| Sherri | Posted: 02 August 2013 - 10:03 PM |
Hi! I am a landlord and we've had a duplex for a few years, but I just took over the management of the property last month. Went to visit the tenant to answer a few questions about the lease and some repairs that need to be done. Come to find out, she is the sweetest little lady I have ever met, but she isn't in great health and she's been hoarding for many years. Her son passed away a few years ago and has one son left, but came to the conclusion that they don't have a ton of contact. I'm afraid that if the place doesn't get cleaned up soon and she falls, she won't be able to get up or reach the phone. There are issues with pests in all of this mess. And the mess is too much for us to be able to get in to access and make the repairs. I've never dealt with this kind of issue before. I really want to help her but she's too embarrassed to let people from her church come to help. What do I do? | |
Replies (7)
| Roxie | Posted: 08 August 2013 - 02:45 PM |
p.s. As her landlord, I think you have the right to ask for names and phone numbers to call in case of emergency. | |
| Roxie | Posted: 08 August 2013 - 02:43 PM |
If you have ever watched Hoarders you will see how the counselors, Cory and other pro cleaners talk to and work with hoarders. If you could introduce your counselor friend to your tenant, maybe she could talk to the lady to see if she's willing to do anything. She is probably terrified she'll end up helpless in a nursing room. Perhaps that is one way to get to her: "how important is it to you to live independently as long as you can? What would you be willing to do to see that happen?" She also probably feels alone in the world and unloved, which is horrible. Perhaps her minister is a candidate to visit and gently talk to her? There may come a time when APS or other services needs to be called in, especially if your tenant has few means to do anything. However, once you involve the Powers That Be you sort of lose control of the situation. | |
| Dianne | Posted: 06 August 2013 - 03:46 PM |
Hi Sherri, You have been very kind in your dealings with your elderly hoarder tenant. I've never had experience with Adult Protective Services but my guess is, they're not going to be as patient as you have been. They will probably insist on contact information. Should she need to be hospitalized someone needs to be notified. They may be able to tell if she has dementia. The more her situation deteriorates the more difficult it will be to help her. And as gentle as you want to be with her it's important that your property not be further damaged. You have a very generous heart, Sherri. I'm sure the friendship you are offering her will help immensely. It might be a good idea to let APS be the *bad guy* and you can be there for emotional support. Let us know how it goes. {{{hugs}}} | |
| Sherri | Posted: 06 August 2013 - 02:27 PM |
Thank you all so much for support and great advice. A friend of mine who is a counselor suggested that I contact Adult Protective Services or Department of Human Services for someone to help moderate. Is this something that is common? We have been unable to reach her family and she's not giving us any numbers until she "asks" her son first if we can have it. I'm assuming this is normal? She's 78 and not in the best of health, I really fear that if she falls, she may not be able to get up and I have taken it upon myself to call her weekly just to establish a familiarity/friendship with her. Hopefully we will make some headway soon. | |
| Roxie | Posted: 06 August 2013 - 02:03 PM |
Sherri, bless your kind heart. That is a tough situation. It does seem you have established some rapport with your tenant, which is essential. Continue to work on establishing trust by visiting. Talk to her about what she likes to do, what she used to like to do before that she cannot do now due to the state of her place. See if you can figure out what might motivate change in her so you could convince her to get help to declutter and clean. As a landlord, you have the right to establish boundaries and requirements and to protect your property. Talk to her gently about what you need to do as landlord (debugging, for instance) and what that requires from her. Ask her if she wouldn't like a cleaner, neater, less cluttered home. Ask her what help she will accept to accomplish enough cleanout so you can care for the apartment. Be firm but nonjudgmental, be caring and kind. Once you get that far, you can set deadlines. If necessary, and if you are willing to be patient enough, you can set deadlines for smaller tasks that she may be able to accomplish or might accomplish with physical help. Examples might be: Completely clean the stove top and inside. Get all food related garbage out of the entire place. Empty out the refrigerator of any out of date items then clean the refrigerator. Etc. Let us know if we can give you encouragement or further info or contacts. | |
| Mare | Posted: 03 August 2013 - 12:31 AM |
Of course if you do reach a doctor, therapist or clean-up specialist you could just go from there in lieu of contacting Cory, forgive me for having to post twice. | |
| Mare | Posted: 03 August 2013 - 12:28 AM |
Hello Sherri. You might try 1-800-Hoarders at http://www.1800hoarders.com/ and email an expert. You will get some good advice here as well, but Cory has good experience in the field. I can tell you a few things but please do contact Cory before you put anything into action. 1. Try to contact a doctor or therapist in your area who can work with you on this. http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/hoarding-basics http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/ Thank you for coming here and I hope this helps, bless your heart for caring and being willing to do what is best for your elderly tenant. | |