Tatoulia (((hug))) 🙂

Anonymoniker and Subclinical

I feel that today we all made great progress working together.
Being so open and totally honest with each other.
I believe that this has opened up new horizons for us all.
I loved you both before and after the talks today I understand and love you both even more.

Without each and every one here I do not know where I would be today.
You all give me encouragement and the courage to carry on. (((HUGS)))

Tillie! Well aren't we a lively bunch this night! Sorry I was such a bugger! I love your story about the shoes and falling through the ice. Heartbreaking.

Tillie I feel like my time on earth is limited. (Of course of is). I need to be comfortable at home. And I need to guard against bringing stuff in. I want more to go. I want to get rid of more.

Anony I have never acknowledged your past drug abuse. What incredible strength you have. We love you. I love you. SubC I stand right by your side. Today and every day. Because of you I will not use a plastic straw. And that makes me feel good. I look at packaging in a whole new way.

Hey kids I love you both so much. Forgive my momentary defensiveness. Tomorrow is a new day and I am confident we will be back in sync. I was taking a leap of faith that I could speak up without losing you.

I just meditated for 40 minutes and I feel better. But mainly I feel better because I have you for friends.

Do you know what's kind of funny? And I realized it today? That my house is starting to resemble the house I grew up in. It's getting a coordinated, rather posh living room and my "library/study area" is reminding me a bit of our study growing up. I've managed to create some of it (giant kudos to my artist friend) while living in about a fifth of the space.

And you all here have helped me. And from the bottom of my heart, I needed you then and I need you now.

Thank you again for being here for me.

I was really enjoying learning so much more about Subclinical and Anonymoniker with this free exchange.
Everybody telling how we think and feel about our possessions.

So very sorry Tatoulia if we made you feel criticized or unwelcomed in any way.
It was never our intention. (((HUGS))) 🙁

Like I said this morning, we are all at different places in our lives and we have all come from such different and varied life histories.

🙁

I also was not trying to imply that your viewpoint was in any way invalid! I thought I was actually clear that I saw both as valid?

I also don't think it is opposite, but I do think it is different - you are further along in your decision making and able to look at things and value them honestly as far as what they mean to you personally, and that is great! (Magazines, no, China, yes!) but I think being able to do that is an important part of the not regretting.

When I first started clearing out, everything that had a memory was important. And when I realized I couldn't keep it all, I started using secondary traits to cull some if it, and I think that is why I missed some things. Because sometimes it turns out that a ratty old comic book was actually more important than a pretty scarf pin that you can actually wear.

So I felt like I needed to support being in a place where you need to keep both the comic book and the scarf pin until you get to where you really understand what matters to you and why.

And I would say "don't use other values to cull sentimental items." But when I was doing it, I thought "keep the stuff that serves more than one purpose - sentimental AND useful." And if it had worked well for me (and in some cases it did) I might be suggesting it to people - because it's a valid viewpoint. It just turned out to be not the best approach for me. and "keep everything that seems important now, work on refining your values later" is also a valid viewpoint. But they are not opposite, just different approaches to the problem.

And I did say that I thought you had decided the sentimental stuff (books example) was not as valuable to you as it once was and the space (for China example)was worth more than the stuff (books example) I may not be there, but I am taking note of your example.

The reason i reacted that way about my Grandmother's things is because i realized just this week that she was the only person that ever stood up for me & defended me from my Mother's relentless criticism & anger towards me. Ive been crying a lot over that the past few days. I was just reflecting how i felt, not being in opposition of anyone else. Im sorry if you saw it that way, Tatoulia. I did not mean anything more than my own view of my own life. ~♡~

Tatoulia? What made you feel criticized or unwelcome? We are each speaking from our own experience & situations. You have made wonderful progress & been incredibly inspiring & supportive. I dont understand what made you feel that way? Please know that we all love you & our own paths do not negate yours, in any way.

Please don't cast me as having an opposite viewpoint. I am terribly sentimental. Best value there is.

The thing that was hardest to give up was the idea that I'd ever have a house, a yard, a basement and an attic. That was really, really hard. It was really hard to have to decide which items are actually sentimental and which I've attached a false sentimentality to. I have my great grandmother's chair and I sit in it at my desk every single day. I have her embroidered handkerchief, framed and hung on my wall. A woman I never met and who died at age 52. I am a firm believer in sentiment. I just had to give myself a break. It was so hard, I've been on here for four years trying to get my house back. When I first moved here, my place was the one that everyone in the building came to. My downstairs neighbor would do the cooking and my upstairs neighbor and basement neighbor would come over. I miss doing that. I miss having people over.

