SubC, you're right, I have been trying to eat better for my health. I will talk about it here because maybe bringing it into the light will help.

I find myself, after a busy or stressful meeting or day, immediately thinking on the drive home, "what do I want? what am I craving? what sounds good?" I have to drive past many fast food chains on the way home, and a drive thru is so quick. I have stuck to being vegetarian, but there are many vegetarian junk foods. French fries from McD are vegetarian. Iced coffee with soy milk is, too. And on and on. I was trying to avoid dairy but sometimes I crave cheese, or fried food, or sugary things. It is hard when you can get a bakery item easily at a drive thru. So I make excuses. "Well I am not eating burgers or sausage anymore." But that is not enough.

And then the home produce gets old and not as appetizing. I sorted the fridge this morning and had to toss some things that went bad. I could have been eating fresh cucumbers, cabbages, tomatoes and squash instead. But that is more work and I don't really crave it.

So, for my health, AND for my budget, I am already starting today at eating what we have on hand. There is enough stuff here for a week without having to buy anything else (but the kids do not agree). If I do need to get anything, like bread for their sandwiches or milk for them, I will only use a gift card. I have a couple of grocery store gift cards. I have a coffee gift card and a pizza gift card someone gave me. I will use those if I need a quick dinner when my kids are coming over for pizza. I will use the coffee card sparingly and when it is gone it is gone.I'll try to save it for when a friend wants to go to coffee together.

Well, here is what I did this morning:

- washed a couple dishes
- wiped the counters and table again to make sure they stay clean
- took Teen's trash out for them and left a new empty bag in their room
- sorted the fridge a bit
- took a few things downstairs

I think I will attempt 100 things again today, focusing on the bar/counter which is very bad.

But mainly, I have to prepare for a conference tomorrow which includes a long drive. Today I need to sort the piles of (clean) clothes in my room to find something to wear tomorrow, and write up what I am saying in my speaking engagement.

What kind of apples for your sauce, SubC?

Ps hazardous waste day was terrific! Bf gave them his first computer to recycle! I forgot my electronics (mainly cords and an old mouse). He also brought the battery for his alarm system. All in all a very successful time together. Such a solid program. One more time this year, in November.

Wow! Lila! You are doing so well! I'm glad you feel peaceful about having a day off and having a clean area for family to come over.

I did no spend sept and I'm doing no spend October. I honestly cannot remember if august was no spend. It may have been. What that means to me: no purchases of stuff because it's cute, on sale, etc. I can get groceries. Planned into my budget is meals from the deli on the days I go into the office. That comes to about 15 each time with tip. I get the same salad with the same protein and the same seltzer each time. My house cleaners are also budgeted items. I refuse to fall victim to buying something to buy it. I unsubscribe from all emails from Eileen fisher and Talbots and other shops. The daily emails about this sale or that sale are not helpful. I stay off of Etsy. If there's something I do every year, such as a lecture or a concert or sending flowers for a birthday, I can still do that. It's the useless stuff I avoid. My pocketbook is much healthier now because of my no spend. How do you envision it? Once a week takeout maybe? Let me know and I'll join with SubC to support you!

I will probably allow some spending in November for my mother's Christmas gifts. I have no idea what to get bf this year as we've put all our effort into transitioning out of the business.

SubC I am excited about your concert tonight! Will be nice to get dressed!

Yay for hazardous waste and shredding day!

Lila, I'm glad you got to have a nice dinner with your family! That is scary about your bank account though.

I know you were already trying to avoid the fast food for your health - what can we do to help make the process easier?

Today is applesauce day and Dh and I have our first concert of the season tonight. I am looking forward to dressing up for something that isn't a funeral.

Apparently deer season has started. Dh friend is out in the woods this morning.

Good job with the shredding outside the home, Tatoulia! Very good way to handle it.

I need to do a No spend October. I have been so busy and I got a notice that I had under $100 in my bank account!!!!! Looked and was a bit horrified at line after line of fast food, coffee shops, pizzas being delivered, wow. It adds up and I am ashamed of it. So wasteful. I am not doing it anymore! Plus I can't afford it.

So my family came over and we had a very nice dinner together at a CLEAN table in a vaccumed home with clean counters. It was very good. They stayed a couple hours. After they left, I wiped down the counters and loaded the dishwasher. I forgot to wipe the table off but I will do that before I go to bed.

