Dave, Getting, Grasping, Giving would be a great thread to start.

Can you explain further? Thanks.

http://brooks-palmer.blogspot.com/2014_01_01_archive.html

Monday Jan 27, comparison clutter

diane, allow the ideas in that post to extend beyond clutter to the other comparisons you were talking about. Don't allow your visions of how good you think others are to define you as a bad, disgusting incomplete person. I have done that for oh so many years. I am not sure now if it is possible for me to stop. But I can absolutely tell you it has not served me well and it will not serve you well.

I really make a mistake when I make a statement like "the posters on this site are hoarders", or at least I think that's what Dr Zasio was saying in her book. The better concept is that the posters on the site are People, people who have some hoarding behaviors as part of the package.

When you run over yourself with the tractor because of your buying behavior you are allowing that one behavior to define your vision of your complete person. You are a good, valuable person.

I read a quote the other day that someone attributed to Oscar Wilde. Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.

Desire Intention Action. You just described the perfect model for you to use to change.

History, Desire pops up, Go the thrift store. This automatically converts to intention to go and the action of going follows.

Yesterday. Desired popped up, Go to thrift store. YOU STOPPED AND BECAME AWARE. I HAVE A CHOICE OF INTENTIONS. I can intend to go to the store. I can intend to go home. FROM OR IN AWARENESS YOU CHOSE AN INTENTION and acted upon it. You can do exactly the same thing in a store with a THING clutched tightly in your hand. THE KEY IS THE PRACTICE OF STOPPING AND BECOMING AWARE OF WHAT IS GOING ON and not automatically letting feelings run the show.

I can't explain this, all I can do is say it.

I think that some of the answer can come from considering the grasping or clutching that we do when engaged in hoarding behaviors.

If I sit here right now and think about 16 cans of motor oil, 100 scrap pieces of plywood, a 20 year old bag of grass seed in a red and yellow cat food container and so on, my hand closes tightly around them, so tightly the fingers are turning white. But then I get those fingers unclenched so my hand is open and all that stuff is just resting on an open hand. And then I start thinking about mercy and compassion and how would those things be extended into the problems of the people posting on the site? And the stuff isn't in my hands anymore.

Extending to the store, then when holding an item the question is why do I need to hang onto this so tightly? Is this really a divine provision for me or can I put it back on the shelf?

I have a very long ways to go in releasing things but this past morning these kinds of ideas moved 5 cans of motor oil in my life from a keep at any cost category to a go category.

If I try to say any more about this I will just babble-I just know that dealing with that grasping thing is at least part of a solution. I wanted to start another thread too, but decided not to. GETTING, GRASPING, GIVING. Talking about how we get stuff, how and why we hang onto stuff, and how can a person that hoards move from hoarding to flowing the stuff in their lives?

My head hurts, I'm stopping, good night.

Diane i'm glad it helped. That helps make it worthwhile not to be going myself.

Today I met my friend and we had a nice chat. Dave if not for our agreement, I would have gone to thrift store. I get stressed when visiting with people, especially friends that are happily married and appear to have it all together in their life. when we parted I told myself it would be good go to thrift store and see if I could find a few things I could use to glue rocks on. and I had a few other rational reasons, I thought. It took every bit of will to go straight home, thinking of having to admit going to thrift store, even though it seemed perfectly rational to go shop. Got home and saw clutter and was amazed how I really thought it was a good idea to bring more stuff home. It has been days with no sunshine and I wanted to shop to cheer myself up. How quickly I forget the damage it does to bring more stuff home. I feel relieved I didn't shop and grateful we made the agreement.

With the ban, I am taking extra pleasure in my current group of restaurant china coffee cups and saucers.

Take it away!

In ways to help yourself.
In ways to help other current regulars.
In ways that may help others who stumble onto the site in search of relief from thrift store abuse.

Feel free to join us in not going to a thrift store until after 9 AM March 4th.

Dave I am so fond of you for many reasons, seeing how much we have in common including, the denial that we are addicted to thrift stores. We can see thrift stores as providing us relief from dealing with clutter, finding great bargains, people to talk to, something positive to do, when in reality, it is contributing to our discontent. I am so proud of you for supporting us in not shopping for a week, I need the support as much as you do, once I get started shopping, it seems rational to me. When I have to deal with stuff, I see how nuts it is, and then go back and do it again. Just like an alcoholic that forgets the misery alcohol causes, just remembers the relief the first drink begins. Your wife is worth keeping happy!!!! Hugs to you Dave, and thanks for helping me with this.

diane
I was just thinking this morning about how things that you say come out of hard earned experience. And that I would probably have to seriously consider things that you said, EXCEPT "stop your shopping trips"!

Ok diane, I will commit to not going to a thrift shop again before 9 am next Tuesday.

Dave, so happy you did not go to thrift store, we both made it through the day without shopping, how about we both stay out of thrift stores for 7 days?