SubC, I, too, am eating popcorn!

Good advice on the clothing and I will continue to work on it. I made slight progress - put two shirts in the donate box. What I think may make this easier for me is, I have bins of clothing I have not worn in years, that is way way too small. It would be pretty easy at this point to donate most of those, and move anything from my room that is "slightly" too tight but I still really want, into one of the bins. That would kill 2 birds. I think. And is a less stressful thought than donating everything in my room... so I will go sort the bins.

Son and I got the lights on the Christmas tree and he brought up the boxes of ornaments which I'll put on the tree tomorrow. We wrapped a really big present that TotsDad had delivered here for ddil. We put it under the tree.

I am blessed with very good and kind friends so I am focusing on that, and my thoughtful kids and sweet grandkids.

Someone has texted that they are stopping by tomorrow, so my goal will be to get the nativity up and some garland and decor... just a few Christmasy things... and to mop the kitchen floor and declutter the main area a bit in the morning.

Sadly, I am eating popcorn.

Lila, I want you to see if you can do something - you have new, beautiful clothes. You do not want to move all of the old clothes that don't work or don't fit. You now KNOW that you can get new clothes when you need them.

Please go to your closet, your dressers, your chairs. and start bagging the old clothes. If you haven't worn it this year and you don't absolutely LOVE it and it doesn't fit RIGHT NOW, donate it. Just bag it up and donate it. If you think it needs to be washed first, hand the bag to your son and say "I want to donate these, but I think they need to be washed first. Can you take care of that?" Then just trust him.

I spent a lot of time dealing with a bank thing. And I did finish four more pots. Dh is home and needs to do some things in the shop, so I am heading back out to the studio.

SubC, that is very insightful about what angry stressed and sad stressed each say. Quite accurate in my experience. I have been feeling like none of it matters. But today I am pushing through and trying to do SOMETHING, because TotsDad and my grandkids do matter, and my decluttering is for them now.

My bedroom looks like a landfill, you would not believe it. It was only a couple months ago I had the floor mostly cleaned, right? And clear paths and very few small piles. Now it literally looks like a Walmart exploded in there. I don't know how it happened. It did it itself! Well ok, I did it, but it was subconscious.

Today I dug out the half filled box and half filled bag of donations and put them on my bed. I grabbed a paper bag to use for trash and put that there too, and another empty box. Just doing that felt enormous. I picked up trash and put in the bag. The dust was terrible and dog hair everywhere and I started sneezing. I started in one corner and pulled out a box and sorted food container lids, so many. I managed to pick out seven that are still good, but not useful since Teen broke the corresponding glass containers, and I donated those lids. Then I went in the bathroom and pulled out five small candles in glass jars. I picked out my favorite one and donated the other four. Put dirty laundry in the clothes basket. Put a few items away where they belong. Got overwhelmed, found a bag of Hershey kisses, took a handful and am now sitting on the couch recharging.

My goal is to get the donation bag and 2 boxes (or at least 1) filled and put into the car.

There is a playpen in my room that is literally filled with stuff and has clothing draped all over the sides... probably 15+ items, maybe 20 or more. And more piles on the rocking chair. I hate to admit this but most of the clothes are new. I went a little crazy with stress shopping online during Black Friday and got some great deals, but... well, I have no where to put the clothes now. So I will be sorting the older clothes to pick put things to donate to make room for the new ones. It is simple stuff like some soft sweatshirts for when I am home, a hoodie, some plain long sleeved tees for layering under sweaters. I had to get a few things for my business trip as well and I feel SO GOOD about the blouses - Tatoulia, you would be proud of me! and a friend went with me to tell me what looked good AND insisted on buying them! - so, some older stuff really can go.

What else are you all doing today?

Lila, I do the same thing. I resolve to empty the sink before I have a snack, or spend five minutes cleaning up before I fix any food or watch a video. And I have so much resolve in the morning when the whole day is stretching ahead of me. And then somehow I loose all my resolve and find myself by afternoon eating popcorn and watching YouTube on the couch with a sink full of dishes.

