Diane, that was an excellent dog bed cleaning suggestion for Dianne!

Janie, thanks for the encouragement. I know myself well enough to know that so long as I keep coming back here, I WILL eventually rally and tackle these much harder (for me) jobs. I'll figure it out eventually. I know I do NOT want to go back to the way it was.

Dianne, I laughed about your dog bed stomping and had pictures in my head of Lucy stomping the grapes. LOL

A horse wallah is a person who owns horses who brings them around to private homes to rent to others for riding. I spent my teen years in Karachi as my father set up technical training colleges in a USAID program. Basically, wallah could be defined as vendor, I guess.

Houses there were in walled compounds with chowkidars (guards) at the gate. A dhurzi was a tailor who came to your house for X days and sewed clothes for us. It was an interesting childhood for sure, not without mixed feelings. It was strongly advised that ex-pats hire locals for house and garden work, which we did, to support the local economy. Hence I learned nothing about housework in my teen years.

Roxie, I could talk for hours and hours about horses. From the time I was tiny (before 2 years) I used to pretend ride, only had two baby dolls my whole life.

Diane, I took your advice and had some fun with it.

After hosing off again we hung the beds over the deck rails to dry. The dogs really wanted to join in the fun but they had to be content to watch from the windows and bark.

Dianne - Reading about your laundry dilemma made me think of something from The Karate Kid movie... "Patience, Young Grasshopper". 🙂

Roxie - If I left the mess for the kids to clean up they would probably just sell the house "as-is", with all my junk in it. Come to think of it, my DH would probably do the same thing too. 🙂 I hope by the time you read this you have tackled at least a little bit of the backslide. Baby steps.

Dianne, I loved your mention of your relationship with horses. Is this an experience you can put on your goal list: to get back to riding?

When I was a teenager overseas, the horse wallah would bring retired race horses around for my brother and me to ride. Mine was named Prince. I so loved that time, wandering around the city, riding fast over open areas, slipping on shale, jumping over holes, outrunning a pack of wild dogs, and just being one with each other. Getting into the saddle on him was like coming home. I taught myself to ride English saddle and have never been any good at a Western saddle, though I've tried.

In the states I got a bunch of female coworkers to go with me to a dude ranch and we had a wonderful weekend riding and doing other things like swimming, skeet shooting, chowing down in the chow hall, line dancing. I had my "horse pants" and other clothes for other activities. Great memories.

Janie, I get where you are coming from in terms of leaving THEIR mess to them. But I also know you are joking because while you still are here you want things nice for yourself. And you are doing good work getting there.

Diane, I was going to come back and mention what Dianne actually spelled out. It is a good idea to give a failing pet whatever she wants in her last stretch of life. That can be a jar of human strained baby meat, veggies if she loves them, whatever. You can hand feed her and she'll feel the love.

When my mom came out of the hospital after a stretch after nearly dying, the first thing she wanted was pie. I was disgusted because obesity was her issue. Then I learned my brother got her the pie. Poo. BUT when she passed away a couple months later I was so glad he did!!!!

I look around me and see the beginning of a big backslide so I need to address that in the next couple of days. In my case it is two things: not picking things up off the floor and dealing with them, and not cleaning said floor.

More later.

could you take beds to yard and hose them down, then hang them out there on something? I love solving problems

Diane, it's really more of a problem that I'm not getting to wash the animals beds.

It's annoying but you're right ~ good for patience.

Dianne, thank you for your kind note, and what your vet said, that it is ok to give what they like, reassured me that I am doing the right thing. Liked what you said about widening your goat trails, that is my method too. Wish I could just pull everything at once, but would have to rent a football field to have room for it all. Soon a whole herd will fit in the trail!!
Could you hand wash your favorite clothes? Nice you get to practice patience!!! A week is a long time.

Diane, my vet had a great idea. She told me years ago that when I brought in an animal to also bring whatever food would give him/her pleasure. Steak, roasted chicken, cookies, chocolate and hand feed as much as they wanted. So we spread out soft blankets and take our time sharing food.

Works for people too. When my brother was dying of cancer, spending his last days at home, his wife made his favorite martini every evening. Mark had to drink it out of a child's sippy cup and he loved it.

