post 2 today -

I think I will come back and share what I am doing as I go today, to stay motivated. I hope that's ok. I hope to see some others also posting what you're doing.

After I posted I really forced myself off the couch. I thought, I will just get out the shoes from my closet. That's all, just get them out and later I will try them on with the inserts and choose the most comfortable. So I opened my closet. My memory says I have 2 pairs of shoes in there new in the box (sneakers) so I was going to grab those. Well I look on the closet shelf and see like 3 pairs of newish sneakers, NOT in boxes, in addition to the boxed ones... and then I see another brand new pair on the floor in there, and another in the corner of the room. And I remember there is another pair in the hall closet. I literally had to talk to myself out loud. At first it was "I can't do this, I can't do this" but I just started grabbing shoes and putting them on my bed in pairs. I just made myself. I left them boxed shoes in the closet since I figured I should use the ones out of boxes first. I got them all on the bed, 6 pairs of sneakers. This is not counting the pair I have been wearing, which are not comfortable to take walks in.

So that was hugely overwhelming but I did it. Come of them had literal dust bunnies on them and in them but I just lined them up and walked away. I will go back after I gather myself and calm down, and will clean them and start trying them on with various inserts. omg so overwhleming.

Then I went to the kitchen and just started doing that darned corner counter where the air fryer is. I moved it, and all the various junk, onto the stove. Threw out empty pill bottles. Washed out the corner counter, found some cleaning spray and sprayed/wiped it, wiped the air fryer and the coffee maker. Pulled out the toaster over from the side, washed the counter, wiped down the toaster oven. Put things away, put the appliances back. Now that whole corner counter is clean and uncluttered. I did not "wash"/scrub the toaster oven, but I wiped it off, so it is better, good enough for now.

Now I am sitting with my feet up trying to recover. I don't know why this stuff is SO draining!!

Thanks Tatoulia, it helps to have someone to talk to who understands. Yes, let's get something, anything done today. Not be too demanding on ourselves but get something done.

I am craving all kinds of food that's not good for me, so I am just having coffee so far. Also have a hoarding show on the tv right now. It makes me want to declutter. I believe I need to be taking my med in the morning to help with my mood. I took it this morning.

I want to have a big spinach smoothie this morning to get some good nutrition in. I want to find shoes in my closet and try out the inserts in them to find one that feels good. Then I want to take a walk in the sunshine. I feel like sitting around crying, but if I need to cry I will do it, but not as a whole sad day. I can cry while I do good things for myself if I need to. I want to work in my kitchen and my bedroom today. I want to pick up the living room and dust. I want to clear off the piled-high kitchen table and bar counter.

I won't get all of this done today but I will make SOME kind of progress in at least one of these directions. Please share what you guys are doing. It helps me not feel alone.

I will try, I will try.

Hi Lila. I don't think you need to feel badly about the Fitbit. This is a self-imposed challenge and you gave it some thought. Plus you are doing really well with using gift card for Starbucks treat. I'm being strict with myself. And I'm grateful for that.

The first time I had cleaners here in 2018, one of the women mentioned that my house is dirty. But she didn't say it with disdain and she was very cheerful about it. She wanted to know which areas to concentrate on. The first few times, I didn't let her in the bedroom. Then one time she went in it and she changed the sheets and that changed that. She did say that my house is too pretty to be dirty. She never pushed me to go beyond every other week. Then sometimes she would send other people to clean and I fell into a pattern with the two ladies (mother and daughter) I have now. We are in a good rhythm and they are more reliable than the other lady. It is rare that they can't come. Holidays they got a bit backed up due to suddenly everyone wanted their houses clean and truthfully I was happy their income was improving. When they did the giant job at mom's, they wrote to say they'd do her place for $XX now that it's clean, to keep it up. And what a difference. I'm no longer losing my mind at mom's due to the filth.

All this to say, that friend really liked cleaning your house. She wasn't telling you anything you didn't know. And I bet you even said, I'm sorry my house is so dirty.