I don't know the answer.

Today I am in my studio. I'm firing the kiln and trying to motivate myself to do some stuff for my class. Realistically this is the last day to make new stuff for this class. I can fire 25 pieces. I have 16 I didn't smash, 7 of those are actually finished, and I like 5 of them.

Your son doesn't get to be disappointed in you. You are doing the very best you can (if you honestly don't believe that, then, ok, do better, but you can only do what you can do.) if he has talked himself into believing you can do more, that's on him. His job is to do the very best HE can do to help you, and then whatever happens, happens.

I don't know the answer about the stress cleaning you mentioned elsewhere, but I think it matters if you are angry stressed vs sad stressed. When I am angry stressed I can clean. And talk to people I am afraid of. And do other surprising things. But when I am sad stressed I just want to eat and sleep and watch videos and read.

Angry stressed says "none of this is as important as." and "well, at least I can do this." and sad stressed says "none of this actually matters. None of this will make a difference."

Hello friends. I had a hard week. But I am ready to try and not dwell on it anymore, and try to get some things done. I did not get anything done this week. In fact I took the week off work but have been unable to get things done. I posted on SubC's Really Bad Thing thread because I didn't want it here, but it is there if you want to know. But anyway, I am going to try and get up off the floor today and focus on my blessings, and get some normal life things done.

The moving probably will be in 6 months to a year, and I am not sure if Son who lives with me will move with me but it is likely. TotsDad is moving in with the family probably in a month. He would like it to be sooner but I have not made room - I am trying. He is going to stay here a few months while he renovates his house. I feel like he is disappointed that I am not getting it done faster because he could do it in a day. But I am trying. Sort of. I will try today. I will also try to get the tree decorated.

It was a cold, wet, dark day yesterday and everything was a struggle, but I did get the pots smashed and clean up in the studio quite a bit. Also nearly caught up on dishes and laundry.

I'm still tired, but teach today and have a class tonight, so I'm pushing through it.

Hope everyone is ok.

Good morning.

I slept in today - very tired. I've been trying to do a lot, including more throwing pots, which is physical. I realized last night that I have used almost 50lb of reclaimed clay the last two weeks (although some ends up back in the reclaim bucket from trimming feet). At this rate - which I don't think I can sustain - I might get down to what fits in my buckets and not have a bunch of plastic bags sitting around by the end of the school year.

The more progress I make, the more I understand the reality of my situation.

I am keeping all of you in my thoughts as you face the challenges in your lives. Although I am hoping that CM has a positive thing keeping her busy.

Bean and I did some shopping yesterday with my teacher gift cards. I now own a mattress pad without any tears in it and a new "Christmas" tablecloth that is cream with gold stars and so can be used for other celebrations. I put my new Christmas placemats from the craft sale on it and it looks beautiful. We also bought Bean some paints and a wooden tree and he is working on a surprise for his parents.

I have not reworked any "salvageable" finished pots yet, and have set myself the task of taking 4 (two for November and two for December) down to the bridge and smashing them into the backfill today. I promised myself I would either fix or smash two a month. If I actually get around to fixing any in December, I will credit January.

My condolences, Tatoulia.

I've been away from posting for a bit and there is a reason but I don't feel ready to say it. It's nothing to do with any of you, rest assured. Poco a Poco. Take care.

Tatoulia,

I am so very sorry. I know that your mom leaves a huge hole in your heart and your life. You were an amazing daughter and it was a gift for your mom to have you there beside her to the end.

oh Tatoulia, I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard losing your mom, even when things have been hard. Hugs to you.

Hi everyone. My mother died last night. She entered hospice at home on Friday I think. I'm confused on dates and days. Anyway I was sleeping on her bed with her. My sister had taken a break, and when she came back in, she woke me up to say, your work is done.

Sister left today. We both need some space. I need to go to funeral home tmr and then start on mom's place.

Wait - you got a live tree delivered? Cool!

