided part of my sheets issue is that the H stores the extras in a heap in his under the eaves storage it's an immense disincentive to look for clean sheets because I basically have to crawl in there and suitcases are toppling, and it smells weird, etc. I am an "organized" hoarder And so that situation makes me crazy. He doesn't understand the concept of storing things where they are used. A basket of cleaning supplies for bathroom/kitchen does not make sense to him. He finds something and takes it down and puts it in the laundry room. I took to writing "UPSTAIRS BATHROOM DO NOT REMOVE" on a bottle of disinfectant... but he's not as lazy as. Me and doesn't have as much of an issue with stairs. Anyways the sheet shopping will continue.

Between me and my bro's, his house is way worse. Messy wise, my downstairs is generally kept picked up. It prob gets swept once or twice a month. (All wood floors) If I leave papers on the dining room table for too long the H will pick it up and stash it wherever. I may or may not notice it's been moved and may or may not find it again. Someone could come over right now and I wouldn't be too embarrassed because it's "decorated" and there aren't piles of anything generally. But don't look too closely at the floor or the door jams or certain walls. Kitchen floor gets spot washed a lot Right now due to puppy. But I will bet the living room floor hasn't been scrubbed since I hired cleaners like 5 years ago. Obviously, that's disgusting. You just can't tell at a glance. The only other gnarly thing about the house at this point. Is the ductwork. I mean, it's bad. Whereas at my bro's house every square inch is covered in thick dust, pet hair, pet barf on carpet and all the furniture that was never fully cleaned up, food, soda and chewing tobacco spills... he has white carpeting so there you go. His bathtub was literally a golden brown all around til just a few months ago. It's as gross as you can get without technically having a hoarding problem. Or rodent infestation. Then it would be worse. My room these days is still very cluttered and messy, but not very dirty. I feel I could have described that a lot more efficiently!

So confession time... I might have bought 8 books on samplers on eBay last night, The total for all was around $35 with free shipping and a bonus 20% because I got 8.great deal! But I know better. They are books I will pour over and so specialized I could never expect to find those in shops - or at least not that many. And the price was totally within reason. But the volume!!! So I guess I will take a look at that donations box on the porch and try to remove that from the premises before those books arrive. Must not go in reverse.

Sub c, I'd love to hear about the elevator baby story. Also I have in my mind an image of bean petting baby lettuce. Awww!!! I hear you about the classes - honestly I figured you already had your hand in teaching that stuff. And get that your hands are full. You can only do so much and you do a LOT. So set that aside. re: the scullery, what would happen if you let your DH "dispatch" of it ? just once? Even if things weren't dealt with how you'd prefer or know they should be... I know you guys have a good relationship. Maybe a fresh start would be good? You do so much more to be responsible than most people most of the time - perhaps there could be an exception? Just curious what your thoughts are on that. I don't have as much of an issue with recycling properly. I mean I admire it - would like to do better - but am not usually impacted by it as much as other categories. It does seem like it's a pretty good Marley chain around your neck. Like if we could all visually depict which things are causing us the most stress or taking up the most mental/emotional baggage, what would they be?

Lila, hope all goes well with the H returning. Intestingthat (and good) that he will tolerate stuff getting moved around and even gotten rid of even if he refuses to discuss it. In talking with the H a bit about this last night he was again expressing how he doesn't understand and the only thing I could really say was it's like there's a distortion field around certain things, you just don't see it for what it is. Like someone with an eating disorder and dysmorphia. And don't challenge the distortion or you may get hit with some scalding blowback... good luck with your visiting friend *key word friend as sub c reminds us... and busy work week too.

Cm, let us know what your roomie decides on the work situation. Sounds like that will be a tough decision.

Ok, I am off to do some paperwork. I already feel like I am dropping balls again. But get this. Starting a list right now for the drs. Appt.
1) ask again About ADD meds
2) sleep apnea referral again
3) dermatologist. I have this heinous condition think I've finally figured out is Dyshidrotic eczema on one half of one foot. And it's the BANE of my existence. There is evidently no cure but I swear.
If I keep Going with this list it will be 23 items long so I will stop there.

Hugs to all,

Good morning!

SubC, I think I have some kind of emotional burnout on the holes etc. I mentioned a long time ago how one of my kiddos has been destructive due to autism rages. 90% of the holes, dents, and broken doors etc are from that kiddo. I used to be cleaning up broken glass and ceramic all the time too because in a rage kiddo would throw something, even something they themselves loved and wanted. Doctors and counselors told me it is out of kiddo's control so I boxed up all the glass and ceramic, and we have been eating on plastic plates and drinking from plastic cups (not disposable, we wash them). I actually did spend some time fixing holes maybe 2 years ago and even bought a new door. But the holes kept coming and doors getting re-broken, even one of my solid oak cabinet doors in the kitchen is broken. So I quit trying. I have this feeling that it is out of my control until kiddo moves out. It kills me to spend time and money to repair or replace and then see it broken again so I gave up. My sad story, I guess. I have no support from dh or anyone else so I just have all this damage to my home.

That said, it has been many months, I think, since any rages with damage have happened. Maybe it has mostly passed with maturity and new skills from the counselor. But I just feel that the second I get happy and start fixing, all hell will break lose and there will be new holes.

