Sorry Ed. 🙁

My hoarder was deep in denial.
When I cleared an area he would have violent fits, throwing things, dumping more things out into the heaps.
He will still do this if I go into his bedroom and remove the mountain of clothes & assorted stuff off his bed just so I can change the sheets.
It is totally illogical. 🙁

Is there one room there that you can claim for yourself?
Tell her that "I live here too" and make one room a sanctuary for yourself.
This is how I did it. One area, one room at a time.
Of course he tried to sabotage my efforts but I would just dig back in and remove all the stuff he recluttered with again and again until he finally learned that I meant it.

Also, having one area clean and clear is a good example, to contrast the differences and maybe she will then see just how bad her hoarding really is.

Good luck, Tillie

Cleared a path for myself yesterday. As expected, now worse than before. Wife THREW stuff all over. Seems she can't stand to see even a small area tidy. Now it is more of a hazard than before.

Please do stick around here.
Knowing that you are not alone really does help. 🙂

Thanks Tillie. I need to come here on a regular basis.

Hi Ed 🙂

Over the past two years I have posted online to many psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, organizers and extreme cleaners who have been studying and working in the field of hoarding.
They have all been very sympathetic toward my situation.
Not one of them has blamed me for his hoarding or accused me of enabeling him.
Many of them have told me to run away and never look back.
When I pose a specific problem he or I am having dealing with his hoarding they have given me wonderful insight into the thinking and emotions associated with hoarding/hoarders.
One thing they all say is that hoarders are terribly manipulating. Will do or say anything to prevent anyone from changing their hoarding behavour or home life.
A hoarder will only change if or when THEY are ready to change and then they really do need to seek out professional help.
Their thought processes are so off base that they need to relearn how/what/when/where to toss out stuff.
If you are ready to call it quits then do so with all our blessings.
I stay because my hoarder started hoarding as an undiagnosed brain tumor grew, messing up his thinking as it cluttered up his skull.
I hope you read this post in the way I meant it to sound.
Like someone who really does understand and wants you to find the peace and happiness you so deserve.
Sincerely, Tillie 🙂

What really gets to me are the experts who make the "victims" the villains because we enabled our partners. It's not like awakening one morning to find your home looking like Yucca Flats after the blast and ignoring it. Perhaps those experts also believe that marriage vows should be rewritten-till death do us part or until I change my mind....

Thanks for the welcome Tillie!!
I've endured for the sake of "family" all this time. Now that I'm dealing with empty nest, I want to run like hell....

Hi Ed,
We have a lot in common. My partner of almost 30 years is a hoarder too.
I understand the daily struggles you face.
Fortunately, there is help now available.
If nothing else just knowing you are not alone really does help.
Welcome 🙂