I know I'm being defensive but I support us all. I do not recommend getting rid of anything if you're not ready. I just want space back. I need a clean place again. I believe in having sentimental things?we are not on opposite viewpoints. Not for a second. I got rid of sentimental things by redefining sentiment. My years in grad school were so happy and yet, I let go of my books. I absolutely believe in keeping whatever needs to be kept.

My mother once begged me to keep her piles of magazines once she's gone. I told her that's a terrible burden, I'd rather make room for her wedding china. And I use it and I love it. I had to give up four shelves of books to keep my mother's china, but I needed to balance my books vs something of my mother's.

My decisions will continue to be hard for me. My lack of regret is a gift and I know that. Please don't cast me as having an opposite, invalid viewpoint. We are all on the same team.

What? Tatoulia, I just saw your post.

What did I do to make you feel criticized or unwelcome?

I am sorry! I think what you have done is amazing and you inspire me to keep working on my house!

Because I think wanting to keep your sentimental stuff is a valid viewpoint? I do. But it's not the only viewpoint. I think for you, the sentimental stuff had lost it's value and was not worth giving up your space for it. And that is fine. And I am glad you gave not missed any of it! I just don't want Anony (or anyone else) to feel like there is something wrong with their they would - both ways to be are ok.

One huge thing I have been working on is getting the word "should" out of my vocabulary.

It is going the speed it is going. Sometimes I have to remind myself that any day I do a thing that won't have to be done again tomorrow is progress - it puts me that much ahead tomorrow. And the work is not linear, it builds on itself. So if you think "but at this pace it will take me 109 years to get to the finish line" - it is not true. As you work on the environment, it improves, you get stronger, things become easier, and progress happens!

My balance sheet feels weighted pretty heavily on the bad side today (I don't share everything here because some things are very outside the topic and I am lucky and have dh right here to support me, but it was a bad farm day) but I am trying really hard to focus on the progress I have made so I can build on it.

Dishes are running, got a load of laundry done, bunny is better groomed and can't hurt herself with her nails anymore. I made a pitcher of iced tea, and ice cream mix, so ice cream tomorrow.

My chairs are still unpiled, my floors are good, my surfaces are still better than they were July 31. I was able to lay hands instantly on my stockpiled wax paper and I know not to buy more, And there is a bowl in the closet with the beginning of a collection to take to the resale store - instead of that being in a trash bag. And I didn't go yardsaling. I brought nothing in but eggs (because of the new wormer I have to dump all the milk for 9 days)

Hello SubC and Anony. I feel criticized and unwelcome. I thought we were in this together.

~Wine clinks!~
Tillie & SubC, thank you so much for your concern & suggestions. I pretty much am doing what youd each suggested, its just going much slower than it should. It seems there are always things in the way of my progress, besides just my own procrastination. As far as buying more things, i dont do that at all anymore. I have to really push myself just to get what i really need. My shopping binge years were when i was wealthy, before the crash of 2008, and i was doing drugs then that were a big factor, too. Now, i have a bit of a hang up about shopping & dont even buy what i need.
The earthbag house is still in my plans, but a lot of research & planning still needs to be done. I know that if the rest of my place is hideous & disgusting, im not going to be happy, so im trying to get that all in a better place first. Im afraid once i do have another place to sleep & be, that the wildlife will totally take over the trailer & destroy everything i own. I just dont have the drive right now to take but so much on. Its super hot outside & inside. Replacing the bedroom A/C will help some. Its 90 in here now.
It has worked well for me to do what is in that quote, but its all so slow & hindered by constant critter battles.

Hi Subclinical 🙂
WTG! trimming Bunny's nails! 😀

At the tack & feed store here they have a lot of different products for use on different animals.
Here they have a whole section on products specifically for use with rabbits.

When I still had my dog, Cocker Spaniel, there was an organic ear wash soap that I got there for her.

The label said it was approved for use on dogs, cats and rabbits.

Maybe near you is a tack & feed store with something natural for use on rabbit fleas?

Hi Anonymoniker 🙂
So very sorry about those nasty cheese eating %$#& ants.

We were flooded with pissants this year and nothing worked until in desperation I got some of those ant bait traps.
Was really surprised when they also worked on the smaller reddish brown biting ants too.
bought them at Dollar Tree, box of 4 for a dollar.

Please listen to Subclinical.
She has given you some sage advice. ;D

Anony, we posted at the same time.

I worry so much about your house. I feel like if you just had a critterproof dry place to start, you could do so much!

Do you have a plan for the earthbag house, or did it become overwhelming? Do you know about Permies.com? They might have building ideas you can use? Just to have a room with a door and a window and no water leaking in and no bugs or skunks where you could sleep and keep your most important things.... it would give you a starting point.

