Still, I see it as important that she is actually talking to you about it! Keep gently encouraging her to talk to you, not pushing, just listening. When you get the things from Cory, that might help a lot.

Hugs

Roxie, I was the first to order the online version. I ordered it just minutes after Cory posted it up.

She says that she doesn't want support she doesn't want me to do anything. She says that it's ok for me to go to a conselor to be happy though.

I got to figure out a good time to call Cory to find out what kind of counselor might be ok for her but she is very very afraid of being judged.

I tried telling her no one is going to judge her for whatever she did. She might be afraid of being labled another number like everyone else and being just another story. I don't know. With people just like her and did the same thing she did and be with the very same type of people just like she is. (honest, and true but ashamed of one deed to get by but still is the honest and true type of person) Living in such guilt and I guess shame...I guess.

Quite honestly I don't judge, that's why I'm here and ask questions of what is ok to ask and not, I'm still learning too. No body is ever done learning.

You are making progress in an important way with her!

Check out the Hoard No More self-help series by Cory on one of the threads here.

Thanks Roxie, Tillie
But I did find out the real reason behind the hoard and she is dealing with a tremendous world of shame and guilt on her.

She said that she's not happy and doesn't want to live that way but doesn't also want to lose the good memories either.

I tried to tell her that on the web site I talk to people who are terrified of the very same thing and that absolutely nobody judges for helping people with their houses/living space.

Nobody judges for the reason. Whatever the reason.

She would actually need a counselor to help heal very painful emotional wounds. To her it's as if it just happened 5sec ago over and over in her mind and can't talk to anyone for shame and a boatload of guilt.
I could only tell a counselor about the situation but not here. I can't lose her trust in me. But she also doesn't want me to tell the counselor which I know is also wrong I think but I wish her to heal from such a tragic event that happened to her for the decisions she made.

It's like a "Goody too Shoes honesty person stealing from a store just to make ends meet but knowing that it is very wrong and never getting over the guilt and building off of that never stealing again." That is not at all what had happened but the guilt trip and shame is there.

It's hard to convince her that I'm not judging her but quite honestly want her to go talk to someone to learn to let go of that guilt and shame and they won't judge her because of what she had done in the past.

But if I don't get called in to work, I will try to contact Cory and see what he can suggest and of maybe of what type of counselor to look up to talk to later when I can go to see how I can maybe approach her.

Cory heads up I will contact you when I can from phone hopefully this week if I can.
Phone tag is possible.

Thanks too Diane 🙂

Lynn, if you think it would be helpful, you have my permission to print out my story from "success stories" at this website. I found that the professionals that I hired were absolutely non-judgmental and that helped a great deal. I needed to keep reassuring myself, of course, that anyone in the hoarding cleanup field had already seen it all and would not judge. And that proved to be true. Hope it helps.

great reply Tillie, funny thing when I read your post and thought about my mom, the things I complained about, I also saw in myself
Thought of the saying, "you spot it, you got it"
It is a good way to know myself better, look at what I dislike in others, it is often a reflection of myself that I do not want to see! Watching Mandala on tv today, it made me realize if we truly forgive and love others, they will only see love in us. He was such a great example while he was alive, no matter what others did to him, he forgave and extended friendship and saw what he could give to the world and not what they took from him. He said we can only live in the moment and plan for the future, and forget the past. I have dwelled on hurts from the past so was a good reminder to choose today to enjoy my life and let go of the past.

When someone is convinced that the whole world is out to get them, judge them, take advantage of them, etc. it won't matter what we say or do.
They will see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear.
They will find fault in everything you do or do not do.

see if this fits

Quick note: She also admitted that she doesn't like living the way she does but is absolutely terrified of being judged for help by anyone.

How can you convince someone that people to help don't judge, they help?