Good morning!

Tatoulia go to work 😉

CM, could you offer things for free at the senior center? Even if other seniors didn't need them, they might have a friend or family member who did?

Made it through school. So many new kids! They seem to be a good batch though. Some of my returning boys have gotten so tall! And my favorite little tomboy from last year was wearing make up.

I was so tired when I got home all I managed was to feed myself dinner, do my chores, and talk to my mom and my younger daughter on the phone.

It doesn't help that it is still very hot here and the building just has window air conditioners which don't keep up with the heat on the third floor. It was nearly 80 (inside) when I got to school and climbed all day.

I've made myself get up on schedule, but may adjust that starting next week. Particularly with Thursday night classes going late. I expect to be pretty tired for school tomorrow. I'd skip my yoga and sleep a little longer, but Dh now gets up at 5 on Fridays to go to the gym.

I can't go back to sleep either, SubC, once I wake up at some weird early hour like that. And often when I do, the old brain thinks it's time to flip the worry switch. If it gets to be too frequent of a pattern, I go ahead and take the evening dose of Xanax (usually break it in half). That allows me to sleep on through or at least not be anxious if I wake. It is unlikely to create a dependency because I don't do it but once in awhile, and also overall it helps me reset my sleep so I'm less likely to be frazzled and anxious. Seems like a win.

Looks like we'll have a rainy week next week, at least off and on. We can use the moisture for sure. It'll also make driving across town to deliver bunny groceries a lot more pleasant than doing so in the hot sun glare.

Tatoulia, that's funny that we both call our stuff Boulevard of Broken Dreams. But that's so often what it is. I wish I knew certain potential recipients for some of mine - people who would love to get the items and are in a better position to really use them and accomplish great things than I have been. I also realize that it may not be possible to find such ideal people in a timely fashion. The thrift stores here have become so junky that I wish that wasn't the only other alternative. Selling online is not generally practical because it takes a lot of time and hassle. Although with a few select things it might work. Sigh, decisions...

Goodn morning!

Tatoulia, go to work! - lol

I'm sorry I didn't tell you yesterday. As my schedule is changing I am trying to limit my computer time. I type slowly, so I promise I will be here reading every day, but I may post less.

Today is the first day of school, so I wanted to be well rested, so of course I woke up at 4:20. By the time I went to the bathroom and fell back asleep I would have just been groggy when my alarm went off at 5, so I got up. Sigh. I started a load of laundry and am stealing some extra computer time.

CM - good job getting rid of the stamps! My advice is to block off the time on your schedule soonest possible now and then guard it. Things will always come up.

Also good job enforcing your boundaries.

I'm starting to get nervous about all the "new" things on my schedule - school restarting, concerts restarting, our friends want to get together for dinner, visits and travel and the holiday pottery sale. all good, but busy!

Cm, good to hear that the wheels are turning for your next steps! I used to call getting rid of stuff that I never did, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, so it's great to hear you say it! I never knew what Tillie was talking about when she mentioned Burning Man but now I do! The impact of the weather made it news everywhere, and I finally started to understand.

I am at my neighbor's house, feeding his lovely cats. I'm doing a load of delicates. Hoping to wear linen tomorrow as we too are experiencing a great deal of heat.

I didn't make any changes to my life today but I did enjoy some time with mom.

Odds and ends for now and getting a new week rolling, which will only be four days of course.

Looks like it will be a hot week but not as extreme like those August stretches of hot days. And then go to more reasonable by Monday.

Speaking of crazy weather, I'm glad I wasn't at Burning Man, not that it would be my cup of tea anyway except for maybe some of the neon installations and whatnot. But I wouldn't fit into that counterculture and extreme desert survival has never been my thing, nor would being stuck in mud and traffic jams. It always makes me remember Tillie a little though, because I remember a time or two her mentioning it. I hope folks get on their way home safely.

Roommate and I will be helping a bit with the bunny shelter this week as the mom leaves tomorrow for a well earned vacation. All we need to do is make a grocery run some of the days, and other people are willing to take some of the days so it won't be all of them just us.

