I would definitely say the depression is situational! Hopefully the upcoming visit and the clearing out and the sunlight will help!

Good for you revisiting bins and finding more things to let go!
this is why we set aside the "maybes" and keep moving - so we don't get bogged down. Once we run out of "goes" we can come back around.

We need you too!

Ok, I've survived the school week - off to buy some food and enjoy the weekend. Maybe I'll stop by the library, I have two books to return...

CM, yes, prayed for you, and I hope you have a good day today. SubC, I need to start thinking forward. I look forward to the trip to go see my oldest son and his children. I have not seen them in almost 2 years, and I am leaving later this month. Surely that is something I can feel positive about.

I am happy for you not saving the broken pot "for something else." That is a victory.

I need to do better about taking care of myself, too.

I am probably clinically depressed at this point, but if my past experiences are true, it is "situational" depression from the grief. I have tried in the past to get a counselor but they have mostly felt like a waste of time. I probably would benefit more just from being with people who care about me. Or making better connections with family.

I have even thought about quitting my job, but I think that would be a rash mistake, not to mention I do need an income. Hopefully they will ride this out with me. I am not doing as much or as well as I was when they hired me.

I am still sick so will attempt to work in the downstairs "office" space that used to be ex's den, before that it was my office, now it is really just a staging area, but a very nice one with lots of natural sunlight and a twin bed to sit on. I have some papers in there I need to find, and I think I could get rid of some things as well.

When I went in the garage the other day, I saw clear totes of things I kept last time I sorted in there with TotsDad (last year) and I was astounded at the things I thought I needed to keep. I bet if I take a box in the garage, I could fill it up pretty quickly and make room for more "keep" items to get moved out there.

I need encouragement and you all are my only connection at this point so thank you for reading.

Good morning.

CM, I hope things keep easing up for you.

Lila, I am so sorry you are so sad. I know that sometimes in our lives we just have to sit with that, but I want you to have things to look forward to!

Today is going to be a long day. I woke up at 3:30 needing to use the bathroom after less than 5 hours of sleep and spent the next hour and a half lying in bed trying to get my "list" out of my head and go back to sleep. I know I didn't drift off because I heard all the clock chimes downstairs. Then when I got up, I hadn't fixed the clock on the coffee maker from the power outage, so the coffee wasn't made yet. I have a headache already and of course now that I'm up, I'm too sleepy to do any of the things on my list.

One good thing I did last night at class - the bottom blew off of one of my pots during firing (it's raku. It happens. We had a lot of stuff break last night. Mostly everybody shrugs and says "the kiln must have been off") anyway, my classmates were all making suggestions about ways the pot could be salvaged/repurposed because the surface came out really nice. But, I threw it in the dumpster! (This does not count as one of the"100 pots out", because it never came home)

Off to look over my lesson plans and make a really clear list of my day so I don't forget something because I'm tired. And drink more coffee..

Lila, sometimes our immune systems hold out while we're still under the gun, then they crash and crash hard.

If you prayed for me, thank you very much; I'm a little less stressed now. Was able to get a couple of the things done so they can be deleted from my overly full mental buffer.

I was actually going to go play pickleball at a different senior center branch - and that wouldn't have been blowing off the things I needed to do, because that mid-level cardio helps my ADHD and I will actually be more efficient and my short term working memory will improve. However, it seemed like the Lord had other plans - I was delayed first by a funeral procession, then by what appeared to be half the city fleet of various construction and utility trucks right where I needed to go.

So I turned around and ate my already delayed lunch in the park and came back home. I think I needed the little break. It was after returning that I got a couple of nagging computer things done.

I hope you get to feeling better real soon!

SubC, thank you for the encouragement and suggestions. I think I am making some breakthroughs emotionally, but it is painful.

CM I hope things settle down for you soon. It sounds like an awful lot.

I am sick, can't breathe at all through my nose, headache etc. Why is it every time I have a slow week where I would have time to do things I want to do, I end up sick? I am also grieving still, my dog, my child being an addict etc. I am not sure where my life is going to end up. I cannot foresee anything anymore and don't know if anything would give me life again.

