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How can I help?

Chrissy	Posted: 09 November 2014 - 11:26 AM
	Our home used to look like a regular home up until I was about 7-8 years old, when my mother broke into a depression. I don't know why it happened, but I think she suffered from exhaustioning and maybe an identity crisis of sort. Since then she has been struggling with throwing things away that she really doesn't need. We (her family) have always been very understanding and tried our best to help her to clean the home, but now that most of us have moved out, it is up to our father to keep it liveable there. He is 74, very fit for his age, but he won't be able to keep it up forever.. My father have talked my brother, my fiancé and I into invite my mother over to my home for the weekend, while dad, my brother and my bf throw away as much as they can. I am not sure how my mother will react on this and how long it will last before it's all the same. Does anyone have any advice on how to help my mother help herself?

Replies (8)

dave	Posted: 05 March 2016 - 01:46 PM
	bump to top for someone to find

Dianne	Posted: 10 November 2014 - 10:27 AM
	Wow Dave, thanks for all your efforts in looking up and typing out all those references to help Chrissy get some perspective from the experiences on this board. That took a lot of time and I appreciate being able to look back as well. And Tillie, thanks for the link to Cory's blog here to read the professional's point of view and advice. Good reminders for all of us.

Tillie	Posted: 10 November 2014 - 08:43 AM
	how to help a hoarder

Chrissy	Posted: 10 November 2014 - 08:38 AM
	Thank you, Dave! I will read through it now 🙂

dave	Posted: 09 November 2014 - 06:39 PM
	I was looking for something else and just saw this thread again too. The situation you are attempting to cope with deals with varying viewpoints focused on the results of a compulsion and effects of various stressors on the dynamics of family relationships. I think this is just background reading for your empathy bank. How to help a hoarder:dad's hoarding/give ultimatum?

dave	Posted: 09 November 2014 - 06:08 PM
	The daily chat item is on page 10 of the ORIGINAL daily chat thread.

dave	Posted: 09 November 2014 - 06:00 PM
	A question of how to deal with hoarding parent(s) is a recurring theme on the site. Below is a list of some relatively recent threads which present a variety of specific situations and site poster responses for this concern. At the moment I do not know how to get you directly to these specific threads, you will just have to page through the section until you see them. Their positions will change if/when someone puts a response in them. I hope that in the variety of situations and responses you will find something you think is relevant to your situation. I am sorry these snapshots do not offer you high possibilities of prompt and significant change in your relative's extreme gathering behaviors. (notes are to help me remember thread contents.) (compiled 03/20/2014.) Cleanup Help; I'm in a Bind: Michael Family member to move in with hoarder mother to facilitate a family desired cleanup. Dave; move in may not help. Added 11/09/2014 Cleanup Help; Father is in hospital and a hoarder: Tiffany Kids forcing cleanup on sick father. How to Help a Hoarder; Living with a Hoarder Mother: Nancy Adult child with children living with adult child's hoarder mother. diane; books, pictures. Dave; CPS an issue?, moving out? . Daily Chat; What are you doing today: Sandy, 14 March 8:59 am Snapshot of CPS visit. How to Help a Hoarder; Parents are Hoarders, Ruining Relationships: Christa C Hoarder parents, health issues, visits by grandchildren. Dianne; compassionate relationship from distance. How to Help a Hoarder; My S*S is a Hoarder: Sad but Tidy Hoarding family member not as bad as on TV. Tillie; book, desire to change. Dave; Rosenberg comm. book. How to Help a Hoarder; Took Her in and its Now Here: Jon J Mother in son's house, multiple residences prior, son has child and dog. Dianne; control situation because of child. Tillie; resources, no clutter zones. Roxie; therapy, court over finances, and controlling situation. How to Help a Hoarder; Hoarding: Bob Spouse hoarder (but listed for Tillie's response) Tillie: Very clear description of her NO CLUTTER ZONES Policy How to Help a Hoarder; Overwhelmed: Darlene Mother in hoarding situation, adult child wants to know how to help. Dianne offers some procedure comments from her own experience. How to help a Hoarder; Hoarders that don't want help: tp Hoarding mother will call police if adult child comes to try to help Cory; APS. Tillie; books. Variety of other entries. Welcome to the New Board; family of hoarders: jeni Multiple family members in severe squalor Dianne; compassionate separation

dave	Posted: 09 November 2014 - 05:54 PM
	Chrissy, Last spring I made a list of some threads I thought related to hoarding parents. I finally decided not to post it, I think because I thought creating a reference to hoarding parents was not quite the right approach because many of the things posters talked about for parents related to other situations as well. I do not have a really good memory and I no longer remember anything about any of these threads, I just remember making an effort to create the list. I just added one thread that was fresh in my mind from some work I did last week. I will post it in a next post for you as a focus to some of the postings on this site from hoarders, non-hoarders and professionals relating to your situation. Maybe there is something there that will be useful to you.

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