Aw, Subclinical, I just want to reach through the interwebs and give you a hug. The overwhelm must be pretty strong - all the people, stuff, bustling, time deadlines... too many stimuli making your head spin, amirite?

Sort of reminds me of my moves in the past decade. Those were full of stuff, people, and deadlines. And then all the emotions triggered at every turn.

And it's so hard to get away to have a mini meltdown and release tension, one just has to keep going... stay hydrated and keep blood sugar steady if possible, that may help. Glad you have a teacher buddy who understands you.

I don't want to bombard you with advice when you're already on overload, but sending you this - just visualize it as needed.

You're doing your best - this stuff IS hard - but soon you wìll be done.

Picture yourself relaxing when it's all over.

And finally...

******* ((((HUG)))) *******

Tillie, right now I want to kick my butt.

Do you know "hymn of breaking strain" by Kipling?

It's about how we are not made to do everything but take the blame for it anyway.

I fail them, I miss things, I miss openings, I don't always know the thing to do, and sometimes I am not enough. Sometimes the opening was never there. And when I fail them, telling myself I did everything I could do just makes me angry at my own incompetence.

Dh says my superpower is stubbornness.

There is a broken bottle of abx on the floor of my basement because I dropped it. And I haven't cleaned it up. Because most weeks it would just be broken glass and liquid, but this week it's symbolic and I can't face it. If I were in a novel, I would have written it in 24 hours earlier, but the timing wasn't bad. (If i were in a novel I would have tried to clean it up and sliced myself badly)

My coworkers are all cleaning out their rooms, and the trash cans are all overflowing, and it's triggering me. And the person who helps me talk work things through the most is the worst offender and right now I really shouldn't even go in her room. I took three things out if her trash yesterday morning - right in front of her. She told me "those (dated games) haven't been used for years." And I said "I want the ziploc bags."(the kids keep their projects in them from week to week to keep them from drying out - she knows this. Many of them get worn out each year, I do throw those in the trash.) When I left work yesterday there were 4 ziploc bags in my folder. She actually dumped them out for me so I could have the bags and not face the contents. She knows about the hoarding.

I brought home an index card because a kid printed his name on it.

I have to go with my boss to a meeting on Tuesday and talk to someone's parents. I am trying to decide if I should warn my boss that I am probably going to cry. The last meeting we had like this, I cried. So perhaps the warning is unnecessary. She says I have to be there.

Today I have to drive through a cool neighborhood that is having their annual neighborhood yard sale on my ways to and from graduation. I will be the woman driving her car while chanting "no." Out loud.

Dh cleaned the kitchen last night.

Froggie got his water topped off tonight. So we can call off the badger.

Good Evening Everyone

Hi CriticalMass

BADGER< BADGER< BADGER!!!
Water that frog!!!

Good luck for your friend's applications all getting in.
So happy she is almost ready to be released and want everything to go smoothly for this transition.

Hi Subclinical
That negative self talk is bullying and I never tolerate bullying.
When that nasty talk starts up just remember if I were there I would kick your butt for being mean to Subclinical.
(((HUG)))

Wishing you a good night's sleep and a bitter sweet graduation ceremony tomorrow.

Left home early this morning.
Found a dear friend I hadn't seen in a long time and had a nice chat.
Last night I fell asleep alright but woke up about 2:30am and had a hard time getting back to sleep.
I spend my waking hours trying not to think about things that I have no control over but when I sleep my brain starts worrying and fretting.
Worrying and fretting over things we have no control over does absolutely no good.
That's when we have to turn it over to a higher power and just keep doing the best we can with what we can control.

Hi,
Reading.
Struggling
Prioritizing my kids right now but a lot going on - fighting negative self talk and despair.
Loving other people's kids is hard. (As in painful, not as in difficult.)

Dh made me dinner.

Formal graduation tomorrow.

Scooter! You sweater thief! LOL!

It's funny when they steal, though, like when our kitty was carrying my Barbie by the hair. As long as the dog doesn't take something because then you can kiss whatever it was goodbye.

Thank you Badger for the frog water reminder - got home late and it didn't get done. Alarm reminder in my phone for tonight.