But I plug along.

Last night I had TotsDad take the one medium and one very large box of donations to my car, and I took a bag of "toss" items to the trash can outside. I will be going to pick up a prescription this afternoon and will drop off the donations. This is a big part of everything, since it prevents me from going diving into the donation box and taking things back out. I did go in yesterday and took out a quilt, but I also made myself add something else I was going to keep to the box. Fair, right?

The Daily Tally is coming along very well. I am going to vacuum in the little bedroom and then start putting things away. I don't think there is much left in there to donate, but I will take a look.

I don't think I have ever been this sad in my life. I watched my mother die 20+ years ago, my father died before that, and all my grandparents, I lost 2 babies in pregnancy, my best friend died a few years ago, but all of that was not as sad as I feel now.

This is really going to be brief - not just like when I say that and then it ends up long.

It feels like the spring is spinning out of control - it was sort of crazy already, but it has accelerated.

I've been praying as I'm able, and I'm sure that is the only thing that keeps me from descending into madness from the stress. I would appreciate prayers for me and roommate.

There are just TOO. MANY. DETAILS. Things big and small needing to be done. Interruptions. Difficulty coordinating it all. Not enough hours in the day. For both me and roommate. Pet health issues. Her dog killed a newborn bunny in the yard late one night. Various dramas like that just when we try to wind down, then we each end up getting to bed way too late and not getting enough sleep.

Not enough room in the house with all the clutter but hardly any time and energy and clearheadedness to deal with the stupid clutter.

We had a little rain. That is a blessing. We may get more. It will help.

Really not seeking advice, just ranting and asking for prayers. I feel like I've got a gallon or two of cortisol flowing through my veins from the stress. Surely it will get better, but right now I'm pretty frazzled.

Hi Lila, I'm here, I'm just tired.

The next 7.5 weeks are going to be a bit of a marathon for me. With my pottery sale, the garden, the end of the school year, and some extra family things. I'm trying to keep my focus on the important things and let the rest slide for now.

Amazing job emptying the closet!

I think packing up some of the things for tot is a good compromise. You can always decide later if you want to come back and add some of them to the sleepover room.

Babies only get a bottom sheet now - all the other crib bedding is considered unsafe. I use the old crib blankets as light wraps during the day, or floor mats depending on weight.

If the vhs tape is still around, grab your phone, take a photo, and let it go. The photo will still trigger the memory. You can decide if you need the photo later.

hmm, where is everybody?

I am working on the little bedroom/storage room. The closet was FULL of things that were Teen's as a little girl. Things she loved, most in excellent/new condition. I had my son text her photos of the things and she doesn't want any of it.

I am struggling with donating all this stuff. It feels like getting rid of her childhood. I wonder if she will want it "later" but I have to let that go.

I think my strategy will be to choose some of the nice, newish items for my granddaughters. There are some really great stuffed animals, dolls, decorative pillows and blankets. Part of my wants it all gone, no reminders. Part of me wants to save it for the "sleepover" bedroom for my grandkids in my new home someday. But do I want those memories in my new home? If I give them now, the babies will ruin things - but I would like Tot, who is now 6, to have them when she has her own room. Ugh.

How about if I donate at least half, and put the things for Tot into a tote in the garage? Will leave it here for her when I move? Is that a good compromise?

All of this hurts, but it is a GREAT accomplishment that I have pulled out all of Teens things from that closet. I've been avoiding it for years.

I am not sure why, but I even when I feel ready and confident, I get into the actual stuff and start having anxiety and freezing.

I went into the little bedroom/storage area with a donation box. I started moving things to the outside edges of the room and away from the closet. I started to sort. I wanted to keep almost everything. It got harder and harder, I moved from one tote/box to the next, then opened the closet and saw it packed full, looked at several things and got a wave of anxiety and had to leave the room and take a break.

