Bumping because everyone mentioned something that seems to be true of most hoarders. That includes piles of stuff they'll never use, needle in the haystack etc.

One thing that jumped out at me was the mention of someone playing the sweet little old lady. Here her act is almost comical at times. Especially when she plays dumb. She was cited by the local municipality for hoarding, unsafe conditions etc. But when she talks about that day including 911 personal and hospital staff she says things like "They think I'm one of those people who have too much stuff-what are they called again? If that isn't total denial or extremely poor acting I don't know what is.

Move out.

Seriously. You are 71. At this point your time and energy will be better invested in finding a new living situation. You have no personal connection to this woman and from what you have said, the odds of significant progress are low.

I'm sorry you have invested money in the situation, but that money is already gone. Continuing to invest time and money and energy there is only going to lead to more anger and frustration and at some point you will become unable to manage the influx and things will get really bad.

I say this from the point of view of a fourth generation (at least) hoarder who is fighting very hard for her recovery.

I sold my house and moved in with a woman who said she wanted to share her house. I didn't know her very well but thought it was a good solution for me at age 71. I am a neat and clean person. I made an agreement with her to rent 2 rooms from her and have access to the rest of the house. When I came to see the house, she told me she hadn't gotten around to unpacking her stuff after she moved here from another city. She promised it would all be put away and handled by the time I was set to move in. I arrived a month later with my bedroom furniture and some personal belongings only to realize that the entire house, garage, and two storage sheds are stuffed with boxes and boxes of clothes, dishes, old papers, books, and lots and lots of JUNK. Even brand new appliances and stuff that has never been opened after it arrived here in Amazon boxes! This was obviously not a recent situation - and turns out she has been living her like this for over 3 years and adding more junk everyday. I confronted her and she admitted that she has a hard time letting go of things and promised to clean it up and take it all to Salvation Army and have a big garage sale - that was 6 weeks ago with almost no real progress insight. She is still bringing in more stuff! I spent a lot of money cleaning up my two rooms, cleaning up the outside of this house, and painting and restoring the 2 rooms and a bathroom that is supposed to be mine. I even paid to get the pool cleaned up and replaced the pool pump so that I can use it. She is a total messy person who says one thing but never keeps her word about doing it. I want to help her clean this up - but how do I get her to actually cooperate?

Apparently it normally happens to older white ladies with cats who have suffered a loss. I don't know your wife's background is, but it seems to be a sort of defense mechanism. It makes me feel better to know that it's not their fault, but it also makes solving the problem much worse.

I believe my mother-in-law really believes what she does is smart and good and that society just doesn't see the value in stuff. She likes knowing if she needs something she has it. The problem is how useful is something when it's a needle in the haystack. Boxes get packed and stacked on top of each other. To the point to where moving everything for one item is not worth it. She even forgets she has stuff.

It's sad because I am in the position of allowing her to clutter up my house because hers is full or having her mad at me forever. That lady can hold a grudge. Apparently most hoarders don't trust people. So pushing the issue only pushes them away.

At the top of this page is a link to
"National Resources".
Click on that link then on your state.
Make some calls to the various agencies listed and ask them if they know of any local support groups in the area.
Good luck and best wises.

I feel your pain! My wife did not hoard when I married her 21 years ago! She is in complete denial and my kids are just as frustrated as I am! I suppose the hoarder needs therapy but my wife refuses to get help. It's taken it's toll on our family and marriage. I'm looking for a live support group....to keep MY sanity. I live in Northern VA (Fairfax County). Any ideas?

I am in the same boat...my mother in law. Moved her out of her house but now she will not let anyone near it to clean out the pile of clothes and dirty dishes, and filth. Her room at our house has a path....collects and hangs on to everthing. Only thing that is organized are junk catalogues back to 1990. Hides dishes in her room even though she does not cook. Very odd behaviors yet, plays the sweet old lady in public. Sits all day playing solitare on iPad or watching TV. No socialization or willingness to do anything.