At hospital, friend still doing dialysis. I'm downstairs by the chapel so I'll attend the noon Mass then grab lunch, and friend should be back in her room. There's confusion over whether her Medicaid app went in or not. She thought it had from MICU, but she was still coming off sedation and may have been thinking of a different set of paperwork. So I will be praying about it all, because the clock is ticking towards discharge time!

Had a good day today.
Got my ribs all cooked and cleaned the kitchen.
It is cold, dark and rainy here.
There is snow in the foothills and mountains.
Last week it got into the 80s, now it might snow here too.
This is why I can't put my coat, comforter or space heaters away and have to keep them right at hand.
Just wish the cats understood that I can't "fix" the weather for them.
Took my sweater off for a few minutes and Scooter stole it and put it on the couch with his flannel blanket and kitty quilt and bundled himself up in it all.

Hi CriticalMass

That's very good news about your friend.
She is making a very good compromise, since she can no longer live independently she wants to live closer to her daughter and granddaughter.

The one thing that helps me conquer my highway phobia has been when Steven has been in the hospital 80 miles from here and I need to go because I am his medical power of attorney.
There have been times when it has been necessary for me to authorize in person important medical treatments.
Other than that I refuse to drive the highway no matter what shops I could be shopping in if I did go.

Your needy bunny rescue is such a worthy cause.
Wishing you all the best in getting all the help you need.

Good luck clearing out your friend's house.
That will be hard work.
Where are you putting all the keepers?
Will they be going to the daughter's home?

BADGER, BADGER, BADGER
Water that frog!!!

So happy to hear from you today.
Take care and carry on (((HUG)))

Hi - quick pop in while I'm at the library using the fast computers to work on the bunny club newsletter. I feel bad sometimes that I can't give the bunny club more - I have a TON of ideas but am so scattered, only maybe 10% right now see fruition.

Just like with any nonprofit, especially new ones, we have way more to do and way more needs for capital and personnel than we have capital and personnel!

My friend is continuing to make progress. The case worker is now initiating finding her a place where she can have outpatient dialysis while she lives in either a rehab, a "swing bed" which is an insurance term rather than something you'd find in an amusement park, or a skilled nursing place.

My friend has decided to look for one in Salina where her daughter and granddaughters are. That would be a highway drive away from here, but I think it's smart of her to go near family. I'll miss being able to see her in person! I wish I could have a magic cure for my highway phobia - well, I've wished that for a long time. I looked up some about overcoming that sort of phobia online, and I'm going to pray about it, for wisdom and easing of fear of at least considering the idea. BABY STEPS.

I am also going to team up with the couple who are mutual friends; we are going to do the cleanout of her apartment here so that she doesn't have to pay another month's rent. So I may be pretty tired to do my own stuff at times. I haven't gotten round to deciding about laundromat vs. home.

I may just do the laundry at home after all. There will be time perhaps if my friend leaves for Salina and I won't be doing the hospital visits. Depending upon when the apartment cleanout starts I may be able to slip the laundry in. You see, I only do laundry in our machines when my roommate isn't home, due to my OCD hangups about trying to go back and forth through the house carrying clean clothes with the big dog in the way, and my need to clean the machines really thoroughly before starting - and it's just less distracting overall. **BADGER - I SEE YOU ROLLING YOUR EYES OVER THERE - JUST CUT IT OUT!**

Hope everyone's kitties are healthy and SubC's menagerie - I'm so sorry about the little goat. Oops, just remembered I need to check the water level in my frog's terrarium! I will do it tonight - sic the badger on me if I don't report in that I've done it!

So this has been a crazy whizzing by spring with my friend's situation - but with the potential for a happier ending, I'll take it!

Good Morning Everybody

Woke up this morning and it was still dark so I tried to get back to sleep but couldn't.
Finally got up and looked at the clock, 7:30!
It was dark because it's raining.
YEA!!!! for rain!!!!
Had a great night's sleep and am ready to do stuff.
Will not be doing laundry or watering in the yard today.
Will get back to cooking and still have plenty of time to play too. 🙂

Hello everyone! Quick pass in the drive-thru. I hope everyone has a good day and is feeling better. SubC I had suspected the peacock/peahen but then couldn't be sure. I do remember Flannery O'Connor writing about the screaming from the birds.

Cleaning fairies come on Saturday, which means two good things: one, they can change my sheets for me!!! Professionally! And two, I can leave the house while they are here. Much less stressful for me.

