My Mom has been seeing a cancer specialist off and on. She's ok in the head but physically is the issue and it's hard getting to places. She drives and I don't but we only really go out for Dr's appointments. I get her to the car and out and she drives to and from the Dr's offices. I actually still don't know how to drive because we've never been able to afford 2 people on the insurance and there's never been anyone to teach me and I felt guilty trying to put that on my Mom's shoulders.

We don't have any friends or family. Nobody wants to be friends with sick people, it's hard for sick people to be social enough to make friends and as for family they don't care at all. The ones who did passed away long ago.

The hill we live on isn't a big one and to most everyone else it would look so small. It's a regular neighborhood but the house is built on the hill and trying to go up and down it when one has balance issues can be anxiety inducing. Which is what I think part of my dizzy spells are from.

The home health quit coming partly because of the house and because my Mom wasn't going to the Dr regularly enough for them. Knowing she had cancer and was having trouble getting to the Dr. the R.N. nurse kept trying to discharge her ALL the time saying she wasn't bad off enough to need their care. One day they just didn't come back and we never heard from them again.

Which I don't understand at all but of course they'd come in, wouldn't stay long and then would leave. The social worker wouldn't talk to me in front of my Mom and I couldn't make him. So I could never prove the jail thing he said to me unless he admitted it. When I told my Mom what he said she called him once and bitched him out. He had never spoken to her before. His only reply was to whine and said to quit harassing him. *SIGH*

The one neighbor we do know from before Katrina who still lives next door isn't really the kind of person who'd help with anything like this. He's kind of wrapped up in his own life. The others we don't know and never have talked to since we finally got back into our home in 2012. That's a whole other story of how we might be loosing it because it was sold in a tax sale while we were stuck in a FEMA trailer and we were never notified of the sale. It's so complicated but we don't own our home anymore even though it was purchased and paid for in 98. We have legal help with that though.

I'm scared to mention the hoarding issues to her Dr's because they might call APS right then and there and I don't know what either of us would do if that happened. I should have called APS/Community Services/etc. last year before it got this bad but that social worker scared the crap out of me.

There's twice weekly trash pickup but I can't get that can to and from the house. I could get it down because I'd be able to lean on it but on the way back up would be trouble. The house is hoarded with mostly trash bags of trash neither of us could get out there and boxes some folded up from ordering food and household items online since we can't really go inside stores anymore.

It's been the two of us for so long and that was ok until my Mom got sicker and I started getting sick. I aspirated during gastro tests a couple years ago, was in an induced coma for 2 weeks, spent time in a specialty hospital and then a nursing home for rehab which I had to leave early due to insurance even though I wasn't ready. Then due to a UTI I had in the nursing home that never went away a few weeks after I got out I ended up in the hospital with urinary sepsis. Ever since then balance, endurance, dizziness and etc have been issues.

Not long after I started getting around better is when my Mom had to have a kidney removed due to cancer and when we got home from that last Summer is when the hoarding started in force and has gotten so bad since. I can only get to the fridge in the kitchen now so we usually order pizza or whatever for dinner then snack earlier in the day. We order some stuff from Schwan's Delivery Service but as mentioned with the mess now in the kitchen too cooking really isn't an option.

Ugh I know what I need to do but it gets so tiring getting blamed, criticized and to be made to feel like a really capitalistic worthless person by people who's jobs are to help.

This time of the year is the worst because there's the tv movies, commercials and etc. celebrating holiday togetherness, miracles and all that stuff. Then for my Mom and me it's another year alone knowing nobody would care if both of us died. It would be humiliating to be dead and the state of this house was the last thing anyone remembered about us.

Hi Gem, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time.

Is the home health service still available as part of your mother's care, and if so, would you be able to have a social worker come again to talk with you about any assistance options that may be available to you in your area?

Are you able to see any service agencies for seniors or disabled in your area that you can discuss your needs with?

Do you have any extended family members who could offer any assistance?

Do you have a church affiliation where you could discuss your situation with the pastor?

Is there a boy scout troop that might be able to provide some help in relation to getting merit badges for the scouts?