I am quite pleased with myself. I am surprized how rested and happy I am from just being home for a day and not doing ANY work related anything! I am going to be sure to take my days off more seriously!

Ladies! You are fantastic! Wow! Great team work and great individual work!

SubC I am glad you found a substitute and that you stayed home today. Lila! Great fun having you back! Look at you!

I'm tired. I'm working a bit then going to bed. Tmr is hazardous waste and shredding day.

Btw I am thrilled with no longer having a shredder. I can get it all done between work and the city days. And if I can't, I'll get a new shredder.

Nice job Lila!

Bean and family called to see how I was doing and I got to show off my clean counter.

All the clean laundry is put away except what is in the dryer.

Dh made dinner and the dishes are in the scullery sink, but I will empty the dishwasher and load them in the morning.

I am still very tired.

Dh appreciated all the work I did today.

Final update before dinner:

I hit 100 items! Whew! Then the last few things on the kitchen table got moved onto the bar counter for now.

A few items I forgot need to go to my car or downstairs so when I get up again I will do that. Then I will wipe off the table. Then will vacuum. Then will probably use a swiffer to spot clean the floor.

Then will wipe down the kitchen counters so there is a clean place to prepare the food.

Wow, a good day, I am tired but got a lot done and now I get to enjoy my family including my little Tots.

A basket, hmmm. That might work. I will look around and see what I have. Thanks.

I like to imagine sometimes, that there are invisible people who never speak, who come and read our posts every day. Maybe there is even someone researching hoarding behaviors, or writing a book about it, and they come and study us, reading and re-reading our every post. I don't know why that appeals to me. Maybe just to have our hidden faults known and not disdained. To make sense out of our chaos.

I am at 82 items now. The kitchen table is much better, but still couldnt eat on it quite yet. I keep sitting down to rest because it is getting a bit draining to keep looking at things and trying to find a place for them.

My trip was delayed, so that gives me more time to get things done before dinner. I have about 2 hours left before people arrive. I asked son to vacuum for the past week and he has been 'too busy' or whatever so there is dog hair everywhere. I guess I will get out the stick vac and get going on it. It is light enough for me, but the bin is tiny and has to be emptied several times when no one has vacuumed for awhile. I kind of hate vacuuming, but I need to do it so hair is not floating around when we are trying to eat.

Okay. I am pushing myself now. I am going to bag up the items going into my car and take them out (I already counted them) and put a box in the trash and then get those last 18 items done.

Lila, do you have a basket? You could put the brushes in a basket next to the fireplace or near the door to the deck. Or under the end table.

I have three trays of tomatoes plus two trays of beans and a tray with a few extra beans in the dehydrator.

My second load of laundry is ready to go in the dryer.

The sub did not send me cute pictures and videos of my afternoon classes. She sent me a note after school that she was very thankfully able to get an aide to help with them and that I have my hands full.

I am drinking a chocolate milk. Then I will wipe off the empty kitchen counter, put my glass in the dishwasher and start it, and switch over the laundry.

It turns out I am a very competent person. I am just letting a bunch of little kids suck the life out of me.

another update post, for accountability -

I am up to 75 items put away or tossed. Now it's down to the hard stuff.

For example, I have several dog brushes. Some work better for one dog over the other. Some work better for the longer parts of the coat, some for the shorter. I already got rid of any duplicates and such that I wasn't using. I think I have 4 brushes on the kitchen table. But I don't have a "home" for them. I used to keep them on the shelf of the living room end table, but they look like clutter there. Then I put them on the fireplace mantle, but again they are clutter. We brush the dogs in the living room or on the deck off the dining room so I need to keep them where son and I can get to them easily. Not sure what I am going to do with them.

I am having lunch and then will go try and get to my goal of 100 items.

update - it took me 15 minutes to clear 40 things! That's not bad. What a good challenge, SubC.

Admittedly, it was all the'easy' things (almost all from the kitchen table). Putting things that have a home into their home, and throwing things out.

What's left has me stumped, so I took a break to clear my head. There are some things to be put in my car, some things to go in Teen's room (they are asleep), and many homeless items that are not for donate.

