Thunderstorm here and it's light out so I bet we get a rainbow! I am having a very productive day at work, and for that I am grateful.

CM enjoy your errands. It is so hard to get cats to take medicine. Really awful. Anony, that just goes to show how absolutely awful it is to be depressed. When I am depressed at its best everything seems hopeless and at its worst there is no point to any of it. Treat yourself well.

I think I should take stock right now. I still have miles to go but here are lessons I've learned so far. From you and others here, from reading other articles, and from living it:
1. I do not miss even one thing that I got rid of. Not one. Not my grandfather's desk, not the bookcase I had as a child. None.
2. Just because today I might be able to think of a use for, say, that small blue dish, it doesn't mean that I need it or that it is as a mistake to get rid of it.
3. Holding onto things for Justin Case is useless and futile.
4. Its okay to get rid of stuff I puchased for projects I never did. I called those items Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
5. My tastes have changed in time. Because I loved it then doesn't mean I have to love it now or that I need to keep it forever. I can let someone else love it or if all the love was used up, it's okay to toss.
6. Do not try to pass my unwanted stuff onto others. Goodwill is a great place.
7. I don't need multiples of things. I just don't.
8. I'd rather have the pain of wishing I had bought 2 than the pain of having bought 14.
9. When I'm shopping and see something cute, I don't need to buy it.
10. When did I become the person who buys stuff then decides who to give it to?
11. Do not tell mom what I've chosen to live without.
12. I will be taking nothing with me when I die.
13. Shredding my diaries was hard but I kept the indices. (You can laugh that I kept indices)
14. Don't buy a bunch of organization things. They just become physical reminders that you haven't made progress.
Make progress first, then see what you need.
15. Rubber gloves and face masks are nice.
16. Keep going. Don't stop. I tried to live with all the stuff, now time to live without it.
16. Accept all help. Twice I had a friend visiting who cleaned my kitchen. Then last month my overseas friend moved all my furniture and made me get rid of even more stuff. Fantastic.
17. Some things I love because of the memories and some things I held onto because of who gave them to me. Still no regrets at tossing/donating.
18. Support is everything.
19. Emptying the dishwasher takes about 4 minutes.
20. Space is an object!!!

Add to the list!!! I know I'll be adding to it!

Thanks for letting me take stock. Now back to work for me.

Quick drive by as it's payday and I'm going to go out & run some errands.

Kitty's crushed-up medicine is in her special wet food. She won't touch any of it. But the other kitty did the same thing, for two days, then started eating it. So I hope we'll get the same results this time.

Just wanted to drop these links for Mar, and say that I've seen studies that link ADHD with hoarding more even than OCD. My experience bears it out - I can see which thing contributes to which aspect of my hoarding fairly well. I'm not trying to say you have ADHD, Mar, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, you might...anyway, the articles are interesting and worth a look just to see.

Everyone stay well and safe.

Oh and Tatoulia, congrats, and Cory thanks for all you do for us - you're a rockstar! 🙂

~Good morning!~Coffee clinks!~
Tillie, im so glad for your fresh air! Its pretty amazing to end up so grateful for something so taken for granted, like air! 😀
Tatoulia, your Congrats from Cory is well deserved! You have been a miracle worker lately! And all the while being such an inspiration & so supportive of us, too! YEA!
Mar, the computer thing is a great idea! Im thinking of doing something similar. A combo of what youre doing & SubC, too, for exercising....tho lately ive been compulsively visiting Walton's Mountain....ha ha(old TV show on DVD). I hope your place will be better for your Dad to see! You got a good start!
SubC, id be diagnosed with a whole list of mental disorders, too, if i went to be diagnosed. Im guessing thats what your moniker means? You still get so much done, and wonderful stuff, too! Teaching children, being a great Mom & wife & animal care person & earth protector! All of that is plenty to be proud of!
CM, i hope the kitties will be ok soon?! Im glad you found out! =^-^= ~♡~ =^-^=
Yesterday i got so depressed. I dont know why. The weird thing is my place looks horrible again to me, whereas just the day before i was on such a high(manic) about how good it looked to me after getting those gross areas clean. The only difference is my state of mind. Right above that place i cleaned is a board in a window that has fallen apart & is gonna fall out soon & i cant get to it from either side. Its legitimate stuff in the way, not just stuff stacked up, but it made me feel so hopeless. I have a possible plan how to do it today...hopefully before more spiders come in through the gaping crack...