Anyway... I think I am depressed, actually... I have been considering this and think I am. Maybe my counselor can help me.

Today is a bunch of work, pick up dh, and I have zero energy so I am going to take my phentermine now and hope it helps me do something, anything, or get my brain awake enough to think and plan for my meeting.

Happy decluttering today, my friends. We will always have hope and we still have immense value even if our homes don't reflect it.

Lila, real friends do care about your house, but only because they care about you - not because they judge you.

Way back, early on in my process, I was at a social activity, and in front of new people, I told my friend that I was working on the basement. The new people chimed in that they completely understood because the desperately needed to clean their garage. And my friend said "no, this is bad." And I said "I don't let people go down there." And the new people said "oh yes, we don't want anyone to see our garage either. We're always embarrassed when we open the door to get the car out." And my friend said "people can't go in the basement because they could be killed." My friend had a lovely house and entertained all the time, and she was still my friend.

How bad are the holes in the walls? Do you know how to do drywall? It is fairly inexpensive and easy on a small scale. You might be able to redirect the fast food money.

A sleepover room for tot is an excellent goal! I hope your Dh is excited about his new space and gets right to work! Is there any chance he will burn out on moving stuff and let you toss what is left? Maybe take another trip? I wish that your progress would inspire him.

Tatoulia, yay for no meetings and a good day at work! I hope you get another one today.

I am trying to get excited about getting back to school today. It's a stretch. Registration for next year starts this morning, but we have a new system, and unlike previous years, we can't keep an eye on our classes, so it's more of a hassle worrying about kids signing up for the wrong thing that fun seeing who is coming back.

I need to take recycling and trash with me when I go out today. I haven't done that for over a week, and Bean had disposable diapers yesterday (his parents switch back and forth depending on laundry and schedules)

Oh, Road, I just realized I never responded to your "exchange idea. There was just so much going on.

I actually do teach two classes called "trash pirates" that are about resources and personal and community level changes. What I have learned is that most people really don't care, and it is far easier to change yourself a lot than someone else a little. The classes each take far more time out if my week than I would need to keep up with my recycling. (Which is basically what is on my counter - recycling that needs to be sorted/rinsed - which is why Dh would throw it away.)

Also, most of the recycling on the counter is food packaging from food Dh eats - again, easier to change me than him. I do bake a lot to try to reduce that.

I have changed my shopping/scavenging habits in response to my environmental concerns in ways that help with the hoard and with my diet. But not enough yet.

I am actually going to stop teaching the classes. I try to incorporate environmental messages and practices into all of my classes, and I think that is probably a more productive use of my time.

Speaking of - gotta go do some stuff!

So, dh is coming home tomorrow night and he will see the cleaned new room for him for the first time. I hope he is happy with it and starts moving in within a day or two. I will have to come and report on the hoard-move as it happens!

Also this Sunday a friend is supposed to come over. I do not like having people over due to my house, but it is unavoidable. She wanted to come last Sunday but there was no way. So this Sunday it is. That means I have to clean. And I don't know when I will have the time. It has to be presentable enough for her to come into the living room (you can see the dining and kitchen, plus she might need the bathroom, so all those areas need to be presentable) and she also will be going downstairs (horror) because she wants to see teen and their cat and the cat area. Sooo. I am dreading it incredibly. I always wonder if people will think less of me once they come in here and see the way I live. Holes in the walls, stained carpet, stains in the grout, literally broken doors... all things I cannot afford to fox right now. I am VERY THANKFUL for the new couches I was given or else I would be a crying mess right now with no where for her to sit.

So this is going to be a busy and challenging week for me. Some of the "cleaning" is no doubt going to turn into a dash and stash (laundry baskets full of clutter, shoved into my bedroom) but it has to be done.

I am tired already and have many meetings for work this week, documents to write, presentations to give... God grant me the energy and the peace.

Tatoulia, thank you for the explanation of made in china. I agree on those principles. I try to read labels as well. I am not as diligent but I do also try to support local artists, local businesses and farmers, etc. It makes me feel like I am doing my little part. Plus, better quality.

SubC I am getting a new grandd this summer and am so excited about it. Grands are the best.

Thanks Road! You have done a lot yourself, for you and for family. I can't bring it up with dh. Well, I haven't in like 8 years anyway. He blows UP. Not abusive but just like, defensive and angry. Like when I last mentioned his boxes (unopened for 15 years) and suggested he could look through one box a week, he turned red in the face and shouted "I'm not going to talk about it!" and stormed off. So, the only way I am going to bring it up is if he comes home and is not moving his stuff into that room within a week. I mean starting to. And then if it drags on for weeks I would probably have to speak up. I need to get son moved into dh's den when he moves out, so my Tot can have a sleepover room upstairs (where son is now).

You had a great day, SubC!

My day at work was easier today and do you know why? I had zero meetings. What a difference!

I did nap after work, not because I was tired as much as I felt like it. That is a big improvement over being tired.

I'm going to office tomorrow! And one of my new hires, who I haven't met in person, is coming in, too! So that will be good.

I went up to the hardware store and he remade my keys but two still don't work. He was nice about it but I'll have the other two made somewhere else tomorrow, when I'm downtown. There's a little shop that only makes keys.