Dianne & Roxie - Leaving my mess for the kids to clean up after I'm gone doesn't sound like a bad idea right now. After all, over 50% of it is their crap anyway. Why shouldn't they have the fun of de-cluttering too? LOL!!! 🙂

Never knew beanie babies would make me feel so connected to you two, but it is something we share, and the hope they would go up in value, and the awareness they are just taking up space, and some elderly person may smile if we make a visit and give them away.
Thank you for asking about me and Molly. She is the same, no decline last 24 hours. I have been so strict with her diet because of RX food and kidney problems, so I decided she is going to have special meals now, as many vegetables and as much fruit as she likes. Even gave her some Daves Killer bread, just 1/4 piece but she was actually happy in her eyes. Before my mom died I was restricting her diet trying to get her blood pressure down, she was having strokes, living on diet Pepsi and salty things, and candy, food was her only pleasure, she died sooner than expected, and I felt so guilty for restricting her food, don't want to go through that with Molly. Thanks for listening and understanding what I am going through, tough time. I told my friend yesterday that I was 50/50. 50% accepting Molly will die soon, and 50% thinking it is a temporary decline and she will bounce back. felt good to be honest with her and now with you. Many people hold out hope to lessen their pain. thanks again for hugs, I feel them even though they are online

Roxie, my thoughts are the same as yours for purging. I don't want to leave my kids with this mess. I still need to get financial affairs in order also.

If we have one thing in our live that leaves us with such deep impressions of joy and completeness when the memory is triggered, we are blessed.

Janie, I find your stories interesting, and I feel I'm getting to know you better. Seems to me you are both making good progress AND making good choices as you go along. I'm proud of you!

Dianne, you are also having many deep thoughts and I'm right there with you, sistah! In the time I've known you here online, I think you've grown by leaps and bounds, and have made great progress on your purging and cleaning.

Diane, how are you today? ((((Diane))) I know you are sad about your furbaby. All we can do is give them the best life and love we can while we have them. They were only meant to be ours for awhile. I don't regret a single one even though I grieve over each.

Dianne, you commented on purging/cleaning as being a process of letting go of things, and not just material things. I totally agree. Part of my reasons for getting the pro group in for purging was that when I go, I don't want to leave a mess behind for my son or anyone else to clean up after me. Since I intend to leave my worldly possessions to my son (to do whatever he wishes), I'm trying to get things in order. I know I need to update my will, and I know I need to quit claim my share of our family cabin to him, and I know I need to get a revocable living trust set up. I will do those things sometime in the next few months.

I am now 64. I seem more acutely aware that there will be an end to my life and I know not when. Both my parents died in their 60s. My step-mom is alive at 90. My grandmother (maternal) and great-grandmother each lived beyond 89. So I could go at any time. That's okay by me, but I sincerely hope for more years with at least reasonable independence. I'm not afraid of death, but I am sad that life seems to go so fast and there are so many things I'd wanted to do!!!

Some of the things I did are ended by illness or medical conditions. In my mid-40s I took up running and bicycling, and competing in 5k races and biathlons. Of course I cannot do those any more but it was great while it lasted. I had during those years a boyfriend who shared those same interests, which was terrific.

Also in my mid-40s I took up learning to play the cello. My then boyfriend, a musician, brought a cello to my house one night and had me sit down with it. I totally freaked because I was afraid of it and was sincerely convinced I had no musical aptitude (I was a dancer, not a musician). Well, I started lessons and a few months later he challenged me to play with him (he played upright bass) reading new sheet music (HE could not read music), which I did. He was so astonished he grabbed me up, arched me over his arm, and kissed me. Very sweet and romantic.

But my arthritic and twisted fingers.... no more cello. 🙁 It was grand while it lasted. I still have the cello. Maybe I'll sell it one of these days so some kid can learn to play. It is a wonderful instrument. I loved how you wrapped your body around it and the music sang through my body. I'd find myself swaying with the music as I played.

Letting go. Yes.

Janie, I love hearing people's stories and backgrounds. It connects us and helps us understand the choices, good or bad, that we make.

Thanks for keeping those fires stoked here. 🙂

Diane - I've posted before about having hope for my future. This is why I've kept some decorative items to use once rooms are cleared out. I don't want to buy anything new for this house. I'd rather save the money to use for future repairs or for decorating a new home. Beanie babies do not fit into this plan which is why I will be able to donate them freely (once I find them!). Crafting is a whole different issue for me. This is something I love to do, but I want to be able to do it guilt-free. This is about having hope that I will get my act together enough to enjoy my creative side again. Without hope I may as well give up on this whole de-clutter process. So, maybe this is against the "rules" but I see nothing wrong with saving some of your best yarn for future enjoyment. Don't save it all, just pick out some of your favorites.