I forgot to note that this morning I also worked on decluttering my inbox, which had about 650 emails in it, and now has 480. I will do more with that later as well.

Thanks SubC. Our dialogue is so helpful!

I saw an empty box on the table and walked around picking up random trash on desks etc, mail packaging etc and then found another box, went down to the back patio and found a couple things to add. Got a bag and went in the garage and got a few small things. It was not enough to fill the bin but it was something.

The neighbor next door, new 2 years ago, used to keep the "in between" strip between our driveways nice. Or rather, the grandma did. It is their property. I paid to have my side paved over because I could not keep up with the weeds. I suggested they also pave their side but no luck. Anyway their grandma moved out and now that strip is a trash patch. I hate it. I do pick up some trash and put it in my bin but I can't keep up with it. Their kids throw water bottles, wrappers etc on the ground. Now their weeds are growing like giant octopusses (octopi?) with arms all over my driveway. I waited quite awhile to see if this couple would take care of it or send their three kids (old enough to help, ages approx 8 through 14). But no. I cannot pull these weeds, it is too much. So today I took my big sweep broom out and swept all the weed arms, bits of trash, etc back into the strip of weeds and off my driveway. I know that sounds crappy. Not a very neighborly thing. But it is their trash and weeds, I have picked up all I can, the guy who lives there looks in good shape and I really think they should do it. I hesitate to say anything because the mom is emotionally the freaking out type. So enough rant - now my driveway looks nice and neat, even if that strip is there. I am considering putting a little landscaping wall at the edge of my driveway so it is clear that is not my trash patch, and to keep my area neat.

I also:
- unloaded and loaded the dishwasher again
- took out my bathroom trash

I am going to try the 100 things, SubC. Surely there are enough things on the kitchen table alone! I will report back. Hope to see more posts what everyone is doing!

P.S. I am very glad you are getting hired!

I think you should stop the volunteer part. Or maybe just do "casual overtime" which is working 10% over your paid hours without logging it.

It definitely includes putting them where they go!

So here is the thing - the counter was covered with a big drift of everything, so for example, I would see a paper clip. I would pick it up "1" then I would look to see if I could see more paper clips "2","3". stir the pile "4","5","6".

Walk to the drawer, open it, open the paper clip box, put them away, close the drawer, back to the counter - I see a bead "7"...

If you can't find any more trash in your storage area or around the house, go look in your xh's stash. I do not believe he will take all that junk!

I think I will put the applesauce off to tomorrow.

Ahhh SubC!! We are both giving too much to work, I think! "No one is making you work." So true I think for us both, even in very different circumstances. In fact my 'boss' had a talk with me just the other day about not havng to do everything, and going home to rest. We will sort it out. I agree the schedule I kept the last 2 weeks was insane and not healthy. I am sure I could have cut something. The big things that took about 19 hours last week were a training for my position, and a funeral (including my helping with all the prep and setting up plus travel to the gravesite). I did things normally family would do, but family is elderly and coming from out of state, and she was a friend, so I did it. I will need to be mroe careful about committing to this kind of thing, even if rare. I could have asked for more help. I am actually getting hired part time now so will be getting told when I am overdoing it on the volunteer side, lol.

This morning oddly I could not find enough things to fill the trash bins, not even one of them. That is weird so as soon as I am done typing, I am going on a search through the garage and house for items to fill them, if the trash truck hasnt come yet (I dont think it has).

100 things!!!! what?? Does clearing 100 things include putting them away where they go, or do they have to leave the premisis? This sounds impossible, but I may give it a try. I have family coming for dinner and the kitchen table, bar, and all counters are covered feep in junk!!! I have to have it done by 6 and I also have to go out of town for an appointment in a couple hours, so I better get on it.

Will report back and hope to hear from you all!
p.s. the Brio tracks brought back memories! My kids loved those!

1:20.

My sub has sent cute pictures and videos. My students are fine. They are having fun.

Dh does not think I had the stomach flu. He thinks it was psychosomatic - a reaction to exhaustion and stress. I told him I am only going to work two days a week next year. (I have been thinking about this, but today made me realize I need to do it.) he said "nobody is making you work."

My counter is clear. I did use the boxes. My sink is not clear because I need a rest before I empty the dishwasher. I can't decide if I have the stamina to start applesauce today.