Okay off to shower and then hopefully back to sleep. Dishes are done. I'm ready for a good day tomorrow.

Good evening!

Road, I hope you find chairs you like.

That was a huge accomplishment at your brothers house! Does doing that make you inspired to work at your house, or think your house is not so bad, or just tired?

My mil is like that about finding the things you did wrong instead if the things you did right - or saying the things you did right in a way that makes you feel bad.

I have always said that it was good that Dh and I could have kids, because nobody would give me a baby, and I love them. And I think I was a pretty good mom, and I'm a terrific grandmother. (Actually a stranger did once give me a baby, but it was on loan. - I've sometimes looked back and wondered if I did the right thing by returning him - I mean - who hands over their baby to a stranger in an elevator?)

Anyway.

Tatoulia, you take very good care of your kitty friend.

Bean and I had a great day today! We visited with the baby goats - who are finally out on pasture during the day thanks to improved weather and the new baby goat proof fence, and played in the garden.

I worked on stripping a bed (and found some volunteer baby lettuce) and he put stones in the bucket, climbed up and down empty garden beds (stopping carefully and turning around when he got to the garlic) stepped in puddles, and got to know a couple of worms. He asked if he could touch the baby lettuce and was very gentle. He ate a very good lunch and took a long nap.

After I gave him back I planted some lavender plants that got delivered today in the new flowerbed his parents made me for Christmas.

Now I need a long nap. Dh checked in from the hotel and I've got chores done and the barn and house all closed up for the night, so I will probably try to go to bed early and get ready for school in the morning.

Road, you are amazing! Great teamwork at brother's house. You crack me up, esp the bit about whether child would be taken away, whether qualified to adopt, etc. phenomenally entertaining.

YES on new sheets. I have more than I need, but all together four sets for my bed. I really only need two. Road, if you can have two for each bed that is regularly used, you can have clean sheets more frequently. I have two sets I use in winter and two I sue in summer. Please bear in mind all of my sheets are cotton percale and they are either white, blue, or blue and white stripes. So how I even choose what to use in winter be summer is a mystery even to me.

I'm glad I washed that other summer coverlet that I like at the end of my bed. It was my mother's and although it's a twin size, it goes nicely at the bottom of my bed and I do pull it over me, esp in the summer when the AC is just so cold. (On purpose).

Garbage night. Love seeing it leave. I know it pains you, SubC, and I don't mean for it to. I'll change my wording going forward and just mention that I've cleaned my friend's box. Oh! I got another five minutes in of combing her today. She hates it. But she's a good kitty and I want her skin and fur to stay nice.

Hiiiii errrrbody,

Wow, great to hear from everyone. Tatoulia! Ramble more often! I chuckled about your mom's delight at smuggling and breaking the laws at the golf club. The H's grandmother was a real character. They had some bucks and traveled extensively and she had many tales of sneaking off to peek at the voodoo rituals and hiding in the bushes, and violating the gender restrictions in Saudi Arabia, and smuggling something or other back from somewhere. But she'd go for a cheap thrill too, like dumping all the rolls from the bread basket into her handbag and walking out with her beefeater martini in her hand. I miss that nut.

Yesterday, we went to my bro's. We helped him with a few things (he is tackling a very long overdue major house cleaning). He's not deep cleaning anything but the stuff is so deep the result is shocking (in a good way)... He had gotten a new tv, had it installed, and dusted and displayed a lot of the tobacco tins he'd gotten from my dad. Major improvement. He and the H had taken one of the sofas out to the curb earlier in the week. We asked what was next and he was going on in exxxxxxtra detail (I wouldn't know about such things) and I was like, it would be faster for us to knock this out than for this fool to finish telling us how he's gonna do it... We both have the same issue of taking a relatively small task and blowing up to the size of mt. Kilimanjaro in our heads. He has it worse than me though, so I said, hey, wanna let (H) take a whack at it for 30 minutes and see what he can get done? And he agreed and before you know it, we had moved the books and the book shelf, carried the two glass cabinets out to the garage, vacuumed most of the living room, we were washing the walls and the baseboards and "dusting" things... the H quietly did some of the kitchen while I scooped up several loose cups worth of dust and dog hair from the bathroom floor ? NOT exaggerating... We got a couple chairs moved where they were going to go, got the lamps repositioned, etc. so three of us working for about 90 minutes (quickly) is like 4-5 hours of work pretty much just in one room. So then we are about to leave and everyone is still feeling good, and my mom calls. I am still kind of on the outs with my dad for scolding him for criticizing my brother so much and then having him hang up on me. But they are calling to take my bro out for dinner but then my son hears and yells "yeah!" So everyone is kind of stuck because no one wants to disappoint my son. So before they come in I say "ok dad is gonna say a bunch of critical stuff so don't get upset" and what does he say. "Wow, that is one big empty wall." I look at the H and hold up a number 1. (This is the wall that he decided was too dominated by the too large entertainment unit my brother had that there was nothing wrong with). Then he points at the coffee table where all the electronics cables ended up... "so are all those Wires still needed?" I hold up the number "2". Then he says "something is different..." then he finds something else to criticize and I involuntarily blurt "THREE" out loud. I don't think anyone understood though. Then my sweet mother says "wow, I never noticed how cracked and peeling the ceiling is!" Omg you just have to laugh. Cry first then laugh. At this point NO ONE has said anything about the work that's been done. Just what is wrong. Well, the only good thing that came out of it was that since I predicted it, - well, whatever. Super annoying but I guess it was a little funnier because I saw it coming.

