| Avongrl | Posted: 29 July 2018 - 11:24 PM |
I have a friend, ive close to over the months.He lives down the hall .. in my building.. We do stuff together every week or so, him telling me what he purchased that week, as we go out to dinner movies, etc. I've had him over several times to eat, but have notiiced he always meets me out front of our building, or comes to ring my doorbell but I never stepped foot in his condo, been asked over, or even been to his door. He has repeatedly said he would ask me in, but has a mess he doesn't want me to see. His vehicle is also loaded down, so we go in mine. So I recently, suggested he might have an problem .. trying to be helpful and sent him an article on Hosrding with questions. I was flabbergasted at his reaction, turned from dr jevkyll to mr Hyde and ending our friendship on the spot. Could this really have offended him that much? I have an Aunt that hoards, that does the same thing, and why I wondered. I offered to help him, but he took the wrong way I guess? Do closet hoarders over react that way normally? Thx | |
Replies (2)
| helprejected | Posted: 16 November 2018 - 10:23 AM |
Do hoarders normally over react this way? From personal experience YES. Know someone who recently got cited and under threat of eviction because they needed medical care. When the ambulance came and saw conditions they were turned in. Several offered help through out the years and now under threat of eviction every cleaning session they wind up screaming, crying and lecturing you. You must absolutely agree or they'll go into rant. They've even gone off on the phone going so far as to have others be on the phone to hear their lecture. They're stunned medical staff considered her a hoarder but conditions and government workers involved were noted on their admittance report & came to hospital. | |
| Subclinical | Posted: 30 July 2018 - 05:44 AM |
Yep. You became a critic and a threat. I don't know how long you had been spending time with this guy, but, general suggestion that applies not just to hoarding - people don't usually like it when you offer your help them "fix" something about themselves that they have not identified to you as a problem. They like it less when you tell them what you can do for them instead of asking what they need. And the less time they have known you, the less they like it. My guess is this guy has probably had bad experiences before with people who wanted to "help" him. He has learned that the easiest way to avoid the struggle and trauma is to end the relationship before the fight begins. | |