I tossed a quart of so of random bits and scraps into the trash bag.

It is 11:15.

I am - eating breakfast.

I no longer feel guilty about not going to work.

I have done my morning chores
Finished loading and started the dishwasher
Started a load of laundry

And

Worked on the scullery counter. (Which contributed to the dishes and laundry)

I challenged myself to clear off 100 items. I got to 90 surprisingly quickly with little sense of progress (paper clips, rubber bands, thread, beads.. So I chose the ten largest items for the last ten.

I am going to keep working on it, but I have two empty cardboard boxes on the floor of the scullery. I am 100 percent sure that everything that is on the counter right now will fit in those two boxes. So, when the dishwasher is done, I will be able to finish emptying the scullery sink. I will then put all the items into the boxes so that I can use my scullery to prep apples for applesauce - one of the tasks for which it was intended.

After I clean up from the applesauce I will dump the boxes back on the counter and return to picking at the mess. (Otherwise the boxes will get stashed and a new mess will still build up)

Good morning

Lila, it is good to see you!

Your work schedule is not ok. It is not ok even for someone who is well paid, let alone as a volunteer! I know that what you do is important, but are you truly willing to give your life for it? Because that is what you are doing - one day at a time.

Tatoulia, we have a sub list - which I cannot currently access because it is posted in drive and my iPad offloaded drive and can't reload it because I don't have enough memory, which is a me problem - I should have printed it using the chrome book at work.

But yes, our contracts say that if we can't show up, we are responsible for scheduling our own subs. We are also allowed to use approved subs that are not on the list. All three of mine were busy today. (This allows us to pull in specialized people who don't want to be subs in general, but are happy to say, teach one or two days of pottery a year)

I have an email in my box from the sub who is supposed to be doing my classes today (copied to the directorship told me to use her) that she was already scheduled for 1:00, so she is double booked. I don't know what I can do about that, so I am ignoring it.

Here is the thing I am really struggling with - I haven't thrown up since around 8 a.m. yesterday, although the headache lasted until after 3. So one could argue that the headache was exhaustion and dehydration and I am 24 hours symptom free. (I never had a fever) I am feeling a little week and tired, but also like I could pull myself together and get through my day.

However.
I am feeling like that because I slept past seven - so it is not now possible for me to do chores and get to school on time.

I lost four pounds yesterday and I am not hungry.

I filled the coffee maker this morning and then set it to run the automatic program that would make the coffee tomorrow instead of starting it - so clearly I'm still a bit foggy despite sleeping ten hours last night.

My easy classes are in the morning. My hard classes are in the afternoon.

I think I got sick because one of my students only stayed out one day when she had this. I don't want to make other people sick.

I have an email from my heartdaughter (who also struggles with an atlas complex) that says she is proud of me for "taking the day that you need and deserve."

So I am going to try to rest and recover and putter and catch up on things. The equinox is about balance. I was not able to observe it in any way that is meaningful to me yesterday, so I will do that today.

I forgot to tell you that I took 11 books to the used book store wednesday.

Hi all, I just read about half of your posts (the oldest half) and plan to catch up on the rest in the morning.

I worked every day since I was last here with not a single day off. So I took off this evening and am not working again til Monday or Tuesday, aside from a little bit of work-at-home on Sunday. I NEED the break.

My house is really awful but today I cleaned everything off the stovetop, washed it off (a few spots still need to be cleaned with the special glasstop cleaner), unloaded and loaded and ran the dishwasher. I planned to go to bed early tonight, but some neighbor's car alarm has gone off 4 times in the last 30 minutes, and now it sounds like someone's sprinkler broke off or a fire hydrant blew and water is flooding the street. I am going to bed and hoping the noise quits!

I am so happy to be home tomorrow and will be checking in here in the morning! I plan to rest AND be productive, starting with making sure the garbage bins are filled tomorrow before the trash truck comes!

Goodnight!

Checking in. SubC I'm sorry about your stomach bug! And you have to get your own sub? What?

I'm glad you are enjoying your new computer, Cm. Try not to be stressed about the books. I hear you, I support you, and I want you to be not stressed about it.

That would be really hard CM.