Got the puppy groomed today. Consulted with the groomer about it and So far so good. Made appt for other dog and the follow up appt for the puppy, too. Responsible adult award goes to me.

Visited my brother after the appt. and he told me what he was going to do next. Helps him to follow through if he tells someone what his plans are. I feel the same way. Huge difference in odor in his house since last week. Not sure if it's the open windows and breeze coming through or getting another sofa out or what but omg it was stifling in there. Now it's within reasonable limits. Not the mess, but the smell. Now the mess is still like "you might get a kid taken away but not your dogs." If we could get it to "you couldn't qualify to adopt, but you could house your own biological child in there," we are in business.

I am coughing and wheezing like crazy. I hope it is from his house yesterday and not something worse. I really should have worn a mask. I don't know what I was thinking. The dust is so thick that you have to hold things level When you pick them up or the dust will slide off. And of course thick dust is one thing, but when you're disturbing a whole roomful like that it's crazy.

Well, I had a lot to say about that!

I have to find two new (antique) chairs. One for my son's room, and one for mine. The one he was using was super sturdy and yet super light weight, but the caning finally gave out. Mine is a beautiful old side chair with a carved back and nicely figured wood. Sturdy but squeaky. But the main issue is the stuffing in the needlepoint seat has deteriorated and now leaves a little pile of dust where ever you put it. As I'm not sure how to fix or if I want to fix either, I'm on the hunt for two more thrift store finds. Between $8 & $12 if I get lucky again. Also decided to buy a couple new sheet sets. Tatoulia has gotten me thinking about the merits of more frequently clean sheets...

Lila, you have done an amazing amount of work this past week. That must feel great. I hope the energy shifts for the better once your husband comes home. Would he ever consider watching a show or reading a book about this? Or are you not able to bring it up to him?

See you in a bit... have to run out again.

I like the idea that you can segue into fewer classes once there is another grandchild, SubC. Seems like a natural glow and something to look forward to.

I'm washing more springtime bedding. I stored it clean but it had a slight odor (likely in my mind). I'll take the winter cover to the dry cleaners today.

Beautiful, sunny day. A bit windy, I think.

Oh my, I stepped out for a minute and everyone came by!

Road, it makessensetowait on the harder things and not worry about the paper for now. You sound like you are getting organized and inspired! I hope that your Dh can help with your room. That is exciting!

Lila, you have made great progress! That was a huge cleaning job. I am so glad you found your medical papers. Lost papers drive me crazy.

Tatoulia, I'm sorry you had a rough day with your mom. But glad the delivery worked out. I like hearing about how you are freshening up your house for Spring.

Hi CM, happy St. Paddy's day! I hope things work out with the plumbing. I don't know how long your roomate would have to put off retiring, but it seems like it would be better to retire later from even an awful job with plumbing than sooner without.

I told Dh that I will probably cut my hours way back if there is another grandbaby. He had planned on me working close to what I am now for another three years before he retires, but he was fine with it.

The play we went to see had a part in it that was really disturbing. It is still sticking with me and I can't get it out of my head, even though I know that it was imaginary and things turned out ok. It wasn't just me either, because the women in front of me left at intermission after talking about it. The play was contrived and I knew how it was going to end (mostly - it turned out to have even more forced happy endings than I expected) but in real life things don't happen that way and I think it may have just tapped in to my sense of all the real horrible things I can't do anything about.

Dh is leaving town for work this morning, and dsil wants to come out and work in the woods (clearing invasive brush), so he is bringing Bean out later than I usually get him.

I of course did nothing to prepare for school starting up again tomorrow, so I need to clear my head and get that together this morning. The one good thing about Dh being gone for a few days is that I can leave my school stuff spread out in progress until he comes back on Thursday. (Well, after Bean goes home today)

Wow! Your hard work is paying off, Lila! Good luck with the prep, by the way. I can't remember if you've had a colonoscopy before. I followed the rules to the letter (one exception). My procedure was on Monday around noon I think. I stopped eating Friday and just did liquids in Sat and Sun. I was allowed to eat on Saturday but decided to do just the allowed liquids. I remember so clearly antiquing with a friend who was in from Europe that Sunday and we had loaded up my car with her purchases when I suddenly didn't feel well from all the fasting so BF drove out and put everything in his car and drove our friend to where she was staying. The only rule I broke was how much of the stuff I drank. I did the full bottle and a half the night before but come morning, I couldn't do the remaining full bottle and a half. I was going to throw it up. I was in really rough shape. And when I got to hospital I could hear the nurse scolding people for not doing things properly (in her defense, one woman had eaten breakfast after prepping the night before, someone else did something questionable). I fibbed and said I drank all but a small portion of the morning's dosage. It paid off that I had fasted for two days because the lack of finishing the citrate made no difference. It went really well.