I haven't accomplished anything either. I did work a few hours last night. I'd like to do my taxes this weekend. I generally owe a bit on state and have a negligible federal return. But I'd like to just do and get it out of my hair.

So I need to accomplish this weekend. Anything, quite frankly.

SubC, I did keep my resolve that day but then I did not get any of my declutter/cleaning goals done, not that day, and not any day. So today is I think day 4 of being kind of lost. I was anemic too, so I should start my iron again.

I just feel so unmotivated. I had trips on Tuesday and Thursday this week and it wore me out. I had plans to have happy meetups with two sets of friends today, but my teen woke up unwell and I just cancelled all my plans in case I would be spreading a cold, or whatever they have. They got a negative covid test today so probably just a cold.

I spent all day sitting here staring at the tv feeling tired. I feel terribly guilty that I wasted so many days this week... today was the most huge time waste ever. Not even a day of rest and enjoyment. Just sitting around, eating junk, and feeling blah.

Tatoulia, I did resist that egg mcmuffin and have not had one at all. On one of our road trips, I did stop at Sbux for a coffee (used my gift card) and also got one of their impossible breakfast sandwiches (plant based, on the gift card). That cured the urge and also stayed no spend and vegetarian. I like hearing about your processing. Don't apologse.. I think it helps us to type things out sometimes. I am doing better on my no spend than even last month so far, but last night in a stupor of desperation about my health, I bought a fitbit. It was on sale for about 1/3 off. I thought, this might really help me with my health. It came with a free 6 months premium, and a free Calm subscription. I am sort of regretting buying it today just because I spent. But, I used part of the money from that big medical thing I sold before. The fitbit has a 45 day money back guarantee, so if I don't really see much benefit, I will return it and it only will cost me the shipping back. I am marking on my planner when 30 days is so I can make a decision and only keep it if it is actually helping me improve my health.

But I still feel guilty for buying it.

So sorry you fell Tatoulia, but wow, great insights about being able to have people come help. I had surgery 2 years ago and we just stashed and dashed all the clutter into my bedroom, but it was nice I could have people come in and bring meals and visit a little. I had a friend who was a house cleaner who offered to come clean for me. She is of another culture that is more outspoken so she said some things about how dirty my house was that made me feel bad, even though it was not ehr intent. And I only let her clean the kitchen/dining and living rooms and one bathroom. AND I pre-cleaned them if you know what I mean. No trash or anything. It was wiped down and all. But she is a DEEP cleaner and was like, washing the ceiling and light fixtures! Of course I have not done it since then, even though she urged me to do it every week.

Okay enough about this stuff. So I will clean up my eating tomorrow (since it is bedtime and I am not eating more tonight). I've been vegetarian, but there is a big difference between a vegetarian extra cheese pizza and a vegetarian healthy salad or stir fry. I will also do something that makes me happy. Maybe read, or take a walk. Something.

Tatoulua, I'm glad you are ok!

We did not lose power, but we are snowed in (iced in actually) Bean's family is stuck here with us. Plenty of food and firewood and Dd just made a cake.

My farm sitter called to say she couldn't get here, and I said "don't worry, we can't leave. I was going to call you in an hour or two when (dh) accepted that".

School was cancelled, so I get paid for today (I don't get paid if I have a sub, but I have one paid snow day for each weekday I teach - if we miss two of the same day - Fridays for example, we have a make up day.) Dh is really sad that he will miss his dad's party. I feel bad because I am sad for him, but very happy for me.

I pushed Bean all through the woods on the little runner sled my mom pushed me on when I was a baby. I wasn't sure if he was having fun until I stopped and picked him up to see if he was warm enough. He started fussing and leaning back toward the sled and yelled "Mimi push [bean]!" So I'd say he liked it. Dsil took a photo and I sent it to my mom.

Woke up today with no swelling, only minor bruising and no pain! Tada!