Yes, the part Tillie quoted - just keep doing that!

As you keep moving through your home making it cleaner and more organized:

Use (or trade or sell) the things you have when you need to.
Get rid of the things you are sure you won't need.
And don't buy anything unless you are sure you need it right then.

And when you find something sentimental that is important to you, hopefully you will have a clean, safe place to put it where you can enjoy it.

I cut the bunny's nails. I am still finding fleas. 🙁

Tillie, thank you so much for your comforting words. You are such a dear, but it clearly isnt enough. Ive gotten very little done, especially considering i have almost no other responsibilities. The critters are running the show right now & i cant seem to win the battle. I know we all have different situations & stages of progress, but even if i could just get my place clean id be thrilled. I cant even discuss what is in my way of activity now & for the past few days & the next few days. Its very depressing. I did clean my water filter & found the back flush washer thing, which is useless. I got some sunflower seeds planted for sprouts, which means watering it 3 times a day with this heat for almost a week for one salad, and if i go out for the day in between, theyll die. Right now everything seems completely futile. I casually brushed the tiny cheese crumbs off the counter & now a ton of tiny stinging ants are covering the floor. Ive used everything on them. They dont care. Ill just have to wait for them to finish the cheese. I rarely even get cheese. I rationalized it cuz itd be a treat for the cats too. My visit on Waltons Mountain is almost over since i only have the 1st season. The Waltons had it quite cushy compared to me, believe it or not, Great Depression or not...

" What ive been doing so far is just tossing things that im sure of it being ok to let go of. "

And Anonymoniker
that's alright.
You have been working very hard to improve your place.
You have been cleaning up the bits of rubble that are obvious trash outside.
You have been cleaning up spooky spider hangouts.
You have been finding things that you see no use for ever in your life.

Please don't think what you are doing is not good enough.

Like I said, we are all at different places and circumstances in our lives.

Please keep posting about your thoughts and emotions as you continue to find newer and better solutions to your living conditions.

NOBODY here is telling anybody what to let go of.
That is such a personal decision as to what we keep or not.

Do not measure your accomplishments against anybody else.
Celebrate every little thing you do to make your home a nicer place to be.
(((((HUGS)))))

My years of shopping binges & stockpiling saved me during my severe poverty a few years ago. It was like having a savings account for trade barter, and things to sell, when the stock market took all i had. The things i bought excess of, like wax paper type items, allowed me to use them, rather than not have any to use. My financial situation is very shakey still. I have no income, nor anyone supporting me with an income. I dont know what i will do if/when i run out of money this time. All of this makes it difficult to toss things that may, again, help me survive. What ive been doing so far is just tossing things that im sure of it being ok to let go of.

We are all individuals who are at different places in our lives and have all traveled such different paths.
But we meet here today with one goal in mind.
To make our homes safe and comfortable sanctuaries.

Things like wax paper and having one in use and one tucked away for later in the cupboard is what I like to have.

I have all my favorite vinyl LP records (about 100) and a record player to play them.

I also have all my favorite music CDs (about 40)that I play on my Blu-Ray player.
I also have my favorite Blu-Ray and DVD movies (about 80).

The only online service I pay for is Netflix and I have no other ways to play music that would play all my favorites.

I have spent time doing a lot of thinking about what my priorities are and having these things are one of my priorities.

Sentimental things...
My Granma's charm bracelets were not dear to me.
I have many other things of her's that are.

But mostly people would think I am not sentimental because it's not the items that mean much to me, it's the memories I truly treasure.

About poverty and homelessness...
in my life I have found that being free of excess, having only the bare necessities have helped me better than trying to stockpile too much for "Justin Case".
I have always been able to find what I need to survive.
And sometimes my survival depended on being able to get up and go, leaving it all behind.

Like my cousin who I affectionately call Huckleberry.
When he was 16 he got hired on to work as a carpenter's apprentice.
His first paycheck he bought his very first pair of new shoes.
All his life he went barefoot or borrowed a pair of shoes from someone when needed.
His new shoes meant the world to him, he was so proud.
One night walking home from work he took a short cut over the frozen lake.
It was too early in the Winter yet and the lake was not yet solidly frozen over.
He fell through the ice.
Struggling to save his life all alone out there in the dark he knew the shoes were dragging him down deeper into the lake.
He finally knew he had to kick off and lose forever his shoes.

Sometimes we need to let go to save ourselves.

Anony, I am completely opposed to tossing out useful or sentimental things. And I have gotten rid of things and regretted it.