The thing with the prep is, you buy it and it has no instructions. If you can't find the doctor's instructions, then you are sunk. It used to be that some doctors would say to follow the package instructions yet there weren't any. A long time ago, I was involved in call logs for a well known prep company and let me tell you come prep time it was mayhem for the patients.

So I am proud of you and forgive my lengthy and unnecessary ramble about the prep. Just do it. Just do it right and all will be well.

Lila, I do not buy things made in China. It is not a disparagement of the Chinese, by any measure, it is my commentary on the exploitative practices of US companies having everything made in China at the cheapest possible price and in the cheapest possible fashion, with the cheapest and possibly dangerous components, and with terrible human rights violations, etc., etc. so while yes my iPhone and iPad are made in China, my other products need to be made elsewhere. Cotton from Portugal and India are fine. My new UK makeup is made in Italy. My laundry soap is made in US or Canada. I buy the laundry sheets because I cannot fathom the plastic used in buying Tide. (Warning, the first laundry sheets I bought were made in China and I was pretty upset. Clean people is made in US and Canada). I am willing to pay for things made in other areas of the world. I made this decision many years ago. I also stopped using Amazon because it's such a blood-sucker. Yes I have a kindle (made in China, for Amazon) and I have Amazon Prime. But I shop at stores. The waste of those beautiful, clean cardboard boxes, the delivery fuel and emissions, etc. during the pandemic this was particularly driven home for me, with everyone getting so many deliveries in a day. One guy sent around an email because his roll of tape was stolen. He had a roll of tape delivered. And then ordered a replacement. The waste and pointlessness of it all.

And it's all crap, you know? So if I put a no Made In China rule, I'm not buying a bunch of crap in turn makes my life unhappy because I bought crap. I read the labels on soaps and hand creams, etc. But take me to a goodwill or a thrift store, and I'll get all my Made in England and other fun stuff.

I don't begrudge what others do and I do not make them justify their purchases.

I also have several antiques of Chinese porcelain that my mother, somehow, smuggled into the country eons ago. It is beautiful stuff. She was so proud, which cracks me up. The same sort of pride she displayed when golfing at the country club on men's only afternoons. I'd get out of my morning kindergarten and we would head over to the links. And she'd tell the men, you don't mind that I'm here.

Ramble ramble ramble.

Guys!! I had a huge win! I am so so excited to share this because no one else would get it but it is a big deal to me.

I lost/misplaced the paperwork for my colonscopy I am having in a few days. It had all the diet info and prep info. I looked through my usual "current" stack and it was not there. Now normally this would be a huge problem... because this means it is in some other pile. (The procedure was supposed to be 9 months ago but got rescheduled so the paperwork was who knows where??)

But this time, because I had so thoroughly been working on my bedroom and the piles for many months with you all, I went in my bedroom and within 10 minutes was able to look through EVERY pile, because there were only 4 very short stacks. And there it was! I found the paperwork with very little effort! I am so proud of myself!! What a huge difference all this work has made.

Tatoulia, I'm so glad things went well! What is your internal rule that makes "made in Portugal" okay?

Great work, Lila!

So the delivery of mom's groceries went well! The food was exactly what we ordered and the driver was great. So that went really well. I'm pleased. Then I ran some errands for myself. The hardware store didn't make the keys right so I'll bring them back tomorrow, see if they can fix them. I need a new set of keys for the cleaners as I will be in office on Wednesdays going forward.

I'm washing the thin white quilt that is on my bed every day of the year. It's finally soft. I think it's at least 20 years old. It was so stiff (not an issue I like that feeling too) and has broken in nicely over the years. I'm going to take th comforter to the laundry to have the wash and package and I'll take the cover to the dry cleaners. I have enough bedding to keep me warm should it cool down at night.

I have spent a lot this month but nothing regrettable. More makeup, as I love the stuff from that UK company. It is very nice quality and I haven't felt anything this nice in the US. I also bought clothes, as you know, so I will have at least two skirts to wear to work. I bought a white bedspread (actual bedspread) from the Vermont Country Store. If I don't like it, I can return it. Made in Portugal, which fits my internal rules. I also commissioned a portrait of my cat. The same artist who painted BF's cat for me. I'll have to get a picture of BF's cat in the frame because it looks amazing. I'll have Miss Kitty's framed similarly so that they will look good together in case either of us inherits the other's cat portraits.

Now that I have just a headboard and a dust ruffle, my plain old white quilt will not look good on the bed. It's not wide enough and doesn't hang low enough. Before the bed rails covered the gap. Now I'll need an actual bedspread. I'll pretty excited. I'm been looking at this particular bedspread for ages.

April, I am back to No Spend.

Thanks Tatoulia for un-shaming me about the floors. I appreciate it!

I went down, mopped, sprayed bleach spray on the most discolored grout and let it sit awhile. Rested. Went back down and mopped again. It looks better and is disinfected. I am done with the mopping in there... it is as good as it's gonna get without someone on their knees scrubbing. It's clean, just stained/discolored in places. Good enough.

Once that dries I am going down and moving the rest of the items around and then I am DONE until DH comes home. I hope I don't have to push him to get his things moved. But his den is very, very hoarded like on the tv shows, with layers of dust and cobwebs. I hope he does it, and it will be nice to have his hoard "cleaned up" a bit as he moves it.