It's a good thing I started setting those boundaries re volunteering to cover for their trips back when earlier in the year. Because although roommate is making some progress with her physical health, and I'm experiencing a reduction in anxiety (thank God), it wouldn't do to try and overdo things. Roommate has therapy or tai chi most days, and just needs to pace herself, and I have my own commitments and need to take things on a reasonable schedule so I don't hit burnout level again. Poco a Poco once again is the best way.

I need to remember Poco a Poco constantly as summer gives way to fall and I try to figure out at least a rough game plan for the bigger decluttering and downsizing efforts. Without going into premature levels of detail, I want to be brave and face some artistic and lifestyle choices made in the past that have probably become sunk cost fallacy matters by now. Mourn my Boulevards of Broken Dreams and then take the action steps and do so without dragging them out interminably.

Today I must nail down the schedule for our days to help the bunny shelter and a few other things. I am impatient for a clear stretch of time but it will be another couple of weeks I realize. Sewing machine cleaning still pending. It gets easy to forget it with things like going to the sporting goods store for an exercise ball for roommate and cotton shorts on sale for me, the pair that was out of stock the other time I went.

I did toss a few paper scraps with outdated reminder notes on them and other miscellaneous paper that was in a bag that my bunny's hay spilled into so I had to shake it out. Someday there will no longer be any of those stash and dash bags sitting around. I hate them.

Also donated religious rubber stamps to the parish school - had meant to do that before the spring term ended but oh well, they're donated now and out of my life. About a half cubic foot worth.

My friend came over. We had lunch (out) and then visited mom for a minute. We were walking by mom's place and she and her college student were sitting in the window in the common area. Mom's college student just got into town. So now on Sundays, mom will have a friend.

My friend and I went to the office with our respective shredding piles and my printer. Then we went to my car and got my seltzer out of it. Pretty productive weekend.

Oh and I applied for a job. I don't want to leave my job but this is a job opportunity that I'd hate to pass up. Not sure if they will hire someone my age. Time will tell.

Lol! Let me be more clear, I did not clean up my entire house, I simply spent a lot of time getting it to the point where it basically now looks like somebody needs to clean it up.

This involved running a load of wash, the dishwasher twice, and moving a lot of toys.

I have spent the morning in the garden. This involved picking two baskets of produce, planting beets and lettuce, and pulling weeds until it now looks like "good grief, does anyone ever weed this garden?" rather than "huh, it looks like somebody tried to have a garden there. I wonder why they quit?"

Now I am drinking water. When I stop sweating I will have lunch and go work on pottery.

SubC, I need to channel your energy. You do so much in a day!

Different friend coming over today. My house is a zoo. It looks terrible. I will try to ignore that. I have to have my coffee, which I am enjoying now. Friend will be here in 49 minutes but my coffee is important to me. I've showered and gotten dressed, so that's good.

We are taking my pandemic printer to the office. I don't know if I mentioned that yesterday. It is taking up most of a shelf in my closet and I don't need it anymore. I didn't have BF take me to the office because we were printing things up to the day before he left. Between my promotion and being back in the e office, I have no use for the printer.

Okay, wanted to say good morning to Lila, SubC, CM, and anyone else out there!

Good morning!

I'm glad you had fun with your friend Tatoulia!

Lila, I hope you are feeling better.

Hi CM!

Yesterday was a staying home all day day. Dh changed the oil in my car. I worked in the garden, cleaned the house up, and tried a new recipe that uses a lot of squash. It was ok, but it needs baking powder - too dense. Also I think I'd rather serve the resulting pattys on buns. The recipe made enough for two dinners, so I have added buns to my grocery list.

Not for tonight, because today is also a staying home day for me - but Dh is playing golf.

I have a notepad with a pencil on my fridge for the grocery list again! It has been years... so many little things I lost control of.

My book came. It's not as good as I hoped, but it's ok. I could have gotten it from the library, but the author is still alive, so I don't mind buying it. The cover says "natural cold storage of fruits and vegetables" and it promises to teach me to "keep (my) harvest fresh in (my) own basement, porch, garage, or closet" but 2/3 of the book is dedicated to significant construction projects.

Maybe someday.

I am nervous- excited about school starting on Wednesday. I keep Bean tomorrow and will take him home and set my room up for my first day on my way back(my roomate has the room tomorrow)

Wow! Brave plan to avoid buying stuff! Well done!

