HOARDERS AND RELATIONSHIPS

Hoarders and Relationships
Lisa
Posted: 13 March 2012 - 10:47 PM
 

Question? I am dating a hoarder and about every 4 months he withdrawls, says he needs space, and can't seem to ever commit to a serious relationship. Is this common? I am lost as to what to do? I do not want to give up but I am beginning to think this is just how it will be with this disorder.?

 

Replies (5)

DonaldNop
Posted: 22 June 2017 - 04:38 PM
 

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Diana
Posted: 19 July 2012 - 08:16 AM
 

I forgot to add my name to my post. I am the woman from NC with the ex-boyfriend that lives in PA. I would welcome and replys to my post. Hoarding is a problem I have just begun to really learn about through this past relationship. Diana

 
Lisa
Posted: 19 July 2012 - 08:09 AM
 

I read your post and realized that is exactly what happened in my relationship with a hoarder. I reconnected with a man I have been in love with for many years. He lives in PA and I live in NC. We began our relationship living in my home because when I went to his house for the first time I was horrifed by his hoarding and the condition of his home. We only lived together in my home for 11 months but during that time he left me about every 3-4 months, giving reasons that did not seem logical. I now realize he needed to get back to his hoard. I also believe he will never be able to commit to a relationship with me even though I am certain he is in love with me. He is in denial that he is a true hoarder. He left me 8 months ago and has not come back this time. I love this man more than I can say, however his leaving was probably the best thing for me. It is so sad.. but true. Good luck to you.

 
releasing
Posted: 27 March 2012 - 01:17 PM
 

My 2 cents - Hoarding is like any quirk . . . if you go into a relationship expecting that it is going to change, you are in for disappointment. If the hoarding is expressing no need, want, or desire to change, they will not.

 
eileen
Posted: 15 March 2012 - 04:28 PM
 

Lisa, I am a 54 year old woman, I was married to a hoarder for 15 years, we have a child 14 years old. We live in an upscale neighborhood outside chicago, and despite my having left him 18 months ago, after failing to find any support for me and my child to live in a hoard free home, I now have a judgement against me for 150K because he would not remedy his issues with the ordinances.
My husband had some wonderful qualities, after all I married the guy and chose to have a child with him, and I am sure your boyfriend has some wonderful qualities. Hoarding is a dealbreaker. Period. When times get tough for any reason, the hoarder will always protect their stuff first. Always. Sound familiar? It probably does, you have no doubt been in situations where your beloved feels in some way threatened, and always will propose a move to protect his stuff. If you marry him, and have children, it will kill you when he chooses to sacrifice your baby for his stuff. DONT DO IT

 
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