A shower certainly does sound good right now Tatoulia. And I need one. I need to dye my hair. I just use the cheap box from the department store and it's fine. I kind of want to go outside for a bit, maybe sit on the deck in the sun first.

I also put in a load of wash.

Road I missed your post! Glad you have made some great lists and goals. I am a list person too.

hi CM and happy St Patrick's Day! Any progress is progress - come and share it when you can.

I ate lunch. Then I did a First Mopping of the room for dh. I got all the major junk off. Looked like teen had spilled a few things and never wiped them up and they dried, plus a shipping label stuck to the floor. I got all that up. I am really tired so am resting before I go down and do a second mopping with fresh cleaning water. The tile grout looks dark so I am going to put a bit of that Soft Scrub with bleach on the worst areas for 10 minutes before I mop... as soon as I recover from the First Mopping!

Then... I think I am going to take dh's "non-necessary" tubs of junk and stack them in there in the corner. After some thought, I believe he WILL move the tubs with his clothing, shoes, and tools into his room because he needs them. But there are tubs that he has not opened in 15 years in that living room, tubs of books, and 3 or 4 suitcases/briefcases that I think he would be happy to leave in the family room. Those are going to get put into his new room for him. The rest he can move himself. I will put the cat tree where those are now. Wish me luck!

Thank you for the kind words, everyone!

Glad you've had some progress on the storage, CM!

Lila, you are amazing. Don't be embarrassed in front of us re the filth. We get it. Soak the floor. It will likely need a few goings over with the mop. Then shower and wash your hair!

Road you are doing a great job juggling so much!

Hellooo SubC!

Okay, laundry done and out away. I brushed the cat on two different tries. She's at the age where her fur is getting matted. I cannot complete the process because her tolerance is low. I did five minutes first session and closer to ten the second session. My eyes are red and painful and I feel the allergy tickle in my throat.

Okay it's 4:30. Going to go see BF.

Hey ladies,

I wanted to write a nice St. Patrick's Day greeting and post, but this past week, which was spring break for roommate, ended up being kind of struggle week for each of us in different ways.

Since I was sad to miss it, I'm gonna do it now anyway, just for my own satisfaction. I'll even be goofy and use Comic Sans font.

Happy (Belated) ☘️☘️☘️ St. Patrick's Day! ☘️☘️☘️

Did have a little victory in a tiny area of the storage unit, more about that later. It gave me hope for the rest of it. And bunny club and my church are having garage sales in June, incentive for getting rid of lots of stuff.

Roommate is considering hiring a different plumbing company to finally get closure on the problem. But it will probably mean she won't be able to afford to change jobs, and may even have to push back her retirement date in Sept. Don't know how much stress we can all take. Her current job is overloading her more and more and more. It's bad on her health, and I am affected by the fallout.

I'll be back ASAP

Hey Tatoulia & Lila!

Well, I am on a little roll. I think some blocked energy is now flowing, as they say...

I plowed through the rest of the clean clothes on my bed looking for more socks and stuff to put away. I started filling a laundry Basket. Grabbed stuff from floor and closet area. A bunch of dirty shirts and underwear my son threw into my room as a joke. He is such a nut. But I wish he wouldn't do that honestly.

Wrote up some notes for how to proceed with clothes. Then decided it was "safe" to start writing up a project sheet for
1) clothing
2) clearing out my room

These project sheets are things I used to use when I was more functional and I've gotten away from them because it just never went well. Now I feel like I'm in a good enough place where I can visualize these two things actually happening. So these project forms (this is really where I wish this platform had features like photo sharing) there's a space for a title, description, calendar and a numbered task list to break it down. I decided to make the clothes my focus this week, and "room clearing" the focus the following week. This is starting to take shape. If I can actually get this done it would be a significant accomplishment.

I revisited two "master" to do lists. One is the original and then the other one is the one I recreated when I lost the first one. This has basically 6 categories.
1) me - general (hobbies, to do lists, little goals, etc)
2) health (mine)
3) social (relationships and fun things to do)
4) my son - school (totally avoiding currently)
5) my son - general, including health although health is pretty big category right now.
6) "clearing" - cleaning and getting rid of all the extra stuff in my house/life.
A) bedroom - **** very much in progress
B) Basement
C) garage

For my son I am also trying to pin down some longer term goals as the stage he's at right now is freaking me out and I think if I can kind of "see" where he's going it will be reassuring. Hopefully.

Also started posting some of your suggestions and inspiration on the back of my dresser (faces my desk). Im also going to write down Any strategy ideas on the project sheets so when I work on it I'll see those.

More later,

yay Tatoulia! I'm so glad you're here!

You are doing good things for your mom. Sometimes the elderly get mad about their lack of abilities, and redirect their anger at the people they know won't leave them. I hope things get better, because even if you try not to take it personally, it takes a toll. I mean she is your mother. I had a terrible relationship with my mother, but she's been gone for many years so I don't have to deal with the aging, caretaking difficulties. Sounds hard.

I think everything is pretty much cleared out of that bedroom for DH now. I only need to move a clear plastic bag of blankets and put the cleaners away, and take the bag of trash out of there. I need to move to cat tree into the family room.

