You are not alone. I am in the same situation. Feeling scared, ashamed, guilty, stressed to the point I can't eat or sleep. I live in a condo, and I am afraid if I take too many bags of trash out to the community dumpster in the parking lot people will question what I am up to. I can only say it gives me a tiny measure of relief to read that someone else is feeling the same thing.

My first big step was to go into a room with a trash bag and get rid of the old food items, paper plates, old newspapers, candy wrappers, cans, bottles etc.

I decided that once I become a responsible (organized) I can recycle to my hearts content.

That way I could focus on ONE thing and it actually made a heck of a difference.

Just a thought. My hoarding house is by NO means complete, but in one room I have no food (aka dirty) trash. Piles of stuff everywhere, but nothing that vermin will be living on.

hope this helps and good luck. we DO know what it is like to start, to continue, and even some of us know how to maintain.

Catherine

Hi J,
Well I hope you can afford to use us, but if not, maybe we can just help you do small bits at a time. The most important part is getting started and realizing you can do it. The shame and embarrassment is a normal feeling, but use it to motivate you. Not being able to clean is caused by the innability to make decisions, lack of a plan and feeling overwhelmed. Once you learn how to defeat these feelings the sky is the limit. If we can't help you do that actual cleanup, I will certainly help you make a plan to start on your own. Never give up and remember that even a little progress puts you a little closer to living clutter free!

Thousands of other people have been through the same situation as you.
There is a messageboard with a live chatroom where people are working together online to clean up their homes.
Most of them can't afford to hire a service or they are too afraid to let people inside to clean up.
Read around on the messageboard and you will see that you are not alone.

http://takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi

If nothing else, they will give you the understanding friendship and emotional support you need to fix your problem.
Good luck & best wishes.