Ok I am so psyched about hearing from Cory! We are doing this, people.

Mar, when I was in grad school, one of my professors said, TV is a thief. I went to grad school nights and worked full time during the day, as did 80% of my fellow students. And he was right. If I turned on the TV, it was guaranteed to take at least half an hour if my time. But likely, much, much more. Is there a way to say, the computer is a time-burglar or some such to help you from suddenly needing to google ABC? I think you will feel much better getting away from it.

Tillie, I am grateful you are still enjoying blue skies and pink nail beds! CM I am so sorry about the continued kitty problems. Sending love and support. SubC that is a lot of work with the goats. I hope the injections go well and that you are able to rid them of the terrible parasite. Anony it sounds like you had a great day with your friend. I'm not a Dr Who person yet have respect and reverence for the fans and the joy they experience.

I likely left some people out, I'm still savoring the message from Cory. And some unknown birdie (Miss Kitty is eyeing Tillie)

MUCH MUCH LOVE AND GRATITUDE TO CORY AND TO A LITTLE BIRDIE! I'm swooning and crying. Thank you so much! It's been a group effort so far and it will be a group effort as we move forward. I will work on pictures this weekend!

Hello everybody 🙂

All day today I had clear blue skies and pink toe nails.
Amazing what breathing oxygenated air can do to energize a human and cats.
All day I was so busy.
Did a TON of laundry
Watered some bushes
Cleaned the bathroom, wiped the vanity counter top so I did something for the surface challenge
vacuumed the carpet
Straightened and tidied this & that
Played and petted cats since they were awake and very active today too
Scooped litter boxes and swept.

Since the smoke cleared, tomorrow I plan to go to town and pay the property tax bill.

Hi Subclinical 🙂
Good luck with the goat shots.

Hi Mar 🙂
YEA!!!! WAY TO GO! for one box done! 😀

Hi CriticalMass 🙂
I am glad girl kitty peed on you so now you can help her. (((HUGS)))

Mar, you packed a box! That was terrific! You packed a box, you kept a healthy meal schedule, and you came up with a plan to separate yourself from the computer! That is a great start.

I'm glad your dad will help you. Knowing he is coming should help you not stay with the computer.

Tatoulia, you got a congratulation from Cory! Way to go!

CM, hopefully the girl kitty just has what the boy kitty had and will be better soon.

I can relate to the doll buying - it there something that would help give you willpower?

I kept up with my addition surfaces today and made tiny progress in the studio - I cleared off half a six foot table so I can work.

I spent some time on the phone with a vet today about a problem i've been having with the goats. Apparently my wormer has stopped working and tomorrow I have to give all 21 goats (even the apparently healthy ones) shots and reclean all the stalls. Ug.

Took some packaging to the ups drop off and three empty plastic bags bag to the studio for people to wrap clay.

Hi all!

I packed a box!

SubC, I hope you're feeling better.

I have friends here, but I don't want them to see my horrible mess. It's so embarrasing! Then, I can't consider them for helping with this 🙁
But, I'm thinking, what I could do is to save my laptop in my desktop in the space of students of my university. I still have things in it. I need to take the recyclables there, anyway. I'll do so tomorrow! The risk is stay with the computer instead of going back to home...

My dad is coming here tomorrow, we agreed he will help me. I'm sorry that he will find the place as bad as always.

Today I managed to have breakfast and lunch at time and without the computer 🙂

Tatoulia, your progress has been awesome! It makes me feel hopeful 🙂 WTG!!!