Here is more where I am:

If I know I will use it eventually - I keep it. I just now searched my kitchen for waxed paper and couldn't find any, so I went down to the basement and got a new box roll of waxed paper. I can't remember the last time I bought waxed paper, but I know from the clearance tags it was 25 cents a roll. I may never have to buy waxed paper again because I don't use it very often. If I got rid of it, I could use the storage space for about two shoeboxes worth of something else. I don't have two shoeboxes worth of something else i'm currently willing to buy storage space for (I would eventually have to buy some waxed paper) so it stays.

If I have no idea when or how I will use it and somebody else can use it - I give it to them. Sometimes by
donating it to a charity shop so the someone else can find it.

If I don't need it right now and my kids need it, I give it to them.

If it appears useless and can be recycled or composted, I do that.

If it is definitely trash and I can't imagine any way for it to be useful or it will cause problems by staying around, I put it in a trash can somewhere. (Usually the grocery store parking lot because it is usually plastic food packaging. (Sometimes I struggle with this - like with styrofoam - might become useful, might become recyclable...)

If I love it or it means something to me, I keep it.

If it is supposed to mean something to me, or might mean something to someone else, but I don't really like it, I feel guilty and frustrated and I keep it.

I think it is that last category that is where we need to work on releasing "sentimental" things.

As for useful things (like your obsolete music devices) I think it is ok to keep them if they can be used and you aren't sure you won't need them and it would be hard to replace them - that is where poverty makes things hard. But if you are giving up something else more important by keeping them "Incase" (like a healthy environment) then they have to go. However, wanting to keep them might help you identify other things that should go instead....

~Good Morning to all!~
Ive been struggling to decide whether to post my honest, but unpopular thoughts on my experiences with tossing out sentimental things & especially electric & tech things. For instance right now i dont have music cuz its through my phone & im out of high speed data. I bought more, but it wont work. I found 3 walkman style cd players in that gross area i cleaned. They will easily fit in my tub of cds, which would give me the option of music, if needed. I plan to pull them out of my trash bag. This sort of thing has actually happened a lot, but i havent posted it cuz its not in line with our growth philosophy. For me, hanging on to older tech things that i need that have become obsolete has been wise many times over. Also, the thought of tossing my Grandmother's things makes me cry. Also, i have memories of hard times,that i survived by being creative, that remind me that im strong. I cant figure out why its different for me, but if id had regular trash pick up & couldnt retrieve things, id have a lot of regrets, so my rule has been, when in doubt, dont throw it out. I know yall are way ahead of me with your progress, but if i did have regrets, i would not want to keep going at all. Avoiding regretful tossing of things has seemed to work well for me?

Good Morning 🙂

Hi Subclinical 🙂
Great job you are doing there taking care of all your creatures, great and small. (((HUG)))
WAY TO GO! for all you have done already today!
Happy you are not going to that big yard sale.
You seem to do very well finding what you need at your thrift shop and yard sales are physically exhausting with too many temptations. (((HUGS)))

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
The chairs sound beautiful.
No wonder Kitty likes her's. 😉
Hope you are able to get your Mom's nighties all sorted out so she has enough to wear between washings.
Maybe you could read "Digging Out".
It tells about "Hazard Reduction".
Where we just keep the home safe and not fuss about the clutter.
Trash out, open paths, no fire dangers, no spoiled/out dated food, pet care/cleaning, etc.
This is what I do in Steven's bedroom and am always trying to do in the garage/yard/carport.
No reason to stress your Mom out as long as she is safe and happy. (((HUG)))

Going out to water in a few minutes.
Thin smoke in the air, not at all like before.
Last night the smoke smelled wonderful, like incense.
Like a lovely exotic forest was burning down.
This weekend is predicted to be a bit cooler before the heat returns next week.
My plan is to just enjoy breathing. 😉

Good to see your sense of humor is helping you cope, SubC! Playing to your strengths!

I have no plans for today. Good feeling.

Today is the big yard sale day in the little town next door.

I am not going. (One of the advantages of this detached/indifferent feeling is that it makes that a whole lot easier - play to your strengths...)

Dh will be home at 1:00 today and he told me I have to have an accomplishment list. (Actually he said "don't just sit on the couch with your computer or book, ok. I'll be home at 1 and you can tell me what you did.")

So far I filled out my calendar for August, did my chores, and started a load of laundry.

SubC great news on bunny! And good work getting the goats taken care of! You are doing a good job and I know it takes extra effort due to the apathy.

Tillie the chairs are ice blue upholstery and I actually have some pillow cases that closely match. I had one on the chair in the bedroom but it's the living room chair she's fallen for. I'll vacuum today and put a pillow case on it. The chairs are round with cane sides and upholstered backs and seats. So I think she likes the comfort of being in a rounder space and the cane is both open and closed. The one I've kept in my living space is next to my desk and faces the hallway. Prime viewing spot.