I think each item has a familiarity or an attachment. I did manage to find 5 things to go into the donate box (although only 1 was easy, a duplicate). But each item has memories, people, feelings attached to it.

For example, the vhs tape my little boy begged to watch all the time, his favorite movie. When I look at it, I can hear his little voice asking for it.

I don't want to take a picture of it, that seems silly. He won't want it. I don't even really want it. But I saved it. The crib bedding from when Teen was a baby. I should have put it in the darned crib for my granddaughter! Maybe I will. I always think about selling it, which is kind of ridiculous.

I guess that is why I get anxious. Each item has memories and emotions attached. The stuff I manage to donate, usually does not.

SubC, good job on the counter! My bar/counter is in a real state, as you might imagine, and will stay that way until I am not so covered in grief and trying to cope with all the changes. For now, I think your idea of starting with the small room is best.

That little room was a guest room and space for one of the grandkids (crib in there) but they never use it. I expect it will remain a sort-and-store room until I sell the house. It can't be a guest room now that the bed and nightstand are gone. It IS really the clearest I have seen it in years, and now there is room to fully sort what is left in there. Good idea doing that before moving things in and making it inaccessible again. It was so bad I could not get halfway into the room and could not open the closet without moving lots of things. Much better now, but much to be gotten rid of.

Seeing all of Teen's things, ex's things, and my dogs' things disappear had made a lot of other things I have left feel insignificant. It is a good time for me to declutter, as very little seems to mean anything to me anymore.

I will update the Daily Tally as I go. I find my lists of what has left pretty inspiring over there.

SubC, all the things I will move with me are all over the house. Mainly because many are being used or in nearby totes for occasional use. But I will begin moving things to the garage and outside storage room (things that are replaceable if someone got in and stole) and will then move things like photos and special family items into the little bedroom for more secure storage.

I am emotionally exhausted and will just be resting today AND decluttering that little bedroom. Maybe making some soup as well.

I think cleaning the dog crate space and filling it back up from the middle of your room is a good idea.

Do you have everything you are saving for when you move in the same place? Is there other stuff mixed in?

You might want to think about starting by sorting out everything that is left in the little bedroom, so it gets emptier instead of more crowded and nothing gets buried or hidden. What will that room be in the long term?

I did not do as much farm related work as I planned today, but i cleaned out the duck pen and cleaned water buckets and watered my houseplants. I decided I needed a rest day and did some reading and puttering and wandering around the yard/woods.

I also cleared the counter of doom! (I do still have that stashed box from when I stashed everything instead of cleaning it up, but maybe I can take something out of it tomorrow.)

one more post here for today.

With all the cleared space in the garage, storage room, and little bedroom, I now can start getting things out of my bedroom that don't belong there (like tools and kitchen stuff I want for when I move). I will keep decluttering as I go.

After ex left with a car full and TotsDad's pickup load full, I move the dog crate out of my room and into the garage. It was really heavy, but I wanted to do it while they were gone, to spare youngest son from the reminder that his best friend/dog is gone. I have not gone back in my bedroom yet to see the space it left. I am a little worried it will be upsetting. It has been there for years. I will vacuum and then shove stuff into that space to clear the center of the room, until I get things sorted.

I posted loads of things on the Daily Tally as well, if you are curious what kinds of things went out of my house today.

SubC, what a lovely memory of the elephant. I love this story. And it is true. I will think of it as I am sorting. This morning I was looking at two ceramic "baby bootie sets" that people gave me with flowers in them when two of my kids were born. I have saved the "for them" all this time. I think the memory of the gift is better than the item, now that I consider it. I am going to give them to the appropriate adult children and if they don't want them, donate them.

My ex did not show up yesterday to get Teen's things. I had a whole plan in my head as I was clearing a path, putting things in boxes etc, and had hoped to move things out of my bedroom into those spaces in the evening. I am thrown off a little, but he says he is coming today at 1. Hopefully he will, and takes all the furniture. TotsDad is helping him, and I asked him to try and get all the dressers and the bed gone. That would be a relief and a space saver.