Are you affording a weekly trash service? If so, what can you do to get someone to come each week to help you get the trash can filled?

Are there any annual neighborhood or community cleanup days/weeks that you might be able to tie to your cleanup needs in some way? (And if so, what kind of a plan could you develop to get from now to then?)

Elks, masons, rotarians, etc?

Also, it seems to me if it was likely that your situation would lead to you being arrested under some definition of elder abuse, they would have done that yesterday. Right? I'm not a legal expert but it certainly seems that way.

Gem, I am so very sorry that all that happened/is happening to you. It's really frustrating that the cops and everyone couldn't even give you a referral or suggestion or something to help you. Unfortunately it sounds like they just want you to move the boxes and pick up the mail so they don't have to make another trip out there (I'm guessing the reason they came out is because either the mail carrier or someone else reported that something might have happened to you). And with you both being sick, I really don't know what you're supposed to be able to do. Even if they didn't have anyone they could refer you to, I still think they could have told you that.

For the mail, do you have a car? Could you drive to the bottom of the hill to get the mail? Does anything help your dizzy spells?

I wish I could offer any other ideas or suggestions. When I first came to the board it made me feel so sad and frustrated for people to see all the people who come looking for help who really want to get out of their situation but just don't have the money/resources to do it. It feels like there should be something but I don't know what. I think most people just don't understand how we "let" things get this way and they're more interested in blaming us than helping us. I wish I could do something to help.

A few weeks ago someone called the police on us and I didn't answer the door when they first came out because I wasn't sure who it was. The 2nd time they came out it wasn't just them, they brought along firemen and paramedics. I answered the door and told them we had a few boxes outside our door that had been delivered because I was too tired to bring them all in when they arrived due to a couple of them being heavy. In with the cops there was one woman one and she yelled to everyone else who were men "Sorry boys!" as in sorry that they all had to come out for nothing.

There's another huge secret too but I'm scared to admit what it is because of how bad it is. We need help so bad but I'm scared what that social worker who worked for the home health my Mom said last year about if the Adult Protection Services came out is true that I'd probably go to jail. I'm not well enough mentally or physically for jail. 🙁

Hi all!

I'm glad you got your AC fixed Gem. I just got mine repaired today also.

I am new to admitting I am "not normal" so I'm sorry to not have anything helpful to add although I'm posting in your thread.

I've spent the last two weeks trying to clear out space around the AC/furnace and then widening the paths to the back and side walls of the basement so the repair man could have access to the areas he needed to work in. I really disliked having to do it. I had great difficulty letting go of my children's clothes or toys from when they were younger. I realize the sentimental attachment I have to everything that belonged to them is not normal and that I do not lose them or the memories of them by giving these things away. I also tend to feel the need to save things to pass to them/their children in case the find themselves living through economic hardship the way I have for much of my life.

I have been forced to let go of almost all their clothes to make room for this AC situation. It helped that i found a donation place that funds a shelter for abused women and their children. This knowing that my donations helped those in such great need has been instrumental is forcing myself to part with things. Much still remains though as I feel like I've only taken a teacup out of the sea.

I do like to see the areas of extra empty space that has been created. But now that the motivating AC crisis is past i hope I can self motivate and self discipline to keep whittling away at the piles so I can try to turn this problem around ... However slowly... Because intellectually I know how it will end up if I don't .

I want to thank everyone for sharing their stories. It has helped me to know that although I am not normal, at least i am not alone. And if others have bailed themselves out a teacup at a time, then I can too.

Namaste!

I'm so glad you came back and updated us, and that you are cool again. I do agree with LR's suggestion that you join the online group and, at the very least, get the encouragement to move forward in any way at all.

Gem, I'm so glad to hear back from you, to know that you are OK, and that you got your air conditioning fixed! (Yea!) I had been thinking about you and your situation. Thank you so much for posting this update!!! Join us for the online support group (see button at right) on Sunday nights and Tuesday nights if you have the chance and would like to do so. It's a great opportunity to chat with others of us who have the same issues. It's "cool" to hear that you are cool now!