I went to do laundry and there's an earlier bird on their second or third load! So I will do tomorrow or later in the day.

I'm enjoying coffee right now. Delicious.

I'll take mom out tmr. It's way too hot and humid today. I may stop up as I bought her a few very nice cotton nighties a few nights ago. I know she told me about six months ago no more nightgowns but the expiration date on that is passed. Plus I found out that for several nights she had nothing to wear to bed because she hadn't done her laundry and she wouldn't let me pay someone to do it. (Her assisted living includes weekly sheet and towel service and all other laundry is paid for). I'll try to see if there are any nightgowns she might be able to say goodbye to. I don't want to press her too much. While my friend visited with her in a seating area in the hallway, I did gather up some garbage and take it out. I don't know how she stands it. But I'm not going to press her any further. It's too upsetting for her. I did a few years ago get rid of books with her and then when she was in the hospital I organized and put things away but she's now pulled everything out again. I am not going to put her through this anymore. I'm just going to pick up the garbage and leave it at that.

Oh, and bunny's sore foot spot is all better - going to try to cut her nails tomorrow. Still finding a few fleas.

Quick check in.

Gave the goats their shots - much more tiring than I expected.
Worked in the studio a little - cleared off some floor - mostly moved stuff, returned on natural item to nature and put one small item in the trash bin.
Rode the bike.
Fell a little behind on all the maintenance, but only brought in milk, eggs, and mail.

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
So happy that Miss Kitty really likes that new chair you bought just for her. ;D
Since I personally have no use for pillow shams, whenever they come with something I want I just call them little cat quilts and put them on places where cats like to nap to make it easier to keep the fur contained and the seats user friendly for humans.
Plus they look pretty.
Glad you had time out with your friend. 😀
You are such a gem for your Mother. (((HUG)))
Whenever you are ready, we can encourage, motivate and nag you to tackle "That Cabinet" or where ever else you are brave enough to go.
Stay cool and sleep well (((HUG)))

Tillie, you got a lot done today! I hope you were able to get the 4 gallons in okay. Oh boy. Wildfire diet. No good!

I'm sure that you noted that most of my list was what I absorbed through you and others here. I thought I could use the list as I continue on my way. Plus I want that hear what other people have to add to it.

Met a girlfriend for dinner then we stopped by mom's with a treat or two: Bubbly water and an ice cream sandwich. Then I walked friend down to train station despite the heat. I was glad to get a bit of a walk in tonight. And I had a cold water with me.

I have AC on and will be going to bed soon. Too hot to do anything. I did change my sheets today so perhaps an early morning laundry. All of my dishes are in the dishwasher but I likely won't run it until tomorrow.

Kitty isn't eating but I get it. We both understand. She is lounging to one of my new chairs. It is perfect for her. And it looks so pretty in my apartment. And she is always on it. Naturally we are experiencing a lot of cat fur on it. I will vacuum it and my couches over the weekend.

Hoping to continue to downsize this weekend. I would like to further work on my closets. I should also venture into the cabinet again. You know the one.

Cm I forgot to tell you how enamored I am with your writing style on the cat urine issues.

Well thank you everyone for letting me bask in the glory of Cory's note today. It was a giant surprise. I feel really good.

Good Afternoon Everybody 🙂
Iced tea "CLINK!"

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
WAY TO GO!!! How sweet of Cory to congratulate your success!
I really like your list and I love your thought processes! (((hug)))
There have been things that I have been given and told that I must hold on to them forever (like Granma's charm bracelets).
Well, I got rid of them and "NOTHING BAD HAPPENED".
Isn't it amazing when the things no longer have a hold on us or power over us? ;D

Hi CriticalMass 🙂
Good luck getting Kitty to take her medicine (((HUGS)))

Hi Anonymoniker 🙂
Yes, air is too often taken for granted, underappreciated.
Good luck figuring out a solution to that annoying window.

Went to town, paid the property tax bill in full for the next 12 months.
Filled the water jugs. Even though they are 5 gallon jugs I only ever put in 3 gallons of water because that's all I can carry.
But the machine is malfunctioning and put in 4 gallons of water at the price for 3 gallons.
Oh Well...
Went by the thrift shop to see a friend who I knew had surgery this week.
He dropped by there just to let us all know how he's doing.
Tired and pain but otherwise all went well. 😀
There is an accurate weight scale for sale at the thrift store where I weigh myself.
Since was last there I have lost almost 5 pounds!
I do not recommend the wildfire smoke diet though ;P