After I fell tonight, I mentioned it on Twitter to someone who lives in Boston but I have never met in real life. I've taken exercise classes with her. Anyway, she offered to come over right away. And it occurred to me, seven years ago, I would've panicked and not have been able to have anyone over. Bear in mind, I didn't have her come over but if I'd broken anything, then I would've been in a pickle. When I had emergency appendectomy in late 1990s, my house was clean and clear and I was able to hire someone to make my breakfast and lunch each day. And have lots of visitors. And I lost my way in the sometime in the 2000s. I'm trying to think it through. Maybe 2009 or somewhere around there. I'm not sure at what point I couldn't have people in. There was so much stuff on the floors and just everywhere. I'm not sure. Before that, I had too much stuff and too many books but I could still be okay. I would apologize for messy house a lot. Who knows. It could've been awful and I wasn't seeing it.

Stay safe, SubC.

I fell tonight. I couldn't see due to the rain and it was dark and there was glare and I fell on a pothole while crossing the street. Two men helped me up and one got me across the street. My knee and ankle are doing better but my hands are painful. I'll take a Tylenol before bed.

I'm working now so I will ttyl. I like the idea of the potholders as a no sugary desserts award, SubC! Motivation!

So far we have power. And ice. Lots of ice. Bean's family is here with us. I still don't know what will happen about our trip.

Trying to straighten up a little and get my school stuff in order while bean takes a nap, so just a quick check in.

Good job on the no spend and the food choices Tatoulia. Maybe you could buy the potholders as a reward if you keep to the food plan.

Checking in on everyone. SubC let me know how the storm is affecting you!

Lila did you resist the egg McMuffin? I'm going strong on No Spend but not trying to brag, trying to reinforce the behavior in myself. Not buying $10, $20, $30 extra a day is going very well,for me. I still shop around Etsy but not buying anything. I am taking great satisfaction in looking at my credit card app every day. And my other best friend, PayPal app. In a week I'll be sending my sister her birthday flowers but since that is a yearly thing, planned, that doesn't affect the no-spend.

I'd like to go all of February too but there is a pair of potholders on Etsy that I want. I do have two visa gift cards so I could technically buy them that way. But I'm not going to until mid-month. I have two potholders now and I sue them probably every day every other day. I accidentally left one at BFs house and then I thought, don't I need another set ? Although the answer is no, I really do want another set and have picked them out on Etsy. I'll just see how I feel mid-February. I don't want to buy something to celebrate a month and a half of not buying something.

I'm talking way too much about this. I'm sorry.

Cleaners came today and then they went to mom's. It's a nice feeling.

I need to get to work on five bags out. I want five bags whether trash or donation. I want to reduce. Possessions and body. I have so many great clothes (by anyone else's standards I have very few clothes but they are navy or blue or white or a combination and I really like them). I have finally taken the no dessert, no sugary snacks seriously. It's been two days but it's two days. I did not achieve that goal for January, so I'm pretty excited for February. I don't even have one white top I can fit into. So here I go.

Good morning!

Lila, I am hoping you kept your resolve yesterday!

How did the no spending go?

I am feeling pretty confident about no school tomorrow. I am also pretty confident we are going to lose power, so don't worry if I'm gone a while.

Dd asked if they could come stay with us tonight because it is going to get really cold and we have wood heat. Theirs is only electric. They are less likely to lose power and would get it back sooner, but if they do lose it, it won't be safe for them to drive out here.

We live on the eastern side of the Midwest - the trip would be 9-10 hours of driving. Nearly to the coast. Currently things are not looking good. It's hard for me because I don't want to go, but I know Dh wants to go very badly. He is a wreck.

Lila, I think we are all tired ecause we try to do too many things and we have too much ganging over our heads. I was also anemic. Taking iron has helped with tge physical tires. These days it is more of an emotional tired. I just don't have enough bandwidth.

Ok, I do have school today - warm and raining. Then we will see what comes next.

Good morning.

Today is a travel day so I will be gone for about 4 or 5 hours. Then tomorrow is a long work day, all morning, afternoon and evening. I have a few work things I need to do this morning before I leave.