How did your plans go?

The concert was the orchestra. They played Bach and Mahler.

You are moving? Did you tell us you were moving before? Where are you moving to?

Will the son who is moving in with you live in your house, or the son who already lives there? Or both?

I went to a potters social this morning - which was fun, but took a big chunk out of my day. Then I threw four more pots. They were not as good as the ones I threw yesterday, but they were more technically difficult. I also wedged a bunch of clay. My arms and hands and wrists are sore. Somehow that is all I got done today.

Well, I also dropped a bunch of used socks off for recycling on my way home from the social, and stopped at a thrift store and bought two hanging things to use for my pottery sale displays. So I added things to my house..

Now I need to check classwork.

post 2 -

We did get our Christmas tree last night so it is up and pretty (not decorated yet). Smells really nice.

I spent some time yesterday dealing with finances and papers and stuff, and this morning I updated my planner for December.

What I would like to do today:
find my comfy sweatpants
put away clothes in my bedroom - it is like a closet exploded in there
get rid of five items from my bedroom
clean up my bathroom a bit

What are you all doing today?

That is so cool, SubC, about knowing the potters' work. Was the concert an orchestra or what?

I am doing liquid diet today for testing tomorrow so while I have a bit of energy now, it probably will wane. But, this morning after watching church online, I dug in the closet and found some of those 360 swiffer dusters and used 3 of them to dust my two bookshelves and the ceiling fan. Wow, were those bookshelves dusty!! Thick layer so I felt like if ever there was a time to use a disposable duster, this was it. I usually use microfiber cloths but am glad I could just toss out the thick dust on these.

I glanced over some of the books but will look again. I have culled so many books that what is left is probably 98% books I really love and want. I will see if I can find the other 2% to donate!

One thing I have a dilemma about is the other items on the bookshelves. They collect dust and honestly I am sick of many of them. But, they are pottery items my kids made for me as children/teens. They are still proud of them when they come over and they are pretty cool. Three or four of them I could stand to get rid of but they are the ones that are very detailed and the most work. I could not throw them out. I don't think they are really donatable either. Will I regret getting rid of them? Should I ask the kids who made them if they want them?

Part of me is like... within a year I will be moving and then can leave behind whatever that son and family wants and can use, but he has no room for them right now. Like all the camping gear in the garage. He can't store it at his house but once I move out. it would be nice for him to have in the garage and go camping.

I have a big shelf downstairs too with childhood ceramics on it that my mother made. I think those I will wrap in towels or something and put in a tote, labelled fragile and ready to move with me. Maybe what I need to do is start packing for my eventual move... and whatever is left, ask my kdis if they want any of it.

Input welcome.

Yay Lila!

Good luck with your table piles. I'm sure the less dusty environment will be good for you!

I hope things go well with the bookshelf too. Sometimes when things have been buried or stashed away for a while we have more clarity on reencountering them.

My new lights came yesterday, but I haven't put them on yet. It was a full day.

I finished the construction of the commission for my boss and threw ten pots. I'm going to try to throw ten more today and let my dad pick from them all. What he wants is a style I usually sell, but I am down to my last three, and I don't want to feel like I gave him a remainder. I'm kind of laughing at myself, because of the three, two are "ordinary" and one is cool. I'll probably make 20 new pots and Dad will choose that last cool one. Or worse, one of the "ordinary" pots.

Dh and I went downtown yesterday evening for a concert. We had to go early because there was a soccer game and parking was hard to find and a long walk. As a result, we got to enjoy the Christmas decorations and do some window shopping. I asked to go into one store that had a lot of handcrafted items. I went straight to a display to pick up a dish and he asked "did that catch your eye?" I flipped it over and said "oh, that makes sense, B— R—, she's the one who did the dishes at (little restaurant we went to)" a few minutes later he picked up a mug and said "I like these." I said "of course you do, that's Ryan. You like everything he makes." He asked "is there a potter in this city you don't know?" Which I found funny because I'm going to a social event at the studio this morning because I feel like I don't know anybody!