*************
Some more insight on me..... You all know that my mom was a big enabler for me in the past. Always bringing over something every time she visited. This is why I have so many beanie babies. I think she was "lost" for a while and got involved with whatever I was interested in. Maybe she was trying to create a mother/daughter bond of some sorts. When I started collecting beanie babies for my kids, she had to have some for herself too. Then she thought it would be a good idea to buy me the entire beanie buddy collection, and then the beanie baby trading cards. I can't even begin to imagine how much money she spent on this stuff. When the craze ended she brought all of her beanie baby stuff over to my house, which was duplicates of everything I already had. And now it is all sitting in tubs somewhere in my basement. The same thing happened with crafting. My mom retired 20 years ago and needed something to do. Since I was into crafting she began to get interested too. Whenever I would make something she would have to do the same thing. Only she had more money than I did so if one was good, then ten was better. She turned one of her spare bedrooms into a room entirely to house her craft supplies. My step-dad built shelves to fully line two of the walls. When he retired it got worse. My mom had him doing woodworking stuff to fuel her "habit". It was crazy. When I stopped crafting, she slowed down a little. Now she is no longer into crafting except for a few small beading projects. (Now she bakes like crazy, which is good because I love homemade goodies and I don't have to worry about storing the stuff anywhere but in my tummy!) After my step-dad died she asked me to help her clean out her craft room. Honestly, I didn't want a lot of this stuff. But I made a promise to my step-dad that I would help my mom get rid of anything by whatever means it took. I knew if I didn't take it, it would remain there forever. So I took whatever she was willing to part with, picked out what I wanted and donated the rest. (Shhhh. Don't tell her. She doesn't know that I donated 90% of what she gave me. LOL!) So far we have only gotten to one wall of shelves. Since she normally comes to my house, I'm not there that often to help her. She is 82 and can only work for about 30 minutes before getting overwhelmed. So each time I visit her, I take more stuff from her house. I keep 10% and donate the remainder. Yes, I know I shouldn't keep any of it, but she has some beautiful fabrics and trims that I can't resist. I have been keeping the craft stuff I wanted in the garage because I don't want it in the house yet. And it really isn't a lot. I think I've only kept 2 medium-sized bins of stuff. Okay, you can all yell at me now. LOL!! But you would be proud of me too. My step-dad collected eagles and there are lots of beautiful eagle figurines that are housed in three display cabinets. My step-sister wanted a few of them. My mom asked if I wanted any. I politely explained to her that collecting eagles was his thing, not mine. And unless there was ONE that I was particularly partial to, I didn't want any of them. She was hurt but I think she finally understood that I didn't need a bunch of eagle figurines to remember him by.

Excellent suggestions Roxie, thanks!

I am glad to find your posts for reading on this long, somewhat lonely night. I'm tired but sleep resistant.

Okay, you pinecone hoarders, lissen up! I could just imagine that there could be grade school teachers who would adore to get bags of pinecones, wreaths, etc. to do craft projects with their kids. You might put out feelers on that.

One year while still living up north, as the leaves turned color I started picking up big, beautiful leaves as I walked to the train. I envisioned making leaf Christmas wreaths. Well, I never did, but I passed those leaves along to a lady at work who was so excited to get them and make a wreath. I could call myself more of a leaf collector than a leaf hoarder, though. 😀

Beanie Babies, Cabbage Patch dolls, etc. have no resale value of any merit, but, especially if they are still in their packages, I am positive you can find great places to donate them to adults and kids who'd be so happy to have one. Do you remember those beautiful Lladro figurines, some of which sold for thousands? Well, their value on the market is maybe 1/4 of what people spent on them. The few Hummel figures my mom passed to me don't sell for even what she paid for them.

Any dolls, stuffed animals still in boxes or bags could also go to the police department. I understand they like to keep them in the cars in case they are dealing with a child at a scene. And also they collect toys at Christmas for kids.