I am really struggling with energy. I know this is a common thread for many of us and I see it a lot on the hoarding shows. I think it got worse since I had covid last month even though I was not very sick. I just feel fatigued all the time, even if I sleep 10 hours at night. I have had a long standing fatigue issue, but like I said, I feel so much more sluggish now. I've had all the medical tests and bloodwork, got my thyroid meds adjusted, taking vitamins now, etc. and eating mostly healthy.

Any suggestions on how to get some energy? I am leaning top heavily on caffeine so have backed off on that, but wow, I am such a slug. I feel like I could go back to bed right now, and I have no motivation to do anything.

I am sorely tempted to go out and get an egg mcmuffin and a coffee house energy drink, but that would break my no-spend right off the bat... ugh.

Today's declutter goals:
clean the other counter where the air fryer sits, put things back in an orderly fashion.
Find some shoes in my closet and try them on with different insoles until I find a combination that I can walk at least a mile in without it hurting my feet.

Okay. I promise not to go on a mcmuffin run this morning and to just stay home until it is time to go out on my road trip. I have a starbux card from a long time ago, so I can get myself an iced coffee on my trip without actually spending anything.

SubC, keep plugging away at the Christmas decorations. You'll be glad when they are away.

Living in Boston Proper, we have good services. I baked the day of the storm. I'd be good with another weekend storm, truthfully. I like to sleep and read, read and sleep.

I don't know how far you are traveling East and unfortunately, I never remember where everyone lives. I know Tillie was in NV. and that's where my memory starts and stops, I'm afraid.

The ice storm sounds terrible. I hope they close school.

Going to get dressed and make lunch.

I forgot to say - I ran the dishwasher yesterday, but I did not quite finish putting away tge Christmas decorations.

Good morning CM, white rabbits!

I hope you do not get a bad storm.

Tatoulia, I heard Boston got two feet two feet! Wow! I'm glad you stayed safe. My parents are tucked in under 12 inches in a town that some years gets no snow to speak of all winter.

I am counting on school being cancelled Thursday. The ice is supposed to start around 6 a.m. 3-5 inches of snow overnight, stopping by 6 a.m. Friday - our trip east may depend on how fast they clear the roads.

Lila, you DID do well. Change takes time! You are doing good things in your house too.

My Dh is home all the time, but that is because his office is still basically closed. He spends 5 days a week upstairs on the computer and yelling into the phone. He comes down for lunch on Bean days. He has taken over cooking dinner since I get home after 6:30 four days a week (and after 5:30 when I take Bean back)

Road, feel better soon!

Welcome back, Lila! I'd count spending less and thinking before buying as a definite win! Road, sorry you are sick again. CM thanks for the drive by. Good job on your good habits list, SubC.

I'm going to try to go to sleep now. See you all tmr!

Hi guys, sorry I got sick again and have been out of it again for a couple days. Not seriously Ill but sick in bed for a few days. I will be back in a few days when I feel better. Hope you are all doing well. Xoxo

post 2-

Today has been good so far. Oatmeal and coffee for breakfast, took a walk with my dog. Those are wins.

When I got home from the trip, the kitchen was terrible. So this morning I loaded the dishwasher. Wiped counters.

- I sorted the fridge and threw out any produce going bad, put the kale in the sink to soak, threw out anything old or expired and had my son take the trash out.

- I took everything out of one cabinet that was very disorderly, threw out a couple of bottles of expired stuff, organized, wiped out the cabinet and put things back neatly.

- I pulled the flour and sugar canisters away from the wall, cleaned the counter and wiped off the canisters, cleaned the rest of the counter and put everything back neatly.

-I cleaned up the spice cabinet which I had cleaned and organized a week or two ago but people made a mess. It's better again now.

- I found a couple grapefruits in the fridge that were starting to look less fresh, and I made fresh juice out of them and drank it. I also found half a block of tofu that I need to use, and am looking up recipes so I can use it up today.

- last night I unpacked my suitcase. That's a win, too.

It's unseasonably nice out, in the 50's so I have the windows cracked open to get some fresh air in here. Oh, I also brushed my dog.

