I still own too much #£<^!,<£** stuff. It's too much. Just too much. After all my dehoarding and trashing and donating and everything else, I just own too much stuff. This is so frustrating. I need to get rid of more. MORE. I feel like I'm having a meltdown. I need stuff out of here.

Still too much. TOO MUCH. Sorry. I'm having a moment.

I really liked what you had to say, Dianne. I do feel, at times, that I am given more than I can bear. Am grateful to have a moment where it's less.

I will write more later--house is a furious mess--yesterday's volunteer activities went well but ended up being all day. 10:45 to 7:45. It made me happy to do it. Finished shredding the final tote of financial records today. Now I need to do some serious soul-searching as I get rid of more stuff. Decisions are getting harder. But I realize i can get rid of even more stuff. And so I will. Even though everything has a place now, i would like some empty space.

Hello to everyone--will catch up more later.

This is a test

Looks like I put MV instead of MW on my last post. Looking at the cabinets I did see that some stuff that I never use was on an easy to get to shelf and some stuff I do use was up higher - hummm now I'm not good at organizing, but even I can see that is something which I can change.

The dishwasher is running and now I am going to sit for 15 min and work on strategy.

haha MW, good for you and those toddler safe locks. Always helpful to keep out adults too. 😀

Sounds like you have a good strategy for getting the kitchen organized. Let us know how the 15 minute segments work for you.

Mel, great job on all the outside work done! My daughter really wants me to do Christmas lights but I did it one year and it was exhausting. I love seeing them but the most I can do is some wreaths and pine roping. Do you do colored or white? Be careful when you get on the roof!

Enjoy all the improvements you two will make together!

Fortunately or unfortunately there are toddler safe locks on the bottom cabinets in the kitchen and during Thanksgiving guests were not able to open the doors because they couldn't figure them out and that was where I had a lot of things stuffed. The locks only open with a magnet key so they are not easy.

Thanks Dianne, the kitchen needs a lot it's really disorganized but I have been in MUCH MUCH worse situations before. What I have right now will at least fit into the dishwasher when I get it decrusted. I spend a lot of time looking for things that have been churned to another area. Thanksgiving there were guests and I "hid" a lot of counter clutter instead of dealing with it so there is that too. I'm going to try to map out a plan for the kitchen so I have some idea where to put things when I do get them in a place.

Hi MW,

15 minute chunks of time are a great way to tackle an unpleasant job. What else do you need to do in your kitchen to get it clean/organized? Being able to cook what you want is a satisfying reward for your cleaning efforts.

God bless you, Tat. Your brother is blessed also to have you. It is sometimes said that God will never give you more than you can handle. During my most difficult times I found that to be completely untrue. The things I couldn't handle were crushing me, grinding my bones to dust. I believe sometimes God gives us way more than we can handle. He allows us to become so broken beyond anything we could do for ourselves so that we must turn to Him and literally cry out for His help. Maybe He just does that to me because I can be so mule-headed. Mother Theresa felt that the people in need who suffer so terribly and are not able to help themselves are truly blessed by God. They are offering the person who cares for them the great gift of being able to serve another person and in effect serve God in the most loving way. Just my Catholic opinion. In any case clearly you have the most generous heart. 🙂 How did Sunday go with the volunteer work?

Hi all,

Dianne, thanks so much for the kind words and support! I do know that he loves me and he's being so loving and supportive because he loves me. I definitely do think if I give him some rules (like put all the papers to the side) will work.

Tatoulia, I'm so glad you had a pleasant day with your brother. It's so wonderful having a close relationship with siblings, I'm glad you got to spend the day together. And really wonderful that he's having a good time in life for the first time in so many years. Your story about your friend cleaning your kitchen definitely hits close. It's so hard even if you know it comes from a good place, but having it done is so nice. Very good that you were able to focus on the good side of things - i'm doing my best to do that too 🙂

For the areas that are particularly bad... I just don't want to try to explain it. It's not something that's going to make logical sense to someone who doesn't think the way we do. My boyfriend has been very understanding, which still amazes me.

So we got some stuff done this weekend. Gutters are clean, some of the plastic is up on the windows (in the bedroom where it's coldest), Christmas lights are up. Unfortunately while I was up on the ladder I saw that there's a few areas on the roof that need to be repaired/patched. I don't mind being on the roof, I'm just terrified about getting on and off the ladder. My boyfriend has offered to go up there and do what needs to be done, but I have an unusual roof and it's tricky to repair/patch it, so I would prefer to do it myself. I've been up on the roof a number of times so I've done it before, I just need to build myself up to the point where I'm ready to do it.

My boyfriend has some ideas about rearranging some of the other rooms. I told him it made me very anxious and he assured me he was thinking long-term, like 2 or 3 years, and that he used to have a hard time thinking about change as well because he had to think through every little step instead of thinking about the big picture. So maybe he does sort of get it.