Had lunch at Ekiko's new place. She moved to the suburbs to live with her boyfriend. Beautiful house. Beautiful. She made egg, ham, and cheese sandwiches and they were tasty. The boyfriend is out of town so it was just us and it was terrific. Afterward I went to the grocery store. So all is well.

I took a bedspread to my car so I can donate it.

Oh! I have to go get my laundry out of the dryer.

Excellent job getting the return done in time Tatoulia!

And you still learned the lesson without the penalty (except the time spent in line)

We had a great time with Bean. I did not buy anything at the art show even though I was very tempted by a necklace. I have a system if I go with Dh- I don't carry anything. So if I want to buy something I have to ask him to do it. Then I have to explain why and how much I want the thing. I showed him the necklace and he did not respond with enthusiasm, so I didn't tell him I wanted it. I took the artists card, and she has a website, but I think the wanting will wear off. It was very pretty though.

I did get lots of ideas.

I went to mom's and also picked up a sandwich. Now I'm doing a load of laundry and running the dishwasher. It's 8 pm and I've showered.

Thanks, SubC!

I hope you have fun tonight!

Guess what? I'm about to ask for praise for something that I let go too far but saved in the nick of time! I have two dresses I bought that I've meant to return all summer. I looked it up and I have 90 days to return. And the return date expires on one of the dresses on sept 8 and the other one a week or so later. I packaged them up and took to the P.O. so that's a few hundred dollars back in my pocket. I cannot tell you how glad I am that I did this. The dresses were so close to being donated, because I wasn't dealing with them. There was a long wait at the post office and I was fine with it!

Now every time I want to buy something I ask, how is this going to affect my retirement. Incredibly useful.

Good morning - Tatoulia go to work.

No, wait, it's Saturday 😉

Slept late this morning. I'm going to have to get moving soon because Dh is coming with me to a nearby art show and then we are continuing on to pick up Bean and take him to the natural history museum in the city. We'll bring him home and his parents will come get him after an evening out.

I added a skirt to the clear out pile yesterday. I would have added more, but Dh told me he likes most of the too small skirts and he believes that I am going to lose weight.

Yes please stop by in the AMs!

I went by mom's and they were having a happy hour with music, so I brought her downstairs. Then I took her into the dining room and we sat there til supper time. I'd pout in a load of sheets before leaving the house. I stopped back here to put in the dryer then went to the grocery store. I'm now showered. Will watch the 630 news.

I have a plan to go to goodwill and the animal shelter tmr with donations. I also have to deal with the stuff in my car. I'm also thinking of walking downtown tmr. Need to be moving, you are correct SubC.

Tatoulia, should I come by in the mornings and tell you to go to work?

CM, this is the badger:: ?

Good luck on your sewing machine! I need to get mine in working order too!

I ordered a book on root cellaring vegetables.

Payday today - off to run errands.

Hope to get going on the sewing machine this afternoon.

What happened to badger to put him on the disabled list??

Lila, hope you feel better soon.

Tatoulia, when you're going through hell, keep going.

Love to all

CM

Thanks SubC, you are correct on all of this. I did end up getting up and getting dressed. I sat outside because the woman who inherited the BF's car had brought me some heavy groceries as well as BF's license plates. So I ended up getting up and being semi-productive.

I also went in a walk in the afternoon to take care of an errand for BF. I went to mom's at five and took her downstairs to eat and sat with her while she ate. So I did get out a little yesterday but not great.

I was thinking about going into the office today to force myself out. But here I sit, working from home.

Tatoulia, try to keep up with your physical activity, it will help with the depression. I'm not sure we should be concerned about you being in bed at 7:30 though - if you have no plans for the evening, I know you have worked hard to make your room and your bed a cozy, inviting and relaxing oasis. But maybe get a book to curl up with on such evenings?

I picked out two more dresses to leave (on top of the one Dh didn't like) and I am going to let go of a blazer. I like it, but I never wear it because I struggle to find anything it goes with. I thought it went with one of the dresses, but Dh just made a face at it. Realistically I think it makes my shoulders look too squared off. Dh offered to buy me a white cardigan (he likes a softer look) but I think I can manage with what I have at the moment!