The thing with Teen that complicates is that she is not stable. I know full well that at least 50%, maybe closer to 80%, of what I give to her in boxes, she will throw away. She does not see the value in anything, has been homeless with no place to keep things, and has addictions. I have been keeping things for her for when things are better. But it is honestly unlikely she will ever care about most of this stuff. I will keep the photos and a few small things that, if she is stable later, she might treasure, but nothing that I can't fit in a 1 square foot box. Just little things, and put them in a closet.

I am hoping once things get moved, I can do better at clearing my bedroom, later today.

Good morning!

Lila, that is such good news about teen.

If you are truly saving things "for her" you need to give them to her. I have had to face that there are things that belonged to my kids that I was saving "for me." Not because my kids actually wanted them or needed them, but because they fit in to my vision of how my kids would be in my life. That isn't real. If I try to create my fantasy vision of my family, I will miss out on my real family, and unrealistic expectations just set you up for disappointment and inability to enjoy the good things you didn't expect.

If there are things that truly matter to you - just keep them and admit that they are for you, or take pictures.

When I was a kid I had a giant stuffed elephant. I adored it. I saved up my money for a long time to buy it. Then I grew up - the elephant took up a lot of space. None of my kids loved it. Eventually, I took it to a homeschool event and donated it as a prize. My two favorite memories of the elephant now are buying it and carrying it out to the car all by myself and laughing with my mom as we wrestled it into our not so big backseat, and watching the little girl - who unlike my own kids even looked like a little me - who won the elephant carry her prize off at the end of the event. I'm sure the look on her face was the same one I had the day I got it.

I am feeling a little under the weather this morning. I think one of my darlings gave me a cold. This is not so good because based on the weather forecast, today is an outside work day for the farm. I am realizing that in the spring, with weather and time commitments, I am lucky to have four of those a month, so I need to make good use of them.

Thanks friends for the kind words.

CM, yes, the dog crate does come apart and nest that way. Good idea. Thank you.

Guess what. My exhusband is moving back to town. And he is helping Teen move into an apartment. This is great news as she has been mostly homeless for 7 months. I do hope she will do well there. So, he is coming over here this afternoon and tomorrow to take her things! I have been storing many boxes, totes, and furniture of hers all this time. I hope they take all of it, but at least most. This will free up an immense amount of space for me, in the outside storage room, the garage, and the little bedroom/storage room (which has her bed in it). I will be able to get things out of my bedroom, which is massively cluttered.

I decided as I was sorting this morning, that from today on, when I find something that is Teen's but not already boxed up, I will add it to a tote and count it in the Daily Tally. I think they count because they are random items all over my house, taking up space, that I was saving for her but she has no idea they are even here. So, I won't count the things of hers already boxed, but will count what I find and decide to send to her. (Mainly because I have been so tempted to keep them and save them for when she is older/maybe more stable - but, I think now is the time to get it out of here). Thoughts?

I also started a new donation box.

I am doing better, but not sure if it is because I am healing/actually better or because I am disassociating from the grief for awhile so I can function. Time will tell. Thank you for all the support in this hard time.

CM, good luck with the toolboxes.

I think filling 5hat unused space with storage items sounds like a win-win!

I am very excited for you that you found a social exercise activity you like!

This morning was "goat spa day" (the goats are not fans)

Everyone got their collars checked for fit and wear and replaced as needed, hooves trimmed, annual shots, and a dose of wormer. The two (I think) pregnant ones also got a mineral laced treat - that they liked. The whole process is somewhat physically demanding and made me tired.

But I persevered and dug the door track free of the mud so I can stop fighting to close it (oh CM, how I wish I could give you some of this rain!) and washed up a bunch of little pots that I had just dumped under the front bushes last year so that I will be able to pot up my seedlings in them.

I did straighten up a little last night, but I did not get to bed early. Still woke up on my own before 5:30, which may not be great since I will have a late night tonight with my class.

