| DAK | Posted: 23 February 2012 - 09:34 PM |
I am not sure where my brother and I should begin. We are in a very bad situation. My mom has been a hoarder for many years. It has esculated over the years. We have tried many times to talk to her and get her to seek help. And as classic for hoarders.. Very defensive and nasty and stops talking to us for a time. Well, our dad, who is 77 years old was just diagnosed with lung cancer. He is very ill and he wish is to just die at home. We realize that we can no longer turn the check on the "big white elephant" in the room. My mom wants to get hospice to come in when things get near the end. Our fear is that they will not come in once they do a site survey and most likely they will report her. Now I am not apposed to that but I am SURE they will get evicted. And the state might even come in and remove my dad. I am afraid that he will not be able to get his wish and die at home. However, we KNOW it is NOT a good situation with him living there. My mom has told us that there are "plumbing" issues in the house. I am not sure to what extent as she is not saying. She said she has to get a plumber in there. My brother and I realize we have to address this now. We plan to go there this weekend and lay the facts out to her. I am sure she will get extremely defensive but we are to the point that we don't care if she ever talks to us again. We love them both and are doing this for their safety and health. It make matters worse. The hoarding is so severe that it's not just stuff but dried dog poop and pee and garbage all over. I am SURE there is black mold .. which doesn't help a lung cancer patient. And.. she has 4 dogs on top of all this along with many snakes.. as she collects them. There are several fish tanks that she has neglected in the basement with barely any water and dead fish. This is deplorable conditions and we KNOW we cannot do this on our own. I know she needs professional help. But again, the task at hand is my dying father. I cannot believe it has gotten to this point. I think we just hoped it would go away (knowing it never would). This is a older home and with all the extension cords for the heat lamps for the snakes. This is a fire trap waiting to happen. It's all old electric in the house.. all fuses.. no circuit breakers. Please help us define the next step. I know it will be bad either way. I think both will be evicted and that makes us so sad. Please help! | |
Replies (1)
| KLT | Posted: 24 February 2012 - 04:46 PM |
I don't know what you are able to afford but there are reputable cleanup services just about everywhere. Check in your area. It sounds as if you will need professional help. At the very least you will need to check the prices and availability of dumpsters. I understand you are in a very difficult situation with your mother but the house is your father's home as well. If he give permission, in writing, you and your brother can do what is necessary to clear the house. Your mother is mentally ill, something you know. Don't expect her to accept reason and agree. Her usual response that includes not speaking will just have to be the way it is if you are determined to help give your father his last wish. I know from personal experience how easy if is to feel guilty and sorry for doing what has to be done. Please realize it is just human nature to feel bad in such emotionally loaded situations, especially considering this focuses on your mother. Don't let it stop you form doing what has to be done because not making every effort to help your father will undoubtedly feel much worse after all is said and done. Be strong. Best wishes. | |