Hi Cory! Nice to see you here!

Tillie, I hope there is no more smoke 🙂

Anony, good that you spend time with your friend 🙂

CM, it's so good to be motivated. Sorry for the poor girl kitty. I will pray for all of you 🙂

The "official" thing with me is some depression. Unofficial: Maybe I've some OCD issues. I also have some features of ADD, but for diagnosis it's necessary to present symptoms since childhood, rigth?

I'd like that my life was not so "interesting", hehe.

Welp. It's Thursday and August already.

I had set aside this day to go to the church quilting room and work on getting that quilt binding done. I was so motivated, I was waking up early like I'd planned...

...and then while lying there in the bed dozing lightly, I got treated to

KITTY URINARY MADNESS II: THE SEQUEL
Featuring The Other Cat

Yes. Somehow we didn't put two and two together. The male's urine was stinky, that's how we noticed the problem in the first place. The cats had also been more than usually snarly with each other in the weeks leading up to the discovery.

So male kitty has been treated and is on special food (what my reading online is revealing though is that the real culprit is feeding dry food at all). And when we got a pee sample for retesting, his didn't seem to have blood in it, yet I had seen some recent bloody pee here and there. Plus if he'd been confined up front, why was there bloody urine in the back of the house. Etc.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, female kitty jumped up on my bed this morning and went right on the blanket and my leg, and when I turned the lamp on, no mistaking, it was the bloody pee. Last night I had gotten a sample of that to take to the vet this morning from a puddle on a plastic bag, thinking it was boy kitty's.

So now we may or may not have a week of medicating girl kitty and keeping them in separate "wings" of the house. What's scary is that I Googled bloody urine in female cats and it can be the sign of more serious conditions. So prayers for our kitties would be appreciated if you want to send some up. And for our own frazzled nerves! 😛

Of course, there was clutter on my bed, which made stripping the bed to wash bedding, mattress cover, etc. more complicated. And that had been one of those "Round TUIT" things I'd been meaning to do when NOT under pressure. But at least it'll be done, finally, and I'll have nice fresh bedding.

There have been ups and downs Went to a small local Doctor Who con on Saturday and my roommate bought us both Dalek necklaces. It was fun. We still need to get hold of Peter Capaldi's final season (12, I think?) and the new lady doctor DVDs from the library. We don't have cable, BritBox only has Classic Who, and we don't always rush to buy the DVD sets, which we probably should just go ahead and do but we forget or are low on money.

Tillie take care of yourself with that oxygen - glad it's better.

Anony, DE is fabulous for flea and pest control without toxins. And one bag lasts a long time. Death to fleas!

SubC - I am pretty sure I'm subclinical autism spectrum too, and I'm "official" on the ADD/OCD and some other fun stuff. Makes life interesting, doesn't it.

My naughty thing this spring and summer has been buying more dolls (mostly Barbies) than I planned - not expensive ones, but I'm reining in the addiction for the most part. Having the van and getting back into the swing of life helps. And I'm getting to the point of ALMOST having the sewing table cleared off - except that one of the places Girl Kitty was peeing was - you guessed it! Luckily she didn't ruin anything significant, but the items that were on the floor under the table are now on top of the table. Some of them will be gone forever soon I hope.

I have a disabled friend I want to help but her clutter is serious and includes rotten food and bugs - according to a mutual friend. It's a complicated situation - strained relations with her family members who could help. Trying to figure out what to do. It's complicated. More about that on another thread soon, possibly in the forum about helping others. It makes me want to deal with my stuff while I do still have my health...

Time to put the bedding in the dryer - had to rinse it a second time.

Iced tea clinks

Tatoulia...
Where to even start?? A little birdie told me about some amazing progress you have made! So much progress in fact that you are now having cleaners and painters come in? That is the best news EVER!!

Much love!
Cory Chalmers

Hi mar,
I can relate to getting stuck on the computer. It's a great tool for avoiding tasks we find unpleasant! Also, many of the things on line are designed to be addictive. They draw you in and make your brain give you little happiness rewards.