Ok off to get ready for work! Thinking of everyone, including CM, CM's friend, Joan and anony.

(((HUGS))) Subclinical

Hi Tatoulia
Thank you.

I'm just out of the shower, sitting here in my bed.
Twinkles is begging for snax but he just ate supper.
7:20pm now, at 7:30 I'll give in and give him snax just to get him to hush.

Peahen = female
Peacock=male

Usually referred to as a species as peacocks.

Drive by -tough day, my students may be the death of me yet.

Tillie I am sorry about your back pain. I'm glad you got ibuprofen at the store yesterday. I do hope you'll sleep well!

I am a big fan of Flannery O'Connor, and she and her mother kept peacocks. I seem to recall her referring to them as pea hens. Does any of this make sense?

I too am grateful that the husband is back to work and the family will be able to breathe a little easier. There but by the grace of God go I.

I love you all.

Good Evening Everybody

Hi Tatoulia
The Peacocks were a delight. Very friendly and cute.
But Peacocks have a terrible sounding "cry", loud and sounds like someone screaming.
They are the best watch dogs to have because they will sound the alarm at any little thing.
They are large birds and you can hear them stomping around on the roof.

If your turkeys start frequenting your turf just carry an umbrella and open it up and hold it between you and them.

Thanks for that positive update on the family's situation.
These days it's difficult for people to get a little nest egg together for these kinds of problems.
Especially with kids. Kids always have surprise expenses.

Have fun at the big To Do tomorrow night!

About gifts...
It really is the thought that counts.
The items are yours to do with as you please without having any guilt in the matter.
Pass it along and bless someone else with keeping it.
Unfortunately, when it's a person (like my muther) who always wanted to see that you have kept the damn thing, the thing you don't even like, it can be challenging.

Well, not surprising that today was a waste.
Made potato salad and cleaned the kitchen then took a little nap.
My back is really hurting and that keeps me from standing for any length of time.
Soon I will shower and get to bed, should sleep sound tonight since I am so tired.

I just got back from my walk. No turkey in the park, Thank goodness.

The family is on their way-the father has the car up and running and BF gave him registration $ and made him take it. So we can all breathe a little easier now.

I still want to get a little more exercise in today. Can't secide if I'll head out into the last moment of light or if I'll dance. I haven't worked on closet today. That too would give me exercise.

I feel better after my walk but perked me up considerably. I did both inside and outside walking.

I have a big to-do tmr night to go to. I'm looking forward to it.

Tillie the turkeys are scary. I don't know what should be done or what solutions the mayor is working on! I bet the peacocks were beautiful to see. Are they nice or scary or somewhere in between?

I'm glad you got to the store yesterday! I am thrilled about the new little cat quilt!!

I just threw out kitty's tissue paper today! It was a fun little Mother's Day thing. Speaking of which, I have already bagged up my mother's day gifts from various children. They are ready for goodwill. I am not being cruel. I kept their cards and I talked one out of getting me a gift card to Macy's. I have no use for the other things and I don't have the kids into my house. In fact, I try pretty hard from having them know precisely where I live. I have them meet me at BF's office. We are both more comfortable that way. A lot of these children have terrible problems/family problems.

Oh! That family is doing ok. I saw the father earlier this week and BF told me he is very close to having that "new" car in working condition and that he's been working on it Day and night and that his father gave him money for parts. My update is only as of Monday. I haven't asked since. I didn't say anything to father other than I am looking for permission to take one of his daughters to the museum, after she's out of school. The conversation was natural because he was showing me some artwork she had done.

I'm trying to get some walking in today. Hard to do everything. I'm also trying not to eat too much.

Tillie you had lunch at 9 AM. I hope if can even out for you. sleeplessness is terrible and you did the right thing by getting up.

Hello

Hi Tatoulia
WTG! for working on the linen closet.
Takes a little bit of time to get things just right.

YEA! for all the good thinking on winnowing down more items (the cup) and for good thinking about not buying something you don't need right now and it would take up space.
Just buy it when you are running low!
At the grocery store I did buy another lotion even
though I have a bottle here already.
But I had a two dollar off coupon for Keri lotion and I have been really needing something extra strong to help relieve the dryness.

Very relieved you do not take Ubers!
Way to scary and dangerous.