Looking around at my house, it has backslid a little bit on order over the first three quarters of the school year, but thanks to Lila's tally threads, I know there is actually less stuff in my house. (Despite recent increases) and a lot of the disorder is just a need to clean up and organize (like the pots under my bushes!)

I am starting to get to the far side of comfortable in some areas (step one, the mess comfortable, step two, the mess is uncomfortable, step three clean, step four the new space is uncomfortable, step five the new space is comfortable, step 6 you realize the new space is actually still a mess - repeat) thinking about bits and pieces I could remove, and looking forward to some big projects once school is out.

For now - off to load the truck with sticks for our pit firing tonight.

Funny thing about the toolboxes... now I forget where I saw the smaller blue one. It may not matter too much at the moment, though. I did gather all the tools to sort through and get rid of duplicates, and hopefully the just-right amount remaining will fit in the big blue box, and I have a space for it to go. I need to back the van into the driveway (so the neighbors can't see, lol) and go through the back of it, which has gotten a bit jumbled. The small toolbox may be hiding in there. Or if it's in the house it'll turn up. Also need to take the yellow toolbox and a few misc. items to donate.

We discovered that one of roommate's kitties again pottied under my bunny's cage (the cages are up on foldable tables so about 2 feet off the floor). A lightbulb went on in my mind that if we were to use that space to store lesser used stuff in tubs, it would block access to kitty and hopefully solve the illicit potty issue. And I know just which items might work well there - bunny club and seasonal things. It's not difficult to access but it's not prime real estate either.

Roommate is doing well with her eye and will have the other surgery in April. That should be easier - this one was a little hectic with the scheduling issues, although once we got there and back it was okay. But it's nice knowing what to expect from something like that that one hasn't done before. I've been going on the dog walks still, even though she is okay to control the dog now, but again I'm in need of the exercise.

And speaking of exercise, I did play pickleball this past Monday. It was a lot of fun. I'd thought oh, I won't try to play just yet, I'll do conditioning first. But then the impulse grew, so I thought what the heck. If it's too tiring, I can stop. Turns out it wasn't. It's good cardio, and just at the level I don't feel to be grueling (like the time I had a free personal training session at the gym and he got me on the stair stepper and elliptical - yikes). There were nice people who helped me learn and nobody minded telling me what score numbers to call out on each serve (with my poor short term memory I'd been a bit nervous about that, haha).

So I hope I can play most Mondays at the senior center, and if I find anyplace else convenient offering casual pickup games I might play more than just Mondays. It just feels like what I've needed for exercise, and the socialization is good - laid back, down to earth, no phoniness, etc. and something to DO instead of just pointless small talk. I'm pondering whether to purchase my own paddle but I want to take my time. I don't mind at all using the senior center's paddles for now. My track record is to eagerly buy "gear" for any new interest I've had, and I want to be sure I can justify a purchase and another item coming in. The shoes were justifiable because I didn't really have a supportive pair for an impact exercise; my feet and joints thank me for not attempting to play in my flat everyday Keds canvas oxfords. And the new shoes aren't pricey athletic shoes, but they get the job done.

We're still kind of getting our routine revamped, what with roommate's surgery, the transition into spring (with unpredictable weather - sometimes nice, sometimes crazy, welcome to Kansas), the longer days, roommate's gardening... our area, it turns out, is still in the drought from last year and may be for awhile. We have watering restrictions again, which is inconvenient but understandable. Sometimes April and May here will bring rain, sometimes even quite abundant rain. And severe weather, I hope we don't get that - a nice gentle rain would do just fine.

But I think overall my energy is picking up and I'm getting some things done.

Lila, just curious on the dog crate - is it one of those that can be taken apart in the middle and nested so it stores more compactly? My roommate's big one is like that. If yours is, maybe that would be another alternative; it might fit in the garage or something. I'm sure you'll figure out what's best for you in any case.

That should have been "crates" of poultry.

School went well. Baby geese are so soft!

