| Tammy | Posted: 10 January 2019 - 07:18 PM |
Hi, I'm new to this site & am so glad to find it. My mother is 70 & has hoarded my whole life, but it is worse than ever. I'm 38 yr old mother of 2. Growing up in her house was shameful, stressful & chaotic. I left at 17, but still cannot escape her. I bought my house in '02 & was obsessed with having a clean, clutter-free home & did for many years. After 2 failed relationships & raising 2 children alone depression got the best of me. I couldn't keep up with all the things children have & all the while people, especially my mother, would constantly bring in more junk. I would panic because of all the crap coming in. My depression worsened & she amped up the amount of things she would bring; clothes, books, kitchen items, newspapers, etc. She reveled in my inability to deal with the mess because I'd given up fighting her. She knew my shame of having people see my cluttered home & it was her way of keeping people (i.e. New boyfriends/ friends) away from me, yet she would bring relatives over unannounced & was pleased to see how upset I was. I had enough & started clearing the clutter. When she came over & saw how much had been done she freaked out, arguing about how I needed those things & I would regret getting rid of them. If she's here while I'm hauling out the trash/ recycling, she gets completely upset with a crazy look in her eyes & tries to convince me about how I shouldn't recycle that good, heavy store bag because I'll need it for something. Then she'll bring over more crap to try to compensate for what I've got rid of. I've tried many times to help her clean out her hoard & it always ends with her screaming & crying at me until I give up. At this point I'd just like to be able to have my own home clean without her hoard extending into it. I can't take the stress, fighting & mess but don't have the heart to cut her out of our lives. It seems that's what it would take for me to live in a peaceful, clutter-free exsistence. Heaven help us. | |
Replies (4)
| Joe | Posted: 07 December 2023 - 09:10 PM |
My parents can be classified as hoarders. Now, my Mom has passed and my Dad is left to live in the house by himself. All them memories they have accumulated has led to a rodent problem. My brother and I need help. The house needs to be cleaned and an exterminator is needed but we don't know where to start. | |
| Jae | Posted: 27 November 2023 - 12:57 PM |
www.calmerdimensionswithjae.com LOVE | |
| A.C | Posted: 10 August 2023 - 11:06 AM |
My mother has the same condition, I learned a few years back that it is considered on the lines of a mental condition. I remember growing up with stuff everywhere, the only rooms that stayed clean was the living room and dining room. When we moved I noticed things got worse. It seemed that within a few years of being in our new place every room was filled. I was hurt I could barely have company and I could tell the stress I put on my father. When I got around the age of 14 I started to clean and throw away things but the only made things worse. She would even go to the trash to dig out what ever she could. I got smarter and one shredded every paper so she couldn't hold on to it. My anger would build I just couldn't understand why she felt she needed these things. Till this day it hurts because it plays back in my mind. Just wanted to share my story because I know just how you feel. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 10 January 2019 - 07:34 PM |
Hi Tammy Many mothers that hoard extend their hoards to their children's homes. Please stay strong and do not surrender. Go ahead and let her scream and freak out as you declutter YOUR home. You will still have to fight with her but eventually in time she will have to learn that you will no longer tolerate her hoarding up YOUR home. Keep tossing all the unwanted stuff and cleaning the areas. Do not allow her access to the house when you are not home or she will sabotage your efforts. I live with a hoarding man. Put your foot down Best wishes, Tillie | |