Gem,
What you have presented is a very challenging situation. You will have to work out the proper choice for you for yourself.

Unfortunately reality TV is one of Modern America's substitutes for games at the Coliseum. One positive thing I see that you can consider in all that is that you would have the opportunity to provide a positive "6 months later" followup report to encourage others. ( but you would have to plan for how that will happen during the cleanup phase too. )

I contacted Cory on FB and called him back after chickening out the first day because I was so nervous so called him back on the 2nd.

At first I thought well it's not like anyone gives a flying fig about my Mom and I so being on TV wouldn't be as bad. Now that I've had longer to think about it though as much as we desperately need the help I'm nervous and afraid of the thought of appearing on TV and people who watch the show regularly seeing my Mom and I and remembering us. Also the fact that a TV show would be a permanent visual record of how badly we allowed our home to get, what it looks like in here and the sad state of our lives.

Gem,
see the stuff about the tv show.
Maybe that's a possibility for you.

Gem, I totally agree with what Tat and Mel said.

God bless ~~

Hi Gem,

Just want to second some of the things Tatouilia said in her last post. You are always very welcome here. Sometimes discussions get missed but you are a part of this community and we care about you! You are important.

I also want to tell you that dealing with mental illness can be incredibly difficult and getting the right meds in place to get you on track can make all the difference in the world.

Please take care of yourself and keep us posted on what's going on with you.

Much love from me too!

Gem, mental illness is as serious, and in my opinion, more serious than physical illness. (My apologies for all offense, it's really comparing apples and oranges and I know that's unfair). But what is unfair is that people always say, when talking re someone with mental illness, "is she taking her meds ?" And blame the ill person when things fall apart. It's not that easy. No one would ever get on a cancer patient's case for a relapse, why do we as a society blame a mentally ill person for a situation? It drives me nuts because I take care of someone who is mentally and physically suffering and everyone asks if he's off his meds when he has an episode. No, he's not off his meds, he's suffering from a debilitating mental disease.

So you have my full and passionate support. You are not fat and lazy. You have illnesses and you are overwhelmed and your house is a shithole. (Pardon my language). We have all been there, to some degree or another. I cleaned out a trash hoarders house last April/May and got him beautiful new disabled housing and guess what--he's kept it neat and clean. He talks about loving his bedroom. He does laundry and folds it and puts it away. There were 14 years of physical and mental illness reflected in his old place and it was disgusting. I could only clean an hour or two because I couldn't use the bathroom. And afterward I'd go to a local public bathroom and change my clothes and throw out the ones I had worn to his house, put the shoes in layers of plastic bags and start up again.

What's the point of this rant? You are not alone, don't give up, this is possible. You are loving, caring, and deserving of a better life. With all my heart, if I had the resources to help you I would.

Ps please stop apologizing to us! We lovehaving you here! You are important to us and I feel 100% comfortable speaking on behalf of the community here.

Much love ftom Tatoulia

I forgot to answer the question about if I had anyone for support if I called APS. My Mom and I have absolutely nobody at all and that's the other reason I'm scared to call them. I'm scared they'd take my Mom, not give her back and then leave me homeless with nowhere to go because they'll probably think I'm fine like everybody else does because I don't look sick. They'd just think I was fat and lazy.

Thank you for your replies and that your still replying at all.

If we could just get all this crap out of here I could keep the house clean with a little help from that program I linked to above. Well that and getting some more things that would provide storage in different rooms.

Gem, you have my support as well. Do not blame yourself for anything. I agree with Dianne's lovely post that it is time to look for a solution--focus your energy on a solution. Calling yourself names or saying bad things about yourself is counterproductive. We understand your feelings of hopelessness and shame and worthlessness. We value you. Would you be willing to email Cory and ask him for a direct referral for someone to help you? Do you have someone who could support you emotionally as you go through the process of calling Adult Protective Services?

These are tough decisions. But we will be here for you and you will get through to the other side of this situation. And we will be there for you, too. You are not alone.

Gem, my heart goes out to you.

And keep letting us know here how you're doing. God bless ~~

My Mom got up to get an ice cream bar out of the freezer in the middle of the night not long after I went to sleep which was just before 3am. I woke up after 11am and the freezer door was wide open and everything in there was room temperature. I have to throw away so much stuff. She was so doped up on the sleep med Trazodone that the Dr gave her that she takes even when she's been up soooooooo long when she's too tired to be taking it.

It's so bad here that even attempting to clean up a little causes so much other stuff to fall that I've almost gotten stuck in place. So even when trying to do what I can it turns into being more then I can do.

HUGS Gem..... I just read this thread and feel for you. Am new, so do not have anything to add outside of not to give up and even if there is 5 mins of something(bag gathering) a day possible to make it to the car for next outing to Dr.(except of course take it to the trash can by car? Still progress.....every little bit helps and every step forward no matter how tiny it is, is a step in the right direction. I understand what it is like to be blamed for things whether at fault or not....with a hoarding situation and the fear around your and your Moms very well being and ability to stay in the house or even keep your freedom, sounds very frightening.

Hang in there, stay in touch and even just some bag prep and getting bags into car for outings could help? If not possible, I hope the suggestion does not upset you. Thought I had nothing to offer until I started typing and then that idea came out. Since bags are relatively light, I am hopeful it can be a start until something else falls into line. Keeping you and your Mom in my thoughts.....

Gem, any update? Other people just don't understand what it's like. It's awful to be harassed and blamed. I'm glad you at least have your mom on your side. Hang in there and keep us posted.