I got home while it was still light and cleared some brambles to get a dose of sunshine. Then heated up a quick dinner to eat with Dh.

In spite of being mostly awake since 4 and out of bed since five I still have some energy. We'll see how that goes in 20 minutes when the sun is down. Meanwhile I'm thinking, straighten up a little, do chores, plan for tomorrow and go to bed early.

I hope you have fun on your trip Tatoulia!

I did find the marble run! It was hidden in plain sight. (On top of a stack of bins in the part of my basement that is still a complete disaster) now I need to move it to another place where Bean can find it on Monday. He asked me not to look for it because he wanted to help me find it.

I took the new blender to school yesterday and the kids got to do slip molds.

The parts for the kiln will hopefully be in in two weeks.

I am actually ready for today except for one handout and checking some work, which is good, because it takes much longer to get to school and get set up when you have to take multiple rates of poultry.

Off I go! Have a good day all!

A marble run sounds like great fun! I hope you can find it!

I'm going overseas for a few days. I've been a bit quiet about it. Didn't mention to anyone at work. I get nervous when I travel. This is a girls' trip I'll see BF in Switzerland in December and maybe a quick trip in September.

The guy at work came by tonight instead of yesterday. The cats will be in good hands.

Tatoulia, we crossed.

I'm sorry about your friend's son.

Did you tell us about this upcoming trip? I am blanking on it.

Had a good day with the boys yesterday, but Bean said "I wish you had a marble run" and I said"I do!" But then I couldn't find it. I remember discussing the marble runs (plural!) with the kids, and downsizing to one set. I can visualize the set. I can't find where I put it!

This sort of thing is so frustrating. I guess I should be happy because it used to happen almost daily and now it is far, but I am still frustrated. One of the joys of clearing out the hoard has been those moments when I could easily lay hands on something that was in usable condition. (It is nice to have a place where I can say that, because I think"normal" people take that as granted.)

I am now distracted from everything else I need to do by a need to find the marble run.

But today is a school day, and as always - I am not ready, so off I go.

Lila, you are working through a lot of really hard things.any progress is good.

I only like snow when it is deep enough to really cover the ground and I get to stay home. Today's snow just turned into rain all day.

I did get some work done in the pottery studio though - threw ten new things, trimmed and/or burnished 5, and finished off a bag of reclaimed clay. Only a couple hundred more to go...

Tomorrow I have my boys.

Sending you love and support, Lila. I am so sorry you are going through this. We are here for you!

Good to hear from you CM and sending you congratulations on making the decision on the yellow tool box! Say goodbye to it for me.

SubC that is terrible news about the kiln. I hope it's an easy and quick fix.

I did nothing all weekend. Not proud of that. Friday after work I went to visiting hours for a friend whose son died. I stayed about an hour and a half. The family let me sit with them since I was sitting alone and did not have anyone to talk to. It was very sad.

Yesterday, I hung out at BF's former business. The owner invited me to have coffee with her and we had a great time. I ran a few errands today and did a few loads of laundry but I am nowhere ready for my trip. Maybe tomorrow.

Tmr after work a coworker is coming over. He'll feed the cats for me for two days and then my friend will come in and feed the cats. So I'll have to force myself to deal with the remaining straggling papers.

Snow! Argh. I hope you like snow. I really want spring.

SubC, that is a good thought about, do I want the connection/reminder of my dogs when I get a new dog? Or would a fresh start be better? I am going to think about that. I have always kept and passed on everything to each dog. But have never had so much grief and pain over a loss. So I will give it some thought, about keeping or giving away the crate, among other things.

I went to church. I am barely sleeping at night and am to the point it is affecting my thoughts and ability to be coherent. I am trying to rest today.

However I did take the time to sort, discard, and consolidate my meds down to about half. Much more room on the vanity now.

I am also putting together a box of Teen's things that have been in my bedroom for a long time. I am boxing them up and will put her name on it and put it in the storage outside room. She can take it when she is able. I don't want them in my bedroom anymore, even if she ends up throwing it all away.