Decluttering, otoh, is hard work.

Do you have a friend who can come support you and help keep you on task? Or even one who will hold your computer (or phone?) for a while?

It will also help you on the decluttering if you build in breaks for rest and healthy meals or snacks - but no "just getting online/checking e-mail while I eat." That is how you suddenly realize you lost 4 hours.

Tatoulia, enjoy your clean house and your friend today.

Tillie, I am glad you have sky! I hope it keeps clearing off!

Some of what is going on with me may be hormonal, but a lot of it is just different flavors of my personal "normal" - I have had periods of low level mania and depression, mild ocd symptoms, and bouts of disassociation my whole life. The skin thing is a new physical sensation, but feeling "separate" from or repelled by my body is not a new one. (That sort of thing is where my name came from - subclinical depression, subclinical ocd, borderline aspbergers...)

I need to make a (routine) doctors appointment, but I am putting it off because I don't want another thing I have to do. I have no interest in hormone therapy - my mom tried it and hated it and quit, and the side effects worry me.

Not sure what my plans are for today, except I have class tonight.

Hi every one!

A long time without writing, again...

I went some days to visit my dad and stayed longer than expected, so the work on my rented room clutter was left parked for a while.

After coming back, I have been leaving my volunteer activities and related classes, with the intention of dedicating myself completely to packing, clearing, and cleaning.

The problem now is that I get stuck in the computer: social networks, news, articles, seeing items and discounts in online stores, editing photos,... They aren't bad things, some may even be useful, but since I've urgent work to do, all this is just wasting my precious time! D:

Because of this, sometimes I miss the meals times and make very little use of the day 🙁 I feel like I'm a mess and an irresponsible person.

Also, there are people interested in renting this room that I'm occupying now!

Yes Tatoulia
We did it!
And I am so happy for you I have tears of joy.
(((((HUGS)))))

Wow! Blue skies! Congratulations Tillie & Cats! SubC you did a great job on surfaces today! I hope the bike ride helped you. I'm sorry that even your skin is causing you frustration and bad feelings. Anony looking forward to hearing about your fun day.

I slept then I had an English muffin and a peach. Now I'm going to think about going to bed. Yes I'm happy with the cleaning. I'm out my rug back and it looks terrific. Kitty is back on her chair and she looks so happy.

I'm meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow. I haven't seen him in a while and I'm looking forward to it. We are supposed to have high temperatures and oppressive humidity but I'm too busy being happy for Tillie to care!

Tillie can you believe that a year ago, and for many years, I'd engage in self-loathing because I couldn't stand a dirty apartment in the summer? And now I'll have cleaners every other week. We did it.

I can actually see patches of BLUE SKY!!!
And the sun is so clear that I can not look directly at it any more!!!
HAPPY DANCE! ;D

Hi Subclinical 🙂
Glad you decided to ride the bike.
Exercise is better than being frustrated about being torn between the studio and the house.
No need to answer here online...
but, how are your hormone levels?
What you described is how it felt for me during change of life.
I also feel that way whenever I eat soy because I am very allergic to it.
Take care and feel better soon. (((HUG)))

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
I always wonder why manufacturers always have to add so much salt to everything.
Well, I do know the answer, but that's beside the point.
Whenever I get V8 I get the low sodium and doctor it up with some fresh lemon juice.
Don't be hard on yourself or push yourself to "get over" your new emotions about having the cleaning ladies come in.
You have never done this before and it will take time for you (and Miss Kitty) to adjust to the new normal. (((HUGS)))

The surfaces in the new room were the easiest. It gets picked up most often. It was mostly to give me a leg up.

Tillie, I hope your air continues to improve!

And Anony, I hope you had a great day with your friend. Glad your clean spaces are giving you a boost!

Tatoulia,
It does not surprise me at all that you feel stressed. Having people in my space and change both make me feel unsettled, and the cleaning is lots of both of those!