I am going to start thinking about February goals. Thanks for the inspiration.

Hello friends! I am back after a wonderful trip! Today I am working from home in sweats so I can relax in between working on things plus cleaning the house etc. I feel refreshed and had a great time. And it is sunny today so that makes my mood and energy even better! Now catching up.

SubC, dh is retired so he is here allll dayyy longgg. That's hard, especially since he doesn't help. Well, I take that back. He rarely helps but occasionally, like twice a week, will do one thing like clean the stovetop or unload the dishwasher. I do everything else, he sits. What does yours do? Winter makes me tired, too. Awww, Bean sounds so cute choo chooing around!

omg the school thing is maddening... I'm so sorry!

Road - so your son has covid? Have you already had it? I am vaxed but got it twice. I was kind of thankful I got omicron before my trip. Where I went there is no masking and low cases and no one at all was wearing a mask, except on the plan and in the airport. It was really nice to feel like I could go without a mask for a few days and not be scared to catch it.

Tatoulia, so sorry about your mom. I hope she is ok. I really did not do great with no-spend January, but I did spend LESS on things, thought about them more before I bought them, improved, and wrote down all I spent. I will look it over today and then start a new ledger for Feb, which does look like I can do better with no-spending. I need new shoes but realized I have one or two new pairs boxed in the closet (for years...) and also have a second pair of partly used ones I can try out. I will see which ones I already have work best for me and go with that for now.

hi CM, I hope the storm passes you by!

Will post again in a bit.

Trying to get time and brain cells for a longer post but not having much luck. Maybe later. For now...

Apprehensive and frazzled re another damn winter storm due to hit tomorrow and last 2-3 days at least. Tatoulia with her Nor'Easter probably would say I'm a wimp, heh. But we Kansans are just mainly confused. The irony is that the dumb storm will be mostly on Groundhog Day. If the little beast sees his shadow in Pennsylvania, I'll want to bop him on the head.

More later.

Sil decided to stay home yesterday, so the girls came later for the football game (dd1 came a little early and picked up hay for me, which reduced my stress some.)

Bean and I played. Bean just had his 18 month check up. He is still a baby giant. The doctor said he should know ten words. We think it is more like 100 and he is starting to put them together in little sentences. He asked about my tree, and then he told his mama "tree gone. Barn. Goat eat." When my son was that age he knew "stuck" and "mama." Bean's daddy wasn't speaking at all, so we think he is going to take after his mom and be a chatterbox.

Tatoulia, the thing I added for this week was eat a green vegetable. I have noticed that I am eating mostly winter veggies (it is winter.) and am trying to be sure I have something green every day.

So far my good habits list is:
Yoga 3x a week
Daily reflections
Take Vitamins 2x a day
Put away all the clean, dry laundry before I go to bed
Wash and refrigerate eggs every day
Eat a green vegetable daily

Imbolc will be Thursday, so I will set some bigger goals then. Ironically, imbolc is named for "lambs milk" for the start of lambing season - if I had given the goats their shots on time, I would have been able to celebrate with fresh milk. But now I have to wait an extra week for withdrawal time.

I have Bean today, so my two goals are to run the dishwasher and put away the rest of the Christmas things. (Except his wooden reindeer planter that he is keeping his "feet ball" in.)

I'm sorry about all of your stress, SubC.

I slept all day. Slept and read. Good day.

I need to work on my weight in February. I did a great job not spending, now I need to add to that eating better. I haven't been doing it. So now is the time.

Going back to bed now. Will shower so I feel fresh. It was a beautiful snowy day but I chose sleeping and reading.

February: no gratuitous sugar
No gratuitous spending
Five bags out of house

It's bold. Hard to find five bags but I will.

Anyone want to set any goals for February?

My cat gives me dead mice. - he brought one this morning.

I gave goats shots this morning. Two late, one on time. Since nothing bad has happened it's ok that the two were late.

