| Steve | Posted: 08 October 2016 - 11:59 PM |
This wasn't because I backed out. It was because of an unexpected miscommunication between myself and the trust lawyer. I thought for sure we were to meet at the hous today, despite my misgivings. Apparently that is not what they understood. And I wasn't willing to go without her being there. So I ended up driving for an hour up to the neighborhood for nothing. But I did speak to my brother at length on the phone. I learned a plethora of new things, new things that shocked me and for all I know I may dream about. We have a mini-apartment above our garage, one which used to be filled with hoarded garbage up to 2 or 3 feet high. Now because it was only a few feet and rather spread around I doubt it was the cause of this, but during the recent remodeling of the mini-apartment a guy actually FELL THROUGH THE FLOOR INTO THE GARAGE BELOW. I guess it is repaired now but that was a shocker. Then I learned that my brother had allowed a childhood friend to stay at the house for a few days. This guy is a drug user but last year was living with his parents and still appeared overall healthy. They had a great looking house and he had an incredible looking room (I saw it when I visited with my brother during the July 4th celebrations last year). Now I hear his parents sold the house and his mother doesn't want him where they live so he is homeless. Well, my brother let him into the house without telling me, and the guy caused significant water damage to our upstairs. Apparently he is also now HIV positive, and his father tried to commit suicide last year. Of course my brother didn't know all this, but he did know two things--that he was homeless and a drug user. Being a former drug user that should have red flagged the situation for him right there. I would have refused him myself. I would have looked up shelters or drug treatment centers and offered to take him there, but I would have refused him staying at the house because I knew that wouldn't really be helping him. So my brother did have enough info to realize this could go south, even if he didn't know the hard stuff. Then there was something I felt ashamed of. I wondered recently--I wouldn't say I suspected, but I wondered--if my brother had killed his girlfriend. I had plenty of reasons mentioned before in posts to think this. A lot of circumstantial evidence just came together very neatly. But she has been at her own home sick. Sick likely because of the feces from her dogs that I guess is everywhere. And my brother said he was going over there today to take food to her. So don't I feel like a heel. Thank goodness I spoke my concerns only to one person, a friend of mine whom I don't think would tell it to others. And here of course, but here no names are given. So after I dealt with all this I went to my Goddaughter's birthday party. She is now 11. Her father is a hoarder as bad as my brother. His garage is hoarded likely worse now than our own. Several rooms are filled with junk. The side of ten house is an absolute mess. They made room in the main passageways for the party of course, but there are kids growing up in that. Please do not tell me to report the situation. That is definitely a situation where it would be worse if someone did. They are a good, strong, caring and united family and it is none of.my business. I had a good time. He being also a history teacher who loves artifacts, we went out in rides in his Model-T around the neighborhood. I jumped in the bounce house with the kids--a party tradition where adults invade the bounce house and take over at night. We had cake, opened presents, sang songs with accompaniment from his old automatic piano. It was great. But so weird that I gained solace by escaping these troubles to another hoarded house where the hoard doesn't bother me at all. So this Thursday a city inspector is to come to our house to investigate compliance with two citations--one for our hoarded garage and the other for stuff that was out front. The trust lawyer will be there and so will I. This craziness has to stop. I really wonder, where will it all end? | |
Replies (2)
| Tillie | Posted: 09 October 2016 - 11:13 AM |
Why? Do people who hoard hoard? It is a mental/psychological disorder. Like many other disorders, often the person suffering from this disorder knows they are, wants desperately to change but doesn't know how to. With the proper help they can change the way their brain works by using The book "Buried In Treasures" works well because it teaches CBT. The book "Digging Out" is good for helping people who know a hoarder to understand and what helps and especially what doesn't help the situation and the things you can try to do to minimize hazards. This disorder is no different than any other psychological disorder. Please try to understand. | |
| Steve | Posted: 09 October 2016 - 10:03 AM |
So last night I had yet another dream. The 23rd in the past year. They never are bad. It's almost never about going to the house and seeing it in a state of pure disrepair. The only one that didn't have any positive elements was a recent one where there were seven televisions in a room and no talk of cleanup. This one was about the whole house, but I remember the garage the most. For some reason in the dream the garage was larger, able to accommodate three cars. And that's just what was in there--three cars, including a new one he collected. So in the dream I had mixed feelings. He collected the car, but the garage looked very nice. So in the end it was OK. And everything in the rest of the house was like how it usually is in the dreams--on the verge of being totally cleaned up. Not quite there, but nearly. And I go through the house happy about it. And then I wake up and realize it is not true. That's what I hate about it. That's the taxing part. That and the fact that it's just too many dreams. No, I cannot see someone for counseling about it right now. I know that is what some of you might be thinking. I am currently a postulant in a Catholic novitiate working to become a religious brother. They already see I am under stress for this. If they learn I am having dreams they themselves might say I need a counselor, and they would stop the program for me. And what does that do for me, at 46 years of age? Sends me up the river without a paddle, that's what. My entire life plan would be ruined. So no thanks on the official counseling. I can talk to friends, call up the spiritual advisor who was affiliated with my mother's hospice program, etc. for that. Like I said, the dreams aren't bad. I just wish they were reality. Hoarders, are you reading this? Did you ever think that what you do can impact the mental health of your loved ones and disturb their sleep, even if they aren't living with you? How much is it worth in your minds to collect all that you do if it impacts the mental health of your loved ones? Why do you live like you do, under conditions not fit for human habitation? How can you live for years like this? Why does it take years for something to be cleaned up when it could be done with professional assistance in a matter of days? And why, when it is cleaned up, does it so often go back to the mess that was before? Sorry if there is a tinge of anger in those questions, but I honestly would like to understand. Perhaps if I just understood then maybe I could gain a tiny bit of peace with this. Why is a room filled with stuff better than one that is cleaned? Why is disorder and inaction better than action leading to order? Why did I once see a six foot tall inflatable punching bag in my brother's shower? Why were wooden chairs put upside down in a pile in the backyard in order to stop dogs from digging under a fence when sandbags could be bought? Why was a couch suspended in midair, sandwiched between our house and fence, on the side of the house for everybody passing by to see for days? And why is a classic fixer upper car purchased for a few hundred bucks, with dreams of restoring it, only to have it hoarded up the wazoo and made to look like the car of a homeless person? I suppose I sound like a really nagging person with these posts. Hoarders might hate to have me as a brother. Maybe at times that is true. But in reality I'm not this way. Boards like this can exist for us to get out the frustrations we don't share with people in reality. | |