I am sick. Haven't tested for covid yet, I think it's the stomach bug that is going around school. I normally don't get sick, so I am also angry. Apparently my iron immune system has finally worn out.

I have slept most of the day, but my boss keeps waking me up. I currently hate that we are responsible for our own subs.

Something more pertinent to the hoarding struggle from a couple of days ago, and I'm trying not to let it throw me. But it is like a trust issue setback, something that may seem trivial but has... implications.

I have attachments to books, some of which go back to childhood. In this case I'm speaking of the content of the book for the most part, rather than a physical book. There are a few physical books I'm sentimental about but that's not my focus at the moment.

Certain books have been like old friends, emotional comfort food, whatever you want to call it. Some of them I've reread so many times over the years I practically have parts of them memorized. I would not want to lose access to their content. Well, as you know, I've discovered some of them on the Internet Archive. And that's been great. Especially since many of them are semi-obscure, like the teen malt shop romance novels of 1940s-50s vintage. Or weird trashy popular books about crazy stuff like UFOs because of that satirical novel I want to write about that topic.

All well and good. Until the other day, when things were still rather crazy, busy, and emotionally draining, so I had found one of the malt shop novels on the Archive and was blissfully indulging in a bit of escapism (Calgon Take Me Away is good, but literary fluff is better). So I'm going along, and I notice a couple of pages are repeated. Oh well, weird fluke, I think. No big deal.

But then I get closer to the end of the book, and there are several pages MISSING or badly scanned with half the page cut off. 😲 This is what gives me trust issues! So now I'm thinking about keeping more books because of the fear of being unable to access them.

The Archive does have a way you can donate books to be scanned, and perhaps there's a way to let them know of errors, though whether they would be corrected in a timely fashion, I don't know. I've also considered scanning my books myself. But that does take time. Although with my new fast computer perhaps it would go fast enough.

When I was a teenager and young adult, incomplete library collections of a series, or books that were out of print and hard to find before Amazon existed, were a source of frustration for me. I had dreams of having a house with a really nice library in it. One of my cousins and her husband bought a house with a library. I was sad when they sold it.

Anyway, I've been proud of myself for becoming more comfortable with electronic books, and I'm not going to let these sorts of setbacks discourage me. But I hope I can arrive at a solution that is still efficient because I don't want to get bogged down or in an indecision trap.

Should be asleep, but I need a bit more winding down time.

After the post at the library, I continued to work but was having some blurred vision. Turned out to be one of my ocular migraines but at first I didn't recognize it as such. And I was so enthused about the computer that I just kind of powered on through, just pausing here and there to blink and walk around.

It went away rapidly once it peaked. But driving home, even though my vision was back, I had to face the setting sun, which thanks to the almost equinox time of year, was coming through the westbound tree lined street like it was Stonehenge. It was awful, and I was squinting and had my hand up to block some of it. I was just creeping along.

Unfortunately, I lost track of how many side streets I'd passed, and I came up to a bigger one sooner than I expected - and apparently was running a red light, because this other vehicle coming from the south was turning and they honked and I was like Oh no 😳 - luckily they missed me and traffic was light and no cops, but I felt really bad and really thankful at the same time. Note to self: In future, if the sun is that bad, pull over on a side street and wait a bit for it to set!

Last night, all of a sudden, my girl bunny was having tummy trouble. She has had a long streak without any. It was upsetting, coming late at night, and not knowing how bad it was nor how long it would take for her to respond to the medicine and hand feeding. She did, though, and I felt safe leaving her, with the boy bunny for company - it's sweet how bonded they are. So I got some sleep. In the morning she was better but needed one more round of meds and hand feeding. And then I sat with roommate's two bunnies so roommate could be up front when the guys came and go with them to the hardware store.

So yesterday then (Wednesday), more work was done on the porch. It was still terribly hot but the guys kept on going because they had to get the boards up and primer on. Because it's supposed to rain early in the morning. The cool front came in early evening already. Yesterday's high, 97, predicted high today, low 60s. Gotta love Kansas.

They have more to do, and my roommate has an appointment and company (today, Thursday) but I guess she's going to meet them somewhere. Meanwhile I am doing the pet care and being here for the workmen so they can come in to do wiring, etc. It promises to be crazy and distracting as much of this week has been. I get a chance I will tackle the sofa nest, which it has been difficult to attempt.