SubC, sounds like you are doing so well! Good job on the full toybox going.

I bought our Christmas tree today but it was not delivered yet. They said it would come today and it still might, but maybe tomorrow. But Son and I cleaned the living room to make space for the tree. There was no room. We pulled all the furniture out and he vacuumed and we rearranged and made room for the tree in the front window. It is a little crowded in here but not bad. I also dusted a lot of the room. There is a stack of stuff on each of two tables in here that I need to sort and put away or get rid of. Now I can also access the two bookshelves, dust them and maybe some things will get donated. I may work on that in the morning.

It looks much better and so much less dust. I think I need to sort the toybox too, and make a box of things to donate.

Hi Lila!
So glad you got out in front of that flood!

And that you have a working toilet and a clear sewer line!

I took a bunch of stuff to the thrift store on Thursday. While I was there I shopped for the toy drive for "like new" books and toys. Dh and I like to do another child that matches ours - when the kids were younger we let them choose things for their age/gender match, then for a while we just picked an angel off a tree, and now I buy things Bean likes. (although I bought literally every good "like new" hardcover or board book I found - 50 cents each and there were only 19.) plus a floor puzzle, four stuffed animals, and a puppet. I also stopped at a regular store to spend the rest of my budget on a few good quality new toys.

I also bought three "not quite like new" books for Bean for here and a toy dog that I'm saving for the January grandson. Other "items in" include a tumbling mat for Bean for my house, which I bought with old gift cards from students. I'm working on actually spending them - so many are from places I don't usually shop..

One big thing I took to the thrift store was the wooden toy box I bought 28 years ago in Iowa. It was one of those things that seemed really cool but never quite lived up to my expectations. I started to pass it on so many times and then got cold feet. I finally decided to just pull the trigger. It was full of many small items and clothes being decluttered.

Today I am checking student projects and working on a couple of commissions (one from my boss and one from my dad - I generally don't do commissions, but those are two not picky people I know well.) so I will be "decluttering" my clay stash (and maybe working on my studio as I go)

Hi guys! Oh SubC, I'm so sorry you struggle with migraines. I get them once in awhile and they are debilitating. You guys won't believe it but after my son and I spent half a day picking up the family room, that evening the downstairs flooded. Yes he got the toilet working, but apparently there was a blockage wayyyy down under the house (which the Rooter company has now fixed). But had we not taken out the couch and cleaned up in there, it would have been so much worse with stuff ALL over the floor. Since we cleaned up and picked up, only 3 or 4 things were on the floor and got wet that matter. The rest was in totes or stacked!

Anyway that is done and I am posting stuff as it goes on the Daily Tally thread. It is not a TON so far, but a few things we listed online for free and a lot of random junk thrown out, old food, boxes... stuff I didnt even include in the Daily Tally. I am doing more today because I have off. I worked all week.

I will post updates as things leave!

Good morning!
Wondering how Lila's project is going.

I woke up with a terrible headache. This has been happening more often. On further research I learned several things:

I used to have migraines in my early 20s. I thought they went away, but it turns out that they just got less bad. A headache in one spot that lasts for a really long time and makes you nauseous is still a migraine even if it doesn't put you in a dark closet focused on your breathing.

Migraines can either get worse or better at menopause. I seem to have lost the toss on that one.

My lowest impact options are to make a bunch of healthy life choices I don't want to make. Otoh, my head hurts, I feel sick to my stomach, and it's interfering with my life.

In other news, dd1 wants some duplos.

Lila, great job!

I am so excited for you! Your son sounds like good help. I hope your toilet is working.

Tatoulia, I'm sorry you are having to go through this very hard time now, and that your bf is not there with you. I know that makes it harder. I am hoping that your sister will step up with help and support and this can be a time of healing for the two of you at least.

We got the train set up and played with it for a while, then bean got a little rough with the pieces so I got out the Duplos for him. It quickly became clear that I have too many Duplos. I need to address this with the kids. Originally I intended to send 1/4 with each of them when the6 had kids and keep the last 1/4. But dd1 never took any.