The floor is pretty icky in that room and I know DH won't clean it before he moves in, so I am trying to gather the energy to go down and mop it. I think I will eat first, then do a first mop, leave it slightly wet to soak off the grime (yeah, embarrassing, but it was not my room) and then do a second mop and call it good.

I decided not to move any of his things in there yet. I want him to feel like he is in control (to some extent). Once he has moved all his crap out of his den into there, or has started to, if he does not move stuff form the family room I will move it. Or maybe not. Ugh I am so undecided. If I move it now there won't be an argument later and me wishing I had moved it... now I am not sure. Will think about it while I mop.

I am tired of living in a filthy house. Well, just the downstairs is filthy. Not the kitchen/living room and upstairs. But the downstairs is terrible.

Hello everyone! I too enjoy the serial lists. It's a good feeling to have momentum and letting people know! It helps the process.

I slept til noon but I was up all night unable to sleep. Pretty miserable. I fed kitty at 9 AM

I am drying a load of towels and I have kitty bed in the washer. It may be a touch early but I'm thinking about having duvet and comforter professionally cleaned then put away.

I've showered and had coffee and breakfast.

My mother woke me up at noon and se was pretty angry with me. I took her for a haircut yesterday and I did not have cash so I excused myself to take lunch to BF. I did have lunch for him. When I got back, all seemed well except our hairdresser (who has been very kind to me in the past including coloring and cutting my hair on credit when I was broke and in serious debt) hadn't eaten and he was eating a day old egg muffin. So I said let me get you something and he said no and on the way home my mother said she wanted lunch and it was all out of jealously. It's aggravating. So today she called me furious and wanted the telephone number for the grocery store so she can find t if they go have delivery and I was trying to explain that they do, but you cannot order over the phone. Then she was yelling that she doesn't want to waste her cab money by going to that store and I was trying to figure out does she want delivery or something else. My whole family is like this to different degrees.

It all led to something good because I got up, made a cup of coffee, and then set up an account on line and ordered her groceries. She was also going off on whether the delivery is free (I pay for this so she was just looking for a fight). So her groceries are ordered and I'll be interested to see if the delivery goes well or not.

I have to lie about how much I'm working, too. I might even be lying to myself. It's been a lot lately. I don't know the first thing about working smarter when there's this much work to do.

Road, I relate to wishing someone would take everything out of a room, and start over! I have thought, "if/when I move, everything will have to be sorted. If/when I move to another house, I would never bring anything I don't need." But I have tried to "pretend" in my mind that I am moving while I deal with a room, and it just isn't working. I do try every so often though. I'd probably have to literally pack and box everything up, get it out of the room, clean, and then unpack in order for this to work. And who has time for all that? hmmm.

I love reading how you Road and you SubC give suggestions to help each other. I love the suggestions I get as well. And I love when people do "serial posting" in a day like I do sometimes. I usually am busy with work all day on Mon and Weds, and sometimes also on Tues and Thurs. So I tend to focus on the house Fri through Sun. Thus the serial posting. It helps me so much to report here and talk things out.

DH is coming home Tuesday, and I work tomorrow so today is my final day to get anything done that he would interfere with. I am not going against his wishes or being sneaky - but it is stressful to him if he SEES me moving his stuff. Once I have already moved it he does not seem to mind or complain, if he does not see me doing it. I think he finds it a relief in a way that I did it.

So today's goals:
finish clearing out the new bedroom space for him
make sure anything of mine or teens is boxed and NOT in his are.
maybe mop the floor in there for him
consider moving his tubs into that room, if there is a space that won't interfere with his moving things in (maybe a few tubs stacked on one side or under the desk).
check the garage and family room that I have NOT left any open spaces where he could move parts of his hoard. If there are any open spaces I will take items out of my bedroom and move them there. I want his hoard consolidated for the most part and not spreading all around the house. Honestly I feel like a spreading hoard would be a dealbreaker for me. Suggestions are welcome.

I need to do some other things. My house is getting very dusty and cluttered again, kitchen is dirty, clutter is all over every surface again even though it was only what, 2 months ago that my living room and kitchen table were cleared! Not sure what I will do today.

Hi all,

Back from breakfast out. Crowded, noisy, expensive, and not actually that good. I'm over it. The H is still stuck on this one.
Had a discussion about clearing stuff out. I said, remember last summer when you said "how can I help?" And you were willing to clear out my room so I could start fresh and only put back what belonged? But I wouldn't let you because it was too gross? Well, I've gotten that taken care of now so maybe We could do that now... so that went pretty well.

Just folded laundry and put away. When you are very short but fluffy, little drawers are useless. (Because your clothes are so big) So I got this little 2 drawer thing the H had in his closet. I think it was from my sisters house. I put pajama pants in one drawer rolled up, and oddball socks in the bottom drawer. So now I just have to figure out a spot for pants and shorts. Maybe I can just have them on the top of it once I get it into the closet. At this point I am too lazy to use hangers for anything other than the fanciest of clothes (not that I have any anymore) ... so I am trying to figure out solutions that work for me for where I am right now.

Also bagged up a too short shirt, a racer back tank I always get mad at, and a pair of socks that are too small. (For donation).

