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A FRUSTRATED WIFE, WITH A HOARDING HUSBAND.

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A frustrated wife, with a hoarding husband.

Emma	Posted: 09 November 2011 - 03:28 PM
	I just don´t know what to do. It hurts me and makes me so sad, that the man I love above all things; won´t let me clean our own house! Everytime I clean something, he yells at me. And then he goes through the garbage I have collected to throw away, and of course he picks up almost everything again! He is a hoarder. I understand that, but I would never leave him because he is my soul-mate. I just DON´T KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I cannot have any friends over. My son has moved out, because he couldn´t live in the house. I cannot cook or bake, because there is NO ROOM to do so! I often eat out on restaurants or at friends, because there is no room to sit. We as a family, has NO PLACE TO SIT and for example watch tv or a movie. We stumble over everything and I have fallen more than once. I had to leave, due to family problems, for more than 6 months, and when I got home....IT WAS EVEN WORSE! I try to talk to him about his....try to make him get help, but HE REFUSES!! Our kids are teenagers, and "his son" is used to this living conditions, but my son lives with his grandparents, because of how the house is. And now, my husband wants us to try to have a common child. But how could I ever bring a baby into this mess? I AM SO FRUSTATED AND SAD! It feels like, this will be my "lot" for the rest of my life. I cannot leave him, because I love him to death and back again. But I cannot live in this house!!! WHAT SHALL I DO??? If I contact any clean-up crew or get help somehow, my husband will scream and yell and most likely NOT let anyone into the house; or on his property. He will be angry with me and I would still not had accomplish anything. I DON´T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!

Replies (3)

Emma	Posted: 10 November 2011 - 12:20 PM
	I am looking forward to hearing from you! I too, have thought about making an appointment with a therapist. If not for my husband, but perhaps for myself, because I need some concrete answers. What can I do to help him?` Can I help him at all? What should I do? What can I say to make him listen to me? This is all very frustrated. He believes me to be a "destroyer and not having respect for his things". Not having respect for him, because I throw away HIS things, without talking to him first. But If I do talk to him first, he will save almost everything I throw away. And I will be back to where I started. To where I am right now...In limbo-land, surrounded by JUNK! Things that appearently are more important to him, than I am; than OUR family is! I DON´T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Emma	Posted: 10 November 2011 - 12:19 PM
	I am looking forward to hearing from you! I too, have thought about making an appointment with a therapist. If not for my husband, but perhaps for myself, because I need some concrete answers. What can I do to help him?` Can I help him at all? What should I do? What can I say to make him listen to me? This is all very frustrated. He believes me to be a "destroyer and not having respect for his things". Not having respect for him, because I throw away HIS things, without talking to him first. But If I do talk to him first, he will save almost everything I throw away. And I will be back to where I started. To where I am right now...In limbo-land, surrounded by JUNK! Things that appearently are more important to him, than I am; than OUR family is! I DON´T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

frustrated II	Posted: 10 November 2011 - 05:39 AM
	I feel for you as I am in a similar, albeit not as severe, situation. I don't see much in the way of help for the families, but rather the help is directed at the hoarders themselves. I am going to call one of the psychologists listed on the site and ask for an appointment. Maybe they will have an idea of the next step. I'll post back if I hear of any good next steps.

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