All the more reason to think carefully before spending money on anything besides that which we really NEED as opposed to WANT. We can never get back the amount of money we spent on them, unless maybe they are pure silver or gold. hehe

Any collectible things I've had along the way came to me not through purchase but through being given them. And some of those things in today's economy would have no value. I made very good profit on boxed Christmas ornaments from the Hallmark lines of the early 1970s, but note on eBay that prices are way way down. I timed that right.

From my ex I ended up with his Davy Crockett cards from the 1950s and sold them individually quite well. Fed me for a month or more. But today, who knows?

For awhile I got really interested in designer purses and "studied" them on eBay discussion boards, learning how to authenticate various labels, etc. It is astonishing how many people buy bags they think are the real deal and they are not. And many more people think the fakes are just fine to buy. Not. Anyway, I only bought a few and those were cheaper, vintage versions. Not a hoard.

I do have a hoard of fabrics, but since they are stashed away in a free standing cedar closet, I'm not concerned with them in the near future. I've got more important purging and cleaning to do.

Diane and Janie, if you really will get back to crafting, I think it's fine to set up a crafting zone, organize it, etc., realizing you still may need to purge it simply because you could not finish all the projects in this lifetime. 😀

That's funny Janie. I never thought that I hoarded pinecones. I thought I was just saving them. It's so strange to literally never think of something a certain way and then have my eyes opened and say, oh my gosh, I hoard pinecones!

Diane my heart goes out to you hugely as you deal with end of life issues with your beloved companion. I will hold you both in my prayers. If there is anything you need please let us know how we can support you. {{{{HUGS}}}}

Thanks Janie, now I know about your dog, it truly helps me.
About the Beanie babies, it was funny, just before signing on, I thought, wonder if hospital would want them for kids, but there is a nursing home 2 blocks away, thanks so much, that is way better than thrift store, since they are new, and many of oldsters are neglected and would love a visit and gift. This is amazing how we can help solve all kinds of problems on here. I would like to craft again someday soon, with everything organized and really have fun with it, thanks for giving your self permission to do that in the future, helps me realize that even though I have been buried in stuff and stifled, I can enjoy crafts again.

Dianne - You took a step towards progress. You let someone in. You asked for help. That's a good thing. From reading your posts, you are making progress at your own pace. Yes, I think it can be scary to move fast sometimes, but if that is what you need to move on with life, then maybe your family can help. Sharing your home life with your brother may be what was needed to accomplish this. Watching Hoarders can be hard, but I've also seen episodes where the family helpers were wonderful and provided lots of support. Your brother may be just the person you need to help you through this. However this plays out, I will encourage you along the way. Although we can't offer physical support, we can offer you all the emotional support we can as you make this journey.

On a different note, knowing when to say goodbye to a beloved pet is so hard. I had to put my last dog down when I saw signs of kidney failure and knew her quality of life was diminishing. She was already older than the expected life span for her breed, but it was still heartbreaking. I went through it a year ago and still get misty-eyed when I think about it. This will be difficult for you, but I hope you can find solace in that you provided a loving home and care for her during her days on earth.

Thanks so much Roxie and Dianne, I was feeling so alone this morning working on my piles and the garage, then took this break and read what you wrote. It was so kind and loving, yes I miss my brother so much and the laughs. I have two sisters that live 200 miles away that are both hoarders and addicts, parents died 10 years ago, no kids, no husband, reading your thoughts comforting me knowing you have become my "family" in a way my friends here, can't be. You understand the potential of my very ,creative mind, and the hoard it has caused. I am so grateful for this site. I read online last night a lot of information about end of life for dogs, and she is my family here. I am so sad that it is getting closer, she is blind, nearly deaf and now incontinent makes life so much better having her here, just need more information when her quality of life is not good enough for her. Lots of tears this week thinking about her.

Roxie, what you said about creative types and letting projects go is so insightful. Sometimes when someone here writes something particularly helpful I copy it to a folder for reminders and inspiration. Your comment is one of them.

Clearing out the hoard is so much a process of acceptance and letting go. The emotional work for me is much harder than the physical work.

Diane, I've learned that certain types of hoarders are creative types who see all kinds of potential in some things. Your yarn collection reminds me of that: you see projects you could do, might do, woudld like to do. But you are now struggling to realize you won't do. The good thing is that when you pass these things along there could we be a recipient who WILL do. Good for you.