Also the AC guy who came said his dad moved into a senior living complex and since he got onto Medicaid/Medicare that a cleaning service comes twice a week and does some cleaning in his home for free twice a week. He didn't know if it had to do with his Dad's insurance or something the senior living complex had set up.

The guy came and was real nice and didn't even care about the mess since he didn't need to reach the breaker box to do repairs. The bad news concerning the AC was the price of the repair. My Mom and I split the cost between us because in this area you can't go without air and the total would have been the same price as about 3 window units if found on sale. The AC is working better now then it has in a long time then I can remember so it must have been on it's way to conking out for awhile.

Sorry this is so very long but I wanted to update, be honest somewhere to someone and just get everything off of my chest. Neither of us can stand living this way any longer.

Eva,
Thank you for posting. It helps the regular posters here to hear voices of others who have related to, and gained help from, their struggles.

Hi, I'm new!

I can relate to this post because our AC is broke and needs to be replaced also, whole AC-furnace unit. My basement has been the place that I've been storing things for over 20 years. Just the spots he needs to work and access involve daunting de cluttering tasks and I feel I can't get it done fast enough. The difficulty letting go of things has made me consider that I'm beyond messy. I'm not a candidate for the hoarder show yet, but I can't have people over and I'm on that path if I don't turn it around now.

I've been reading a lot here the last few days and it has helped me. Thank you all for sharing.

love my window air conditioner

Gem,

I see others have spoken, so I guess I will be saying some of the same things....1st--I'm thrilled you called someone. 2nd--in the meantime, yes, most definitely get to a cool place. I grew up in the South, and now live in the Southwest, and hot weather can do bad things fast.

On the emotional level--One of the things I've noticed is the feelings of shame that then lead to the feelings of "I don't deserve..."
Well, I think that's part of this hoarding deal. We keep stuff (or at least I do) because of terrible fear and low self-worth and loss. The truth is we do deserve to be safe, healthy and happy, no matter what the conditions of our homes.

So please keep us posted. And please take care.

Here is the WebMD link for heatstroke.
http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/heat-stroke-symptoms-and-treatment
I have lived in apartments which had no air conditioning and have suffered heatstroke before. You become disoriented and weak and are not sure what is happening to you. Please take care of yourself. If you think you are suffering from heatstroke, get out of your home and seek help.
The important thing is to stay hydrated and put cool or cold cloths on your pulse points: temples, wrists, etc. Fans help, but after a while they just move the hot air around. If the fan still works on the furnace, sometimes running it will help.
I wish you all the best and trust you will make the decisions which are best for you.

Gem, can you get a window air conditioning unit installed for now? That is what I intend to do as I cannot afford repairs to central ac. Then limit your living to the ac room or rooms until you can do a big repair, after figuring out how to get to the breaker.

Gem, I've been reading your posts. Glad you called them! Keep us posted on how things are going.

I did earlier. Just hoping all goes ok.

Call the AC repair man and have him come out and look at the situation.
He should be able to figure it out how it's all wired.
If he is not willing to take on the job of getting to whatever he needs to access, ask him if he knows another AC person who might be willing to take on the job.
Make the call and ask.

It's 88 degrees in our home right now even with fans on and we don't have anywhere to go or anyone to help us. I wonder how much work an AC guy could do without getting to the breaker box?

I don't want to die in here. 🙁

That's the problem. I think there are more breaker switches that control the AC behind a mass of stuff that we can't move ourselves. There are two breaker switches on the AC unit itself inside the closet thing where it's located in the hall. I'm trying to find out online if those 2 breaker switches control everything but can't fine out.

We literally can't get to the box ourselves and I can't imagine what could happen if we tried to. Getting overheated and hurting ourselves.

This sucks so bad.

Repair men have seen just about everything and they really don't care what state the house is in just as long as they can easily get to the areas they need to get into to do the repair work.
They earn their living by coming in to people's homes, doing a good job and any good repairman never gossips because that is bad for their business.
So, my suggestion is that you clear the areas where the repair man will need access to and call before it gets much hotter.
Good luck & best wishes!