Please come on to chat any time! We are here! I know this is tough. Let me know what I can help you with!

I am a work in progress and need all the perspective I can get!

Thank you for your response. My Brother in Law has been the same level of clean since they have been married. They have been married 48 years. He said he was going to have the bedroom downstairs cleaned out but each time I talk to him something comes up and it hasn't been done in a month since he said he would have it done. Since I did speak with him about confronting her with compassion and she is not just a hoarder, that the hoarding is just a disorder and she is much more than that, he sees her a little different and is not so disrespectful. I've asked him to get counseling and he said he would but we will see. I think I am like you Tatoulia. I have purchased a lot always thinking of others. Thanks for sharing that perspective.

I think you might be able to matter of fact y state what you think needs to be done for the dialysis. Listen to the instructions and learn what needs to be done. Then perhaps say, okay, now for clearing out this room so there's a safe and sanitary space. I KNOW I am making this sound too easy. But I think if you are able to give her a safe and peaceful place for her dialysis you will both feel more comfortable. Only you know if your brother in law will become nasty or start to argue with you. But maybe think of ways that you could suggest getting one space cleared and clean. Her health is certainly compromised. Hoarding isn't an easy disorder. It's frustrating for all involved. From what I've seen, creative people have a particular problem with letting go because they can make things. My hoarding came from a space where I wanted to be everything to everybody. So I'd buy stuff thinking if anyone needed it, there I'd be, all set for the rescue. I had to work hard to break myself of that. And I do feel free.

My Brother in law is the only person who is giving her the Dialysis daily. He wants me to come so he can teach me how to connect everything. I will try to go up next week and talk with both of them about creating an environment that will help the Dialysis be a success. At this time no one else knows she is on Dialysis because they don't want the family to know. This is hard. I thank God for this board and the responses.

I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. Are caretakers going to be helping out with the dialysis? Because they will insist on a safe place to be. They won't be able to navigate the mounds of stuff. Look at this as the emergency that it is. Please feel free to let us know how you are. I am so sorry.

Thank you. I needed to know which way to even start talking. That is helpful information! I think she does ok upstairs but he will loose the battle if she claims the space upstairs because there is nowhere else to go in the house. I've decided to ask my brother in law for some help with gas or something. The last time I went up to help he was not there. I can understand the shame now but I need him to have some skin in the game. I don't want to carry his burden but only to help him. I haven't told any other family members because they will more than likely criticize and not help. I don't need the money. Sometimes people need to be coaxed into helping themselves.

Hi Delores,

You need to approach this as a safety issue, Don't start from "we need to get rid of xyz...", start with, "we need to keep these pathways clear and these things away from stoves and heaters, and this area clean for your safety." How did she do with having the clean space made upstairs?

Some books that are good for working with hoarders are Digging Out and Buried in Treasures.