I have been trying to make some progress, but I mostly keep walking back and forth aimlessly between the studio and house - I will start a job and need something in the house, start another thing and remember I left something half done in the studio...

I need to finish work for class, but my studio is overwhelming and my creative energy is like a battery that won't even jump start.

I feel really low on energy in general, and hot (feverish hot, not sweaty hot) and like my skin is made out of something uncomfortable - like slimy dirt or an itchy sweater - and I am tensing up trying to pull away from it inside myself. I literally just want to peel it off like really dirty clothes. Not a good mental health afternoon.

I think I am going to get a book and go ride the bike - one, it will be something accomplished, and two, I don't want dh to let me off the hook when this is hard, but I might cry if he comes home and takes my iPad.

Thank you Tillie. I so appreciate this support. I didn't think it would be taxing on me. I'm going to have a v-8 and see how I feel. I never drink v-8 and for some reason bought some last weekend.

Oh I forgot hue salty v-8 is. I'm not a fan of salt, and I bought the hot and spicy one. If not for the salt, this would be delicious. Next time I'll buy low sodium and spice it up myself. I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish this. I may need to bring the remainder to work. I bought a six pack so I can easily bring the other five to the office.

I have peaches. I'll go have a peach.

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
Just think how much farther along you are getting your home all fixed up since you do not have to do all the scouring and scrubbing all by yourself.
I am so proud of you for being so brave and hiring cleaning ladies. (((HUGS)))
Just one year ago you were no where near the place to have people in to clean and now you are well on your way to twice a month regular routine cleaning help. ;D
Have fun with laundry, treat yourself to an indulgent snack.
Don't worry about the calories, today a treat is calorie free for you.

Checking in. Still a little stressed, which surprises me. Doing laundry. Working. I made lunch and I'm still a bit hungry.

Tillie that is frightening that your oxygen was so low that your nailbeds were blue. My goodness!

Good to see everyone posting and thank you again for your support.

Hi Anonymoniker 🙂
Have a wonderful & fun time today with your friend 😀
WAY TO GO! for all that hard work you did tackling those areas!
You asked earlier about the wind direction...
If the wind had come from the west or north it would have brought more wildfire smoke this way.
Coming from the south there is still Yosemite burning in that direction but it's less smoky than the other fire.
The wind never comes from the east here because it comes from the direction of the Sierra Nevada mountain range which is to the west of me.

Tillie, your nails turned blue from the smoke?!!? That is awful?!! Im so glad its better now! 😀

~♡~Good Morning!~♡~
SubC, good for you to already have those surfaces cleared & cleaned on day one! 😀
Tatoulia, how exciting to finally have things at this point now! They were probably just trying to do their new job well by pointing out what was dirty & needed done, not criticizing you or your house. Congrats on doing this! 😀
Tillie, have fun breathing fresh air today! ;D
It feels so good to see these new cleaned areas, rather than cringe in disgust every time i walk by them! 😀
I have sudden fleas everywhere. Both tame cats let me flea comb them & put DE on them & the bedding, etc. It is nothing like as bad as in CA, even on my boat surrounded by water. The vet was always very interested in what products worked best, since i was essentially an island....non were as good as DE, tho. I didnt know about it then.
Today is a fun day with my friend! YEA!
~☆~♡~☆~♡~☆~♡~☆~♡~☆~♡~☆~♡~☆~

Good Morning Everybody.
Iced tea "Clink!" 🙂

Tatoulia (((((HUG)))))
How wonderful the cleaners are there!
You have come such a long way in your journey to reclaim your home.
WE ARE ALL SO VERY PROUD OF YOU! 😀
Relax and enjoy the freshness.
Love you (((((HUGS)))))

Hi Subclinical 🙂
Great way you explained the healing and cast removal.
WAY TO GO! for a fantastic start on the surface cleaning challenge! 😀
Enjoy all your baked goods and especially the homemade ice cream. (((hug)))

Still smoky but right now it's not as bad as it had been the last few days.
Hoping the winds return and bring us more air to breathe.
My house smells funky. Everything needs to be washed off or laundered.
My toe nails are pink again.
Last several days the oxygen levels in my body were so low that my nails were blue.
But until more smoke clears, today will be another day of just being still and watching Netflix.
😉

SubC THANK YOU. Giant hugs!