I better head off to work. Have a great monday everyone!

I'm trying to clean/organize a dirty kitchen and plan what to cook today. I know that is way too much at once for me so I'm going to in the next 15 minutes put all the dried on dirty dishes to soak and cook something or at least figure out what to cook.

I haven't been able to come to the site very often lately but when I do I see that Tillie is not posting. She was always so positive and understanding and she was here for so long I felt that she was a friend to so many. Does anyone know what has happened to her? Did I miss something when i wasn't able to check in? So many people seem to post constantly then just disappear leaving us to hope things are okay with them. If anyone knows how Tillie is doing please post a quick note. Thanks and good luck with your endeavors.

Thank you for the kind words, Dianne. It was a long day with brother but very pleasant. He and I are close. He is disabled physically and he is mentally ill and for the first time in 25 years, he's having a period of doing well. He actually seems happy and not so fragile right now. I am thankful he has some peace. It is generally very difficult to take care of him. I will enjoy his peaceful, happy time and will worry about the future once it's here.

Mel, wow. That's a lot that got done. I hope the bathroom makes you happy. It must be tough having your secrets exposed--the dirt and grime and God-knows-what are all things that we don't want to deal with, and we certainly don't want anyone else seeing them. I know anyone looking on the outside would automatically think it's great that he took care of things for you, but us hoarders have embarrassment, shame and other conflicting emotions. I think I mentioned this to you before but it bears repeating--I had a friend visit me this Summer (after my big house dehoarding) and she cleaned my kitchen. Now I had cleaned the kitchen, except did one cabinet and I didn't clean the fridge. She got up at 5:00 AM and cleaned that one cabinet, made all decisions re what to keep, put the cleaning supplies in there and completely cleaned my kitchen. I decided not to be embarrassed, and she took it a step further and said, you are so busy taking care of everyone, I know you'd do if if you had the time.

I don't know if having to grin and bear it through that story helps, but I hope it does. It's done, it's fine, it's over. Bathroom is done.

I agree you need to make sure papers are shredded. I think you might want to tell him they you'd feel most comfortable taking "first crack" at the second bedroom.

I know this is moving fast for you. We are here to help through it! You are not alone.

Ps glad you are getting used to the kitties. I find petting a warm and loving animal reassures me that it will all be okay.

And great job, Mel, learning to live with cats! They must love their new playground/tower! I lived for decades with cats before I got my first tower. It was a huge eye-opener for me how much they had needed that. The leaping, the hide and seek, the king of the mountain games just wore them out. And really gave my furniture a break. You're a fast learner. 🙂

Mel, I totally understand the feeling of embarrassment and the fear that something important will be thrown out (or not shredded). Could you ask him to put all papers in a box for you to go thru and shred? As far as finding gross stuff goes I can only cringe with you. It was such a sick feeling for me to let others see such neglect. I tried to get the worst of it before anyone else also.

Although it trashes the clean parts of my garage I always feel better putting the garbage out there until it goes to the curb or the dump. You feel like the house is cleaner and the trash is on its way out for good.

Hmmm Tat, maybe it's Dad who has the explaining to do! haha Enjoy the time spent helping your brother and sharing a meal. It's wonderful that you have such a good relationship. The people in the community you help by volunteering are very fortunate to have you!!

This is a hard time of the year to be accomplishing projects at home, tending to daily needs, helping others and celebrating the holidays. When you feel pressured step outside and take a few deep breaths. Close your eyes and think of how calming it is to breathe slowly and how invigorating the winter air is. There is no doubt you can do whatever you set your mind to. But switching to Plans B, C, D, etc. are fine too. Take good care of your need to rest.

Hi all,

I think my issue with having my boyfriend clean/help clean is that there are areas that I'm embarrassed for him to see. Most areas that he's been in now are ones where I've gotten rid of the worst of the stuff (that cabinet in the kitchen was an exception). I feel like before he starts cleaning I want the worst of it to be taken care of. I've been doing really well at just getting rid of things so I'm feeling OK about throwing most stuff away. The other issue is that I worry that he'll just throw stuff away that really should be shredded (or at least I think should be shredded). So before he goes into a space, I want to clean it out enough that most of the shreddable stuff is gone/taken care of, anything really gross is gone, etc.

On Wednesday, my boyfriend came home with a dozen storage boxes. I told him just looking at the boxes was giving me anxiety. He promised it would be OK.