I went to class, checked in, and came home. The pots didn't break, but i messed up the math on the firing and they weren't ready. I should have used a calculator.

Hello, hello!

Congratulations on the new dresses, SubC!

Lila, if you can get one dress, one skirt or pants , one blouse, one sweater or blazer, then a couple of scarves, a piece of jewelry or two, you'll have enough clothes. I wish you were here, we could go shopping together. I'd also have you look at the size XL Eileen Fisher and J. Jill items I have and let you take them if they fit.

I'm showered and in bed and yes it's 730:here. It's the depression.

I have clean sheets. It's fairly cool here with no humidity. So it's nice to have the window open and the ceiling fan on. I sat with my mother as she had dinner tonight. She was very sweet and ate well.

Cm, i wish I could sew! Fabrics fascinate me and I love going to fabric stores. Alas, I cannot sew so it's just enjoying the beauty for me.

Okay I'm trying to keep my head above the depression.

I have been cooking.

I made popovers and a cake and cornbread. I also filled the dehydrator with cherry tomatoes.

My dresses came and i like them. I told Dh and he said: "Good, you deserve some treats. Your summer activity far exceeded my expectations". I'm very glad I have him.

Heading out soon to go by school and either get my pots out of the kiln for class tonight or clean up from an unsuccessful firing. And then on to class to either finish the pots or check in and go home. I'm actually pretty nervous. I also need to buy more flour.

CM, my grandfather always said "plan your work and work your plan"

I am a little sad that the badger is disabled.

Lila, I hope that you feel better quickly!

My son and ddil called last night - Surprise is a boy. Dh and ds were hoping for a girl, but ddil is very pleased, and I think it will be nicer for Bean since they will be three and a half years apart. I think they are more likely to be close being the same gender. None of my kids are very close to any of their cousins except my youngest and the girl four years younger than her who is oldest in that family.

Much to do, will check in later.

hello friends,

thank you for the cute star link! She is such a sweet little thing. We are enjoying her so much.

However I did get sick - sicker than the grands. I am still sick and have been sleeping a lot. So have got nothing done but sleep, nibble saltines, sip gatorade. I am hungry and nauseous and want to eat but know it will make be sicker. I am also weak and unable to even do anything.

Before I got sick I went in the spare room and once again, Teen have gotten into the clothing bins and threw things all over the place. It makes me so irritated. I fold and put things in bins that still fit them, which they say they don't want (but when I get rid of them I get raged at). So this time I picked out a few items to donate and put the rest back. I will add those items and that shirt that doesn't look good on me to the Daily Tally.

But right now I am just exhausted from typiing this and need a nap.

Thank you, SubC. You struck the perfect note - sharing the struggle. I'm gonna be okay. I may jot down a few goal setting notes, nothing too elaborate but I realize that there are several things I want to tackle re stuff and also other matters. And it's hard to hold it in my head. So paper or computer (if the latter, keep it short and summarized, print it out, and tape it inside my planner calendar that I look at most often).

I did get the CDs returned, and it was a pleasant little outing, so that's a win.

Want to set my next task, now that bunny cages are done, to be cleaning the sewing machine and seeing if I can get it running properly. If I'm going to acquire fabric and go through my overall stash and get going again on whatever, I need a functional sewing machine. This is something I will even be glad to be BADGERED about, lol. Hopefully that won't even be necessary; I am desiring to tackle it. But put the Badger on speed dial just in case.

Yay bunny cages!

Stuff is hard. The thing about being a hoarder is that stuff will always be hard. And unlike alcohol, for example, you can't just avoid stuff.

I have a giant purple hula hoop in the back of my car. Because someone put it in the recycling bin. It is in perfect condition and cannot be recycled through the bin system. I could not see any other option.

Then just now I realized - the bins are at a park. I could totally have leaned it against the side of the swing set for some kid to find. (Or possibly the parks dept to throw away)

Lately when I want a thing I have been telling myself "now is not the time." This is easier with things that have a monetary cost and things that could go to someone else.

I did not sort out all the little mixed stuff from the Spanish closet even though it was going to the dumpster because it would have taken the time of the person who was charged with clearing it out. But if I had been alone, I would have.