I think if I can get through a few more loads of laundry in the basement I'm at the point where I could take an inventory of things and Do a big purge. After that would be an ideal time to ask the H to clear out my room... then I'd Put my room how it should be and all the clearing from that point would be out in the garage or down in the basement.

The H had to return a laptop for his mom so he took my two returns at the same time and finished that job. I prepped it, but he finished it so that's off the list anyway.

Back later! I forgot all the stuff I was gonna say from the other posts. You all will survive without my commentary I'm sure. Haha

I panicked I was gonna lose that post and hit send.

Sub c, the ream of paper.

It's basically early readers that are centered around core vocab. I got stuck because I realized the way they were designed was actually really good and that just because this one speech therapist was a total control freak @$&&-+* bad words, that doesnt mean the company that designed these didn't know what they were talking about and maybe if I ran through each story with him one time I could get a sense of where he is now on all these words andTHEN I would throw it away never mind that these are all black and white stapled packets (not actual nicebooklets) and the reality is I have so much better materials in28 different places in my house, garage, and basement, and I would never just read each one once anyway, I would turn each one into a small unit that we'd spend a whole week on... getting the picture? Major loaded baggage and land mines... So I am just validating for myself that this is probably going to be theLAST category that gets sorted.

1) clothes
2) excess household stuff & decor
3) paperwork not related to son or school
4) Books
5) quilting fabric
6)
7)
...
429) sons school stuff

Back later this am!

Lila and subc, interesting topics about empty space being comforting or stressful and seeing garbage go away as comforting or stressful. They are all represented here. I connected with what Lila was saying about empty spaces making her uncomfortable. I remember that feeling distinctly and KNOW I felt more secure in a cluttered space. Now I still live in a cluttered space, have challenges with having enough focus to take on the decluttering, and trouble actually letting go of certain categories of stuff, but would love it if someone could take every single item out of my room and I could start over. And I don't think at this point I would have trouble with "space". I think it would feel like accomplishment.

Subc, one thing that popped into my mind Re: how the garbage truck impacts us was making a distinction between our ecological values for the world at large and how we live in our individual homes. You were recommending the tactic of exchanging this for that. What if you were able to pick a project or room at your place that is blocked due to not wanting stuff to go to the landfill (or maybe this isn't even an issue for you) but if it is, I wonder if an exchange might work - like teaching a ecology class at school or in the community or online in exchange for letting your H dispatching of the scullery in 3 minutes as you said. That way, the net impact could potentially be greater than just one house (Yours) doing things the right way, you'd have shared your knowledge with and inspired a wider audience *and* you would have gotten past your roadblock. What do you think? Did you just break out into a cold sweat?

Lila, when you described all you were taking on with shifting those rooms around *I* broke into a cold sweat. Definitely looking up fentermine. But I remember that you have done that before - take on some pretty big tasks and knocked em out! You go girl! All of subc's advice on that sounded great.

I am not beating myself up about the ream of paper. I am just observing my reactions to things and learning from it. I gave it a lot of thought and remembered that my plan was to start with clothes, and NOT with my son's stuff, particularly school stuff, because that is an immediate black hole area. In fact, I'm on the verge of tears just typing this. Funny thing is we just had an amazing afternoon yesterday at a fundraising event and a lot of my sons teachers were there and we got great pictures with everyone. My son was social and silly and charming and adored by all which makes me happy. And makes me feel guilty for being so critical of everyone when they don't do things the way I would do them. It was also a big social event and I caught up with some friends and it was just lovely. Of course I am wearing ask and trying to keep a mask on my kid and virtually NO ONE else is wearing a mask - and everyone in there is either a teacher or has a kid with special needs. Am I the only one still looking at the numbers? Early April we are all gonna get spanked again I think... everyone is so over it. Myself included. This event was the last big social thing we did two years ago and I remember looking back thinking "we really shouldn't have gone to that." Little did we know - well I remember thinking it was the end of the world THEN.

OMG. positive to sad to negative to positive to dark to darker ... I'm a mess. Lol.

Anyway, I can also report that I have passively stumbled into scheduling drs. Appts for myself which is the way to go if you're me. I got a pharmacy reminder text, pushed the pretend buttons on the screen a few times, I was out of refills on one of them and next thing I know the drs office was calling to set up an appt for labs and an appt for an office visit. Easy! Still working on /prioritizing getting some more stuff.lined up for my son but it's good that happened because it may have been a few more months before I really got that done.

Also going to focus on bringing the clothes "Category" thing to a conclusion instead of a slow motion slog that kind of never ends.

And I think I could safely just remove the

Ok road, what is keeping you stuck on the paper? Please list all the reasons for keeping it. Seriously.

I really need to get in here on Saturdays!

Hi everybody, I'm reading through posts and will return.

Briefly - believe it or not I was NOT able to get rid of that dumb ream of paper.

I WAS able to finish cleaning out the bottom shelf of the vanity and get what needs to go back in there back in there. Also managed to get the stuff I had spread all over the bed back in my room so the H wouldn't know I violated his space.

Back soon!

Good morning!

Happy equinox!

I think I will not have a fire today! I will plant seeds though. And cook with eggs.

This is also a traditional time for spring cleaning, but we are going to see a friend in a play on the other side of the city this afternoon (matinee) so I will skip that.

Balance. The focus today is on balance.