And you are doing well in purging, even if at this time you feel you need to hold onto some of the things. That's okay... you're moving forward and will in time make further decisions on what remains. It's like my tin decorative box collection: I hung onto two that particularly mean something to me but let the rest go. Do I ever miss them? Some. One or two, but that's okay. Better elsewhere than here collecting dust and serving no real purpose.

Hugs

Dianne, I am so proud of you and your letting your brother in, and happily surprised at how well it went! And that you defined for yourself and to him what kind of support you wanted, and when. You are doing so well. And, since he ratted you out, you can admit you've done really good work so far!

I am saddened to hear you've already lost a brother, and Diane, too. That is very hard. Whatever our differences, we share things with siblings (our past) we shared with no others.

Yet, I've learned that we create families for ourselves along the way, often temporary, but nonetheless important to us. And, yes, this is a sort of family for now, too. We share strong bonds no matter who or where we are.

Hugs, and please update as you go.

Diane, I am so sorry you lost your brother so soon and on Christmas Eve. Every person in my family has struggled with alcohol also (including me) and my mother drank herself to death at an early age too.

We're leaning to be a type of family here. I appreciate you all so much.

Wow, I am so impressed that you allowed your brother in every room and he was so supportive, what a gift. My older brother considers me a loser and won't have even a conversation, let alone help. My younger brother died a few years ago on Christmas eve of alcoholism at 50. He married a hoarder so would have been happy to help me, but he is gone now, so sad. He was a school teacher and lost his job because he came to school drunk, doesn't go over very well. After that he drank himself to death, he was such a warm hearted fun guy, so sad. I tried to help him, but as we know, until we are ready to change no one can help us. I feel pretty alone in the world, thus shopping became my full time life. I took another load to Goodwill today and picked up my printed pictures of my hoard I took on an old camera, 35mm, some of the photos turned out, and what a mess they show!! And they were taken after months of cleaning, it will be funny some day, not today. At least I have the pictures of how I do not want to live ever again.
Getting rid of clothes is still tough although did get rid of more than 1/2 of one pile. Just pulled out a heavy bag of beanie babies, remember those "collectibles"? After spending hundreds of dollars on them, I realized, they would never go up in value. Today I bagged up 58 to donate, new, never touched. I kept a few of cutest, I know they will have to go too, just not today. Next bag to go through is yarn, so much, yet I don't knit, great creative plans for it, that never happened. It is easy to get rid of cheaper ones, the ones that I bought at fancy yarn shop are more difficult, we will see. Keep losing my posts so will send this now.

Thank you Susan L and Roxie, I really appreciate your support.

We'll keep on the journey.

Dianne, I concur with SusanL, and I am immensely proud of you that you reached out and invited family in. It is perfectly OKAY for you to tell them what you need from them and what might trigger problems. They can't know unless you share that with them.

When I let my oldest brother in, it was scary. But he was nonjudgmental even if dismayed (mildly put) by what he found. Yet he pitched in and tried to help, working himself tired. Later when I disclosed via email that I was hiring professional help, he and my son were both supportive and financially helpful. My second brother has never seen the house nor responded to my emails, but I continue to include him because I know he plays his life close to the vest and I know he loves me in his way. I presume he is emotionally unable to deal with my situation, and that is okay, too.

It is important for them to know you are aware of issues and are making efforts to change your life and would appreciate their emotional support as you go along, if not their physical support.

You are dealing with big emotional issues and, again, I am so proud of you. Keep us close to your heart and know we are here for you, come what may.

I truly get it with regard to animals, but I also had to make the specific choice that I would not add additional animals until everything is squared away. Focus on the ones you have and make that enough. They deserve the best as do you.

Hugs

Dianne,

You are showing great courage by letting family members into your house to help you. They love you and want to be there for you.

You are doing really difficult psychological work and are much farther along than you think. Recognizing that you have a problem and asking for help - you're more than halfway home.

Do I remember that you are watching sugar? Doing this right can increase your energy level. If your blood sugar gets under better control you won't be so tired all the time.

Your pets are great for a certain kind of love, but no new ones ok? When these pets pass away, need to not bring any new creatures into your home until the numbers get down to a manageable level. You do recognize that you and your daughter are in need of love and care. Pets are great, but people are more important. And I say that as an animal lover.

You can do this. I admire your courage and your perseverence. Take care and keep us posted.