Lila, this is great! Drink plenty of cool or cold water. It will help to keep you going. Your son understands the process and you are doing really well. Again, cold water. I went through this myself before I met you. Boxes were tough! Especially anything that was cute or from a store that no longer exists or a box that is a "good clean box" or something in an unusual shape or color. I've done it. It's hard and it's a giant lift. Keep drinking cool water. It's surprisingly refreshing for body and mind.

The tree sounds nice, SubC. I love the idea of the train set! Fun time of year for your and your family.

I have the morning off for dds and to take care of my mother. I need to get her a pastor and I need some clarity on her meds. Poor mom. She needs peace.

So cool you got your tree, SubC! And Tatoulia, I hope you have a nice time with your mom.

TotsDad has been here all day. I feel bad for him working so hard on the messedup toilet. I hope he can get it working.

But we got a lot done. I walked him through the whole house and said "I have so much and I don't know where to start." And he said, "With anything. Just pick something and give it away or sell it or throw it out." I named a few things and he said YES, like that! He is very supportive.

He and I went in the family room where the couch was and we sorted a lot of junk. Old boxes of food ex left (some expired 2015), random items, and boxes. At one point he pulled out a box and I said, oh, we have to keep that. Teen might want it for her skates. And he said, her skates? Why would she want it for her skates? How long have you had this box? I said... two years. Then I realized and told him it could go. A few other items I agreed to toss as well. Then I vacuumed the room. He put food on the shelf. We looked in the ex's old room and I took pics and listed a few things on Buy Nothing.

Someone came and took a small tv and stand already. I swept up some glass, sorted a few things.

Made soup and biscuits and ate together.

I feel good about some progress and I hope my son will be able to get the toilet done tonight. I feel motivated to get rid of more things. I listed a desk for free online too.

The true purge has begun.

Tatoulia, good luck on the litter box.

Lila, I am so proud of you! That must have made a big dent in your house.

Good luck with the plan and the moving things. Maybe once you get the plan laid out, you will feel comfortable starting it.

Dh and I got our tree this morning - it is so tall! I ran out of lights. I went back in our Amazon order history and ordered one more strand, because we have four and you can connect up to 5. I don't see ever having a tree this big again. The 5th string will go around the bottom next weekend when it gets here - hopefully twice. I think I can work around the ornaments.

Dd and dsil brought Bean over to help me put ornaments on. There is plenty of room for all of them this year!

They took him home and I will get him back tomorrow and we will put the train out under the tree. I gave him his advent calendar and let him open the first box, so I guess he is counting down to solstice. I'm not sure the idea is really going to work. I told them not to worry about it, so he may have the whole thing opened by tomorrow.

GREAT WORK! Wow. Keep it up!

Good morning and thank you for the encouragement, SubC and Tatoulia! hi CM and others.

I did get the couch out. It was a real job!! Big and old and heavy, the bed part kept falling out, it took 3 of us to get it out the sliding door which was almost too narrow and drag it around to the front of the house and get it up into my son's truck. But we got it in there, and while we were at it I asked them to help me get ex's old ripped up recliner (in 2 parts) into the truck, as well as a very long shelf Teen took off the wall and damaged it and its brackets and threw it out in the rain... so it has been sitting there. Gone gone gone! Also a messed up kiddie pool from the yard left.

The same Son (TotsDad) is coming over right now to help me look at all the crap I have. We are going to make a plan of some sort to organize, get rid of, sell things so they can move in. I am nervous but can't sit here being frozen in indecision any longer. It is kind of exciting, isn't it? He will be here in 5 minutes and I am not sure what we will do... I feel like "making a plan" is what I am ready for but he is also ready to move things and organize things. Wish us luck! I will update.

Hello everyone!