I never heard back from the fax. I guess I'll try calling Monday. I just want this stuff out of this house so bad for my Mom the most and for me. That company didn't contact me back either to say if I was wrong.

I just know when I do eventually call them I'm going to be the one that gets treated badly, criticized and told how everything is my fault and how I should have known better then to let things get this bad. I'm always the one who gets blamed for everything. Not by my Mom but by everyone else.

Gem, that was a good idea faxing a link to this site to the Ph.D. so he/she can get an idea of your needs. If it gets lost in the holiday week work load go ahead and make the call next week. It will be time consuming but worth the effort.

Wishing you and your mom a Thanksgiving filled with love and gratefulness for each other and the blessings in your lives. 🙂

I sent a free fax online through a site that does that to the listing for the Ph.D on the MS resource page with a link to this thread asking for help in finding someone to help locally. I thought that might work better then trying to call that behavioral health center and trying to explain all of this on the phone. Hope they'll take the time to read here.

I also used the link to contact the company listed for MS to confirm that they don't help people here. I think that listing is supposed to be for Missouri and other Midwest states.

Gem, Katrina was a long time ago but the effects of a disaster that large put ongoing pressure on an already strained system. And sadly, in today's world, news jumps to the latest tragedy (I say that with respect) and people tend to forget the struggles and sufferings that can take many years to overcome.

I'm used to people loosing interest or balking when mentioning anything having to do with Katrina. Most people are of the notion that it was so long ago that people who were affected should be over it by now.

Thanks for everyone here who've been so understanding and compassionate. I keep forgetting to or falling asleep when the chats happen in the chat room. Hoping to make it Sunday. I fell asleep for what was supposed to be a nap yesterday and slept until about 5am. Oops. 🙂

Hi Gem,

Tat's suggestion about local colleges is good too. Or maybe a local church group would volunteer an afternoon. Your trash doesn't sound like a health hazard. I'm leery of Craig's list too. My brother uses it with no problem. But you need to follow your comfort level with who you allow into your home.

I'm not sure what to look for on Craigslist. Honestly I'm kind of scared to invite people to our home from there if that makes sense. Did I chase everyone off with my last two replies? If I did I apologize.

Can you check Craig's list to see if there are any day labor era or handymen that can come over? You could coordinate with a dumpster. I am so touched by your story. I want you to find some help.

We're in MS. There's a shrink listed under resources for this state then the cleanup company listed doesn't actually serve MS and is listed in the wrong place.

As I mentioned before if some people came to the door tomorrow and said they'd take away all this trash and etc. we'd welcome them in to let them. We're not attached to the trash at all. With all the trash and etc. gone we'd actually have space for our actual stuff that's under some of the piled up empty boxes and etc. We'd have room for pieces of furniture even if they were cheap garage shelves that could provide storage. It's just so frustrating because in my head I can get rid of all this stuff and do what I want to to but physically it's not that easy.

Gem -
Are you or your mom eligible for a government run Home Health Service. This is a program for those on Medicaid. IN California it's called IHSS or In-Home Support Services. There may also be a PACE program in your area. PACE (Program of All-inclusive Care for the Elderly) is a Medicare and Medicaid program that helps people meet their health care needs. Either of these programs will provide you with a health caregiver who can help in cleaning the house. Age is 65+ or disabled for either program. PACE is really great because they are an all-inclusive with health, dental, hearing, vision and a variety of therapies.

Good Luck and keep us posted!

🙂 Chin up always!

Gem, have you checked the companies in this site? I'm not sure what state you are in but I have it on good authority that there is at least one company listed for each state. I don't know the $$. Please keep us posted.

Gem, do you live anywhere near a college? Because I'm wondering if you could post a job for several strong college students to come out for an afternoon to put things in dumpster. You could rent a dumpster for a day or two and pay the college students $10 an hour. Will you and your mother be able to let the trash go that easily? Or do you need help from someone who can provide emotional support during the trash clean up?

Please keep posting. We will provide you with encouragent and support when you are feeling like you are at your wits' end. We will help you through this.

We're in the South so finding help here for just about anything is kind of hard.

Thank you all for your replies and understanding. I'm so used to being told what I've done wrong, how I've screwed up and etc. by everyone except my Mom. It's easier for people to be like that instead of asking the person they are criticizing if they need help because if they ask the response they get may actually force them to have to help in some way.

Gem, I love the long post! Helps us get to know you better, no apologies necessary at all.

We're here for you. 🙂

Here to offer support, Gem. I tell you from the bottom of. my heart I wish I had the resources to come out and help you.

I have a question: I'd not for the physical issues, would you be able to get rid of the trash? If someone came right now and worked for an afternoon, would you and your mother allow the person to take the trash out/haul it away? Will one it more of you need to look at each bag first?

We will support you here. You can have a warmer and nicer Christmas this year. Maybe not the ones you see on tv, but better than you have right now.

Keep your chin up, Gem.

Whoa Gem, do NOT pay that woman and her friend $400 and hour to help you!!!

Is there any kind of community assistance/disabled assistance/elder assistance organization in your area that you discuss the need for that kind of help over the phone with?

Holy crap I didn't realize my last reply was so long. I apologize for that.

I've googled and searched my fingers out. That's how I ended up finding that organizer that wanted over $200 per hour for her and $200 per hour for a friend of hers since she figured my issues were too much to handle on her own if she could help at all