Miss Kitty has tissue paper.
Cats and paper, they all are very fond of paper.

Oh My!
you have seen Turkeys near where you walk!
Just stay far away from them and they most likely will not chase you.
Years ago I had a wild Turkey here.
He followed me around but was very friendly.
One day a girl Turkey showed up and joined him.

Then one year I had a male and female Peacock show up who stayed for many weeks until their owner finally discovered them and took them home.
Every evening they would come up on the front porch and peek in the screen door to let me know it was time to give them some cat kibble.

There is a Great Horned Owl here.
It's a HUGE thing.
It has never tried to hurt me but it will eat kittens and small cats.
Can't leave any cat outside until it grows too big to be eaten by the Owl.

Ate my lunch at 9:30am.
Now back to work in the kitchen.

Ok I just made the decision to get rid of a coffee mug. I like it, I've had it a long time, it used to have a mate. But I noticed that my other mugs and tea cups all fall into a color scheme and this one is too dark for the light and airy nature of my new dishes (two years ago) and my other things. So it's in the donation bin.

Linen closet update: not hard to maintain, haven't filled the spaces. I moved one thing from a basket to a different place. It's an easy and logical space now, my dear little linen closet. In fact, when I was tempted to buy a lotion I do not need, the thought that my linen closet already has a lotion (that I use every day) provided the reinforcement not to buy.

I am going to work on bedroom closet some more today. I'm swamped at work and it will provide me with some peace of mind.

Spoke too soon. Today on universalhub.com there's a picture of a turkey in Titus Sparrow park, right in my neighborhood and a place that I walk through every time I go shopping.

Good morning and coffee clinks! Tillie the turkeys are closing in! I know they've been in Brookline and now are in JP. I am truly in the city (South End) and they haven't come here yet. Although I did see one once in Downtown Crossing area and it was upsetting. I was upset that the turkey was there.

Our biggest predators are creeps, Uber drivers, and any driver that doesn't watch what they are doing. Some nights I just pray as I cross the street. I was taking ride shares on very rare occasions and I had a creepy experience so I'm back to cabs. The only thing that I liked about ride-share was the fixed cost and ease of paying via an app. I found getting into other people's cars very frightening. And my last experience was enough as I started to panic. The driver went past where I was going and got on the highway. I kept calm on the outside and just started to direct where to get off the highway and turn around using surface roads. The driver never said a word. Not one word. I was panicking. I did not report it as the entire industry is wrapped around random individuals having access to your information. So that's done for me.

I'm sorry you couldn't sleep. That is terrible and colors your entire day. Good for you to get up and cook some tasty food!!

SubC I am proud of your student wanting to talk! I'm sure you were kind and open and helpful. That student may remember your words for the rest of his life.

I don't know if the cleaners are coming today. I just texted her and asked her about today, Saturday or next week.

I have to work on my closet more today. Oh my goodness we have sunshine!!!

Just going on 5am here.
Been wide awake since 3:15am.
My brain won't shut off and keeps thinking about random annoying stuff.
Going to finish my tea and get up and start making my potato salad and cook the ribs and then wash the dishes.
Maybe I'll get a nap this afternoon.

When I lived in an antique house in the San Francisco area, it was the second highest house on a hill.
Water would flow freely through the underneath of the house every time it rained.
It rained a LOT there.
Half of the underneath was a basement, couldn't store anything there.
There was constant damp that wafted up through the house.
I dug a trench all along the two uphill sides.
The water flowed down my trench and out into the street and continued down the hill and didn't flow through the underside of the house any more.

GOOD LUCK achieving the same results!

Your Summer plans sound good, especially swimming in your pond.

There is rain predicted for the whole week here.
Hope I get some of it.

Hi Tatoulia
Today I read a news article about vicious aggressive pecking wild turkeys terrorizing some Boston neighborhoods making taking walks dangerous.
Be safe out there! ;p

Oh yes, I have many fun things planned for the summer!

Making pottery, and reading books, and swimming in the pond, and working in the yard, and digging ditches - lol!

Also writing lesson plans for next year and maybe working on my house.

It is not supposed to rain the rest of this week. (Finally!) So I decided to just dig a few shovels of ditch every day. It won't get done, but it will get better. Right now I have a 2ft long ditch. So I can move a gallon or two of water away from the barn. Doesn't sound like much unless you have ever spilled a gallon of anything on your kitchen floor.