I have had my own casts as a kid. You are right. I had the old plaster ones.

The cleaning people are cheerful and nice. They are glad they be here and when I apologized, the one who speaks English told me not to apologize and said, you're too busy. They are hardworking and sweet. I offered to pay her more $$ today and she said no. They are happy to be here and they defihave a new customer. No question. They are mopping my floor now. Kitchen and bathroom are done. I'm staying out of their way and just concentrating on my work.

I just tipped them 15 and they were thrilled. I haven't looked around yet. I just need to be peaceful and see if kitty will come out.

Homemade ice cream. With milk from your farm. What a treat.

Tatoulia, you don't have kids, so i'm guessing you have never taken one to get a cast off. When the cast comes off, no matter how "good" or "careful" you and the kid have been about following instructions, it is smelly. And the skin under it is pale and gross.

So the kid goes home and really washes the arm or ankle or whatever that has been itching for weeks, and then the skin is red and irritated looking but now the skin is out in the air and it is healing and healthy, and as long as the kid continues to bathe regularly, in a few days to a week, the affected part is back to normal.

That is your house. You have been healing. And now you can open it up to sunlight and air and cleaning people and it will be just fine.

But you don't need to be ashamed that it got yukky. you were broken. And now you are better. And if the cleaning people can't realize that you wouldn't need their help if your house was clean - you have the wrong cleaning people!

We are PROUD of you!

I have been baking and churning ice cream this morning, and so I have needed to stay in/near the new kitchen, and I have cleaned off all of the surfaces in the addition!

My nerves are shot

But I'm breathing and waiting for it to end

Cleaners are here and they are no fooling around. They are doing kitchen and bathroom top to bottom then I asked them to do my floors only. They will come next week to clean rest of house. Yes it needs that much scrubbing. And I don't care. I told her I'm depressed all the time. I thought that would help.

Basically they asked me what to concentrate on and I said bathroom and kitchen. She mentioned that my bathroom is really dirty. Yikes. But I don't care. One has been cleaning my tiny kitchen for the past hour.

If they do the deep clean today and next week, then they can start coming every two weeks and they'll be able to do the whole house in two hours.

I keep telling myself I'm not embarrassed. I might be ashamed, though. But I'm going in the right direction.

Hello ladies! Iced tea clinks!

Wow! So much progress yesterday! Great work! Here's my feeling on routine maintenance. Sometimes I post it, other times I don't for the very reason Anony mentioned/I don't want to feel like I've made progress just by doing the basics. Other times, I need to post it so I can show myself that I have made progress!

Tillie I am grateful for the southerly wind that is helping clear the air!

The cleaning lady is coming at 8. I sure hope she doesn't think I'm one of those who cleans for the cleaning lady (insert sheepish from here)

WTG everyone for your great work yesterday!!!

Thank you for the tip!

I have a bunch of type 1 food containers in the basement to send things home with people. I figured the berry ones would be good for blackberries (they are bad this year, but usually we have tons and friends come to pick.) I would not want to share mold!

I don't think the reuse store will take them, they are lidded clamshells, not the old fashioned baskets, but they do require that items brought in be sorted, so I could fill them with things like bottle caps. Then the reuse store would probably throw them away, but I won't always have a reusable paper bag or spare ziplock. Used twice is a little better than used once.

Sometimes when I get too many of these containers in my basement, I take them to school and give them to kids as take home boxes for small projects.

I feel less responsible for these particular containers because I did not buy them. I did buy two plastic shells of little tomatoes this week. It frustrates me, but I can't buy them loose. I need to do better with my garden next year!

Tillie, I am very glad that you have some fresh air.

It's August! Time to address a surface.