I am tired of crying.

Good morning.

Empty spaces are unsettling. Change is unsettling. But also, people have different comfort levels for open space and visual stimuli. I think I might have talked about "bee space" on here before. Bees are most comfortable in spaces that are about 1/4" wide. If you want to get more wax out of your hive, you space the frames out more widely, because the bees will build the wax comb up to close the space down to 1/4". If a frame is closer than 1/4" to something else, the bees will cement the opening closed with a varnish-like material called propolis.

Dh hates the way I pile everything around me on the couch, but it makes me feel cozy.

I think you are doing a good job. I want to give you a thought to sit with about the dog crate though. Somewhere there is a person who could probably use the dog crate. Maybe they are about to adopt a dog. It doesn't fold up, so it uses a lot of space. Getting a new dog is expensive, so the cost of a new crate (which you might be able to get used, even free) should not be a deciding factor. (If you can't afford a crate, you can't afford a dog - save up the future dog food bill for a while) so, emotionally, do you want the connection to and reminder of your dog when you get a new dog? Because if that is going to be a negative, or even neutral, you should probably bless someone else with the crate when you are ready.

Yesterday I did go back outside and I cleared all the blackberry canes that were coming up in the grape arbor fence. I need to wire the grapes - I never got to that after Bean and I planted them and put the posts up last year. It's fine because they put most of their energy into growing new roots the first year, but this year they will hopefully put off vines. The vines will need to be tied to wires.

I'm a little sore, but not as sore as I expected. I haven't done my yoga yet.

Today will hopefully be a home pottery studio day. I'm having a lazy morning, but the rain (snow at first) is supposed to start in two hours, so I should get moving and get all my chores done before that.

hello again. I am working on my bedroom and posting items in the Daily Tally. Everything I look at reminds me of something. I hate it. I hope by throwing a lot away or donating things, I will stop having so many things that make me sad when I look at them.

I am just forcing myself to work on things. I also took a walk. One thing I am struggling with is there is a plastic dog kennel in my bedroom which is big and fits (for short periods) a 90 pound dog. I used to have my dogs go in it if people were coming over who were afraid of dogs, or if my dog was barking. It was only used occasionally for when I needed the living room free of dogs. Now it sits there under the window where it has been for years and somehow I just can't bear to move it out of my room. But part of me wants to. So I am working on clearing off the top and around it. I am not getting rid of it, as I hope to have a dog again someday. It is going to the garage. I am scared of the empty spaces when things leave. Why is that?

Lila, I hope things are going better today.

I did yoga.
I finished removing the part of the fence I had planned to remove this year and replacing it with the portable fence. (I have another length marked for 2026, and will hopefully finish in 2027.)

The sun is shining and I need to go back outside and do SOMETHING to take advantage of the light and recharge my batteries. I am a little sore though.

SubC, I did not do either of my goals and here it is a week later. I did get my hair colored one day. I did take some walks. I spent most of the week working (35 hours) and crying (most of the time at home, every day) and I tried to do a few things with my grandkids here and there.

I am making travel plans because I have a lot of airline miles, a companion certificate, and a work-paid trip coming up. I want to get away. But I also am looking around and thinking, this is not home anymore. Time to start seriously decluttering for when I move out, or whatever happens.

Goals for today -
work on my bedroom and bathroom
take a walk, maybe work in the yard a little
maybe clean a bit

I ran the dishwasher last night
I have a load of laundry in right now
I threw out some old stuff from the fridge

Will catch up on posts later today.

Good morning!

Tatoulia good luck with the papers.

CM, good plan on the toolbox and exercise. I hope they both carry through for you!

Yes, with the "fast fashion" I am talking about the poorly constructed usually synthetic, usually thin clothing that snags, runs, loses seams and hems, wears through easily and doesn't keep it's shape or seem designed to match anything. Also it feels like nothing has sleeves or skirts long enough to cover you butt if you bend over, all the pants are cropped, and the women's knits are sausage casings.