I'm going to get dressed and go to mom's. To see her and to pick up the chewy package. I ordered a covered litter box for the new cat. Actually I'm hoping it's smaller than the one I have and I'll be able to have the new kitty use the big box and have existing kitty (who is tiny at 6 lbs) use the new one. Of course I have no actual idea of the sizes of the boxes. I just eyeballed it.

Then I'll come back here and work. I'm behind.

Wow, Lila. You are a good mom. Your approach to this and the strength you've exhibited are amazing.

Hi SubC! I had a very good Thanksgiving. It meant a lot to me that Emiko and her BF went to my usual Thanksgiving restaurant. Her BF enjoyed it immensely and was very much a gentleman and paid for me. Emiko and I have eaten at the restaurant together too many times to count. We had a very good time. I had spent the early portion of the day with mom. I fed her, literally, and she ate a lot.

The cats are doing okay I'm keeping them separated for now. I've actually had my bedroom door open all night and new kitty did not try to walk out here. We will get there.

SO since mid-September I've been living with two lamps in my hallway. I wanted to sell them but they are silver plated and admittedly I haven't been keeping up with polishing them. Today o decided, if you aren't going to polish them then you need to donate them. I stopped by mom's first and one of the women was commenting on them so someone had new lamps!!!

I also went to good will and got rid of a bin and two bags. Pretty nice!

And that concludes what I've done. Oh, I did go to PO to mail sone Chanukah candles to a friend. It's a long-standing tradition.

So I've done a few things this weekend.

We are home.

Lila, I am very glad that you were able to be strong long enough and let things get bad enough that teen was transferred to mental health court. My friend bailed her son out and then tried to have the case transferred to mental health court (which would have been 100% correct) and lost!

I wish they had transferred teen to a mental health facility, but it sounds like the best outcome you could expect. I hope things continue to go well.

Did you get the couch out?

I would love it if you kept us updated on your clearing out journey with tot family, but I know you are busy!

My family is trying to figure out all of our solstice/ Christmas plans. I have just gotten serious about shopping.

Good morning and I hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving! I have a good update and have read some of your posts. Thank you for the good thoughts and prayers. I am still looking for a counselor. I get medicaid so it is very hard to find, but I do need one. I have a person who was my counselor and now we have a mentor type role because of my job, so I need someone who is not a friend/co-worker for my new counselor.

The good news is I stood firm as hard as it was and did not pay thousands of dollars (i.e. give a credit card number or a lien on my home). After 10 days in jail tho, Teen had deteriorated so much the jailers were concerned... not eating, sleeping on the floor, sitting and rocking. They sent some mental health people in. Then at court Weds they eliminated bail on the two bigger charges and said they were referring Teen to mental health court which means they might not have charges anymore if they complete court ordered treatment (therapy, counseling, meeting w/a court person, psychiatrist etc). They left the smaller bail in place which I could cover, and told Teen if they did anything they would end up locked back up. If I did not bail them, they would have had to stay in there for 3 more months at a minimum and possibly longer depending on the trial. So, I did go bail them out Weds night.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving with family coming to my home. Teen even helped a lot with cooking and prep and even hugged me and said they were sorry and they love me. They did have 2 obvious meltdowns (emotional) but did not escalate - I do have to manage them but since they are court ordered to stay sober or get locked back up, that will go a long way in self control. Dr had said substance use was causing the huge blowups so now maybe that will be better. Especially with mandated therapy and maybe even rehab. We find out next week.

So now it is time to start getting rid of things and making space for my other son and the Tot sisters to all move in with us. I got permission from ex to get rid of a big ugly couch of his, so that is my #1 for today. I also have one or two large items taking up space I can sell.

Hope to be around more now that my busy season is slowing down!

Good morning!

We had a lovely day with the kids yesterday. The girls liked their little trees.

My website has an Instagram link and a way to email me now, even though there is not much on the Instagram and nothing new to you guys.

I am leaning.

Today we go back and have DD's baby shower (we are staying in a hotel) and then tonight we say goodbye and we leave to go home tomorrow.

No Black Friday shopping for us!