Yesterday I broke a glass, so that is one item out. It was a cheap quality thrift store glass that I probably paid 25 cents for. Maybe 50. I wasn't particularly attached to it. I cried anyway. ..and now I'm breaking glasses..

Bean is bringing his parents over to play in the snow this afternoon and my younger dd is coming to join them. I still feel very overwhelmed. And I have a headache - which is probably from stress, but it makes me stressed that I could be sick - vicious circle.

My inner squirrel loves these things. Generally I have my cat give me slippers for Christmas. This year, she gave me gloves instead.

I know this is a difficult time for you, SubC, and on so many fronts. I have only rudimentary sing language but sometimes I sign to myself, I am living through a difficult time. It soothes me.

Looks like the snow has ended. It was a very pretty day. Windy but not insane. I baked corn bread and made honey butter and took up to BF. He enjoyed it.

I did two loads of laundry today. Should've done my sheets, but I'll wait. I started laundry after being out in the snow. At one point I fell and the snow was so soft. I couldn't believe it. I just fell into a snowbank and it was lovely. No slipping, just fell forward. I came home and showered.

After midnight, must go to bed. Am running the dishwasher.

Tatoulia, good job! Do you think you buy those things in January because your inner squirrel wants to hibernate?

We are taking the Christmas tree down.

2 months. I think it's a record!

Dh picked up feed for me. I scheduled the goat sitter, got most of the sub plans written, did some dishes and laundry.

Looked at old pictures from Dh family with him for over an hour, and cried.

Progress. Ish.

I can totally see what I would've bought had I not made the no spend January decision. Shoes, slippers, and bathrobes. Insanity.

Honestly, I lot of it felt like a scene from a movie. Only in the movie, the heroine realizes her mistakes and changes her life.

I just drove slowly home in the snow, told my mom I was starting to wonder if the administration was really that bad or if they actually want me to quit and I'm just too dumb to understand, ate some leftovers by the fire, did my chores, and went to sleep.

I did send a note apologizing to the parent. Can you imagine driving a long way in a snowstorm and getting to your child's school and it's locked and dark and you can't reach anyone? My third floor lights were on a side wing of the building, so she wouldn't have been able to see them from the front. Who in their right mind thought that was ok?

I have a lot to do today. Getting feed, cleaning the barn, lesson plans for my sub, lesson plans for me, dishes, laundry, arranging the farm sitter, routine shots for the goats. Dh wants me to take down the Christmas tree. I need more hay but maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow is supposed to get into the 30s. It's 2*F right now.

January is nearly gone and my counter is no better. I'm not sure my house is any better. But I think it is at least not much worse.

Oh, SubC. I'm so sorry. I did like the format and the poetry of your description.

No real snow here yet.

I'm going to do the dishes and watch tv. I hope the storm shows us some mercy.

We had school.
I enjoyed the bears.
Then we closed early.
I don't have the energy to go into how badly that was handled.
But after somebody who isn't me apologizes to a very nice parent, it would be nice if they also apologized to me. Not that either is likely. Let's just say - last scene - Subclinical is all alone in a dark parking lot scraping ice off her windshield with a cookie cutter in the falling snow. Rewind - turning off the lights and locking up the building, rewind - opening the locked front door and watching the last kid walk to his car, rewind - turning ON the lights as she and the last kid descend through the dark 2nd and 1st floors and realize they are alone in the building, rewind - watching the kid check his phone and realize he has four missed calls from his mom in the last seven minutes.

It went wrong well before that.

I know those stay in bed days, SubC. They very rarely line up with the real world and so we forge ahead.

City's going nuts with impending snow. Hasn't started yet. I will probably lay down soon and watch tv til I fall asleep. Take a nice little nap. I wish I could convince kitty to sleep with me but she's only done that once. I was so sick that I was writhing in pain, many years ago, and she stayed by my side, up by my face, all night and all day. Just sat there like a loaf of bread.

So I'm ready for a nap and some book reading. I'll work a bit more. I'd like to work a lot this weekend but part of the systems will be down. I might be able to work Saturday night.

That's all for now.