Good Evening

Hi Subclinical
Thank you.
Sorry you have had to face the highway traffic before too.
Whenever there is an accident there it usually is really bad, never just a fender bender.

Yes, cats love lizards and dragons are big lizards.

I'm very relieved and impressed with the boy coming to speak to you.
Shows his character.

YEA! for one hip no longer paining you!
Rest up the other hip and be kind to your back too.
I'm worried about you having a ditch needing to be dug.

I understand your sadness about school finishing up.
Have you thought of something very enjoyable to do during Summer break?
Camping? Picnics? Sitting in the shade drinking lemonade and reading a book?

I looked at the watermelons today and was not impressed.
But soon the big sweeter ones will be coming in to the stores.
Until then we can enjoy our cantaloupes. 😉

Yay Tillie for being brave! I grew up off the eastern end of rt 50 and it is just the same. Had to cross it to visit my grandparents.

I got a cantaloupe this week too.

I think cats like dragons.

Tatoulia, I guess the badger was just "sick" of you not washing kitty's bed. Badgers can be so inconsiderate!

The boy with the F asked to meet with me. He apologized and we discussed what he can learn from this to help him in the future. He's a good kid.

Only seven more days of school. I am a little stressed and sad. So much grading to finish up, and evaluations, and then, no kids until September! I decided to skip swimming this week, and my hip is feeling sone better - only one hurts now.

Went to the credit union.
So proud of myself...
The credit union is not far down the highway from here.
Closer than the stores.
But, to go straight to the credit union I have to make a left hand turn onto the highway.
That highway has cars and big rigs traveling very fast in both directions, going to Las Vegas or Reno or Utah or Idaho.
It is pretty scary.
Usually I take the meandering back roads into town where there is no traffic and lots of animals to see.

Stopped by the thrift shop and bought a blouse.
Bought the absolute cutest little cat quilt.
Has six dragons embroidered on it.
Filled three water bottles at the water depot.
Bought groceries.
Fixins for potato salad and spare ribs that I will cook up tomorrow.
A pineapple, a cantaloupe and green grapes.
And some other food too.
Remembered to buy ibuprofen this time. It works better than aspirin for my aching back.

Good Morning Everybody

Hi Tatoulia
That darn Badger!

WTG! for getting all garbage & recycling out.
That one maintenance task really makes a difference.

Good idea wearing a hooded slicker since your hands would be full.
I have two umbrellas but I never use them when it rains.
They are for keeping the sun off me when I am strolling about.
It rains so seldom here that letting it fall on me is like receiving a blessing.

Drinking my morning tea and soon I will get dressed and get to the bank at 10am then the grocery store.
Wish I didn't experience such high anxiety whenever I need to leave the house.

Good morning!

SubC I hope your hips are feeling better. I'm excited about your new room!!! I am so sorry about that terrible thing. It must be so jarring. I am so sorry. I agree with Tillie's idea of the grading system. Makes so much sense.

Tillie! 88F! Wow. It is cold here. Yesterday was sunny but it was pouring, bands of rain and wind, by the time I went out. I got mom's groceries and took to her, then showered and called it a night. I wore a raincoat with a hood since I can't use an umbrella in the wind. Or while carrying groceries.

I keep waking up tired. That's not good.

All garbage and recycling out, which is good. I washed kitty's bed yesterday because the badger vomited in it. Fun fact: badger vomit looks like cat vomit. Indistinguishable.

Good Evening Everybody

Hi Tatoulia
Hope you were able to take a walk.

Hi Subclinical
Relieved you went to the Vet pharmacy for "Justin Case" for Mama goat.

I feel a fair grade would be participated or did not participate.
Some kids do their absolute best but still get Cs or less with the standard grading system.
Then they get discouraged.

The new smock is a good purchase since you need smocks for your artwork.

It got up to 88 degrees on the shady back porch today.
I did 3 loads of laundry and I dried very quickly.
Decided to water lilac bushes, grass and flowers this afternoon.
Scooter came outside with me and he only ate some fresh catnip, just a little.
Plan for tomorrow is get some cash out of the bank and then get groceries.
Bank opens at 10am so I should be home before noon.