Things did not exactly go as planned the last couple days. My boyfriend works a job where his hours depend on how much they have to do. When they have a lot to do, he might work 12 hours. When they don't have much, he might only work 3 or 4. He starts very early in the morning. Unfortunately for me, he had very short days on Thursday and Friday and was home before I even made it out of bed. I didn't tell him I was off work and when he got home on Thursday morning he woke me up to see if I had overslept for work. I ended up helping out with my niece most of the day on Thurs and doing laundry (out of the house - I don't have a washer/dryer) on Friday. My boyfriend did so much cleaning and organizing while I was gone that he completely filled the garbage and recycling bins. He only worked in the utility room and the bathroom, so I'm mostly OK with that because in those areas I'm not really concerned about stuff that might need to be shredded or anything. Anything he thought I might need/want, he put into a storage box for me to sort through.

I had a tall cabinet that I had bought probably a dozen years ago with the intention of replacing an old ugly set of drawers behind the bathroom door. It was still in the box in the utility room. I had mentioned at one point what I wanted to do with it. So while I was gone, he emptied out the old set of drawers, moved it into the utility room, got rid of an old rickety set of shelves in the utility room, built the cabinet and put it into the bathroom, moved all of my perfume into the cabinet (and the towels and whatnot), got rid of something I had been using to store my perfume and a few other things, threw away tons and tons of old stuff, installed a new toilet paper roll (i hated where the old one was located), put up a few places to hang towels, and re-organized the stuff that was left. It's mind-blowing. He got all this done in a total of like 10 hours. I'm not feeling upset/worried about him doing the cleaning but I am feeling worried about what happens when it's time to do the second bedroom.

I managed to crack the seat on my toilet, and i was really upset because I have a fancy decorated toilet lid that I got online many years ago from a place that does fancy toilet seats. It was a custom piece that someone backed out on so I got it for an excellent price but I just love it. Anyway, my boyfriend thinks we can find another toilet seat of a similar size and move the lid onto the new one. I'm hopeful.

Living with the kitties is getting better, I think. I'm getting more used to them and I haven't stepped on either of them recently (not sure if this is because I'm more aware of them or if they're just avoiding being underfoot around me ;)). I got them a little play area thing (something that can go into/climb on and a couple hanging balls with bells for them to play with and a scratching post (they only have their back claws).

Since the garbage and recycling are full we probably won't do much cleaning this weekend, but I still need to put up plastic on the windows, clean the gutters and hang up the christmas lights and the weather is going to be decent today and tomorrow so hopefully we can work on that. I don't know what I'm going to do about the second bedroom but garbage day is Tuesday so I'll at least have to wait till then (or do like I did before we met and move bags of garbage into the garage).

Hope everyone has a good and productive weekend!

Good morning everyone! I have to help my brother with something today and it will likely eat up this whole day. I am VERY unhappy that there's still stuff in my house from storage and my living room and hallway feel so chaotic. My plans with my brother include working on some projects at his house and getting a bite to eat. Tomorrow I am volunteering for something in the community and that will be a 5-1/2 hour commitment. I am not going to feel pressured, I will do my best to find all of this energizing. I can take care of things here at the same time. I need to repeat that to myself today!

I will check in later. Thinking of you all with special wishes to Mel re her projects this weekend. As always, a special hello to Tillie, Diane, Roxie and Bitsy--would love to hear from you.

Thank you everyone for your support and help!!! Hope to hear from you soon and wishing you a productive, satisfying day !

Hello everyone. Haven't made any progress. Holiday Party season is upon us. Home too late last night to shred. I need to get rid of this stuff because I want to decorate apt. Have busy weekend in front of me but I find I get more fine when I'm busy so I'll set a goal of Sunday night.

Hope you are all well!

Okay, finally finished the first Rubbermaid tote of financial documents. Went to car and got tote #2.

Will start on that now. Last night was invited to dinner by some people who work in one of our out of state offices so I did that. Fun time! Do not regret putting shredding project on hold. Have a Christmas party tomorrow night. Will see what I can get shredded before then!

How nice that we've found each other, Dianne. Mom's got lot of explaining to do, but I'm glad we know we are sisters!.

HAHAHAHA!! Yes! Are you my sister? 😀

I waved goodbye to my storage space. Feeling better?

Hi LR, I hope those decisions/possible solutions that had you feeling badly will look easier when you are in a more relaxed, positive frame of mind. With having to move, packing and purging, everything else can loom large and immediately threatening. Enjoy the visit with your friend this weekend. Maybe you two can brainstorm some ideas to try.

Tat, I love what you said about "...worrying whether the stuff will be loved or appreciated without me." I have those same worries especially about stuffed animals and books. Even a couple of sleds I left in the donation bin at SA was hard. As I drove away I looked back like I was abandoning them and they were sad. I had to tell myself it will be a snowy winter and some children will love to have them. Then I worried about the sleds being separated from each other (they've been together for over 30 years); and had to say to myself, "Dianne enough. If the sleds had feelings they would be strong enough to say to each other ~ be well, enjoy your new child, keep her safe ~ with a sled smile." I don't usually talk about those feelings because I feel weird. But seeing you acknowledge them made me feel like it's ok. I've been telling myself the same thing as you ~ the stuff will be fine. 🙂

Dianne, thank you for your thoughtful post. Greatly appreciated your reminding me of my self-worth. Mel, I can picture the scenario coming up and my chest gets a little tight. For me the pace would be an issue--you may need more time with the stuff. You may need to not work so fast. Maybe getting it done all at once won't work for you. Just keep the communication open and remember to breathe. Take a "time out" and walk around the block if your chest feels tight. You will feel better and refreshed when you return.