And in the afternoon, if it's not raining too much, the roofing guys will be here! 🤪 Never a dull moment. And it's trash night. I had to write things down because I've been having memory glitches with so much going on at once. I hope I do okay.

I want to check on my friends with Covid yet I'm so fried I start worrying that I'm going to hear bad news. Which is not that likely, it's just my fevered frazzled state imagining the worst as it tends to do. As soon as things settle, I will check. But I need to pace myself.

This was supposed to have been the week when things settled down! Maybe next week...?

A new computer and s quiet space - perfect!

Apparently Dd tested negative again yesterday and dsil decided they would stay at home. I don't know what precautions they are taking.

I have a full day at school today and then home to try to make good use of my evening. Dh has a fancy work dinner, so I will be on my own. Still have to get lesson plans together and do chores this morning, but I am dragging.

SubC, I hope your family escapes Covid or if that's not possible, has a super light case of it. I'm going to contact my friend via text to see how she and her husband are getting along. Hopefully all right. He is a firefighter so the risk of exposure is there.

I'm at the library downtown with my new computer. Decided to go in the genealogy research room instead of out in the main library - nobody minds, and one of the librarians is an old friend. It is so QUIET and no excess stimuli - I can feel the tension just melting off me! I'm glad I thought to just go ahead and sit in here. It's something I've pondered for awhile. I have a whole big table to myself and there's not even anybody at nearby tables right now.

So, I'm working on my directories. I was right about having gotten far enough along with my restructuring of them that I can just go ahead and begin transferring files over. I catch some more junk to delete as I go. Feeling so righteous and like this streamlining is going to spill over into other areas of life. And that I will once again be productive in my writing and things - more than ever before, dare I hope?

I think it confirms that it was right to make the leap of faith and get this computer - that more time preparing might be unnecessary delay. It's good.

At home, Project Screen Porch is underway. I imagine it's pretty busy, although this is another of those upper 90s days (which may be over by Thursday), so the guys won't try to work through the hot part of the day. I have a feeling they'll have some left to do tomorrow. Haven't heard a thing from my roommate and I had texted her about something else earlier. They must be keeping her occupied. Or if they quit for the day she may have decided to take a nap.

I got to watch the Queen's funeral service in the morning (replay - didn't think it'd be wise to try and get up early with all the stuff going on; sleep deprivation is not a good look on me). Then some of the procession to Windsor Castle later on. Will watch the burial tonight or sometime soon. It was even more of a big, what's the word, "production" sounds crass but I can't think of another off the top of my head. Quite ceremonial and symbolic and elaborate, I guess. And amazing. The King is pretty fit for his age walking all that way, too.

So, things are still busy this week but perhaps beginning to settle into the era of roommate being retired and my life feeling less stressed as well. I like that.

Good morning.

Ds and I looked over the train set (which is actually a hodgepodge of brio and brio compatible) and decided there were PLENTY of trains and the two mostly plastic Sesame Street themed ones and the oversized circus animals can go. The set will still take up two bins, it will just be slightly less over stimulating.

Bean and ds played with it for two and a half hours.

Must get moving. Never enough time...

There's a lot going on for you, SubC. I hope your daughter stays healthy. I'm sorry about the dog. Hopefully Bean likes the cats, and vice versa.

Going to bed. It's nearly 2 AM.

Oy vey!

Dd1's flight got cancelled. She is coming home tomorrow.

Dsil took Bean home for the night. He will probably have to explain about the dog. They are coming back here to sleep tomorrow, but I probably won't see Bean because I will get home after he goes to bed and probably leave around the time he gets up. I don't know if he will still be here Wednesday night.

Ds made dinner. It was delicious.

My entire great room has been taken over by a brio track.

Also my Dd1 has been exposed to covid on her trip and dsil will be arriving this evening to move in with us for a few days (or potentially longer) instead of picking up Bean.

Poor Dd1 will arrive home to an empty house. They do have two cats, but her dog was adopted out to a new family while she was gone (this had been planned - she loves the dog, but the dog needs to be active - the house had become more restricted with baby gates and the yard more crowded and Dd hasn't been for a run every evening in a long time.)

Bean doesn't know about the dog yet.