Some good, some not so good...

The good: I did get the bunny cages deep cleaned yesterday. Achievement Unlocked!

The not so good - and I think I'm not ready for direct advice just yet. Just let me vent for now. Or share your own similar experiences, that's fine and may be helpful. It's not a huge thing, and I don't want to blow it up in my mind. But I do want to troubleshoot how to nip this kind of thing in the bud in future.

So. Went to quilting today after 3 weeks' absence with roommate's troubles and last week I plain played hooky with the heat advisory. Enjoyed being back today, accomplished things, chatted with the only other lady there - all was great. And then when we were finished, I ran into an unanticipated struggle...

Back whenever I was there last, one of the gals who used to quilt with us had brought in a fabric donation. Quite a bit of nice cotton fabric. I had picked out some, made myself put back some, ended up bringing home about half a cubic foot worth. Thinking doll clothes and perhaps quilting although I don't have the outlet for it much longer if the church group ends in a few years.

So of that fabric I had washed the light pieces and there are a few dark pieces still to do. A lot of it is in pieces about 6" x 8" because "Consuela" the lady who brought it was making masks during the pandemic. I wasn't there but the others told me Consuela had made $3,000 selling the masks. Obviously Consuela has an efficient sewing setup and adequate self discipline. I am trying not to be envious of that.

Okay. Ahem. So I got a little fabric four weeks ago. I thought that was it. But today, I wanted to look through the remainder again after the other gal left. I was going to be brief. I had plans for accomplishing certain things this afternoon - coming home briefly for lunch, then returning CDs to the library, then perhaps doing some writing or maybe even cleaning the sewing machine. I'd had a good day yesterday, no bad mood was going on, no anxiety or any such thing.

THREE HOURS LATER, after sorting the whole damn mess of the fabric, and pulling out some and then putting it back - I had to admit my FOMO had gotten the better of me. The time loss was really the most irritating part. I made myself put back some of the fabric I picked out, and I suppose what I finally bagged up was 1/4 or 1/3 of a cubic foot, no more. But I know. The TIME. The brain fog of INDECISION which fried my circuits (and of course, no lunch, so ADHD brain was running on fumes - owner's manual does NOT recommend this particular operating procedure).

The dopamine, the dreams - how can I have such a specific, instantaneous vision to go with each piece of fabric as to what style of a doll dress it would make or how it could work in a quilt - and yet know that given my track record I may never get anything done with it at all. Knowing if I don't really start working with these supplies I'll get to do the indecision dance all over again in my own space trying to sort through stuff months or years hence.

I am tired of sorting and dreaming. I want to be doing and streamlining. So how to get from A to B. Okay. That's the first question, that's an entry point into the quandary. Second question that also occurred - how to build up much greater resistance against temptation, because there's always going to be stuff that I encounter. Free stuff is of course the most tempting of all. It tends to inspire great daydreams that reality can't live up to.

Well, I have just got to be more able to remember that those spur of the moment sparks of wanting can lead to being very annoyed that I let myself get caught up. What is it about being artistic and creative that makes some of us not content with just a small, manageable amount of supplies, and able to really see projects through to completion and market them? My guess is that those two mental processes take place in different parts of the brain, and it's not everyone who can harmonize them together.

I'll try to salvage the afternoon, though, rather than get defeated. I can take the CDs to the library later, after rush hour. So I better go do some things.

I have a cotton skirt I really like that is good quality and gets a lot of compliments. Yesterday I was browsing the site of the company that makes it looking at dresses. Dh asked "are you going to buy a dress?" I told him I was just browsing. The next thing I knew he had talked me into two new dresses.

So those will be coming this week. I have some older ones that don't fit because I got fat and that don't have pockets that I should clear out. They are pretty, but someone else should have them.

This afternoon I have a drop off appointment at the craft thrift.

CM, I love the star.

I am out of practice and can't throw a good pot to save my life today, but I did at least go out and try for a while.

Well, that was silly - I'll just put the link to copy paste.

https://www.freepik.com/premium-vector/cute-kawaii-little-star-smiling-with-colorful-rainbow_31643236.htm

Another star that became a question mark! I give up. Lila, just imagine a star, a really pretty one like this (if this attempt works)