I had a frustrating day yesterday. I forgot to take the new mixer to school, and so of course the existing mixer burned out part way through mixing the casting slip.

Then I discovered my (school) kiln is not working. Based on the error code I think (hope) it needs new elements/a thermocouple, but I don't know how long it will take to schedule the service, and
At minimum I will need to unload the entire unfinished load of greenware before it can be serviced. There are only 9 more weeks of school, so this is not good timing.

I was so tired and frustrated when I got home that I made bad choices - eating unhealthy food with wine for dinner and then following it up with a lot of chocolate. Two steps forward, one step back. At least at this moment I can see that the forward steps appear to be outnumbering the backward slides in my life.

This weekend I am going to try really hard to STAY HOME. Today is supposed to be cloudy with 40s to 50s, so I'm going to try to get some garden prep done, and tomorrow will be cold and rainy, so I want to have a pottery day. Plus I have stuff to do for school (as always)

Last night I watched a very funny YouTube video on how to fix your life in seven days. I don't think it was supposed to be funny, but "day one" was "clean and organize your space".

Hope everyone had a good equinox day yesterday. It was a more normal day here after that weird day Wednesday when there was a ton of wind and biting cold.

My roommate had her first eye surgery on Tuesday and is doing well. There are a lot of times for eyedrops she has to keep track of, lifting and bending restrictions, and misc. There are a few things I help her do, like I go along on the dog walk so I can hold the leash to keep the 75 lb., strong husky dog from pulling her if he gets excited. Which is good for me because it is a chance to get exercise.

I now have a pair of shoes for playing pickleball at the senior center. Might go Monday if it works out with roommate's eyedrop stuff because she would like to go to the center also even if pickleball is not her thing. If not, perhaps the following Monday. Mondays are when there is casual play and help for newbies.

Exercise is what I need to keep shaking off the consequences of winter inactivity and feel like I'm rebooting my health and getting my brain to be more efficient, reducing stress, and the like.

Been doing little decluttering tasks as a lead-in to larger ones. Can't remember if I mentioned the tool box I dislike. It's kind of silly - I ended up with 3 toolboxes. There were the large and small blue ones I've had for years which had sometimes kept supplies for art classes at the university or just at home. Then they ended up being for tools again. Sometimes in my vehicle. They are sturdy and work well. But a few years ago for some reason I decided I needed to get this yellow medium sized toolbox for the back room here. But after using it awhile, I found it annoying because the tray insert kept falling down to the bottom.

So, I've decided I'm definitely getting rid of the yellow toolbox (which will be 2 cubic feet gone for the box itself). The tools I will need to go through. I think with the nice weather I'll end up taking the big and small blue toolboxes and all tools outside and sorting through. Quite likely there are duplicates that don't need to stay. Hoping what tools I keep will fit nicely in the blue boxes. Probably one or the other box will end up in my vehicle and the other in the house here but they'll be streamlined and easier to deal with.

Other stuff - I dislike fast fashion too, if you mean the flimsy polyester stuff that seems ubiquitous. It seems like society is just flooded with clothing more than the entire population could ever wear. I have certain things in mind that I go to the thrift store hoping to find but it's all that sleazy ugly snaggy-fabric crap. Even the colors are gross. And a lot of it is too revealing for my taste. Current fashion and I are out of sync in many ways. Besides the cheap stuff, I don't like traditional business wear either, or anything like that. Have pretty much given up on dresses too, for various reasons.

My casual style suits me, but with all the changes in trends, manufacturing, and retail, it's getting hard to maintain. When things wear out, I like to replace them with something basically the same, and I frequently can't find it anymore. Used to be for years I could always find something familiar. And just like with Joann Fabrics, this development goes against my newer desire not to keep so much "stock" in my living quarters, only buying what is needed when things wear out. But when you can't source stuff, it may be necessary - within reason - to "hoard" SOME if you can locate it. It really may NOT be readily available anymore. Sigh.