Tillie--Your response is incredibly helpful...you answered many of the arguments I have in my head, one at a time. (I would print out your note if I didn't already have stacks of paper, as you can imagine.) I will refer back to it often. And I, too, am using some of my grandmother's china everyday. I worried about it breaking, but then thought about how much I enjoy it. It's been a constant battle to which if someone walked in my house they would see what has been winning.
Now, the piles of "letting go" are getting bigger and bigger.

Roxie--The thought-stopping technique. Wow! Thank you for sharing it...What is unique about your take on it is that addition of the gratitude piece. Something for me to remember when I'm overwhelmed with this task and the crazy historical voices about saving everything. Be grateful as I let go.

Diane--I hadn't even begun to tackle the family pictures. I have some that bring nothing but pain, and have no idea why I have kept them all these years. Thank you for the "permission" to move on to happier times.

Whew, I can relate to some of what you are saying about judgmentalism. I inherited an internal judgmental "voice" from my mother.

beautiful response Tillie. Yesterday I saw some pictures out in little room, and a few other family things that were painful to see, thought I needed to keep a picture of entire family, just because it is the only one, now I feel bad even writing this, time to burn that picture. Thsnks tillie for sharing your thinking process.

My internal conversation,
When deciding about items that I have inherited or been given...

All my life I have loved this one set of Granma's dishes.
I use them every day.
Other people would say to keep them all wrapped up and safe from chips & breaks.
My using and enjoying them brings me great memories of her & Grampa & Aunts & Uncles & cousins who have all eaten from these dishes.
Every day I am reconnected to them.
Nobody else in the family liked or wanted these dishes.
They are not special to them like they are to me.
There have been other dishes I have inherited that were not special to me so I passed them on, donated.

When my partners Granma died I was left with the task of clearing out her home.
We had been friends, I loved her dearly.
I kept a few of her things. The things that brought me happy memories of our times together.
Even though the rest of the stuff was lovely, maybe even valuable, I passed it on.
It was not valuable to me.

Some things that I have owned caused me grief, stress, unpleasant feelings when I looked at them.
Bad memories.
I passed them on, donated.

When I was young I was given things that I kept even though they were not to my liking.
Not my taste.
As I got older I wanted what I liked. Style, color, etc.
I slowly replaced things with the ones I liked better and passed the undesireable items on, donated.

It is not that I am not sentimental, I am very sentimental.
I just keep the few items that truly mean something to me.
I feel that in this way I can better honor the memories of loved ones and at the same time honor my own self.
The woman I am. My home, my visions, goals and dreams.
🙂