Also, just remind the BF that this is going to be tough on you. Remind him it's not just a matter of cleaning, that it's emotionally and mentally taxing on you too. Best to remind him before you start on the project.

And finally, it will be fine. It's stuff. Stuff. Stuff you don't remember having and stuff that can live without you. I say it that way, instead of stuff that YOU can live without, because I find myself worrying whether the stuff will be loved or appreciated without me. I've had to learn to say, The stuff will be fine.

Three cheers for LR! I bet the movewill give you plenty of time to build up your throw-away muscles! Of course I am sad about your flooding issues--I applaud you for finding the strength to decide to move! I am here anytime you need me!

I can tell you honestly and completely that I only regret giving away ONE item. Just the one! And I gave it to a friend who visited over the summer. It was a small oil painting that I had done as a child. My friend loved and admired it. And truthfully, it went to a very good home to a very deserving person.

Not bad to have that as a regret!

Keep up the good work! I am proud of you!

I will write more tomorrow--glad to hear from Mel, Dianne and Dave. Keeping my fingers crossed that everyone else is fine--missing you all.

Obviously, I told you all about the move-out notice. Thanks for all the encouragement.

Hi to all. Don't know if I mentioned this in a post last week or not (I'm writing this offline), but I turned in my official move-out notice last week to "the powers that be," largely because of all the flooding I've had here over such a long period of time (and especially lately). I officially have a couple of months to get out of here. I've been working the past few days (somewhat slowly, but working nonetheless) on packing. Since I've been in this place for a long time and (mainly) because I have hoarding issues, this is no small task. (Surprise, surprise, right?) It's a much easier task than it would have been at this time last year, though. I haven't gotten rid of as much stuff as many of you guys have, but I still have made a pretty good dent in my "stuff" since I started here around March or so. FYI, a friend is planning to come visit me this weekend, and she has offered to help me do some packing. Yea for the visit, and yea for the packing help.

Today, I got some cleaning done in an area I hadn't attacked in a long time (and made a few spiders homeless in the process, I think). Dave, I found a very dusty/dirty but otherwise good sock on the floor in that area, and I threw it away. Now there will be a sock without a partner. Life goes on. I also ended my lengthy inner debate today and decided to toss my dusty, two-volume 1999 zip code book. (Some zip codes have actually changed in the last 15 years, anyhow.)

I was feeling really bummed out this evening because there are so many major things in my life that I need to make decisions about and for which I feel I need solutions. I was feeling very confused (lots of other feelings going on, too). I decided that reading some posts would be good for me. Read some from early last week. I felt better after reading them, and I especially appreciated a couple about meditation that I think will be helpful to me. Thanks, Dave and others, for posting those.

It also felt good to read what some of you wrote and to be able to remember the "before." Nice to feel connected to your lives and to have you be connected to mine. Gives me warm fuzzies. For instance, Diane, I smiled to know that you have lots of good stuff . . . including frozen veggies . . . in your freezer, a freezer that you didn't even have at this time last year. I'm gonna go eat some frozen veggies in a few minutes, by the way . . . OK, well, I'll cook them first. Oh, and belated happy birthday, if I didn't already say it.

I saw the word "dusting" used a few times in some of the posts from last week. I actually have done some of that recently! I won't mention how thick the dust was in some of these areas that I have been dusting. The cool thing is that although I still have a lot of areas with lots of heavy dust, the number of such areas is noticeably decreasing (noticeable to me, anyway). I'm getting ready to wash a very dusty curtain soon (had already washed its mate) that hadn't been cleaned in (ahem) years. (Just getting close enough to the curtain to take it down to wash was a biggie at one point.) Every bit of progress can help me feel better about me (as long as I remember to focus on the progress instead of focusing on all that still needs to be done).

Hugs and warm fuzzies to all.

Tat, you have been working so hard you needed a night of relaxation. Your major accomplishments in 6 months is very inspiring! And to have done that while working, taking good care of your mother, cooking for others, remembering the birthdays of people who are much older, etc. just blows me away!!! The insights and wisdom you have gained thru the process of decluttering put you in a position of being able to offer wonderful advice to others. I'm also inspired by hearing of the valuable/sentimental things you have been able to release. Truly your heart is filled with love and kindness!

How are you adjusting to living with kitties?